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squirt: customary for bm to pay for own gown, but i’m actually planning on paying for their dresses as part of their gift.
MissCJ, i’m having both mom and dad walk me down the aisle too. they’re both “giving me away”!
dre: i’m sorry to say, but you’ll probably have to make 15 somewhat uncomfortable phone calls. if they’re relatives, maybe your parents or parents in law can help you make those dreaded calls? and your fiance too.
good luck!
I am also considering the Seal-n-Send invites - so I would appreciate the feedback as well! 
MissCJ, it’s not unusual at all! Both of my parents are walking me down the aisle. In Jewish weddings, the bride’s parents walk her down the aisle, and the groom’s parents walk him down the aisle as well!
Squirt, I think bridesmaids expect to pay for their own dress but it’s a lovely gesture for the bride to pick up the tab or split the cost. Many brides do, if it’s in the budget.
GG, titanium is pretty easy to find. Bluenile.com actually has a decent selection: http://www.bluenile.com/product_catalog.asp?track=top_filter&metal_filter=titanium&catid=127&filter_id=0&nav1=band_channel.asp but you might be able to find more interesting rings elsewhere. Most independent jewelers in our town have been willing to help us track down titanium rings, and they’re much more affordable than gold or platinum.
istockphoto.com is a great place to look for any design elements you need at a low price– some are free. They have a plethora of flourishes and vintage accents. I have found tons of great stuff on here.
I would also recommend weddingpaperdivas.com for invitations, they have some great stuff. One other suggestion I have is the Martha Stewart Craft collection they now carry at Michaels. OMG she has some adorable diy invitations that I think are perfect for bridesmaid luncheons, etc.
Question(s) for the BeeHive–
When do brides typically give their BMs their gifts? In this case it will be a necklace (to wear on the wedding day) and a little something extra. I won’t see all of my BMs together again until the week of my wedding (mid August). My BMs and I are going to get manis/pedis the day before the wedding - would this also be a good time for a BM luncheon??
squirt - like aoedorothee said, it’s customary for the bridesmaid to pay. but some brides pay for all or some of the cost as a kind gesture. my bridesmaid dresses were hand-made, and i paid for all the materials, while my bridesmaids each paid for the tailoring cost ($50).
GG - my husband has a titanium ring. one reason he liked it is that it doesn’t have the shiny look that gold has. the other reason is that it’s much less expensive. his was just over $100 at our jeweler, but we found similar styles online for half that price. we went with our jeweler because of the warranty and because we just like their business. one drawback they mentioned: if for some reason the ring has to be removed in an emergency, the titanium has to be cracked off the finger and it cannot be remolded together the way gold can. thus, you have to get a brand new ring. we weren’t too concerned about that, but it may be a big deal if you put sentimental value on it.
dre - While it’s nice of you to be tactful, it is they who have been un-tactful (is that a word?) by inviting guests themselves to your wedding. Yes - those will be 15 uncomfortable conversations. I’d go for something like:
“Oh dear! There must have been some miscommunication. We’re actually fairly limited with the number of people we can seat at our venue and I’m afraid we only have room for just you! I’m so sorry!”
GG, I almost forgot. For an alternative and earthy look, check out “mokume” rings, which are blends of two metals swirled around to look like wood grain patterns. http://www.mokume.com/ has some but there are tons out there, and you can get them in interesting metals.
MissCJ - I’ve been to weddings where both parents walked the bride down the aisle. And it didn’t seem odd at all!
This question got me thinking…My dad passed when I was younger, and I would love to have my mom walk me down the aisle. But haven’t seen anyone else do it before. What does the beehive think?
GG: My FI picked out a tungsten ring. They are light weight, will look the same for the next 100 years w/o scratiching, and were fairly reasonable. My father and brother also picked the metal for their wedding bands last year. We got ours at Ben Bridge–they had a GREAT selection.
GG- I would stay away from Titanium. It is really strong and if you ever needed to “cut” the ring off, it couldn’t be done. If your hubby to be works with his hands, that could be really dangerous.
GG: Make sure to check out the pros/cons of “alternative” metals. Our jewler told us that those cool, wood grain-sih “Mokume” rings wear down and actually get shap edges over the course of time. Also, I’m not sure which metal does this, but some can’t be cut. If your FI is ever in an accident and his ring is stuck, there’s a chance he’d have to loose the finger rather than ditch the ring. Yuk.
Nancy,
YES! Let your mom walk you down the aisle, I have seen it a couple times and it is very touching. If she is the person that raised you and is ‘giving you away’ go for it.
GG: my fiance picked out a tungsten carbide ring, and he’s really pleased with it. he’s an electrician, and the saleslady said that tungsten doesn’t conduct electricity. he’s not taking any chances, but it’s an interesting tidbit. one perk of that style is the smooth, rounded inside edge–since most men aren’t used to wearing rings, other bands can rub them uncomfortably, and no one likes a cranky husband! hope that helps!
bobbi: believe it or not, you can find some really cute cards and invites at target. this answer expected from me, of course. for scrolls etc., try looking up some ornamental fonts online and using parts of those — some are made up completely of pretty flourishes and swashes. good luck!
squirt: i don’t think it is customary, nor is it expected, for the bride to pay for the dresses. however, i do think it is a very nice gesture that is greatly appreciated, if you can afford to do it. if you can’t, the dress choice should take into account the individual financial situations of the girls. i know some take the “it’s my wedding, so i’ll do what i want to” approach with this, but i think a gracious bride is one that is considerate of others, esp. those who are presumably her best friends. for me, having six bridesmaids, i chose to pay for the fabric/patterns/notions for their dresses and help them find seamstresses to make their outfits (which were all different; i wouldn’t recommend this way if you want them to be all the same). they turned out great and i was glad to know that each one only paid anywhere from $50-90 for their dresses, an amount close to what they might have paid for alterations to a ready-made dress.
GG: i know http://www.e-weddingbands.com/ has many alternative metal options. we didn’t buy from them but i did inquire at one time — the owners are friendly and respond very quickly; overall they seem very reliable.
MissCJ: nope! i’ve seen this done and i think it’s very sweet. just make sure the aisle is large enough for the three of you to fit comfortably so you don’t look squished.
dre: in this situation, i back an email or letter that said something to the effect of — “thank you so much for RSVPing, we can’t wait to see you… blablabla. however, our venue has very limited space and we regret that we cannot accommodate guests whose names were not written specifically on the invitation. thanks for your understanding, and we’re looking forward to celebrating with you.” something like that. i guess you could also say something similar over the phone if needed. hope to help!
Sara: i think these are fine, if done well… a regular invite can be made to look tacky and a seal-and-send could be very elegant, depending on how they are designed. look around for sophisticated ones; i’m sure there must be some out there.
Nancy: one of my friends whose dad passed away had her mom walk her down the aisle. i think pretty much the whole congregation was touched to the point of tears. it was beautiful and meaningful… do it!
I have a mokume ring and it does just fine…if you have a jeweler who is trained in the art of mokume it won’t fade or go away. If it is true mokume, it should never fade away or get sharp edges.
GG - my fiance is getting titanium and the theory that people can’t cut the ring off in an accident is actually pretty much a myth. My jeweler showed me the cutter that he uses to cut titanium all the time and it’s a standard jewelry cutter, something that every hospital would have. If you’re still anxious about that fact, inquire at your local hospital or jewelers. Many jewelers discourage people from buying titanium because it’s just not as expensive for them to sell (they’ll tell you it’s too much of a fad, your husband could loose a finger, it will wear down, etc).
GG–my husband wanted a platinum ring to match mine, but thought titanium was cool. He also believes in the Jewish idea that a wedding band should be made of precious metal, so he ended up with a platinum ring with a titanium inlay. Somehow, the two-tone look is very masculine, and it was quite a bit cheaper than the all-platinum version, especially for a guy with big hands. And the two-tone look will last forever, unlike applied finishes. It came from e-weddingbands.com, who were great, I recommend them.
MissCJ–both my parents walked me down the aisle. I would have done it even if we didn’t have a Jewish ceremony. I wanted to honor my mom as well as my dad, they both raised me, after all! And my mom was *really* touched when I asked her. I love the photographs, I don’t have anything else like that of me and my parents.
squirt: it’s usually customary for the bms to outfit themselves in North American/Western culture, though in some cultures, like chinese, it’s more often paid for by the host (couple/their parents).
MissCJ: both parents is the norm in Jewish ceremonies, and with changing times more and more people outside judaism are opting to do this.
Dre: just say something along the lines of “Dear [thoughtless friend/social boor], while we are delighted that you are able to accept our invitation, we’re maxed out in terms of space so unfortunately, we won’t be able to accommodate your [friend/SO/golf buddy/personal trainer]. Thanks so much for understanding!”
GG: FI has purchased a palladium ring and he LOVES it. our jeweler told us that it’s it’s closely related to platinum and has no nickle (so good for folks with sensitive skin). also, it’s light. platinum was way too heavy in a men’s size ring. plus it was more affordable, priced around the same as white gold.
dre: if you don’t want to call, a letter or email is FINE. Just keep it breezy, and apologize for any miscommunication.
Squirt - I have been a bridesmaid in three weddings and a Maid of Honor in my sisters wedding… I’ve bought my own (sometimes awful) dress every time. I’ve never heard of the bride being responsible for buying the BM dresses.
Dre-You need to call each guest directly (or if the guests were on your parents list or his parents list, make them do it) to tell them that they misunderstood the invite was for them only. If your invites said +1 than there is no tactful way to uninvite their +1
QUESTION~ For our first dance, we want to have our parents and grandparents dance at the same time as us. Does anyone have any appropriate song suggestions?
GG - My FI just bought a 7mm tungtsen carbide ring from Steven Singer Jeweler’s in Phl - $250 for a sharp ring that will look the same in 50 years.
Titanium was extremely light - too light.
squirt - i don’t think it’s customary for american brides to pay for their wedding parties dresses…although i think it is a chinese custom. i was told it’s b/c since they’re helping us, we as brides have to show our appreciation. so…i went with that and consider it part of their thank you gift. i’ have something small for their thank you gift.
dre- not that this will help with your dillema; but that was what i tried to avoid. so i actually told those guests that i had to compromise with my fiance about inviting friends and was limited in our budget…so hope they wouldn’t be offended since i’m only inviting them and not a guest. i think all of these people understood and agreed that i couldn’t afford to invite everybody and a guest.
GG - my fiance has a titanium engagement ring (he’s untraditional and wanted a ring, too - haha) and he loves it so much - lightweight and sturdier/stronger than gold that his wedding band will also be titanium, too - he bought his wedding band at http://www.tirings.com - since my wedding band is sapphires, he got the blue titanium ring to match mine.
Two-fold Beehive Question:
When I married the first time, my father joyfully walked me down the aisle and he and my mother “gave” me away. Unfortunately my father passed away a few years ago (and never got to know that his daughter met her Prince Charming!). My FI and I are planning a smallish outdoor ceremony and reception for 50 ppl.
a) My mother has offered to walk me down the aisle (she and I are very close). While I haven’t ruled that out, I am considering walking 1/2 way down the aisle myself to my waiting FI. Then FI and I walk the remaining aisle together - has anyone seen this done?
b) The FI and I also aren’t sure what to do for the traditional father/daughter dance. I’d feel bad to deny his mom her mother/son moment. I don’t feel the urge to ask any of my Uncle’s or my brother-in-law to stand in for my father (I had a father - he can’t be replaced). My mom and I aren’t keen on the idea of dancing with each other.
Any suggestions?
Many thanks in advance and Happy Fourth of July.
Christine–it’s your wedding. Do whatever you want! It’s very freeing when you realize you don’t have to stick to tradition. That said, if your mother wants to walk you down the aisle, let her do it. As I said above, my mom loved walking me down the aisle along with my dad. And as far as the dance is concerned–if your FI wants to dance with his mom, then they should. Why do you have to dance with someone also? Just don’t do anything. Your guests know that your father has passed, they won’t expect anything.
GG - I have a blog entry about my husband’s awesome ring and a company that was so accomodating they custom made his ring and he is so pleased with it. He’s received some great complements. All in all in depends on how crazy he wants to get but keep in mind that tungsten is very strong and *knock on wood* if his finger happens to swell up how to “break” it off. It’s crazy stuff. My blog entry http://jennypah.blogspot.com/2007/03/nicks-wedding-band-take-two.html
and the awesome company http://www.tungstenworld.com
Squirt - I have always thought that the BM’s pay for their own dress and I am going to two other weddings this summer where I know that this is the case. I paid for my BM’s dress simply because I wanted to, I only had 1 BM and therefore could afford to and because we bought it off the rack for $50 and she didn’t even need any alterations! We just got lucky I guess.
GG - Mr. Pumpkin bought a tungston ring for his wedding band because he works with his hands (farmer) and this ring will last him much longer than a gold one would. While I was worried about being unable to cut it off if need be Mr. Pumpkin loves the idea that if he hits it with a hammer or is banging around in the shop it won’t get scratched. It was also very affordable and since he may end up deciding that he doesn’t want to wear a ring after all (he’s not really a ring kind of guy) it made much more sense to only spend $250 rather than $1000.
MissCJ - I am not Jewish and I had both parents walk me down the aisle. They both raised me so I thought that they should both be there for that moment. Mr. Pumpkin also walked down the aisle with both of his parents. I will be posting some pictures of our ceremony soon so you can check it out and see if you think it might work for you!
Christine - in response to your b) question - there is no reason at all why your FI and Mom couldn’t dance with no father daughter dance at all. I have seen many a wedding where there is only a father/daughter dance and no son/mom dance so why couldn’t the opposite be done? We did not have a father/daughter dance at all at my wedding, just the first dance and then on with the party. I think that you can do whatever makes you comfortable!
question: i would love to know everyone’s wedding date!
Thanks Weddingbees! Haha - now I’m going to send my fiance to the beehive to read your posts.
Squirt - like many people said above, I don’t think you are responsible for buying your BM dresses but it might be a nice gesture. I bought my BM dresses because I knew that they would have to spend a lot of money on their flights to where I’m getting married. I also felt less bad about telling them what colour/style to wear. The dresses were relatively inexpensive though, so it wasn’t a huge financial burden.
GG - my husband has a Tungsten ring and loves it. It looks really spiffy and won’t ever scratch like gold will. He started a trend - after he got his ring, some of our friends choose Tungsten for their rings too! Also, I agree with thistlethorn - it is a myth that these rings can’t be removed. I’ve discusssed this with a doctor and it can be done.
GG-
I would recommend http://www.titaniumera.com, they have a pretty wide selection and engrave the rings for free! Thats where we’ll likely get our rings from since we were never going for gold rings…
I dont agree with Jennifer-I would say the odds of having to cut a ring are slim and would be a serious OUCH !!moment regardless of the metal, so its not peculiar to titanium…
You can read up the FAQ on the titaniumera site…goodluck
GG-
I would recommend http://www.titaniumera.com, they have a pretty wide selection and engrave the rings for free! Thats where we’ll likely get our rings from since we were never going for gold rings…
I dont agree with JenniferB-I would say the odds of having to cut a ring are slim and would be a serious OUCH !!moment regardless of the metal, so its not peculiar to titanium…
You can read up the FAQ on the titaniumera site…goodluck
Is it customary to provide dinner for your photographers, musicians or other vendors? If so, do I add them to the regular headcount or give a separate vendor meal headcount to the venue? I guess I’m wondering first if this is customary/expected and second if I need to budget them in at the same meal cost as my guests or if a more basic meal is appropriate.
Goodness gracious. Don’t believe everything you hear! Tungsten is a very good conductor of electricity (lightbulbs, anyone?). Titanium can be cut off a finger and can be remolded. All metals can be melted and remolded, but they have to be properly annealed so they won’t crack along the same place. Aircraft-grade titanium IS nearly impossible to cut off a finger but it is unlikely that your jeweler is using that kind. Gold, Platinum, Palladium, Iridium: all are noble metals. Out of those, Palladium and Iridium are the hardest (not as hard as titanium, no metal is), Gold is the softest. Sorry for the metallurgy lesson - don’t believe everything salespeople tell you!
Hi,
My wedding dress is strapless, and I unfortunately got a horrible tank top tan line a couple weeks ago. My wedding is 50 days away and would like suggestions as to the easiest way to get rid of it. Should I just try tanning with a strapless top? I do not want to go to a tanning salon.
Nancy
[...] AmandaB would like to know what brides traditionally give their BMs as gifts. She’s giving hers a necklace (for the wedding day), and a little something extra. They’re also going to get manicures/pedicures the day before the wedding; would this be a good time for a BM luncheon? [...]
Jenny,
Look up Event Plus. They have Korean MC and you have a choice to have 2 MCs 1 american and 2nd in Korean.
4520 Wilshire Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90010
(323) 939-7587
Christine,
I’m doing something similar: first my fiance is going to walk with both his parents, then I’m going to walk with my parents half way and then wait for him (my parents leave and sit) to come and then we’ll walk the rest together. We thought it was a god way to include all parents (I don’t believe in the dad “giving away” his daughter thing) but at the end it will be the 2 of us who get there together
GG,
do consider the chance of having to cut the ring. A few years ago I was bitten by a bee on my finger and in matter of minutes it was so swallen that I got very worried about the ring I was wearing cutting my circulation. I had to go and get it cut. Fortunately this was no engagement/wedding ring, it was a silver ring that my boyfriend at the time had given me. But odd as it sounds, it does happen. And who would like to loose a finger over that?
We choose our tungsten rings over the traditional gold or white gold. Due to the great selection and affordability. This company gives some really good insight on titanium rings and so forth. They even have a re size for life program! http://www.titanium-jewelry.com/
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Feature Launched: Aug 31, 2006
About: A forum for readers to post questions and get feedback from the hive, aka the weddingbee community.
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