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Apparently, you’re not supposed to call guests who have missed your deadline. You are supposed to have a parent, other family member, or friend call on your behalf. For us, that was about half of our guest list. Yes, half. 220 invited, about 115 replies as of the RSVP date. Of course I found this out AFTER I had already called, emailed, IM’ed, and Friendster/MySpace messaged [hey, it was an unholy hour on the east coast when I was making my calls] the 50 or so non-replies on my list. Etiquette schmetiquette.
Five days after the RSVP deadline, and we still need about 35 responses back. I’m trying to look on the bright side. While time consuming, it’s been great to actually talk to people I haven’t talked in awhile on the phone, hear old voices [boo and yay to the ’net which makes this phone hater use it even less], and catch up.
What percentage of your RSVP’s did you actually have back on or by your RSVP deadline?
Our deadline is this sunday so i won’t comment on how many. But where did you find out that you’re not supposed to contact those who haven’t responded?
etiquette shmetiquette i say. most people don’t know it anyway, and really they are the ones who didn’t respond in the first place, which is uncool.
We got about 70% of our RSVP’s on time. The rest replied after FI and I emailed them.
etiquette, whatever! I’d rather bite the bullet and do it myself instead of getting my family to call. Too much work.
About half. People suck.
It’s been a week since our Respond by date and we still have less than half. 100/220 have replie…grrrrr. I don’t want to contact those people.
LOL! Miss Lime, you have given me VINDICATION!! I would send this post to my soon to be SIL, but then I might be in trouble. I asked her a while back to call a few unresponsive aunties, and she emailed back, in a NOT NICE tone that the groom should do it. So, WE are going to do it.
And yes, we invited 240… heard from half… and our rsvp is wednesday. Ugh. I saw a great article in the Seattle PI yesterday saying “You don’t have to attend. You don’t have to buy a gift. But, if you are invited, you DO HAVE to rsvp.” Or something along that line… I mean, the envelope is self-addressed and stamped. How hard is it?
Our deadline is this Sunday too… We have a few over half at this point back.
I had conflicting views from my family on whether we call people. My mom says that I just go with the number who had the courtesy to respond. However, seeing as I need a food count… I may have to call at least (the VERY least) those who booked a hotel room in my room block but didn’t respond- since I’m sure it was just an oversight.
Yeah, I’m also curious as to how you found out it’s bad etiquette. I think what you did is fine. What’s the reasoning behind the etiquette? Why would you make other people follow up on RSVPs for YOUR invitation? It would be like asking a coordinator (which sorta makes sense, but still doesn’t) to call your friends and family. As a guest, who wants to hear “Hi, I’m so and so’s wedding coordinator and I’d like to know if you will be attending the wedding.” Um..I’m sorry, who are you?!?!?! Or if it’s bad manners to personally call your guests, would they rather you be strict with your RSVP deadline?? So dumb!
I have a question along these lines. My boyfriend was invited to his college roommates wedding in august. The deadline is approching and we haven’t RSVP’d yet b/c the envelope only said my bf’s name and not mine. I know etiquette says I’m not invited, but we’ve been together for 6 years. I said he should call the roommate and ask, but we don’t have his phone number, he’s rarely on IM and we don’t know his email. What do we do? BF doesn’t want to go if I can’t go (he’ll only know 1 person). I know he wants to go to see his former roommates, but doesn’t want to go alone (the wedding is in a bad part of NJ, so I can’t just go along and go shopping or something while he’s at the wedding). What should we do? I don’t want the bride and groom to be making posts about us hahahaah! 
I don’t think it’s bad etiquette - You invited these guests, the RSVP’s are addressed to you, so why is it bad etiquette for you to call them?
I don’t think its bad to call them. I did though, ‘encourage’ my mom to call the RSVP non responders. Because by the time the deadline came and went, 120 people had not sent in anything.
Yeah I say nix the thinking it’s bad ettiquette. I think it’s more compelling for people to respond to the actual couple than a family friend/family member.
Angie,
Your name was not on the envelope — YOU KNOW you are not invited. You cannot call and ask if you were, that would be inviting yourself, and in my opinion, just as bad as them not inviting you in the first place. Yes, they should have invited you, but they didn’t. If he wants to go, he should, but it will have to be without you. Sorry.
I think the etiquette rule stems from the parents issuing the invitation (in which case they would be doing the follow-ups).
angie: Your BF could RSVP that he can’t come because it’s a special together weekend for him & his gf of 6 years (and see if the B&G extend an invite to you; but they don’t have to).
Sorry Angie–you’re not invited to that wedding. If you’ve been with your boyfriend for six years, I’d assume that if the roommate is good enough friends with your boyfriend to invite him to the wedding, the roommate must know about you. If there’s really absolutely no way to get in touch with them–you know no one who has the email? Can you look up his parents’ number with whitepages.com or something?–he’s just going to have to RSVP no if he won’t attend without you.
Hmm, not 100% sure, but my guess is that in the old days it was usually the bride or groom’s parents that “hosted” the wedding, so maybe they were also charged with the task of following up with guests…
huh. I have never heard of that etiquette rule. I can’t imagine why there would be such a rule. It’s a chore; why should I get to spread it around?
Angie- this happened to us and we hit the roof over it. It’s a great way of killing friendships. If your BF gets in touch with the couple (or even the parents) the best advice would be for him to explain that he would love to come to the wedding with you given how long you have been together and to offer to pay for your seating since you are not part of the guest list.
I think the origin of the etiquette is that whoever’s hosting should do the dirty work of following up, and most invitations back in the day started with “Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents invite you”. Nowadays, I think this doesn’t matter so much!
angie: as a bride, i appreciate when a friend asks if their significant other can come rather than rsvp’ing that they are coming when their envelope did not say “and guest.” it gives the bride/groom the final say and respects their right to make guestlist decisions. usually, there will be enough no’s to squeeze you in; as long as you’re cool with being on a sort of waitlist–sometimes it’s just difficult to do this but oftentimes non-invited relatives will invite themselves to the wedding, so you might not be able to invite your friends s.o. i have been able to squeeze everyone’s s.o. in but i did have to tell a couple friends “no” at first. it was really their fault for not staying in better touch with me and saying that they were seriously dating someone.
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Mrs. Lime, Los Angeles Age and Occupation in 06: 25, Design Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, IT Engagement Date: July 7, 2006 Wedding Date: August 5, 2007 Venue: An historic estate About Me: Between work and wedding planning, I try to squeeze in napping, drawing, random spurts of craftiness, tennis, and eating lots of Sprinkles cupcakes, dark chocolate, and noodles of all kinds. Mr. Lime and I have spent our adult lives growing up together, and we're very excited to finally be getting married!
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