

My aunt has gifted me with Hallmark Magazine. Although I love crafts and things like that, I thought this magazine would be a little touchy-feely (it IS Hallmark, after all). Imagine my surprise when I see an article called “Scenes from a Marriage”. In this article (able to be read here), a woman tells of her 20 year marriage to her second husband, a man who was her soulmate.
Since the start of her life with her husband (Marsh), she had kept a list of the nice-guy/good husband things he did or said. Every Valentine’s day she’d make copies of the year’s list and put them in a card. Not just listing the items so he could see the soulful things he had done and said, she also listed these items so she could turn to them in times of stress and tough roads ahead. In 20 years, the list had turned into 110 handwritten pages, and it was named “Remember the Sweet Things”.
Included in her list is the first dinner he ever made them, how he gave her a gift every month for 10 months to help ease her into her 40th birthday, him turning the heater on in her car on a cold morning, ice cleaned off, snow shoveled. Although just lists, these actions or words tell of a marriage that was a dream. This is the kind of thing we aspire to. Being 15 years older than she was, he passed away from Parkinson’s disease in the 20th year of their marriage. Despite his passing, she still received a bouquet of dahlias on her 60th birthday, with a card reading “Happy Birthday with undying love, Marsh.” The previous spring he had asked his daughter to remember to send them for him, even if he wasn’t there any longer.
As the story ends, something she said touched me deeply, that although he was passing on they would meet again when they needed each other badly, just as they had in this lifetime. This is a marriage that also had imperfections, but keeping a list of the meaningful and also mundane things that touch you keeps the marriage alive.
In reading this Hallmark article, I’ve found something that I hope to use in my own marriage. I’m thinking that I’ll start listing before the wedding (maybe the final week before the ceremony), and give him my list every anniversary. Even though I read a lot, this article has touched me like no other. Perhaps it’s my upcoming wedding that makes me a little bit more susceptible to cheese, but I think that a marriage isn’t made up of just momentous actions and words, it’s also made up of small things, like him giving you the last cracker in the box.
Is there anything you plan to do once you’re married? Something like keeping a journal or leaving notes for him?