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davis2b, i used silver foiled stickers with the initials of my husband’s last name. it wasn’t the cheapest option but the easiest.
bettina - i guess you can start hinting towards the shower/party duties. maybe say something that since they are both oot, that a relative wanted to help them plan the events with them. that would get them thinking about what to do. you can always use family as an excuse to get the ball rolling in situations like this [they were wanting to help, wondering when it is, etc.]
amandab - i always ship them ahead of time. it’s one less thing to worry about the day of and i believe etiquette favors that approach rather then bringing them to the wedding. i always figured you’d bring one to the wedding if it was a last minute kind of thing.
nance - that sounds confusing…are you planning on switching tables during the course of the night? i think another bride [maybe in the knottie bios] had one large table for their bridal party and their sos so maybe that could be an option? my best friend is having a sweetheart table with the bridal party’s table next to them so we could sit with our sos… if you can bear not sitting with your party that could be another option.
perfect day - i don’t think there is a monetary amount. just send a note and a gift that you would have gotten had you been there and that should be fine.
AmandaB: It’s much nicer to ship a wedding gift to the couple’s home, so they don’t have to pack it up and lug it home themselves after the wedding. This is especially important if the wedding is OOT for them. It’s also considerate to avoid delivery when they are away on their honeymoon.
nance, I will be doing the same. No long head table for us. After being a lonely date myself, I think that seating bridal party with their dates is the way to go. Plus, with rounds you can actually talk to people!!
AmandaB: If the guest is from out of state or a stickler for etiquette they normally ship it. But if they are less into the rules (like many are in today world) they bring the gift to the wedding.
Thanks for the feedback —
I did ship my friends’ gift to them at home as the wedding is OOT for them, but when I told another friend I did this, she was surprised to hear I wasn’t bringing it to the wedding - I had the same thought as everyone that has responded so far (not to mention, our wedding will be OOT for us as well next month, and I’m crossing my fingers people will do the same for us so we don’t have to leave gifts at my parents’ house).
bettina - if you want a bridal shower/bachelorette party, i suggest you gently inform them of that. you can always use a family member as an excuse to broach the subject. something like, “my mom wanted to help plan the bridal shower since you both are oot” or “my cousin was wondering when the bachelorette party would be” and so forth. that’ll help them get on the ball.
amandab - i’d ship it ahead. i think that’s what etiquette calls for too. it’s better to send it ahead instead of lugging it to the wedding. plus it’ll be a lot easier for the couple as well.
nance - that sounds confusing. are you planning on switching tables during the course of the dinner? i believe another bride [on a knottie bio somewhere] have one long table for their bridal party so they could sit with them. that’s one option. another is, if you can stand to be apart, my best friend resolved that issue by have a sweetheart table with the bridal party’s table [so we can sit with our sos] nearby.
perfect day - there’s no set limit. just spend what you normally would have spent had you been going and include a nice note.
Bride2besoon: I got mine at Michaels. using a 40% off coupon I paid about $2 for a 3×6 cream colored one.
Bettina - I almost had the same issue with my MOH but luckily she emailed me and asked what her duties were — I responded that I wasn’t quite sure either (even though I did know - I didn’t want her to feel bad), sent her the below link which really spells it all out, and then called her to discuss the items.
http://www.bridesmaid101.com/maid_of_honor_duties.html
ml - I do believe bridesmaids are supposed to be unmarried but nowadays, who cares? My MOH is a single mom…
AmandaB - I usually bring the gift unless 1) The wedding is in another city different from where the couple lives (ie more than 2 hours drive) or 2) My gift is HUGE size wise.
jules - i would be honest and upfront with everyone in your bridal party…you’d love to have them at both showers and be clear about the fact that one gift is more than generous (and all that will be accepted). i have found that clear communication works best most of the time!
bettina - do you have an older family member that can host the shower or contact your moh and bm on your behalf? offer to be a part of the planning, if you’re okay with that.
Our Special Day - i tend to send a gift if i can’t attend the wedding (and generally spend what i would have if i were planning to attend).
nance - like pp’s have said…i plan to have a sweatheart table between the two tables of bridal party members (and their guests/so’s).
Please, please, please ship gifts (or drop them off at the house if you are local). It’s not because of etiquette or anything, its what is convenient for the bride and groom, one of whom you supposedly like. 
I learned this at my friend’s wedding where the bride and groom had to make multiple not-short trips back and forth with their parent’s van after the reception to get all the gifts home. Not really what they wanted to be doing right then (not that they complained, of course)
And yes, I was guilty of bringing a gift to that wedding. 
My save the date and invitation envelopes are dark brown metallic. I’m looking for a pen that will show up– maybe white? Any suggestions would be appreciated!
red -
i have several friends who have been ordained through this website:
http://www.ulc.net/index.php?page=ordain
it’s super quick and easy, and i think it’s still free!
mk, I also had dark brown metallic envelopes and used a gold pen. I recommend the fine tip ones they sell at Papyrus!
CS - We had that problem with our shower… We could only fit half the gifts in our car to bring home with us (7 hours away). We thought we’d have to make another trip, but my friend picked up most of what was left from my parents’ and brought it when she came to visit! Still have a few things left though…
We did bring a gift to FI’s cousin’s wedding, because it was heavy and would have cost a lot to ship — but also because they lived in the town they were getting married in, so it wasn’t going to be an inconvenience for them.
I’m hoping my friend’s gift shows up in the next couple days so they can use it for their wedding/honeymoon (a big suitcase!!)
Thanks flipflopgirl…. Great site tip!!!
ml - I think your bridesmaids should be the people closest to you whom you’d like standing beside you on your wedding day. Married, unmarried, female or male! I say anything goes these days. Several of my bridesmaids are married, but they are important to me, so I don’t care if bridesmaids are “supposed” to be single (although I’ve never really heard that rule…. come to think of it most weddings I have been to have had married bridesmaids in them). I have also seen girls have bridesMEN or a MAN of honor — brothers or close male friends who stand on their side (but not in a dress ;-). Do what works for you!
augustbride —Just Pretty on 3 Allen Street has streamstresses on site that i know works pretty fast.
jana- i live in atl too; if you’re looking for a beach getaway i love destin in the FL panhandle (white powder beaches) & i also like beaufort, sc (i would HIGHLY recommend staying at the rhett house inn b&b if you go there- it’s the best, most romantic one i’ve ever stayed at). if you’re more into the mountains you could rent a cabin in the n GA mountains or even up in the smokies in NC. hope some of this helps! good luck!
special day- i think the general idea is to give a gift of in the neighborhood of how much your setting would be at the reception (if that made sense)- at least that is what my parents always told me; but that will change depending on where in the country you are and what you decide to give would naturally also be dependent on how close you are to the couple
AmandaB,
that reminds me of another friend’s wedding where we took gifts back from an OOT wedding (the bride and groom were going straight on their honeymoon, wedding was in their college hometown…not near any parents/relatives or where they themselves lived)
Unfortunately, one of the boxed and bagged “gifts” was actually the top layer of their cake! Not knowing, we left all the packages in the car till they got back two weeks later and we dropped them off.
It was pretty gross at that point.
jana, I was just in your neck of the woods over the weekend and there is so much near you. the mountains north of ATL have a lot of cabin rentals, b&b’s, and hotels.
also, like the previous person suggested… beaufort, SC… even Savannah, Tybee Island or Jekyll Island
Thanks for the suggestions, everyone! I’m not sure I like the sweetheart table because it seems isolating, so I think I’ll stick to my original plan. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Red: It depends on which county you’re in but in Alameda county, you do not need to get someone ordained to officiate. They can be deputized for a day to do this service. Go to the county clerk recorder’s office for details. The stuff for Alameda is online. You just write up a letter, and they call your friend to set up an appointment. Easy peasy.
Bettina: My best man (in lieu of a MOH) was from out of town too, and I don’t think it’s fair to ask someone to throw you a party, regardless of circumstances. Being a guy in his 20s, he had no idea he was supposed to be in charge of a shower. However, I was very lucky that my aunt and dad’s cousin hosted a shower for me, and my DH’s aunt threw a gift card shower for me so I could meet all the family members who couldn’t come to the wedding. People love showers, and if a friend or family member gets wind that there isn’t one in the works, someone may take it upon themselves to throw one. Even if no one does, it’s not the worst thing in the world. Same goes for bachelor/bachelorette parties.
bettina, if they’re out of towners, you probably can’t expect them to throw you a shower even if they have wedding experience. I’d feel uncomfortable dropping hints about showers, but less so about a bachelorette. In my case, out of town MOH, no other ‘maids, some other very dear friends stepped in for the shower, though I’d originally figured nobody would.
Our Special Day: base it on what you can afford and the closeless of the relationship. if you’re really not close at all, you might forgo giving a gift altogether, but if you are, let how you feel dictate what you spend.
AmandaB: traditionally, the etiquette guides have advised sending it to the couple’s/the parents’ home so the gifts won’t have to be dealt with at the end of the wedding.
davis2b: the stamps I bought (canadian) came with matching seals. the design on both were lilacs.
I had posted this question in the comment section in the last beehive but it wasn’t shown:
QUESTION: I’m doing my own invitations and all my other paper stuff. I wanted to know how you know if you have a ‘good’ quality printer?? I’ll be using the paper source cardstock and other heavy type cardstock..and wasn’t sure which printers would print well and I would be able to feed the cardstock through. THANKS!!!
Question: Do brides wear pantyhose nowadays? I have a silk charmeuse dress that is as light as can be (and shows every single line) with a slit that goes up to mid-thigh, and I’m wearing peep-toe shoes. We’re having a summer wedding in the City, which means it will be super hot. Propriety dictates that a woman should wear hose for a formal occasion where her legs will be showing, but is it necessary? Or recommended? I am also worried that the pantyhose lines will show through the fabric of the dress (seriously, the silk is as light as it can get before it gets scandalous).
jana: I would also suggest Savannah. It has a great old southern feel with awesome architecture and fun shops. Charleston, SC is also great for this. If you are looking for mountains, Western NC is amazing. Asheville is SO much fun and quirky. You won’t be bored!
Jana, thirded on Savannah and Charleston. My bf and I were in Atlanta for college, and did mini getaways to both. We had a great time. They both have lots of cute b&Bs (though we stayed in regular hotel chains) and an old-world romantic feel. We also drove down to Jacksonville for a week and really enjoyed it. You could do a few days in Jville/St. Petersburg with a few days in Savannah on the way there or back.
we’re thinking about having both a lion dance and a slideshow during the reception…do you think that’s overkill? it’s only 5 hours including cocktail hour.
I got my shoes dyed a gorgeous teal. They have a rhinestone buckle that was crooked when they were dyed, so underneath it wasn’t colored. I straightened the buckle and like an idiot took a wet Q-tip to bleed the color and color the uncolored part that was under the buckle. I ruined my shoes! I’m devestated…is there anything I can do to get rid of (or mask) the dark water stain on the toe of my shoe?
Jana- yay! another Atlanta bride! I also would recommend Savannah! It’s about 4 hour easy drive from Atlanta. So many cute shops, restaurants (don’t miss Paula Dean’s restaurant, amazing! must be there in the morning to get a reservation though), ghost tours are fun, and filled with history if that’s your thing.
If you’re feeling a bit more beachy, Hilton Head is about an hour and a half east of Savannah. Lots of lounging on the beach in a low-key atmosphere (Harbor Town is wonderful in the evenings!). If you’re going to Hilton Head I would recommend a condo near Folly Field beach (quieter, nicer accomodations, less kiddies). Georgia coast is also very nice (I prefer Hilton Head myself) and about 4-5 hours drive away.
Nancy–
The sweetheart table does sound isolating, but the bride and groom hardly sit down the whole night anyway, as they are typically greeting and talking with guests anyway. Another alternative to the head table is to have each BM/GM and their date ‘host’ a table around the room.
bride2besoon: i got a TON at ikea for ~$3 each. michaels is good too. i find most online stores arent worth it becuz of shipping. gl.
I am looking for unique ideas for songs to have our videographer set our wedding video to. I dont want something thats too overdone. Any ideas for something simple yet timeless? Even instrumental?
hello Bees - this ones for the hive…can you please recommend a place to get an embosser either online or in a store (im from NYC). I don’t want to spend a whole lot of money. Thanks in advance!
JW - try wilshire graphic press. a lot of the bees have blogged about them so you can check out their work through search. they do affordable, high quality stuff. good luck!
[...] MK would like suggestions for a pen that will show up on her dark brown, metallic STDs and envelopes. [...]
ml- The tradition of bridesmaids originates from the times when people believed in evil spirits. The bride had other young females dress lavishly as to fool the evil spirits into thinking THEY were the bride instead, thus avoiding whatever heinous things an evil spirit does to you!? Were they single? Who cares!? I say nice way to treat the girls in your life that you love most, huh? Put them in front of an evil spirit! (And I thought making them buy an ugly dress was bad!)
Hence, this tradition is an antiquated practice that doesn’t even make any sense for modern day purposes and so I think that you should do whatever you want with regards to bridesmaids. Because clearly there’s no rhyme or reason to this tradition anymore anyhow.
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Beehive
Feature Launched: Aug 31, 2006
About: A forum for readers to post questions and get feedback from the hive, aka the weddingbee community.
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