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Mrs. Violet, New York Age and Occupation: 27, Executive Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Computer Engineer Engagement Date: May 13, 2006 Wedding Date: September 2007 Venue: Westbury Manor About Me: We've been dating since college. In our spare time we enjoy the city life, playing with our dog "Sam", eating our hearts out, and traveling. I also love to DIY. Check out my crafty creations at http://www.waisze.etsy.com.
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Timing Issues…

June 15th, 2007 @ 2:26 pm by Mrs. Violet

Last night I had dinner with my MOH. I gave her a draft of our wedding day intinerary. We are having a morning ceremony followed by an hour of cocktails then our reception, all at Westbury Manor (WM). Because we are getting married on location, we don’t have a lot of time for pictures. Mr. Violet and I originally agreed that we would not see each other before the ceremony. The only problem with that though is that it leaves us with very little time for pictures. We are only going to have one hour to take all the wedding party & Groom/Bride pictures during the cocktail hour. The good thing though is that it’s all on premise because WM has a beautiful garden, so we won’t need to travel.

When I mentioned the option about seeing each other before the ceremony to Mr. Violet last night, he flipped out on me. I asked him what he thought about it and he was very against it. I asked him why and he said that seeing me walk down the aisle is going to be a very special moment. But then I said that it would still be a special moment even if I see him before I walk down the aisle, no? Even better, we’d be seeing each other in private, and not amongst all our guests. I wasn’t trying to pick a fight with him, I was just trying to see what our options were, but from his reaction, I realized that it probably wasn’t a good idea after all. I don’t really care either way. I can totally see his point of view because I too had the same idea in mind before…. but now I’m just worried that we won’t have enough time for pictures. But, perhaps I’m just getting worried for nothing. The photographers are professionals right, and they should certainly know the best method to capturing all the pictures that are needed given the time constraint, no?

Do you plan to see your SO/FI before the ceremony? If you did or do plan on breaking tradition, was it a huge discussion or was it pretty unanimous?

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41 Responses to “Timing Issues…”

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1.
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dboe

i’m in the same boat as you. i planned on seeing FI before the ceremony so that we could do pictures - and that way we could have our own moment together. but he was completely against it. he really wants to see me for the first time walking down the aisle. sooo…that means we have to squeeze photos in during the cocktail hour. it’s going to be stressful i think, but this was important to him, so…

 
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sm

we are seeing eachother before and it was an easy decision. We would rather see eachother in private first and we want tons of time for pictures. definitely unanimous.

 
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Andrea

We aren’t seeing each other before the ceremony, mostly at my request. But we are going to do a lot of the pictures before the ceremony, just not together. Me with my girls/him with his guys etc. Hopefully that will cut down on a lot of the time.

 
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Pam

My FI & I had originally planned that we would not see each other before the ceremony, but then after we talked to the photographer about our window for taking pictures based on our timeline, (like you we have a morning ceremony followed by cocktail hour and then a lunch reception all at the same place), there was only that 1 hour window for taking pictures of us, so we both agreed that we’d see each other before the ceremony for the sake of posterity. We both would have liked to not see each other prior to the ceremony but we did want to make the most of our time (& money) based on the the amount of picture taking time we had :)

 
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bliss

I have the same plan as Andrea. Waiting and but still taking pictures seperate and then after the ceremony we will be doing pictures for 20 minutes.

 
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tipperella

I’m in the same boat - only I think FI now sees why it logistically makes sense. I also saw an article on making this decision (on a photographer’s website) that showed the most amazing picture of a groom as he first saw his bride walk down the aisle. The photographer pointed out that this was even after they had seen each other for pictures just before the ceremony.

I am indecisive about the whole thing. I have been dreaming of the moment I walk down the aisle and he first sees me, but I also don’t want to miss out on parts of my wedding (cocktail hour) and getting to spend more time with friends and family celebrating.

Our photographer said that it is absolutely a personal decision and she could make it work either way (that’s why they’re the professionals!).

 
7.
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thistleorchid

We’re seeing each other first at the ceremony and it was an important decision for us to keep, despite everyone wanting us to do pictures first. The compromise is this:
-We’re getting ready early (in theory, provided we, you know, stick to schedule- ha!) so that we can take those pictures that we can take without seeing each other. Those include:
-bride with bridesmaids
-groom with groomsmen
-bride with her family
-groom with his family
-bride with moms
-groom with dads
-bride with child attendants (before the mess up their clothes - oh and put this one up first so they don’t get bored out of their minds)

It helps that our photographer is bringing along an assistant that can take those photos of the guys while he’s taking photos of the gals.

This way after the ceremony it’ll be lots of us and joint family photos/joint wedding party photos.

Seeing as your ceremony is morning though… I don’t know if that’ll work for you, but I hope it helps!

 
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Tea

i was going to suggest the same thing andrea & bliss plan on doing. that way you’ll still have plenty of time for pictures and get a lot in without the time crunch. simple enough compromise

 
9.
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Tanya

FI and I are not only seeing each other before the ceremony, we’re doing a pre-wedding photo shoot in full attire the Tuesday before the wedding! We want the actual wedding day to be as stress-free as possible, and for us that means getting photos out of the way early, and spending as much time as possible with our guests. He was totally on board with the idea.

Your photographer should be able to take photos of the bridal party separately, without having you two together, before the ceremony. That’ll save time later!

 
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miss violet

Thank you, thank you! Glad I’m not alone on this one.. Hopefully Mr. Violet will come around and we can talk again about this calmly and figure out the best solution for us.

 
11.
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Laura S

We’re going to see each other for photos before the ceremony. It makes sense for us; our ceremony is at 5:30 pm so once it’s over, we want to get on with things at the reception and not waste lots of time taking photos!

Initially I didn’t want to see each other before the ceremony, but I’m not superstitious and neither is my fiance. To be honest, it was more because I thought upsetting the tradition of not seeing each other before the bride walks down the aisle would upset my mom. I still haven’t told her and I’m fairly certain she will be upset about it, but I think she’ll be okay with it once she sees how it will help with the flow of the day.

It was an easy decision for my fiance and I. He just said “whatever makes the most sense, I don’t mind either way” and that was that. The photographer recommended that if we don’t have a problem with seeing each other before the ceremony, then he suggests photos before the ceremony. It really helps with the flow of the day.

 
12.
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Iris

Also waited for the walk up the aisle.

It seems there are just a very very few wedding things that guys are into, and seeing-my-beautiful-bride-for-the-first-time-as-she-walks-the-aisle-towards-me is often a biggie. So I’d try to work around this if it’s that important to him. Great pictures happen when people are just gushing happy, so whatever makes him the happiest! Our best shots aren’t so much the posed ones as the spontaneous. So your photographre should be able to go for quality instead of quantity if necessary.

Another idea (budget allowing) is to have 2 photographers. The second photographer (sometimes a student or junior person, even) is often cheaper and be hired for a brief time. Have one with the men and one with the women.

 
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E's girl

I totally did what Andrea & Bliss plan to do… and even though I wouldn’t change a thing about the way I planned the photography session, I was left without having the opportunity to have pictures with the entire wedding party. I had two very competent photographers and a wedding planner who had 3 assistants. There’s no one to blame but time, really. For me the ceremony was just steps away from the tent and somehow what I thought would take only 20 minutes ended up taking 45 because we were having so much fun and so many ideas for pictures…

That’s just some food for thought. However, either way, I am sure your timing by not seeing each before hand will all work itself out. Enjoy!

 
14.
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Red

We didn’t want to rush through photos and didn’t want our guests to wait 2+ hours between the ceremony and reception so we are meeting beforehand to take pictures leisurely (3 hours) with the wedding party. We’ll use the cocktail hour as an opportunity for pictures with family and friends before we sit down for the reception. We aren’t really superstitious so the decision was simple and I think it’ll allow both of us to enjoy the wedding much more than if were to rush through the pictures. Not to mention that I would be royally pissed off if I didn’t have good pictures to look back on :-)

 
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Arob311

Same thing happened when I brought that up with my FI…almost flipped a table!
My friend had a good time-saving idea…she took the professional bridal party and her family pictures before, then the groom did his. That way, they still saw each other for the first time at the ceremony but half the picture taking was out of the way. After the ceremony, it took 30 minutes to take pictures of the whole wedding party. Then it was party time!

 
16.
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HC

We did see each other before the ceremony for pictures. I have to say it wasn’t a big deal, I’ve seen him in a tux before, and yes he looked handsome, but it wasn’t completely real yet.

Regardless, when those church doors opened in front of me and I saw him at the end of the aisle…..it was very emotional.

I stand by the fact that it isn’t the outfits, hairdos, etc. that makes that moment. It is all your loved ones gathered, the music, the location and being the center of attention that suddenly makes that “wow” impression. Seeing each other ahead of time didn’t detract from that at all.

 
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janie

We will be seeing each other before … as we are doing the traditional “picking up of the bride” for the tea ceremony in the morning - which is before our other ceremony where we exchange our vows. i always dreamed of that having that moment when he sees me for the first time walking down the aisle but it wont happen ….

 
18.
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susan*

QUOTE: Another idea (budget allowing) is to have 2 photographers. The second photographer (sometimes a student or junior person, even) is often cheaper and be hired for a brief time. Have one with the men and one with the women.

I would make sure this is okay with your main photographer. Some photographers have a clause which prohibits any other hired photographers to be shooting as well. Perhaps your own photographer could have their own assistant/second shooter do the separate portraits instead of hiring another person.. this makes the flow much easier. :)

 
19.
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b&jp2007

We are doing all the picutres before the wedding. Our ceremony is at our hall, so it will look something like this:
5:30 Ceremony
6:00 Cocktail Hour
7:00 Dinner
9:00 Dancing

So because pictures are important to us - it’s the only tangible thing we’ll have left after the big day we are doing pictures with each other and the bridal party from 12-3:00 and pictures with the family from 3-4

 
20.
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jen

I’m leaning towards pre-ceremony pics. When I first suggested this to FI, he didn’t like the idea at all. But then I showed him photos and he loved them! Such a sweet moment.

I’m not disagreeing with those who do feel strongly about seeing each other for the first time during the ceremony, but I’m pretty sure that when he sees me walking down the aisle he won’t be like “oh well, I already saw her, so nothing special about this.”

Also, I’ve heard that brides and grooms and bridal parties can have stressed looks on their faces when they’re rushing through photos b/c they’re itching to get to the cocktail party. I like to think that by starting out earlier with pics, I get to enjoy more later, like my day is somehow longer and I miss out on less. Just my 2 cents. GL!

 
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Mrs. Violet
Mrs. Violet

Mrs. Violet, New York Age and Occupation: 27, Executive Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Computer Engineer Engagement Date: May 13, 2006 Wedding Date: September 2007 Venue: Westbury Manor About Me: We've been dating since college. In our spare time we enjoy the city life, playing with our dog "Sam", eating our hearts out, and traveling. I also love to DIY. Check out my crafty creations at http://www.waisze.etsy.com.

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