I’m A Half-Breed

June 6th, 2007 @ 1:28 pm by Mrs. Kiwi

All my life I’ve dealt with the double-edged sword that is being a mixed race gal. Although mixed races are becoming more and more common, back in my elementary school it wasn’t so common. This is why I was put in an ESL (English as a second language) class up through 5th grade. Even though I read a couple grades higher, they still thought I wasn’t able to understand English that well. My parents thought I was put in a bilingual class where I could learn Spanish. Sadly, that was incorrect, and I missed out on a lot of things.

I’m sure you’re saying, “Big deal, it’s just a few years.” Well, I never learned Spanish, and oddly enough, failed the Spanish classes I took in high school! What does this have to do with wedding planning? Hold on, I’m getting there. happy06

My mother is hispanic, born and raised Catholic, going through all the various stages of Catholicism. We spent every Christmas having tamales and salsa, and my favorite drink growing up was “Canella”, or children’s tea (honestly, it’s just cinnamon sticks boiled with water and flavored with sugar). My dad’s side was plain white (we’re so many things it’s impossible to name them), the only holidays we celebrated together were Christmas and Thanksgiving. Religion was never a factor in that family. Often I felt pulled from one side to the other- “Come to Tia’s (aunt in spanish) for some papa (potato) tacos!”, or “Want to go to Aunt Sharon’s for Easter salmon?” A lot of that was because of my Dad. Like a lot of hispanic families I know, my mom was very close to her family, and spent most of her time hanging out with them. My dad would only spend time with his family on the holidays I listed above, and that was only if I came. So if I didn’t go, he usually wouldn’t. Many times I chose my dad’s side because I wanted to make sure he had somewhere to spend Christmas.

As if it wasn’t hard enough going from one family with their religion and traditions to another family also with their (non religious) traditions, my parents weren’t together. So this became more of a competition- Dad’s side or Mom’s side. Tamales or potato salad.

Now that I’m planning this wedding, I have to choose which traditions to honor from each side. Always a compromiser, I want to make sure everyone is comfortable. Our wedding will be in the Catholic church, the first wedding in a church since the family began for my Dad’s side, a norm for my mom’s side. I feel as if the other side of the family is thinking it was some influence of my mom’s side. I know my paternal family would never think like that, but I’m a paranoid bride. whateva04 We’re also doing the dollar dance, another hispanic tradition. Since my dad’s side hasn’t seen that in their weddings, I’m worried this will come off as greedy. This is why we’re going to write something in the program.

My dad’s side has no real marriage traditions, so I’m still trying to find something to show them that they, too, have contributed to this marriage, and although not your typical family, they’re more than I could ever hope for. So far, one of the greatest things I have done with the wedding to show my love for the paternal family I came from, is having the day celebrated on my Grandma’s birthday.

How are you inserting cultural traditions in your wedding day?

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11 Responses to “I’m A Half-Breed”

Guest

christin

Half-breeds represent!

I am a half Cherokee, half white Jewish (mother’s side) and Catholic girl who spent most of her formative years being confused for Cuban.

My fiancee is a half Black, half white Jew with a Jewish mother and a Baptist father who spends his time being confused for Egyptian or Spanish!

We kid about being a walking United Colours of Benetton advertisement!

The wedding will be primarily Jewish.

We will have a chuppah, a rabbi, fast the day of the wedding for our personal Yom Kippur. I will do a mikvah before the wedding.
He will veil me, break the glass at the end, signing of the ketubah, no wedding rehearsal, et cetera.

However since we still have nine months until the big day, there are still elements from our melting pot heritage we are considering slipping in:

Cherokee:
Approaching the chuppah, each wrapped in a blue blanket that we shed and when the ceremony is over, have our families wrap one white blanket around us.

African American:
Jumping over the broom

I really want to incorporate my Cherokee heritage somehow into the wedding. Jonathan, my fiance, hasn’t said much about how he feels about incorporating his African heritage into the ceremony.

Miss Kiwi, let me just tell you, I can empathize with what you are attempting to do!

6/6/07 @ 2:05 pm (reply)

Guest

CamilleC

I too am a mixed race gal - a little bit more mixed up than you! African American (Mom), Caucasian(Dad) and the obligatory Native American (Cherokee {Dad’s Dad}, Choctaw{Dad’s Mom}, and Blackfoot Cherokee {Mom’s Mom) specifically). Whew! Honestly, I think I am so different from the norm b/c I haven’t even thought about including anything culturally significant. BTW - My parents are no longer together and my Dad will not be walking me down the aisle. That already makes me non-traditional.

Anyway, I think it’s great that you are concerned about including something meaningful for your families. Just don’t stress about it. You seem like you are genuinely concerned about others and that has to come through. Weddings are about blending families and I would hate to think of a family being worried about who has more influence than the other. That’s just not something you should have to worry about. Have fun with your dollar dance. It’s a wedding thing to me (as I am considering having one) not just a cultural thing. But if you celebrate it as such, be proud of the choices you make. I read somewhere that a wedding reception is the first party you will host as husband and wife, so let it be your day and I know everyone will appreciate the fun activities you are planning.

6/6/07 @ 2:07 pm (reply)

Guest

Iris

Are there cultural considerations on your fiance’s side as well?

6/6/07 @ 2:08 pm (reply)

Guest

Tea

yay for mixed kids! as i’ve said before, i’m korean and black while my bf is black and a tiny bit white [somewhere on his dad's side i believe]. i don’t think we’d be jumping a broom or anything [doing so actually feels forced to me] but we would like to play up the korean side.

he has long been interested in all of the asian cultures and has been very supportive of my dual indentities so adding those aspects was an obvious no-brainer. there aren’t too many people who has ever seen any korean ceremonies before so i’m super excited to be able to have a paebaek [so is my mom, who is korean] and getting a new hanbok too. it’s especially special for me because it’s not obvious that i am korean [people just know that i'm mixed with "something"] so being able to share this side of me is very important and meaningful.

6/6/07 @ 2:25 pm (reply)

Guest

Shannon

I’m the whitest white there is (Irish, Norwegian, German, And two of my grandfather’s ancestors came over on the Mayflower) but my mom’s family is very close and we’re active Christians. My dad’s family is… deceased mostly. He’s an only child, his father died when he was 12, and his mother died when I was 5, so it’s been pretty much all my mom’s family stuff. My dad doesn’t mind that much, but sometimes he doesn’t like to hang out with the extended family all day. I sometimes have to remember that our immediate family is practically the only family he has.

That’s so crazy about your schooling. They put you in ESL classes when you didn’t even actually know spanish? I wonder how the teachers wouldn’t notice something like that.

6/6/07 @ 2:25 pm (reply)

Guest

Miss Kiwi

Iris, luckily for us Mr. Kiwi is hispanic, so a lot of my mom’s traditions are his family’s as well! This is also a reason we’re doing the dollar dance, and a big reason why we’re marrying in the church.

Christian, I totally get confused about being arabic or sometimes even “jewish”- whatever the hell that means.

Shannon, yeah, it sucked in ESL, because my cousin who was in the same grade as I was but a different class got to do all these GATE (gifted and talented education) fun things, when the kids in my class weren’t even tested. I was a non-speaking mexican with a lisp in an ESL class. Mr. Kiwi is one lucky man!

6/6/07 @ 2:35 pm (reply)

Guest

sally

I cannot believe they put you in an ESL class when you did not speak Spanish, is that what you are saying? THAT IS SERIOUSLY WRONG, OMG.

6/6/07 @ 2:49 pm (reply)

Guest

Miss Kiwi

sally, yep, that’s where I was! I don’t blame my parents, they had no idea, they thought it was going to teach me spanish. When I told Mr. Kiwi he was just disgusted (speaking from a teacher’s point of view), and said we’re putting our kids in private school!!

It was not a good experience, even though I loved my teacher. Who I happened to have for 1st, 3rd and 5th grades!

6/6/07 @ 2:55 pm (reply)

Guest

I’m kind of in the same boat. I’m 100% Indian but my family (on mom and dad’s side) is Catholic. I grew up Catholic but converted to Islam a couple years ago. My fiance is Muslim as well. It’s been very tricky trying to make sure that my parents’ faith and background is well-represented in our wedding– particularly since a Muslim wedding ceremony is very different than a Catholic one.

6/6/07 @ 3:02 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

marvil

they wanted to put me in esl too! luckily it wasn’t my mom’s first rodeo (they tried to with my brothers and sisters as well) and she fought it and i was put in a regular class where they found out i was, in fact, GT.

6/6/07 @ 10:37 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

griffen

Miss Kiwi,
OMG!!! You are my twin (or am I yours)!!!!!!
My dad is Mexican and my mom is well, white (a mix of a bunch of caucasian) and they have been divorced all my life. You and I are the same right down to me worrying that the money dance will look greedy to the non Mexicans. Wooo, hooo - I’m not the only one! Uh…. I mean…. sorry you’re having to appease two cultures. It can kind of suck.
Oh, and I’m getting married on my grandma (also passed) and grandpa’s wedding anniversary to honor her. Also using her favorite type of flower, and using one of her braclets as my bouquet bling.
(Mmmmm…canella)

6/7/07 @ 2:40 am (reply)