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Words of Wisdom Feature Launched: July 9, 2007 About: A forum where users share their best advice on various wedding topics.
About Words of Wisdom

Where would Weddingbee be without its fantastic readers? Your input, ideas, and insight make it a fantastic resource for brides-to-be, as well as (we hope!) a fun community to “hang out” in.

It’s in recognition of this great community that we’re excited to announce our newest feature, Words of Wisdom.

Here’s how it works: we’ll pose a general, wedding-related question that readers (and bees!) can weigh in on, giving advice and offering insight to help other brides out.

Hopefully, this “hindsight” will be a welcome and helpful resource: a sort of community “hivesight” to make brides’ lives easier. And so, without further ado, our first question:

What advice would you give to someone who is newly engaged?

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65 Responses to “New Feature: Words of Wisdom - Newly Engaged”

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1.
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Guest
Laura S

Take a couple of weeks or a month to really just enjoy being engaged, don’t worry about the wedding planning yet!

Give yourself enough time to plan everything - set the date at LEAST nine months away. Don’t set the date 4 or 5 months away, you’ll be in for a boatload of stress and no downtime.

 
2.
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auralee

do your research! i made a few quick decisions before i realized what else was available and while i’m choosing to stay with my original decisions, it could have easily cost me a lot of money to change my mind.

 
3.
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Miss Strawberry

Wait to pick your bridesmaids. I have 7 and wish I didn’t have that many.

 
4.
Miss Lovebug
Bee
Miss Lovebug (message)  712 posts, Busy bee

Consult Weddingbee daily. No, hourly.

 
5.
Miss Lovebug
Bee
Miss Lovebug (message)  712 posts, Busy bee

Just kidding. I strongly second the notion of taking a while to bask in engagement before picking up a single task.

 
6.
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JoJo

Don’t do anything else until you have your guestlist. Not just a rough approximation but an actual list.

 
7.
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MK

(1) Take a few weeks to really enjoy your engagement. I rushed in to wedding planning right away, which was fun, but I felt burned out quickly (as did my fiance).

(2) Figure out an approximate guest list before you do anything.

(3) Take your time researching vendors– I made some snap vendor decisions because I was in a hurry to get things booked. I now realize I could have chosen a still-great, but less-costly route.

(4) But don’t take too long– popular vendors (particularly venues and photographers) book early!

(5) Don’t let wedding planning take over your life. There was a point where all I could talk about was my wedding and all I looked at online was wedding websites. I felt like I was becoming a bore. Don’t forget who you were pre-ring! Get invovled, get hobbies, stay active in what’s going on in the world.

(6) Have fun! Being engaged is fabulous and fun– enjoy every minute :)

 
8.
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Linda

Talk to you FI and figure out what both of you have think of what your dream wedding would be. You’d be surprised he’s thought about it too!

 
9.
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M

Totally agree with the above poster who said wait to pick your bridesmaids. I picked mine a year and a half out and a lot of things can change in that timeframe.

Also, dont rush into selecting a venue just to get something booked. Make sure its really what you want, bc its the single most important decision you make.

 
10.
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Bee
Miss Raspberry (message)  123 posts, Blushing bee

Laura- you stole mine! I totally agree- take a month to enjoy being engaged, the planning starts soon enough!

 
11.
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LS

Seriously, I don’t even know where to start!

DEFINITELY agree with not choosing your bridesmaids too hastily. Also think about the qualities you’re looking for in a bridesmaid - my criteria was just “one of my closest friends”, and it should have been close friends who care about weddings, are organized, and like to plan things. I ended up with a BM who sort of secretly thinks weddings are stupid, and isn’t taking it as seriously as I want her to. Honestly, your BM’s are supposed to really help you, it’s work, and it’s expensive. If you’re not sure about someone, have an honest conversation with them, and give them a chance to back out gracefully, because a BM who feels roped into it will not be a good one.

 
12.
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Red

- I also highly suggest waiting 1-2 months to just browse magazines, websites, and research before making any decisions.

- Go through magazines and tear off any pages that strike your fancy and put it in a binder so that you can later create a look or feel for your wedding.

- Talk to all parties involved and agree to a ballpark budget (again before you start making decisions)

- Don’t drink the Kool Aid and think that your wedding needs to be as elaborate as the ones in the wedding magazines (aka wedding porn)

- Oh and I would highly recommend speaking to your FI re: how involved he wants to be in the wedding planning process (to avoid hurty feelings later on..)

 
13.
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Miss Corn

It has already been said, but take a moment to appreciate being engaged. Then, realistically, consider all the logistics that go into planning ANY event and don’t let yourself get sidetracked because it is a wedding…just remember it is an event and you should be able to keep yourself from going overboard.

 
14.
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Jasmine

Ready yourself for the onslaught of advice givers, especially your FILs, and don’t let yourself be trampled on by them. At first I was so glad my FILs wanted to be involved. Only later did I realize that they were planning things for me, picking out what we would eat at the reception etc. They thought since I was present that I was ok with everything they were saying.

 
15.
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Jen

I may be in the majority here, but I would say - book your location and photographer as soon as you decide on one!! I wanted my first choice, and even 15 months out - they were booking up fast. I don’t regret jumping into planning right away, getting all my vendors booked left me time during the engagement to take breaks and concentrate on things other than wedding stuff. Even with those breaks, I still got everything done on time or early - and with only 5 days to go…I have nothing left to do except get my hair/makeup done that day and show up! It’s wonderful to be done and have this entire week to relax, hang out with family and friends, and spend time with FI before the craziness begins.

 
16.
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Jen

*** I should have said minority. LOL - I guess I’m more sleep deprived than I thought!!

 
17.
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JenniferB

I agree with Jen…I had to book my reception site 18 months out. Now with 15 months to go- I sign photographer and catering contracts this week, and then I can slow down for a while.

 
18.
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MicheleLouise

Consider having your wedding not during peak wedding season. I think that was the best decision we made. I had little to no competition for photographers and venues in February.

 
19.
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Keny

Take a week or two and relax with your fiance. Then pickup Martha Stewart asap! lol j/k Always keep in mind that this is you and your fiance’s day not anybody else’s. Don’t let anyone bully you into thinking you need more/less than what you want. Create a guest list as soon as possible, it will help you immensely when budgeting.

 
20.
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AmandaB

I agree with what someone else said - talk to your Fiance at the beginning and figure out how much he wants to be involved in the process. I made it clear upfront that if he didn’t care about things like flowers, cake details, etc to just tell me - but he said he was interested in helping/going to appointments for everything!

Also - do think about your bridesmaids. Your maid of honor should be someone who is comfortable (and happy to be involved) with planning things like your shower, your bachelorette party, coordinating the other bridesmaids. As for the rest of your bridesmaids - They should be people who will be excited to be helping you through the wedding planning. I asked two friends and my sister - but I knew my sister wouldn’t be big on planning things, so I asked her to be a bridesmaid (not MOH). Which was a good choice. She’s not too girly… so I told her if she didn’t want to be a BM to let me know, but that I did want to offer it to her. She said yes after thinking about it… for a month… last September. Only to back out on me in March, right before it was time to order the bridesmaid dresses for our August wedding. I just let her back out then, I didn’t “force” her into staying in the wedding like my parents wanted me to do.

Lesson: pick bridesmaids who will totally back you up in the wedding planning process and be happy to do so!

 
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