I’m not tattooed all over my body and hanging myself from hooks, but I’ve got a little bit of color on my skin and a whole lot of mini holes. I’ve managed to keep the worst of it a secret from my family, mostly thanks to their own denial that they have a freakish daughter, and partially out of my paranoia that my EXTREMELY conservative family would flip out.
I’m now having a few problems with this side of my life in regards to the wedding:
1. I managed to hide my.. er.. body piercings from my mother when I was trying on gowns for the first time. There was a point where she peeked in and I had to scramble to cover them, but I think in combination with her denial, the complete lack of knowledge that you can pierce/tattoo parts like that, and the quickness of the coverage, they didn’t register. So, now at the fittings and at the actual wedding, how will I cover it? I can’t wear a bra because my gown is backless, in fact, I can’t wear much of anything when I’m crawling into the dress… is it better to tell them now in warning, or forego that moment when my mother is helping me get into a dress and grab the dress and run into the bathroom to put it on?
2. I have gigantic ear holes from when I stretched out my lobes.
See that hole? MASSIVE. Do I ignore it and use the second hole? Order something custom made to fit? I certainly don’t want to close it because it hurt a ridiculous amount to get it that large and I like them, but I’m lost as to what to do about them.
3. I don’t want to completely ignore this side of my life for the wedding. Since the engagement, I have grown my hair out naturally and let the brown just be… but prior to then, I had neon pink hair for years. Is there any way to merge the alternative crazy Miss Gummi Bear with the vintage-loving, home maker, totally normal looking Miss Gummi Bear? My friend and stylist, says he wants to slice and dye my hair between the wedding and the ceremony. I’d do it if I thought it was possible, but I don’t know anywhere you can get a portable sink for bleaching and dying!
Anyone else a freak like me and have more creative ways of dealing with these issues?
Can you get ear plugs that are solid? My finace has some that are made of some fossilized material and they just look like studs, not plugs. You wouldn’t be able to tell unless you asked or he took them out. Also, are you having cups sown into your dress? Your piercings may show through without a little padding.
My belly button ring will stay in until I get pregnant. I got it when I was 18 and I don’t think there’s anyone in my family that doesn’t know I have it (this past weekend, my FIL’s saw it for the first time, I think. Anyway, it’s not like my navel will be showing so I’m not that worried.)
As for my industrial (which is less than a year old, gotten right after FSIL’s wedding last year) I am going to take it out for the ceremony and probably put it back in for the reception. It should be completely healed by then, but I will look into retainers for the holes since I know those holes can close up easily.
Still not completely sure if I will wear anything in my second set, but if I do then it will just be little diamond studs.
I would say what you do should depend on the tone you want to set for your day. Since the ceremony traditionally holds more symbolic meaning, forgo the exotic jewelry for the more tasteful accessories. But when it comes time to let loose and party wild style, just be you. That’s not to say you couldn’t get very nice custom plugs - the holes will be there either way, won’t they? Might as well fill them with something because the empty will look worse than the coordinated filling.
As for your hair, be very careful about changing it between events. You don’t want people to get the wrong impression that your hair is the way it is only because of them or that it was an imposition for you and a burden you couldn’t bear a second longer. If you don’t like it, don’t do it to begin with. You’ll hate yourself less looking back on your day and seeing neon pink hair than you will looking back and seeing hair that was only yours for x months and only for this one day (making it more about the wedding than the marriage of who the two of you are.)
Is your photographer male? If so, you can dodge into the bathroom long enough to pull the dress around your torso. Mom can still help zip, tie, button and snap without exposing you to near strangers and a room full of onlookers. If you’re at all modest, run with it. Otherwise, perhaps Band Aids could work with the reasoning that you don’t want a renegade air conditioner wreaking havoc on your bridal body. Then you could find a private moment to remove them and no one would be any wiser 
My suggestion would be to merge things with subtlety– take something that is going to be familiar to your conservative family or families and then add a touch of your own sass or spunk (subtle incorporation of pink highlighted tips in your hair rather than a whole neon head)– or with your stretched lobes, consider wearing something very classic looking like pearls. If your family is very conservative, they may still find some of the touches a bit odd, but it won’t be so overwhelming and it will make them more comfortable.
Obviously, you won’t be able to entirely hide or play down body mods too easily, but if you don’t want to make them the issue, maybe consider something like wearing sassy little bridal pasties (or..you get my drift, depending on what you need to hide) that seems a bit more demure and playful and less intimidating.
there’s this backless bra that’s called nubra. http://www.nubra.com. don’t know if you need any extra padding, clevage, or lift, but this will sure cover your chest up without a bra.
Here’s a thicker earring and back tattoo on display:
I have my rook pierced too!!!
Anywhooo… I say that it’s part of who you are, and to leave them be, but I can understand why you would want to cover them up. I think if you have the piercings I think you have that you should get cups sewn into your gown or they may be obvious.
As for me, although I’m not engaged and I only have my belly button ring and rook (For now 
) I will not cover them up for just anyone. They are who I am, and if you don’t like it don’t look… lol Now, my BF’s grandparents do not know about the belly ring, and I’d like to keep it that way mainly because I respect them.. but come to think of it, they’ve seen me in a bikini so they’ve seen the ring… lol ]
I agree with Amnesia that you should merge your looks and I think pink tips to your hair would be awesome and not too over the top.
Please let us know what you decide.
some kind of bone plug might look quite nice in the larger holes… as for the piercings that mom hasn’t seen… can you bring a friend along to help “cover” for you (pun completely intended)?
Something like this:
You: slipping bra off
Friend: Mrs G.Bear, where did you and Mr Bear spend your first night together? (or something equally distracting)
I like Amnesia’s suggestion of doing pink streaks in your hair. aoedorothee’s nubra suggestion rocks (I might pick up one myself). And not sure about the large ear piercing but I say leave it in or plug it up with some bling. At the end of the day, you have to stay true to yourself.
I love the pink hair, btw.
they sell these things called low beams which basically cover your nipples very well, they are like a paste-y but look more like a band-aid those should allow you to hide the piercings…as for those ear holes..my cousin searched around for decorative plugs and couldn’t find any , so she decorated some herself and they were very cute..I think it will be more obvious if you use the second ear hole…
I don’t know how large your holes are but these might be an amazing option: they are very pretty but not too eye catching out there.
http://www.bodyartforms.com/productdetails.asp?ProductID=3152
They also have some other really neat ones with cz and stuff.
Heh, I so feel you on this. As far as I know, my parents aren’t aware of my tattoo (which I’ve had for 9 years). They’ll definitely know after we spend a week together at our beach destination!
I figured my mom would see it when I tried on the first dress mock-up and that would be that, but then she moved away and averted her eyes while I got undressed. Not sure how this one is going to happen…I’m a wuss. Watch them tell me they’ve known for years and laugh at me!
I definitely think you should get some beautiful plugs for the wedding day.
There are lots of tattoo cover-up kits you can buy to temporarily hide your tattoos if you want. As for piercings, you can always get those paste on things that a few ppl. have recommended above.
Hey! We’ve gone through some of that kind of stuff with my fiance who has tattoos and a facial piercing that his family doesn’t know about and I spent many of my high school days looking punked out (I spent my senior year with red and then black dyed hair and briefly sported a nose ring). We decided the best thing to do was to be who we are in real life as opposed to adopting strange new wedding personalities.
Depending on where they are, you can alter your dress to tastefully showcase any tattoos, do some subtle colour streaking in your hair and look into having a custom piece made for your ear holes/hanging another set of smaller sparkly earrings through your hollowed out ear gauges.
Be who you are on your day. Those who love you will understand and appreciate your individuality.
I’m so glad you posted about this! I have an industrial, a rook and a 10mm punch in my upper ear. (Not all on the same ear!) I had a nose piercing, but I took it out after my engagement pictures and didn’t get it back in before the hole closed. I’ve been waffling back and forth about what to do about the ears and the nose.
The more I think about it, though, the more I want to keep everything in. I have a piece of amber for my punch that I need to get cut down to fit (it’s a little too big, since it’s saddled)…and that would go perfectly with my November wedding with it’s colors of brown, orange and chartreuse. Plus, I love the idea of juxtaposing my lovely lace gown against my steel piercings.
As for the nose, I’m going to get it repierced…mainly because this nice woman at my local French bakery actually asked me where it went, because she liked it so much. I can’t deny the woman who supplies my croissants!
So, be modest and hide the tats from your family, if you really feel you must. But I think you should show off those ears with pride…if you still like them, then they are representative of you. :0) That’s who your fiance loves, right?!
I got my 2g gaged earrings at bodyartforms.com
http://www.bodyartforms.com/productdetails.asp?ProductID=3095
And they have like every size, too. I really like M’s suggestion.
Just an option…
I love it - there’s noting offensive about your expressions of yourself, but some in particular might be distracting on your wedding day. The nubra isn’t a bad idea, but pasties may work just as well
*nothing*
a little flower or white rosette would be cute to fill in the holes
I think it’s important to remember how you’ll feel when you look at your pictures and if you felt like that was *you* in them. I don’t have piercings or tattoos, but I plan to wear my hair down because an updo, even a half-up, just isn’t me.
I’ve decided I want a tatoo but decided to wait until after my wedding to get it. Can you just wear your hair down? I dunno if that helps or not…
~ Oh and this is a side note… what game developer does your Fiance work for? Please tell me it’s blizzard… cuz that would be the most awesomest thing in the world!~! (I’m a huge gamer myself)
~Ash
I went through this not because of piercings, but because I didn’t feel like showing my rack off to the alterations woman. Just keep your bra on until the dress is on, then unhook it and take it off before you lace up/zip up, holding the front of the dress to your chest until it’s secure. They’ll think it’s a modesty thing–which it kind of is!!!!
I’m a boring one-hole-in-each-ear person myself, but I have to say that I freakin’ LOVE your pink hair. Gosh, I want pink hair SO bad. I wish I had been born with it. Wedding though, it’s your call.
look how fun shrinkle’s friend’s wedding looks with them all in their wacky hair and everything:
http://shrinkle.livejournal.com/107328.html#cutid1
thanks for posting about this!
those tattoo cover-up kits? blech, don’t bother. it’s too obvious that you’ve got a huge smatter of gunk on your tattoo(s).
i’ve been asked to cover-up my tattoos in the past for weddings, etc. but, my tattoos are a part of ME and are very personal and dear to me. i would assume you’d feel the same way? i’m very adamant about not covering them up and in the future if/when i get married, i plan to have all of them showing.
like you, i was afraid of what my parents would think of my tattoos and piercings, but surprisingly… they were very nonchalant about it. they weren’t pleased, but were ok b/c it’s my body, i’m an adult, and i didn’t do anything offensive/stupid.
you know your parents best, but really - tattoos/piercings shouldn’t be something that comes in b/t a daughter/parent relationship at this point. good luck!
Embrace who you are. Esp on such an important day. And remember that’s the person your Fiance fell in love with.
Keep your personality while having a wedding you’ll remember forever! Whether that means dying your hair pink but covering up the tattoos with a shrug, or showing every bit of your awesome personality by showing every peircing is up to you.
Also, check out the message boards on http://www.indiebride.com if you haven’t already. There are lots of creative ideas for merging so-called “freaky” ideas with a mainstream wedding.
Also, check out http://offbeatbride.com/. it makes me feel relatively normal and traditional (even though i’ve had neon pink hair also) when i see some of these crazy (and awesome) “offbeat” weddings.
The nubra is great, and since I can’t wear a bra with my dress, but need a little bit of uplift, that’s what I’m wearing on my day.
I also second the Offbeat bride recs (and you can email Ariel, the author, because I bet she has some really good suggestions on this issue), and the pink tips idea.
I myself am wearing the nose ring (though I might photoshop it out of the pics I give my grandparents, just because they hate it so much), but I’m replacing the ring with a small stud. I doubt it will even be noticeable.
I’ve been trying to get my hair to that pink! what kind of dye did you use? I’ve bleached my hair once but I might have to bleach it again to get it completely blonde or is the dye you used good enough to cover orangey/reddish brown hair?
btw I bought Manic Panic in Flaming but I’m not sure that’s the color I reallly want
omg - thanks everyone for the links! I’m so glad that there are so many other pierced and tattooed girls reading the blog, I’d hate to be the only weirdo.
tiffany - bleach it until it’s at least light yellow - then I used special effects dye. I forget which one, but it works better than manic panic in my opinion.
maybe i’ll put my facial jewelry in for some photos, just for fun.
I’m all boring and conservative now, but when I was in high school–lo those many years ago–I had a punk shaved haircut. I remember the photographer turning me so you mostly couldn’t see the shaved parts and saying something like, “you’re not going to want to see this in twenty years.” It’s now more than twenty years later, and I WISH you could see my cool haircut in my graduation photos.
My advice is–go with who you are. I believe in tailoring your look to your outfit–I don’t normally wear curls in my hair, but did for my wedding. So you might want to tone down the crazier, punkier look to go with the gown. However, you don’t want to look back at your photos in twenty years and wish you had been truer to who you were.
Good luck!
[...] “Body Modification” or “Issues of a Freak” by Miss Gummi Bear [...]
For your hair you could dye the inside layers of your hair pink so its peeking out a little bit or underneath for a more subtle way to show color or you can also buy glue on hair extensions in pink that you could put on before the reception. Also there are a lot of those stick on cutlets available now. I think Victoria’s Secret has some.
without reading through all 37 comments to see if I’m repeating an idea, I just saw some carved ivory earrings and thought of you:
(dunno if what the permissions are on this image)
http://pics.livejournal.com/annabelle_blue/pic/0004hgtf/s320×240
basically, they’re carved ivory ornaments for stretched earholes.
Okay about the lobes.
I am currently a bride to be with the same sort of issue. making these big lobes look elegant.
I currently have baught a pair of organic hanging style gauged earrings and love the look, they are very elegant and you can order them in a range of colours and styles.
My idea was to get a pair in white in a style that plays with the dress.
Also the hanging style made to fit stretched lobes is a great idea, i am currently trying to figure out how to get some, Though i do beleive with a bit of craftiness it wont be hard at all to accomplish, anyways ill send you a link to where i got my earings http://www.onetribe.nu Hope you like em!
Mrs. Gummi Bear, San Francisco
Age and Occupation: 25, Japanese Importer/Illustrator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Game Developer/Programmer
Engagement Date: April 15, 2006
Wedding Date: October 13, 2007
Blogging Since: June 19, 2007
Venue: Organic farm an hour from San Francisco
About Me: I live for anthropologie, design blogs, sweets, japanese zakka, and vintage goods. We just bought our first home together and live with our two puppies and cat - it's a strange mixture of vintage, high-tech (we have 7 computers and 21 video game systems in all), and a whole lot of fur. Our wedding tries to embody the Japanese idea of "slow life", which is truly taking the time to enjoy food, company, and your environment!
Maybe stick a big swarovski crystal on a pair of plugs?