Wedding Blog
There has been a lot of discussion regarding money lately. What we’re spending, why we’re spending so much (or so little). Mr. Kiwi and I began our wedding planning basing our budget on what we were paying for the hotel reception (which is the only thing we knew at the start), and what we imagined we’d be spending on other things.
Gradually, the budget began to change, my dress was more than expected, our DIY flower idea went out the window, and now we have church fees, which are actually less than it would have been to have the ceremony at the reception site. I admit, I was proud, my future husband and I were planning what to do with the money we hoped to save. Month by month, Mr. Kiwi added more money to his savings, and I was still stuck in the “look at me! I saved $50.00!” phase. After a few months, I couldn’t understand why I was having such a hard time - I was putting money away, but it was all being spent! What the heck?
Then, Mr. Kiwi reminded me that I was buying all the stuff for the wedding out of my checking account. The candles and shoes and dress deposit, it all should have been from the savings. Thankfully, this made sense, and was a heaping relief.
I think the “average” wedding budget is a myth. These amounts don’t help you if you’re planning a wedding in a large metropolitan area, or a small town in Alaska (just a generalization) - areas that aren’t “average” in population or costs of living. After frequenting plenty of other wedding sites, I’m often wishing we didn’t live in Los Angeles, where it’s hard to find an officiant who will charge you less than $500.00 for 15 minutes of impersonal banter and an “I Do”.
After we had our reception venue set, we figured that our budget would be around the $12 -$13,000 mark. This is no small feat for us, two working Joes who try to save at least half their paychecks a month for one day of their lives. Sure, we could have eloped or had a smaller celebration, but we wanted a party, our family coming together, me in a pretty dress, my dad walking me down the aisle, Mr. Kiwi getting all gussied up. It’s so funny (in a hurting my stomach kind of way), we’re spending the same amount on the wedding than we do for a whole year of rent. Sometimes living in Los Angeles sucks, although the high cost of living is often outweighed by the joy of being near family.
Once we start getting closer to the wedding, I will fill you in on how our budget is figuring, but from the preliminary numbers I can say this: my dress is 10% of the budget, invitations are about 10% of that. Our flowers for the wedding party are $800.00, which isn’t too bad for roses, calla lilies and freesia!
Like a lot of people have commented, it isn’t about the size of your budget, it’s not about who is spending more. Even though wedding planning should be a competitive sport (kidding), it isn’t. It doesn’t matter if my aunt compares my wedding to her daughter’s, even though it used to. Now I know that my wedding will be special because it’s all about Mr. Kiwi and I taking this huge step, and having all of our loved ones nearby to celebrate. Sure, $12,000 could last a heck of a lot longer had it been invested in a downpayment for a house, but I’ll always have my memories and pictures of the day I said “I Do”. And although I shake thinking of those checks we’ll have to write, I think it’s worth it. Who knows if I would have regretted not having a wedding?
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i wish some of the bees who like to write long (but very informative, thank you!!) entries like this, would incorporate pictures and figures! It’s very hard to read it through without feeling kinda…like i’m reading a text book!! Please! Just a friendly suggestion. I hope no one is offended!!!!
Great post, Miss Kiwi (and I don’t mind the lack of pretty pictures.) My husband and I were in a similar position–planning a budget wedding in a major metropolitan area. It’s true, the money we spent on our wedding might “better” have gone towards our home downpayment, but I’ve wanted a wedding–a small one–for years. I never was one of those teens who looked at bridal magazines, and in my twenties I probably would have eloped to Vegas, but in my thirties, I started noticing Martha Stewart Weddings and wanting one of my own. So we planned a wedding, and I did my best to cut corners wherever I could, thinking about how the money we saved would go towards our future lives together. Now it’s over and done, but I’m not sorry we had the wedding: getting married to the man I love more than anything in front of all our family and friends was the best day of my life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. (Not sorry that we spent a good bit on the honeymoon, either, that was the best vacation I’ve ever had…)
I had the same issue! The Beard was secretly saving up a downpayment for a house while I was wondering why I had to keep asking him to borrow a fiver here and there. Turns out I was paying for everything wedding related — with the understanding that we’d merge our accounts once married. Once we realized this, however, he started writing checks for nuptial schwag to lighten my load.
Miss Kiwi, this is why everyone loves you! You share of yourself the things that we are all thinking but not necessarily saying — money! family! divorce! stress! weight!
A wedding full of warmth, love, and thoughtful hospitality is a wonderful event to behold and experience, no matter the budget!
Attn WB: Please, let’s get that classifieds project underway, so we newlyweds can better sell, swap, and give away stuff to those who can use it, and help save some new brides-to-be some CASH!
(P.S. I’ll have to disagree w/ sherry t. Not sure how a photo would enhance this entry… maybe a pie chart of expenses??? This one falls under the “feelings” and perhaps “great columnist” category.)
THanks for the great post. As for officiant, one way to save money is to have a friend get ordained on the internet. (universal church). MY friend did that, and was able to save the whole officiant fee for another friend. But note that not all state recognize it, but CALIFORNIA does.
Classifieds? Great idea–I’ve got a bunch of leftovers from my wedding that I wouldn’t bother to sell, but could be useful to another bride. However I do need to put the “Here Comes the Bride” banner up on eBay. Never used, my husband forgot it at our apartment. I only bought it with the idea that I’d sell it afterward, otherwise I felt too guilty spending the money!
Sorry for another post, but I was warned by a lawyer friend NOT to have a person ordained to conduct the marriage. Maybe it’s OK in California, but in other states apparently there have actually been court cases (for wills, divorces, etc.) where the validity of the marriage itself was challenged due to it being conducted by an officiant ordained for the occasion. Scary thought. I wonder if our marriage is “extra” official considering we paid our rabbi $750? (Yes, I know, it was a lot, but we liked him and had a hard time finding an available rabbi who would come to us and do an inter-faith wedding.)
Great post. I know that sometimes I feel an overwhelming guilt when I think of how much we’re spending on our wedding and other times I know that if we don’t have it, both my fiance and I would be disappointed. It’s hard to feel conflicted a lot of the time.
ok one you don’t need pictures. Two, I feel you pain about spending all your money. and Three, THANK YOU.
I know the feeling how you feel like you not saving but you really are spending as the time goes by. The closer it gets the more I realize the big ticket items I haven’t saved much for and that is a bit intimidating.
It’s rough in SoCal. I’m always feeling that I can barely survive much less pay for a wedding on what I make, and I lived in other parts of the country, I’d be well off. But at the end of the day I guess it’s worth it… still, its rough!
Thanks for being so candid about the competitive side of wedding planning. I had a “picture” of my wedding and started in on planning that. Then I went to a bridal fair…and all of a sudden I wanted bubbles and doves and runners and bows…because thats what was marketed to me as a “bride”. I wanted what everyone else had/has…and was too concerned with my wedding being compaired to everyone else’s wedding. It is a daily struggle to tame that beast!
Thank you for writing what you write about!
Pencils,
There are actually varying state statutes that you can find online regarding the suitability of the officiant. My state just asked for this:
“The license shall be directed to any judge, including judges of state and federal courts of record in this state, city recorder, magistrate, minister, or other person of any religious society or sect authorized by the rules of such society to perform the marriage ceremony”
As ordination by the ULC fulfils the ‘other person of any religious society authorized by the rules of such society’, then it worked for us. You can easily verify this with the county where you get your license.
Fizzy–Just because something seems to fulfill a description in law doesn’t mean it can’t be challenged in court. Pretty much anything can be challenged in court–they may not get anywhere, but the challenge is there, and can become a big, and expensive, pain in the ass.
iris - we do have a classifieds engine planned for the near future, but please understand that there are very few of us working behind the scenes, and it takes us some time to put out big new features like that.
posting listings in a beehive style could open us up to liability, so we need to build a big ol thing from scratch. 
Miss Kiwi, I like hearing about the realities of wedding planning and I think that’s one aspect that makes Wedding Bee so great. I come here for magic and reality.
Thank you for being so honest and generous in sharing your experiences.
I hear ya, my FI and I had a hard time reconciling the fact that we will be spending what essentially is a new car on our wedding. We discussed what our priorities were and listed our wedding expenses according to what we felt were “need to haves”, “love to haves”, and “nice to haves” and adjusted those budget items accordingly. At the end of it we were satisfied with our wedding budget. It’s still a new car but it’s at least been downsized from a full-size to a compact. We justify it in this manner: The per person cost of the wedding (currently at about $115 per head) would be the cost of dinner & drinks if we were to celebrate individually with each couple at a nice restaurant. But with the wedding, we get all the lovely memories captured and included.
Same thing for me. My fiance would rather save the money for something he can use (or live in!) rather than one day of our lives. But I think I would regret it if I didn’t have a relatively nice wedding.
Oh Miss Kiwi, I hear you on the costs of living, and having a wedding, in LALAland. Everything is super expensive. I’m in the beginning stages of planning myself and our budget is pretty much the cost of a brand new car. I’m hoping to stick to it, but coming from a large family makes it hard to cut out certain costs. But, you’re right, the memories of this day - which will only happen once - are going to last me a lifetime. So, we intend to spend our money, albeit wisely, celebrating a very special moment in our life together.
Thank you so much for this post! I have such a love/hate relationship with this site. I love being inspired by so many creative brides but I find myself incredibly insulted by people that consider $20,000 a cost cutting wedding. Posts like this give me hope and keep me coming back.
For those of you waiting for the classifieds to get started, you might try going to Indiebride and looking under Cutting Costs and Wedding Dress Alternatives. The brides there have started a swap and are selling dresses.
thanks for the post kiwi! i don’t need pictures because i like reading! anyway, a couple of friends are getting married around the same time i am and at first it made me really sad that i couldn’t have a full fancy meal with 400 guests and this and that. then i thought…wait a minute. i’m dang lucky and happy to actually be marrying who i am marrying. we also don’t have unlimited budgets like you and it’s not going to be a fancy affair by any means, but it’s going to be OUR DAY and nobody can make that better or more special…much less things we can’t afford. Thanks again!!
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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