Wedding Blog

I don’t think it’s rude at all!

I may be biased though because we’re having a brunch the following day and we weren’t planning on displaying the gifts either.

Miss Pumpkin I’m with you. I do not think it’s rude in anyway. And if the gifts were selected off your registery, haven’t the guests already kinda seen what you will be getting? I agree with Andrea that displaying them would actually seem rude…or weird.

I’ve only been to 2 day after brunches and there was no mention or opening of the gifts just “thanks for coming” and general mingling.

i didn’t know the brunch was supposed to be a gift-opening party. i don’t think it’s rude not too. you have a different feel for the brunch so just go with that. honestly, how many times can a guest “ooh and ahh” over a gift?

IMO, displaying gifts is BEGGING for comparisons. I agree on your intentions for the post wedding brunch. But these days, do ppl still get a lot of “gifts”? I thought most people either bought off registries (and gifts sent directly to the bride/groom who then open it at their leisure) or it’s cash/gift card.

haha I say take the porsche out for a test drive.

I think it is not rude at all! Stick to your guns, and if someone at the brunch asks about the gifts, you can always say you appreciated all the gifts you received but in the excitement of the wedding had not had a chance to open them.

I wouldn’t want to open my gifts in front of everyone. As the bride, even if I received something funny or something I don’t like, I would still appreciate it. But other people might not! I don’t want people making fun of my gifts or gossiping around them. Plus what if you open a gift and it’s a bedroom toy or sexy lingerie…

I have been to several post-wedding brunches and not a one was a gift-opening session. In one case, the couple was asked to open a gift by the guest who gave it to them, just because it was something special (a painting), but they did not open any others after that. And that guest was the sister of the bride/MOH, so, well, she had more reason to ask this of the couple. Anyhow, NO definitely not rude to not open gifts. Mingling and thanking the guests for being there is a better way to spend your brunch.
I wouldn’t be offended if the people DID open gifts, but, I think it’s still better not to…

I think your sister is the one who wants to see what you got! Invite her to sit with you and your DH when you open the gifts, and enjoy the brunch spending time with the guests.

Is this a regional thing? I’ve never heard of opening wedding gifts in front of any guests - Before, after, or during any part of the wedding celebration. So no, I don’t think it is rude. In fact, I agree with you that it isn’t anyone else’s business.

Your instinct is completely right!

One possible exception — someone who is BEGGING you to open their gift in front of them (but not everyone else), e.g., because they made a gift by hand, it’s from a little kid, it’s from an elderly relative who just can’t be denied and might have 6 months to live…. Meaning humor a few people who need it, only.

My mom had pushed for opening gifts at the brunch, sulking that she wanted to see what we got. (Not a valid reason to hurt others’ feelings; it’s a brunch, not a shower.) Also, we had to pack everything up for a long drive, and it was easier to pack wrapped.

#1 reason: It was REALLY FUN for DH and I to open them alone at home together once we got home from the honeymoon (a total pick-me-up from the post-honeymoon blues), and plus we could keep everything ORGANIZED (no lost cards!) to make it easy to write TY notes.

I agree with you and not your sister on that one.

I feel the “gift” opening should be just you and your new husband. I know traditionally my family and friends give a monetary gift. No need to display what I got to others…..

i’ve never heard of this practice. i thought the brunch was a really relaxed affair to decompress after the big wedding and enjoy the company of friends and family. isn’t the brunch a relatively new practice? i’m surprised there’s already etiquette about what to do/not to do regarding it.

anyway, if people want to see what gifts you got, send them a link to your registry.

I agree with “e” and pretty much everyone else!

After reading everyones comments… I think I am going to be the odd one out on this one!
We had a day after brunch, and we didn’t plan on opening any of our gifts… however, we did.
In our case our ceremony/reception were at two outdoor locations and the logistics meant that many guests knew bringing a gift to the wedding would be a bit difficult. So, we received many of them in the mail ahead of time. Those that were planning on coming to the day after brunch brought their gifts then.
Well, it was decided w/o us knowing that our guests wanted us to open our gifts right then… sort of like reliving a grade-school birthday party.
I don’t think it was rude… and everyone had a lot of fun.
So, my advice is to just go with the flow. Don’t plan a big gift opening celebration… but enjoy it if it happens!

As a guest, I wouldn’t think it was rude for you to have your gift opening take place at the brunch. I might be a little anxious about your reaction to my gift, but that is all.

As a fellow bride-to-be, I can understand your hesitation, especially the worry that people might compare gifts.

(Like in Father of the Bride when the bride’s parents give them a car and the bride’s day gives them a coffee machine.)

I would hate for someone to think their gift meant less because it cost less or wasn’t as impressive.

Tought situation that Iwill have to face as well.

Knowing my family I will be talked into opening the gifts then and hope that all goes well.

Best of luck in making your decision!

I think it IS a regional thing– every brunch I’ve been to (in the midwest) has included gift opening. It’s kind of like Christmas– everyone wants you to open your gift when they can see how much you love it, so you just have to be careful to love them equally.
That being said, the etiquette obviously differs by region, so I think you can not do it without being rude.

Manda, great idea.

Miss Pumpkin, you should do whatever makes you feel most comfortable- period.

I personally have been to a couple of brunches and they did not involve opening gifts. If you WANT to, then go ahead. However, for your SIL to think that you’ll already have them all open and on display?! That’s a little much… I don’t see how you would have time to open them BEFORE the brunch, put them on display, and keep them all organized… I think people generally see brunches as a way to unwind a little and socialize a little more.

Just relax and have fun… that’s the most important thing!!

I have been to a couple post-wedding brunches where gifts were opened… but it really didn’t seem like they were doing it to impress anyone or show off the loot. The gifts didn’t end up on display, just put aside once opened. I didn’t have the impression that it was rude to do it or rude to not do it. I think the sentiment was more to be able to share the initial surprise/reaction with their friends when they saw the present that was brought. I know that I LOVE being there when my friends open gifts - regardless of whether it’s just 2 of us or a whole party. I couldn’t imagine seeing a bride and groom “display” their pile `o new stuff in a bragging sort of way.
But clearly, do what feels right.

From a rudeness standpoint, it is probably more inconsiderate for you to open gifts in front of everyone (even though it is very common). While showers are known to be the type of event where you are expected to open your gifts (which I hate), I think it might make people feel awkward if you are opening gifts in front of them, based on a standpoint of how much they spent. There can be a HUGE discrepancy in wedding gift amounts… do you want your co-worker who spent $50 on something to feel inadequate or unappreciated when everyone ooohs and aaaahs over the $500 gift from a family member?
Personally, I think it’s always super boring to have to sit around and watch people open gifts, anyway. How excited can you get over a mixing bowl set for someone else?

The tradition of a “gift table” is a not only a regional (midwest and southern in my family) but also a generational one. My first marriage was in 1995 (yeah, I’m one of the older Bee’s) and my mother and her friends (young Baby Boomers) insisted on setting up a gift table at my mom’s house. Why? Well, it’s just what Main Line (Phl) ladies did back in the day. I also lived at home so the gifts were already there. Cards were not placed out, only cards indicating “Lenox China Pattern XXX” or “Chantilly Sterling Silver”, etc.

My ex-husband and I did open gifts in front of my side of the family during brunch a few days before the wedding. (His side all gave cash at the wedding and no one told me about that tradition so the country club manager had to find a plastic bag from the pro shop to hold the envelopes - *classy* - but that’s another story!).

Testing the waters with a few brunch guests then discussing with your FI and SIL sound like the best steps to take. While you may think it gauche, your beloved guests just want to share in your joy as you open well-chosen and thoughful gifts that will help you and your FI start your new lives together.

Congratulations and best of luck to you.

It actually use to be quite common for all of the wedding gifts to be displayed in the house before the wedding and people would come by to look at what was given. This is still done in a lot of “society” families, amongst the royals, and in certain parts of the country. You can see an example of this in the classic movie “The Philadelphia Story” where the key event is the wedding of a philadelphia socilite played by Katharine Hepburn. So etiquette wise it’s completely appropriate to display the gifts and not rude. But manners and etiquette are all meant to make people comfortable and put them at ease and if displaying your gifts makes you uncomfortable or you think opening them would make others feel uncomfortable then don’t do it!

i don’t know why it’s anyone’s business what you and your husband receive as wedding gifts. i think it’s rude to expect people to put things like that on display. i say stick to your gut instinct, and not someone’s perception of what is proper.

I’ve never heard of anyone ever opening or displaying opened gifts at the day-after brunch. nor have i ever been to a brunch where that was done. It must be a regional/generational thing because I’ve never heard of public gift opening at anything except a bridal shower (which I HATE). It seems rude and pretentious to me, plus, who has time to open the gifts until after the honeymoon?!?

But you probably shouldn’t tell her that it’s rude… that won’t go anywhere towards good family relations!! Why not say something more like “We are having a brunch so we can say goodbye to our guests, and we feel that by spending that time opening gifts, we are losing valuable time better spent with loved ones.” would that work?

Displaying the gifts is rude only because there will be a number of guests who will have sent you gifts prior to the wedding and presumably, you aren’t going to haul the opened gifts to your wedding then display them with the others.

Invite people over after the wedding as couples/individually for drinks or desserts and let them see your new items in your home and in use instead of opening them in front of them. That way, they can see how useful their gift was and not just how pretty the packaging was.