Wedding Blog
Last night I had dinner with my MOH. I gave her a draft of our wedding day intinerary. We are having a morning ceremony followed by an hour of cocktails then our reception, all at Westbury Manor (WM). Because we are getting married on location, we don’t have a lot of time for pictures. Mr. Violet and I originally agreed that we would not see each other before the ceremony. The only problem with that though is that it leaves us with very little time for pictures. We are only going to have one hour to take all the wedding party & Groom/Bride pictures during the cocktail hour. The good thing though is that it’s all on premise because WM has a beautiful garden, so we won’t need to travel.
When I mentioned the option about seeing each other before the ceremony to Mr. Violet last night, he flipped out on me. I asked him what he thought about it and he was very against it. I asked him why and he said that seeing me walk down the aisle is going to be a very special moment. But then I said that it would still be a special moment even if I see him before I walk down the aisle, no? Even better, we’d be seeing each other in private, and not amongst all our guests. I wasn’t trying to pick a fight with him, I was just trying to see what our options were, but from his reaction, I realized that it probably wasn’t a good idea after all. I don’t really care either way. I can totally see his point of view because I too had the same idea in mind before…. but now I’m just worried that we won’t have enough time for pictures. But, perhaps I’m just getting worried for nothing. The photographers are professionals right, and they should certainly know the best method to capturing all the pictures that are needed given the time constraint, no?
Do you plan to see your SO/FI before the ceremony? If you did or do plan on breaking tradition, was it a huge discussion or was it pretty unanimous?
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i’m in the same boat as you. i planned on seeing FI before the ceremony so that we could do pictures - and that way we could have our own moment together. but he was completely against it. he really wants to see me for the first time walking down the aisle. sooo…that means we have to squeeze photos in during the cocktail hour. it’s going to be stressful i think, but this was important to him, so…
we are seeing eachother before and it was an easy decision. We would rather see eachother in private first and we want tons of time for pictures. definitely unanimous.
We aren’t seeing each other before the ceremony, mostly at my request. But we are going to do a lot of the pictures before the ceremony, just not together. Me with my girls/him with his guys etc. Hopefully that will cut down on a lot of the time.
My FI & I had originally planned that we would not see each other before the ceremony, but then after we talked to the photographer about our window for taking pictures based on our timeline, (like you we have a morning ceremony followed by cocktail hour and then a lunch reception all at the same place), there was only that 1 hour window for taking pictures of us, so we both agreed that we’d see each other before the ceremony for the sake of posterity. We both would have liked to not see each other prior to the ceremony but we did want to make the most of our time (& money) based on the the amount of picture taking time we had 
I have the same plan as Andrea. Waiting and but still taking pictures seperate and then after the ceremony we will be doing pictures for 20 minutes.
I’m in the same boat - only I think FI now sees why it logistically makes sense. I also saw an article on making this decision (on a photographer’s website) that showed the most amazing picture of a groom as he first saw his bride walk down the aisle. The photographer pointed out that this was even after they had seen each other for pictures just before the ceremony.
I am indecisive about the whole thing. I have been dreaming of the moment I walk down the aisle and he first sees me, but I also don’t want to miss out on parts of my wedding (cocktail hour) and getting to spend more time with friends and family celebrating.
Our photographer said that it is absolutely a personal decision and she could make it work either way (that’s why they’re the professionals!).
We’re seeing each other first at the ceremony and it was an important decision for us to keep, despite everyone wanting us to do pictures first. The compromise is this:
-We’re getting ready early (in theory, provided we, you know, stick to schedule- ha!) so that we can take those pictures that we can take without seeing each other. Those include:
-bride with bridesmaids
-groom with groomsmen
-bride with her family
-groom with his family
-bride with moms
-groom with dads
-bride with child attendants (before the mess up their clothes - oh and put this one up first so they don’t get bored out of their minds)
It helps that our photographer is bringing along an assistant that can take those photos of the guys while he’s taking photos of the gals.
This way after the ceremony it’ll be lots of us and joint family photos/joint wedding party photos.
Seeing as your ceremony is morning though… I don’t know if that’ll work for you, but I hope it helps!
i was going to suggest the same thing andrea & bliss plan on doing. that way you’ll still have plenty of time for pictures and get a lot in without the time crunch. simple enough compromise
FI and I are not only seeing each other before the ceremony, we’re doing a pre-wedding photo shoot in full attire the Tuesday before the wedding! We want the actual wedding day to be as stress-free as possible, and for us that means getting photos out of the way early, and spending as much time as possible with our guests. He was totally on board with the idea.
Your photographer should be able to take photos of the bridal party separately, without having you two together, before the ceremony. That’ll save time later!
Thank you, thank you! Glad I’m not alone on this one.. Hopefully Mr. Violet will come around and we can talk again about this calmly and figure out the best solution for us.
We’re going to see each other for photos before the ceremony. It makes sense for us; our ceremony is at 5:30 pm so once it’s over, we want to get on with things at the reception and not waste lots of time taking photos!
Initially I didn’t want to see each other before the ceremony, but I’m not superstitious and neither is my fiance. To be honest, it was more because I thought upsetting the tradition of not seeing each other before the bride walks down the aisle would upset my mom. I still haven’t told her and I’m fairly certain she will be upset about it, but I think she’ll be okay with it once she sees how it will help with the flow of the day.
It was an easy decision for my fiance and I. He just said “whatever makes the most sense, I don’t mind either way” and that was that. The photographer recommended that if we don’t have a problem with seeing each other before the ceremony, then he suggests photos before the ceremony. It really helps with the flow of the day.
Also waited for the walk up the aisle.
It seems there are just a very very few wedding things that guys are into, and seeing-my-beautiful-bride-for-the-first-time-as-she-walks-the-aisle-towards-me is often a biggie. So I’d try to work around this if it’s that important to him. Great pictures happen when people are just gushing happy, so whatever makes him the happiest! Our best shots aren’t so much the posed ones as the spontaneous. So your photographre should be able to go for quality instead of quantity if necessary.
Another idea (budget allowing) is to have 2 photographers. The second photographer (sometimes a student or junior person, even) is often cheaper and be hired for a brief time. Have one with the men and one with the women.
I totally did what Andrea & Bliss plan to do… and even though I wouldn’t change a thing about the way I planned the photography session, I was left without having the opportunity to have pictures with the entire wedding party. I had two very competent photographers and a wedding planner who had 3 assistants. There’s no one to blame but time, really. For me the ceremony was just steps away from the tent and somehow what I thought would take only 20 minutes ended up taking 45 because we were having so much fun and so many ideas for pictures…
That’s just some food for thought. However, either way, I am sure your timing by not seeing each before hand will all work itself out. Enjoy!
We didn’t want to rush through photos and didn’t want our guests to wait 2+ hours between the ceremony and reception so we are meeting beforehand to take pictures leisurely (3 hours) with the wedding party. We’ll use the cocktail hour as an opportunity for pictures with family and friends before we sit down for the reception. We aren’t really superstitious so the decision was simple and I think it’ll allow both of us to enjoy the wedding much more than if were to rush through the pictures. Not to mention that I would be royally pissed off if I didn’t have good pictures to look back on
Same thing happened when I brought that up with my FI…almost flipped a table!
My friend had a good time-saving idea…she took the professional bridal party and her family pictures before, then the groom did his. That way, they still saw each other for the first time at the ceremony but half the picture taking was out of the way. After the ceremony, it took 30 minutes to take pictures of the whole wedding party. Then it was party time!
We did see each other before the ceremony for pictures. I have to say it wasn’t a big deal, I’ve seen him in a tux before, and yes he looked handsome, but it wasn’t completely real yet.
Regardless, when those church doors opened in front of me and I saw him at the end of the aisle…..it was very emotional.
I stand by the fact that it isn’t the outfits, hairdos, etc. that makes that moment. It is all your loved ones gathered, the music, the location and being the center of attention that suddenly makes that “wow” impression. Seeing each other ahead of time didn’t detract from that at all.
We will be seeing each other before … as we are doing the traditional “picking up of the bride” for the tea ceremony in the morning - which is before our other ceremony where we exchange our vows. i always dreamed of that having that moment when he sees me for the first time walking down the aisle but it wont happen ….
QUOTE: Another idea (budget allowing) is to have 2 photographers. The second photographer (sometimes a student or junior person, even) is often cheaper and be hired for a brief time. Have one with the men and one with the women.
I would make sure this is okay with your main photographer. Some photographers have a clause which prohibits any other hired photographers to be shooting as well. Perhaps your own photographer could have their own assistant/second shooter do the separate portraits instead of hiring another person.. this makes the flow much easier.
We are doing all the picutres before the wedding. Our ceremony is at our hall, so it will look something like this:
5:30 Ceremony
6:00 Cocktail Hour
7:00 Dinner
9:00 Dancing
So because pictures are important to us - it’s the only tangible thing we’ll have left after the big day we are doing pictures with each other and the bridal party from 12-3:00 and pictures with the family from 3-4
I’m leaning towards pre-ceremony pics. When I first suggested this to FI, he didn’t like the idea at all. But then I showed him photos and he loved them! Such a sweet moment.
I’m not disagreeing with those who do feel strongly about seeing each other for the first time during the ceremony, but I’m pretty sure that when he sees me walking down the aisle he won’t be like “oh well, I already saw her, so nothing special about this.”
Also, I’ve heard that brides and grooms and bridal parties can have stressed looks on their faces when they’re rushing through photos b/c they’re itching to get to the cocktail party. I like to think that by starting out earlier with pics, I get to enjoy more later, like my day is somehow longer and I miss out on less. Just my 2 cents. GL!
the tradition of not seeing the bride before her entrance was never strongly impressed on me, and then I learned that picking up the bride from her home is something of a tradition for chinese weddings. We’re definitely planning to get some photos out of the way before the ceremony.
What about you walking down the aisle and him at the altar prior to it really happening? Then he can still see you walk down the aisle and you can take pics afterwards? Plus, the photographer can get great pics of his reaction when he sees you!
We’re planning on seeing each other before the ceremony. We’ll do it somewhere private with just the photographer. I agree that walking down the aisle during the appointed ceremony time will be just as, if not more, emotional
Good luck
We’re doing the same as andrea (& company!). I was surprised by how important it was to my fiance that he not see me until I walk down the aisle…
We’re not seeing each other before the ceremony. We also want to share that special moment of seeing each other the first time walking down the aisle.
I am sure the special moment that you and Mr. violet share seeing each other for the first time down the aisle will feel more special than all the bridal party pictures in the world so don’t fret. You can always take some pics with your girls before the ceremony. Then take a few with them later.
we waited and got all our group pics done in less than 20 minutes. we didn’t have a HUGE list, maybe 15 or so different groups with the largest one being 20 people, but we were organized and made sure that people knew which photos they were supposed to be in and didn’t wander. we left an hour for photos + travel from church to reception and we had time to spare!
FI and I are not going to see each other before the ceremony, I will take pictures with my attendants and he with his before the ceremony and after the ceremony, we will take pictures with the whole bp and family and stuff. We are doing the majority of our pictures of just the two of us the next day during trash the dress/tux!!!
this may sound strange. but. my husband and i did see each other before our ceremony (we just got married like two weeks ago) for the sake of pics. but i didn’t wear my veil or have my flowers in hand. and somehow, i looked very different with the veil and the flowers - and the effect was the same as if he had been seeing me the first time. so. i dunno. i doubt mr. violet would go for that. but that’s what we did.
Also, you don’t really need a lot of time for pics. I’d say an hour most perhaps during your cocktail hour. We only spent an hour on our posed pics outdoors. Although we did take some in the church afterwards. But total the posed pics were hour and a half. most of ours are candids.
We saw each other before the ceremony - same reasons, made sense and he was still excited to see me walk down the aisle. Promise - you guys will still be moved when that time comes even if you see each other before hand.
We decided to see each other before the ceremony for the same reasons. At first I didn’t want to see each other before the ceremony because I wanted to keep it very traditional, but when we spoke to our photographer he explained the some of the benefits of having the first sight before the ceremony.
We are taking all of our pictures before the ceremony. Not only was FI glad that we were doing that, my mother was actually very relieved too. By doing the pictures after the ceremony, we would have been preventing all of the BP and all of our families from enjoying the cocktail hour (having a huge lag time wasn’t an option).
Not to mention that this way our hair and make-up will be fresh, and we’ll really be able to focus on the words of the ceremony instead of checking each other out
I am a wedding photographer who is also sort of planning for my own wedding. I talk with all of my couples about this very issue, because from my perspective, a lot of the “WOW!!!” images in my portfolio came because the bride and groom gave me PLENTY of time with them alone, away from the crowds, usually far before the ceremony. Those ‘wow’ moments are MUCH easier to create when you’re not rushed for time… such as a cocktail hour when the B&G might want to see guests anyway. I hate keeping my couples away from their friends, and as a wedding guest I hate being made to wait for a long time for all the photos to be done when all I want to do is run up to my beautiful friend and love on her after witnessing the life-changing commitment she just proclaimed.
So I can see both sides — I actually think it’s kind of cute that the guys are the ones all about the romantic “first look” — I think hollywood perpetuates this. An alternative is to set up a “reveal” session with your photographer and her assistant to be ready to put you guys in a special place near the venue and help him get blindfolded over to where he can see her for the first time. We then take several photos then BACK AWAY to give our couples some quiet moments together since it is the calm before the storm.
In extreme situations where either one in the couple is totally opposed to this for traditional reasons, it is good to try to do each set of attendants together before the ceremony. That has helped at least a little bit.
We are in the same situation. We are planning to meet before the ceremony with the wedding party to take pictures at a nearby arboreteum and also on site. I have even asked all family to arrive an hour earlier to take pictures. We both have very large families. At a recent family wedding, we realized how difficult it was to round everyone up and take photos without other guests getting in the way. I think it will be less stressful for everyone involved.
We are going to see each other before the ceremony, it was a pretty quick decision for us to make. This way we get to take pictures before, and we are going to walk down the aisle together.
My FI is exactly the opposite…he was ADAMANT that we see each other before our wedding. We are having a family brunch in the morning ~before the beautifying begins but I won’t let him see me once I start getting ready..that is our compromise.
We have the same issue. My solution is to wear the second gown (the gown that you would be changing into during the reception) in the morning. Before the ceremony you can wear your wedding gown and have a private moment w/ your husband to be. Also, have the photographer there to capture the moment. This is much easier for the photographer to capture the couple’s expressions than down the isle. After that, you can all take pics before and after the ceremony. That should give you plenty of time to take photographs and mingle w/ your friends and be stress free.
My fiance and I will definitely be seeing each other, and doing all our pictures, before the ceremony. But then again, we are Jewish, and it is not tradition in Judaism to wait until the ceremony to see each other, since there is the bedekken and the ketubah to sign beforehand. Personally, I think it is a lot easier to do pictures beforehand — they are done while your hair/makeup/flowers are freshest, and then you can enjoy cocktail hour with your guests!
We are seeing each other before - I liked the idea because I wanted to get some of the photos out of the way, he liked the idea because he thinks it will help him be less nervous, and we’re sort of private people so we want our first “viewing” of each other to be private. I will add that I really wanted to take a few photos after the ceremony, because I think we will be more relaxed and happy, and sort of “on a high”, which I think will be nice to capture on film. GL Miss Violet I think you can make it work either way.
I too had planned on waiting until the walk down the isle, however b/c it’s more important to me to walk with all our guests from the church to the reception (right around the corner) and join them for cocktail hour we decided to relax and take them before.
PLUS then I realized that I won’t be wearing my glasses (and I don’t wear contacts) on my wedding day so I wouldn’t even be able to make out my FI’s reaction from the end of the isle anyway!
Do what ever is right for you — I’m not very happy to have our “first sight” privately with our photographer. He will calm me down so I’m not shaking down the isle!
We’re seeing each other before the wedding for photographs but it isn’t tradition for me to not see each other. I’m Polish-American and traditionally Polish brides and grooms walk together to the church.
[...] a while back I posted about a fight that almost went down between the Mr. and I regarding seeing each other before [...]
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Mrs. Violet, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Executive Assistant
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Computer Engineer
Engagement Date: May 13, 2006
Wedding Date: September 2007
Venue: Westbury Manor
About Me: We've been dating since college. In our spare time we enjoy the city life, playing with our dog "Sam", eating our hearts out, and traveling. I also love to DIY. Check out my crafty creations at http://www.waisze.etsy.com.
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