Weddingbee Blog

My mom was very involved in my wedding - she’s a calligrapher and has an interior design degree, and she creates/makes wedding invitations - so she’s very knowledgeable about wedding trends - she has MS Wedding magazines back to the first one.

She did a lot of the decorating details, and all the paper projects (invites, signs, programs, etc.) among a lot of other things! Couldn’t have done it without her.

Also depends who’s paying. I was glad my mom took over the things she was paying for and I didn’t have to worry about them. When she overstepped, she un-did her mistakes (e.g., she had to un-invite a stray aunt she casually invited to the rehearsal dinner without checking if we could add to the guest list).

Also, I can’t tell if your family is Asian, or your sister was marrying into an Asian family, or no one’s Asian but it was a destination wedding in Asia? My mom wisely steered clear of getting involved in any of the aspects of our wedding that were foreign to her personally (religious denomination, military traditions, intercultural traditions).

My mom was really involved because we were having the wedding in my hometown (where my parents live) while my husband and I lived in a city a couple of hours away.

She went to most of the appointments with me when my husband couldn’t go (he was working weekends at the time) and she is so crafty so she did all of our bouquets, flower arrangements and pew decorations. She was very helpful and didn’t get in the way. I was really grateful to have her.

Looking back, I wish I could have included my mother-in-law more, but there really wasn’t a whole lot for her to do.

I think it depends a lot on location and what kind of personality your mom has — I think if my mom was a really pushy, bossy type of lady, I might not have asked for her help so much.

My Mom was the biggest help of all when I was planning my wedding. Like loveletter, my Mom lives in the town where we were married while my husband and I live in a different state. Plus, my Mom is so crafty, especially with stamp art and sewing and she added some of the most amazing personal and artistic touches to our wedding. More importantly though, she was there to listen as I agonized over every choice and supported me no matter what. I talked to her at least 3 times a day during all the wedding planning and she was the only one who I could talk to for hours about various wedding related things. That was something my fiance and friends just didn’t have the interest or time for. In the end, it didn’t matter how much she contributed financially or physically, but it was her support, interest, and time spent listening and listening that proved to be most invaluable.

I have the advantage of having gone through my brother’s wedding, where my mother said to me, “I wish they would tell me what they are doing/what they need/which of my friends are coming, but I don’t want to ask, because I don’t want to be an interfering mother-in-law” and my brother said to me (after the wedding) “Our parents didn’t care at all–they just offered us some money and didn’t give us any help.” A huge–and very sad–misunderstanding that still lingers.

With my wedding, again, my mother has asked me very little (she’s been a little more curious, since she’s the mother, not the mother-in-law), so I know I will have to ask and ask. I think she would like to help but doesn’t want to interfere. In my case, I don’t really feel the need for help (she is far away, in any case, and so there’s a limit to what she can do), so I have so far barreled ahead without consulting her–and I think this makes her a little sad. I have to remind myself to include her.

Since this is the second wedding for both my husband-apparent and I, our families have been laid back and not controlling at all. Both sides even suggested that we elope. Husband-apparent and I are paying for our wedding, and we haven’t asked out families to assist financially. I wish our families were more involved though. I’d like their creative input.