…is a skill that I do not possess! The other day I was chatting with a friend who recently got married, and she revealed that she wheeled and dealed with each and every vendor. That brought me to the realization that I tried to avoid negotiating at all costs, haha 
. Mr. E would *sigh* after each vendor meeting and ask why we didn’t push harder for this or that (and yes, he did inject his 2 cents in sometimes, hehe). But then it occurred to me that I had my reasons for why I didn’t really try to haggle too much:
1) I did my research
2) I pretty much knew the “going rates” for each of the vendor categories
3) I knew what I wanted to pay
SO, if I met with a vendor I liked, and they could provide what I wanted within my budget, then SCORE! It was a done deal. Also, I was afraid that if I pushed too hard to lower the price or get upgrades, perhaps I was insulting or belittling their work. At one point prior to booking our photographer, Mr. E tried to do some negotiating before agreeing to sign the contract. When we didn’t hear back from him for about 3 days, I started freaking out and was all worried that we had offended him!! But in the end, he accepted and everything was hunky dory.
Looking back, I would have tried a little harder to negotiate with some vendors (like maybe getting our DJ to throw in his lighting package?). It wouldn’t have hurt… If you think about it, it’s not necessarily about being “cheap.” It’s about getting the most bang for your buck! So here are a few articles on negotiating:
The Nice Girls Guide to Wedding Negotiations
The Secret to Great Wedding Deals
One thing I’d like to note - get everything in writing - especially any discounts or upgrades they are willing to offer you! Anywhoo, I’d love to hear your two cents on this topic!
We didn’t do much negotiating. We got a pretty good deal on our reception place relative to other venues in the area, so I didn’t complain. One thing though, their rates went up a couple months after we booked them — but we were able to lock in at the old rates before the price increase!
There wasn’t much else negotiating for me to do…my parents are paying for photo/dj because the guy that owns the company is a friend of my dad’s — so he got to do all the negotiating there, and got a discount for knowing the guy anyway.
There wasn’t a lot of room for negotiating on flowers or cake… we’re getting what we paid for, and the prices are good compared to the other companies out there.
We got a break on our wedding bands, as well.
Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate.
The vendors want to provide you with their services, and unless your requests are ridiculous, they shouldn’t be offended. They always have the option to say ‘no’ to which your response should be; “thank you, is there any way you can think of that would bring us closer to what we asked for?” This gives them the option to offer you how low they will go.
Remember, your vendors are people too…they understand that brides have budgets and they know that if a bride wants something, they will do what they can to get it, so they all, for the most part, should be willing to negotiate.
We play good cop/bad cop. Depending on who the purchase is for. For example, if it is a big item purchase for me, i’m the angel and it’s all his fault that we won’t go any higher on the price. If it’s something he wants to buy, i’m the beeatch between him and and salesman coming to an agreement.
My husband was definitely the negotiator. I was too afraid to offend! (which is silly) He negotiated a better rate on our DJ, wedding bands, honeymoon hotel…basically anything he was responsible for. It didn’t save us thousands but every dollar counts!
I’m a total negotiator. And the other trick to negotiation is that you have to be willing to walk away and/or wait. Sometimes fear of losing a sale is the turning point for the other side to meet your offer. Decide in advance what you are willing to risk losing (eh, there are a million cake bakers; vanilla/smanilla) or not (she MUST be my photographer) so there are no regrets.
If you don’t like what the vendor is offering you, sit quietly and listen like you are digesting unpleasant news. Resist the urge to speak first to break the awkward silence. You might be surprised what they have to say when THEY feel the pressure to speak and break the awkward silence, esp if they internalized the message that you didn’t like their news and they feel obligated to justify it or to offer something they think you WOULD like.
Also think of things that are mutually beneficial or cost the vendor nothing to throw in for you. For example, a hotel room upgrade costs the hotel way less than the price tag the customer pays in cash.
You aren’t offending anyone by asking for a deal/discount. No vendor is going to send you out of their store/office just because you want more for your money. They WANT your business. They’re business people and running a business involves negotiating. Think about it as salary negotiation. You wouldn’t just take the first salary offered to you would you? You want to know what benefits and perks are thrown in with it and how you can make that list longer before you even start.
I like Iris’ suggestions.
I heard the authors of “Women Don’t Ask” speak to a group of grad students a few years ago and took TONS of mental notes. It’s written about job related negotiation but those skills spill into all aspects of life. http://www.womendontask.com/
I love negotiating! Of course I do it for a living with my sales job, so that might be why I have no qualms about it. Vendors, with the exception of maybe your priest, expect you to try and negotiate with them. They are not offended. I’m at the halfway point of my planning, and I already have saved over $3,000 from our original vendor proposals. With some I played up the fact that an early April wedding is their off season, with others I asked them to rework the package to get down to “X” amount. Some I just said that was more than I was willing to spend, and they came right back with a lower offer. It *never* hurts to ask!!
Didi, My FI and I play good cop bad cop too!! We always negotiate unless the vendor is seriously undercharging for their services, in which case, we feel kinda like bullies and just pay their asking price. I agree with the previous posts that wedding vendors especially expect you to negotiate. If they can’t come down on price, they can always throw in a free service. Negotiation = Fun!!
As a vendor, I will tell you that it never hurts to ask or to negotiate, but don’t get offended if they say no!
For me, this is my bread and butter. It is how I feed my family, put a roof over our heads, pay my staff, pay insurance, payroll taxes, etc, etc. There are only 52 weekends in a year, and I can only do one wedding per weekend, and obviously I can’t take a wedding for each one. I am not currently married, so there is no spouse’s income to depend on. So for my family, this is our sole income.
Definitely ask, but just remember - they may not be in a position to give you a discount. It doesn’t always mean they are trying to stick it to you (though there are some vendors that will).
Hey, I know who you’re talking about! 
I love to negotiate but I am fairly reasonable. Before I even consider negotiating on price, I do my research and then ask myself who I am to this vendor. A videographer once showed me sample clips of only his famous celebrity weddings and other elaborate ones filmed in Italy. Total turn off. I’m not Kiefer Sutherland so what makes me think I’ll get anything close to what you produced for him? They ended up calling me back a few times to lower the price. In the end, I decided this is not someone I want to work worth no matter the hype.
Depending on the type of products and the importance of quality, I either will a)go with the established higher priced vendor but still negotiate approx. upgrades if possible OR b) go with the up-and-comer and negotiate within reason. I have found that the latter are sometimes some of the best vendors to work with. They are working to perfect their art and I love to support that.
I do get the occasional scare and I probably have offended a vendor or two. That’s a risk you take, I guess, when you try to negotiate someone’s perceived value.
Mrs. Emerald, Chicago
Age and Occupation: 26, Hospitality Administration
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Paralegal
Engagement Date: October 8, 2006
Wedding Date: September 2007
Blogging Since: November 29, 2006
Venue: Hyatt Lodge, Oak Brook IL
About Me: I have been dreaming about my wedding forever, and flipping through bridal magazines since high school, so I am in my element! I am calling our theme "Vintage Inspired French/Asian Fusion." Mr. Emerald is very involved in the planning process, but of course he generally defers to me cuz I have a strong opinion of how I want everything to be :-).
I am in the middle of negotiating with my caterer and I am sweating bullets. This is the big one- $5 less per person adds up fast. We negotiated a bit with our photographer, but I think that I could have done more. I also think that they are used to it and usually expect it. We are in the middle of a bidding war on our first home together, so its toughening me up!