Weddingbee Blog

I remember being really apprehensive about moving in with my fiance (then boyfriend) 2 years ago because I’d had roommates, but never lived with a boyfriend before. Once I moved into his place though, I remember being pleasantly surprised at how little our relationship changed - could have something to do with the fact that I was there 3 or 4 nights a week before moving in anyway and even helped with grocery shopping and cleaning, so the biggest change was that I didn’t have to keep going back home to get a change of clothes! The move felt really natural for me. It was a bit more of a change for my fiance, because I was moving into his space which he was used to having all to himself. He was used to having his downtime when he wanted it, and he had to make space for my stuff in the closet! (And wasn’t too thrilled about some of my “girly” decor items, which I had purposely toned down for his benefit)

The biggest thing I can suggest to keep the peace - be willing to compromise a little on your habits. Find out what his pet peeves are and go out of your way not to commit those “sins” (you might want to start with putting the CD’s back in the right CD cases - at least for his CD’s!) It shows thoughtfulness. After awhile it will become habit. Find out what chores he hates the most and make those “your” chores (hopefully the trade-off will be that he’ll do the chores that you hate the most - that’s how we do it anyway). Any problems or behaviours that come up that grate on your nerves - make sure to communicate about it ASAP in a non-accusing way, that’s the best way to nip it in the bud before you explode at him after stewing over it for months.

And try to still make time for dates, a night out for just the two of you. It’s so easy when you live together to just hang out at home all the time because you’re both already there. It’s comfortable, but gets monotonous too. Dates really help keep the spark going, for us anyway.

Figure out a good way of sharing joint expenses that works for you both really early too.

My hubby and I lived together for almost 4 years before getting married this past April. We both had little “issues” with each others ways of doing things, but just ignored them and didn’t really attempt to change each others habits.
Now that we are married we are trying a new tactic, and it seems to be really successful.
Each week or two we pick three things that we need to improve on and only focus on fixing that “bad habit” One thing for each of us and one couple item.
The current ones are:
Mine - putting my clothes away after they come out of the laundry. I normally pile them anywhere but the dresser/closet!
His - Sorting the mail when he gets home instead of piling it on the dining table.
Ours - Make the bed each morning.
I think this method works really well because you aren’t just picking at one persons weird little quirks. You are making it a more comfortable living situation for both!

i’d like to add - cooking for 2 so much easier (portion wise)!! oo! and baking for 2 too!

Hey Kel!

It sounds like Mr. Eggplant is Mr. Clean and Organized! Lucky you! Most gals I know who live with men (myself included) live with guys who need constant clean-up and reminders. For example, my guy seems to think that the floor is a perfectly good substitute for a hamper.

Being considerate of each other’s space and delegating expenses/responsibilities early on can save you a lot of arguments in the future (i.e. who sends out the bill payments, who does the dishes/laundry this time, etc.).

I can’t agree more with everyone’s comments above — compromise and communication. So important!

One caveat: Closet space cannot be compromised!

As far as cooking for two: Is Mr. Eggplant a picky eater? I find that I have to adjust my cooking to cater to my guy’s tastebuds a little. He’s a typical guy who loves his steaks and hearty dishes, whereas I tend to look for light, healthful recipes. But SF has so many fabulous restaurants that we find ourselves eating out a lot anyway!

my husband and i didn’t live together until we were married either. i am very fortunate to have an easygoing, flexible, patient husband, because i’m sure i drive him nuts much more than he does me! it’s true, some thing he does really annoy me (like spreading his junk all over the dining room table), but i’m slowly learning to laugh things off as funny quirks rather than reasons to fume.

I totally feel you on the cd thing. My fiance is mostly untidy,but he is FANATICAL about his cd’s being in the right cases. He doesn’t really even like me playing them because he’s afraid I’ll screw them up. He finally gave up and bout me an iPod for my birthday and put everything on it-oh, and removed all of MY cd’s-for safekeeping he says.

I’ve lived with my fiance for two years, I absolutely love it, it makes life easier, however I will warn you there is an adjustment period especially if you are so different like you described (my FI and I are very similar to you and Mr. E) My suggestion wait it out, things will probably drive you crazy and you will think you just can’t take it anymore, but wait it out, things get better, and then you forget that there wasn’t always such flow and comfort, you will eventually get a system down and learn to tolerate things. It does get better, it gets better faster if you can learn to tolerate things quickly. Good Luck!!

Haha, sleeping in the bathtub sounds good I have very similar living habits…shoving CDs into random cases, sleeping with piles of junk on my bed, keeping tons of stuff on the bathroom counter, and having to set my clock fast, but it never works. I’m sure the benefits of living with your hubby/best friend outweigh the benefits of living by yourself. Good luck!

Pet peeves were the hardest for my fiance and me; I can’t stand it when he doesn’t make the bed if he gets up after I do, and he hates it when I leave dishes on the counter rather than in the sink. Still, we’ve just learned how to deal with one another’s quirks, and it’s actually very comfortable for us. We’re pretty content. Good luck, Miss Eggplant!

Mr Corn and I moved into the house we bought together when we got engaged. For most of our relationship, he has traveled every week and been home on the weekends. When we first got engaged, his boss let him stay in the area for a few months. We not only had to adjust with living together but SEEING each other all. the. time.

I would love to be snarky here, but in truth, it was lovely.

Now that the honeymoon is ‘over’ (even though we haven’t taken it yet) we recognise the same issues that you have posted…he is crazy organised and me…well…not so much. He is a morning person who doesn’t drink ANY caffeine, I have coffee brewing before I am awake.

But we have worked together to recognise our differences and be aware of each other’s needs.

You will need time to adjust, but the good news is you are married. Just having that high level of commitment allows you work things out without having to fear that one or the other of you is just going to call it quits.