Mrs. Butterscotch, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 29, Advertising Sales Assistant
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, City Worker
Engagement Date: September 24, 2006
Wedding Date: August 11, 2007
Blogging Since: June 19, 2007
Venue: church ceremony and private club reception
About Me: I am marrying my high school sweetheart 11 years after high school ended! I am a self professed shoe fanatic with a closet full of shoes and only two feet. Planning a wedding has been my fun project since he surprised me with a proposal in Paris. We are spending our last few months preparing for our big day by wrapping up all the small things, buying a house and best of all preparing to live together for the first time.
Oh No, Not the Kid Question Again…
June 26th, 2007 @ 3:44 pm by Mrs. Butterscotch
“When are you going to start having kids?” Ever since we got engaged, this has been the question. I feel like I should have a little note taped on my head that says “we are not having kids right away”. I don’t mind so much when family and friends ask. But when casual acquaintances see I am engaged and start in–well, that does hit a small nerve. Normally, I will politely smile and answer “no time soon”, or “in a few years”. But in my head I’m thinking, “Can we just make it through the wedding before you ask me that?!”
What questions have you been asked while planning your wedding that drives you up the wall?
P.S. Prior to being engaged the question I constantly got was “so when are you getting married?” Which is just as bad as the kid question.
33 Responses to “Oh No, Not the Kid Question Again…”
People don’t even ask me “how are you?” anymore. Now I’m asked, “How’s the planning going?”. I think it’s sweet that people ask at all, but it also gets a bit tiresome from time to time (especially if I’m having a moment where the last thing I want to think about is the wedding!)
It never ends BTW. When you dating its “when are you two getting engaged”, then once engaged it is “when is the wedding”/”have you picked a date yet”/”you know you better pick a date weddings take a whole year to plan” (give me a break), then once you get married it is “when are you having kids”/”are you preganant yet?”. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!
Ha. I guess it never ends. Everytime my FI was aked “So, when are you getting married?” or “Have you thought about popping the question?” I tried to make myself busy with something else. I’m sure I was much less discreet than I thought I was.
“Are you excited?” Umm - yes. Is that really a question? Or the more elaborate - “Wow, the wedding’s coming up pretty soon - are you excited!?” And sometimes just the statement “You must be getting pretty excited.”
Yes, I’m excited, thank you - I appreciate it, I’m running out of responses to this one…..
haha, i guess it’s everyone… i get the question too… my standard answer is 2 years. and smile and nod. a lot.
Try watching their faces drop when we tell them that we aren’t planning on having kids. Either they don’t know what to say to us, or they try to convince us that we’ll change our mind. Maybe we will, but it won’t be because some busybody “convinced” us that our lives will be empty without procreating…
I am also getting tired of “How is the planning going?” I know that my friends and family are just being polite, but I feel like wedding planning has replaced everything else in our lives. Since my fiance and I are not getting married until September of 2008, we are in for months and months of this question. I am sure that the baby questions will start soon!
My answer to that question is invariably “Do you mind if we get married first?” =)
Who are these people that ask about babies? How inappropriate. My family will jokingly ask, but not total strangers. The “How’s the planning” queries are pretty tiring, too. Plus, there really is no good answer to that one, other than: Fine!
Lucy, I like your answer the best! I sometimes say, “When hell freezes.”
This Sunday it will our 1 year wedding anniversary and we STILL get the question about having kids ALL THE TIME!! They tell me “You know you’re not getting any younger” gee, thanks.
Jessica: You and your husband are on the same boat as us. We don’t want to have children and people keep telling us that we will change our mind. If we do change our mind,i totally agree with you that it wont be because “Aunt Kathy” or whoever gave us a lecture on having a family.
Of course this totally crosses the line. How about “When the time comes, we’ll be sure to let you know!”
The inquiries that bother me most are the people who are extra fascinated because we are an interracial couple. As if it’s some kind of breeding science project!!
“When we’re ready!”
“Why would you ask such a personal question?”
“That’s for us to decide.”
“We’ll let you know.”
Or Lucy’s answer. Then change the subject.
I hate it when people are nosy!
(P.S. Practicing these answers out loud, so they come really naturally to you, is really helpful!)
“Why are you so interested in our sex life?”
Because that’s essentially what they’re asking about. 
We got the “when are you getting engaged/married” question all the time when we were dating, because we, too, are high school sweethearts and had dated for 8 1/2 years before he proposed to me.
I can’t wait til people ask the kid question… (sarcastic). We are both grad students currently, FI’s working on his PhD and won’t be done for another 3-4 years. There’s no way we’re having kids when one of us is still a student, and we’re not even in a permanent location yet!
I am getting really frustrated by these questions too. I am particularly getting frustrated that 1. people assume you’ll have kids and 2. that you can have kids. My FI and I aren’t sure what we want…it changes daily, but I always feel a little flakey with my “if its in the cards for us” answer. Luckily, most of the pressure comes from outside the family….not my FMIL or my mom!
I’m right there with you. I was just asked the baby question yesterday and I point blank asked back if I could just get through the wedding first. Grrrr…..
I agree with the pp - it never ends! Now that we are married, we get, “Sooo, how’s married life?” and “Are we still honeymooning?” To the second one, I normally says omething like, “No, I don’t think you and I are!”
how about just say, “babies? where do they come from?” i’d love to see how they’d respond. ha ha ha!
I read a hilarious response to the baby question on Indie Bride, but would never have the guts to actually say it: “Maybe we’re using the wrong hole. Do you have any tips?”
Ooh, AMK’s response is great too!
Be like, “I guess when the storck shows up we get a baby. that is how it works right?”
LOL! Instead of getting the ‘when are you going to have kids’ question, I keep getting told that my future mother-in-law is “too young” (nevermind that her eldest is 25, my FI is 23 and the baby of the family is 22)! and that we “MUST wait at least 5 years”. Like our family planning will depend on her being 50… makes no sense to me, and on top of that… like it’s her choice!
So you wouldn’t believe how much I want to hear the “when you gonna..” question, because at least it would make me feel like kids would be welcome!
I hate getting asked about kids. We are not planning on kids and everyone acts like we need to have kids.
haha, i like AMK and tofu’s answers! 
we’ve been engaged for a year and a half and we haven’t set a date yet b/c we have other things going on in our life and didn’t want to start planning a wedding just yet, but ppl still ask me all the time when we are going to get married. most of the time i just tell them “eventually” or “when we know, we’ll let you know” and at least some ppl have taken the hint from that.
i think it’s just the norm to ask… i’ve been married for 3 years now & get constantly asked… ugh.
From coworkers, I always get the “So how’s the wedding planning coming along?” question. Never mind that I’ve told said coworkers gazillion times that it hasnt’ started yet because our wedding isn’t for a few more years and that we’re (FI and I) are too broke to contemplate what to plan. From family and friends, the most repetitive question is “When are you going to have a baby?”. Oddly enough, said pple tell me it’s okay to have a baby before the wedding even though in the past, they have gossiped about other family/friends who’s had children out of wedlock. These questions are now grating my nerves!
We get the “how’s married life” and “when are you having kids?” questions alot.
Since we didn’t live together before the wedding, I can honestly tell them that married life is easier. Now that the stress of the wedding is over, it’s easy! I can’t believe it’s been a year.
I’d love to find a good response to the baby question. Even my doctor asked during my annual check-up if I was ready for kids…
come on people!
Sally is right. It never ends with those questions. I was really surprised how many people asked if we already had kids when we were engaged (we are now married). I’d answer that we are not even married yet and they’d pretty much say what does that have to do anything.
When people asked my sister this question (before she was married), she said, “Don’t you think you’re putting the cart before the horse?”
On the other hand, my fiance has said repeatedly that if anyone asks us this at our wedding, he plans to pat my stomach and say, “About six months.” He figures that’ll shut them up.
=)
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The not so close family that doesn’t know about A’s procedure will be in for a surprise, when we tell them, ’sorry, he had a vasectomy…no babies for us!’. The looks on their faces will be priceless.
So glad I’m not the only one! My wedding is in 4 months and in response to the kid question I say, “I love my dress!, I am not going to buy a new one!!”
