Wedding Blog

I plan on becoming one of those girls with two middle names and taking his name as my last. I am doing this for a number of reasons: 1) We had a son early on in our relationship and gave him my man’s last name and I HATE HATE HATE not having that in common with my child. 2) I love my fiance’s name, and have a few issues with my own 3) My [adoptive] dad passed away last December and since I fought to get his name about 10 years ago, I just can’t let it go; but my middle name from birth has strong meaning to our family, so there ya go just call me Miss. Will be Four Name.

I’m planning on taking my bf’s last name but I will have 2 last names. I’ve been who I am my whole life, and am very attached to my last name. I currently go by firstname middle initial last name, so when we’re married i will be firstname middle initial mylastname hislastname. No hyphen.
I just realized I don’t even know if that’s allowed - legally speaking… haha if not oh well! I’ll just keep my last name then.

I’m undecided. I’m not crazy about my last name- it’s an adjective that’s not attractive. However, my FI’s last name is difficult to pronounce and spell and I’m not too crazy about having that name either. So, two months to go and I’m still undecided.

I actually believe the trend in women keeping their name has been decreasing, after a high in the 1990’s or so. I think around 10% of women in the US keep their name. I read the research a year or so ago when I got married.

I kept my name and couldn’t be happier. For a while I was making up all these reasons when people asked me about it, like how I was published and women in my field usually keep their names. Recently though I’ve realized that I don’t need any excuses - I wanted to keep my name, that should be enough. No one asks men for reasons why they didn’t change their name. While I think my husband’s name is cute with my first name, it isn’t me.

I am taking his last name. I am probably in the cultural minority here, but I am really excited to be united as a team with my new hubby. I think sharing a name is a great way to show it! I don’t mind losing a bit of my “identity” because I am no longer just me, I will be half of a 2-person team. He offered for me to keep my name if I want to, but I really don’t.

I’m keeping mine for several reasons–like you, I like my name, I’m used to it, I’ve worked under it, it goes well with my first name, etc. Also, because I am Asian and my fiance is not, I would feel funny taking a non-Asian last name. Combined with my first name, my fiance’s last name would produce a full name that screams “German.” I’m so not German :-). It makes me uncomfortable to imagine myself using this very non-Asian name, like I would be pretending to be something I’m not.

I can’t hyphenate because our names together produce a rather awful combination–it doesn’t just sound bad, it means something silly.

Happily, my fiance is quite firm in his belief that women shouldn’t have to change their names, so no problems there!

The kids question does throw a wrench in the works; since we can’t give them a hyphenated name (oh, the teasing they’d endure!), they’ll probably end up with my fiance’s name. I’m hoping not having the same name as they do won’t cause problems, but if it does, I’ll have to switch. I have seen women I work with forced into this because they got tired of having to explain/justify it every time, but hopefully with each passing year it becomes more common, and we won’t have to worry about it!

I’m taking my FI’s last name - I actually can’t wait to be Mrs. D! I will also use my maiden name as a second middle name.

I kept my name. It’s been my name for a very long time, it’s a fairly cool name in the right circles–physicists and mathematicians love me–and I’m well known in my field. Also, I don’t like my husband’s name very much. It’s a fairly common one, but it’s also one that is similar to a slang word for, well, you get the idea. Besides, this is ME. As Popeye said, I yam who I yam–I’m not going to change at this point in my life.

Happily changing my name and getting rid of mine. I live in a somewhat small town (25,000 people) where my dad and his LARGE (13 kids) family grew up. I hate it when people sit there and try to figure out who’s kid I am and then wind up not knowing my dad anyway.

Good for you Ms. Radish! This is a highly personal decision and it kills me when people make judgements about which name you are/aren’t taking.

I’m taking his, but keeping my last and middle (so, like lots of posters above, I’ll be MyFirst MyMiddle MyLast HisLast). I think I will be going by MyFirst MyLast HisLast; I like my middle name and it has meaning, so I’m mostly just keeping it for posterity.

I’m sort of with Andrea (#8) on this one. Fiance also told me I didn’t have to take his name if I didn’t want to, but I feel like it really shows that you are part of the same family.

I, too, have checks & address labels in my current name, and my email address, but I’m not going to let those little things be the reason to not take my FI’s last name. (I didn’t let the fact that I had several books of checks with our old address be a reason not to move to our new apartment…?)

Not going to hyphenate, My last name is 6 letters, his is 8, and I wouldn’t want to do that to our kids if we have any. No one deserves a last name that long!

I’m also one of two girls, and my dad is an only child, so my last name will not go on (then again, it doesn’t look my sister will be getting married…)

My current last name doesn’t really lend itself well to becoming a “middle” name, plus I like my given middle name.

My one reservation is that I don’t like what my initials will be as: First Initial. Middle Initial. His Last Initial. But how often do you need to use all three initials anyway?

My job will not be an issue so much. I’m working on my master’s now - but am not doing anything where my maiden name vs. married name will matter — I’m not a musical artist, an author, etc. I’ve done some poster presentations at conferences relevant to my field, but my professional goal is not to do research, so it won’t matter. I will however finish my master’s with a different last name than I started with!

It will definitely take some getting used to though!

I’m not overjoyed about it, but I’m taking my fiance’s last name.

Here in the South, you move your maiden name to your middle name and take your hubby’s last name as your own. That’s just the way things are, and I’ve never known that anyone did differently until very recently!

I’ve toyed with the idea of keeping my name legally and going by Mrs. HisLastName socially, but my fiance feels very strongly on this one. I’m rather indifferent on this one and try to pick my battles carefully, so there was my answer.

Glad to hear I won’t be the only woman out there with four names. I don’t really intend to use my own last name (at least I don’t *think* so), but I can’t bear to part with it. I’m an only child and one of three girls (no boys) who have this last name in my family. I’m so proud of my family that I hate to give the name up. Also, I live thousands of miles away from everyone, so keeping the name makes me feel closer to home.

For some reason, it was never even a question for me. I’m taking his last name.

I don’t have a middle name, so everyone assumes that I will switch my maiden name to that. But it really doesn’t have any appeal to me.

I am instead considering adding my confirmation name as my middle name. I chose “Jacklyn” in memory of my father (Jack), and I think this is the perfect opportunity to make it a permanent/legal thing.

I’m doing something that’s probably silly, but I’ve checked that it’s legal. I’m going to be Hislastname-Mylastname. Yes, my hyphenated name will have my maiden name as the ending name. Our names sound horrible together in the other order, and actually pretty fantastic together this way. I like his last name, but I am very attached to my own. Our kids will just be Hislastname, probably, but we’ll decide that later on.

I agree with Andrea. I’m taking his last name. I can’t wait for us to be a family and I feel having the same last name represent that. I don’t think there is anything wrong with keeping your own name but mine is sooo long so I’ve always wanted to get rid of it. I’ve wasted precious moments spelling it out and then telling people how to pronounce and then saying, “No I’m not Armenian, I just have an Armenian last name”

My funny situation is…
My current name is Donna Sxxx Wxxxx
my middle name is actually my mother’s maiden name
well…
ironically enough, his last name is my mom’s maiden name!
AND his mom’s maiden name is my last name!

So, I could become Donna Sxxx Squared
but Sxxx Sxxxx means “uncle” in Mandarin Chinese and “breast” in Tagalog

so to make a long story short - I can’t decide if I should just keep my name or change both my Middle Name AND Last Name.

I too did not want to change my last name until I heard it would be easier with legal documents (such as being his benificiary) if I did change my last name. Is this true? I heard I would have a hard time later if our last names did not match. i was going to change it on paper but still go buy my own last name. Does anyone have any information about this?

I’m adding his without dropping any of my own. I have a really long and complicated first and last name so I currently go by my middle name. I figure that adding his (short and easy to pronounce) name won’t be any harder than what I have now.

In addition, I don’t like the idea of losing the name I’ve had all my life. Yes, we are a new family but why should I sacrifice my name and identity if he isn’t going to do the same. So yes, I’m going to be Mrs. XXXX-XXXXX XXXXX XXXXXXXXX XXXXX. Learning to sign that thing is going to be a monster.

It’s just a name to me and I’m not so crazy about my current last name so am changing it to his. Regardless, I think I’ll miss mine a little bit when I do.

Miss Corn, I’m sad to say I’m the opposite. My last name starts with A and his (which I will be taking) starts with W. When I was younger, I used to hate being an “A” because you had to go first at everything in school, sit at the front of the class if they sit you alphabetically (which they do often), etc. Now I wonder if when I have kids, they won’t do as well in school because they won’t be sitting at the front of the class!

I’m keeping my last name because in Korea, it’s not tradition to change your last name. It happens more now that the western culture has influenced marriage, but it’s still the Korean way.

that’s the excuse I give though, really I just like having a short korean last name.

Julie - I’m so sorry you are going through this. Your fiance seems rather misogynistic, to be honest. I would simply tell him that it is your name, your decision, and not open to discussion. If you argue with him about it, he will feel like he has a say. He doesn’t.

I will not be changing my name any time soon, but might add Mr. Sadie’s last name if it seems like an easy transition. I have offered for Mr. Sadie to take my name, but he respectfully declined and has made no issues with my not taking his! Great!

Roxanne, I thought about doing what you are suggesting, only no hyphen. Go for it!

When my pastor got married, he and his wife hyphenated to accommodate both last names. She wanted to keep hers because of her Jewish heritage and in respect for her ancestors in the holocaust. He just wanted to be found in the same place in the phone book. So they hyphenated with her last name first. He told me that when we worked in the hospital and he realized his last name was too complicated for most to remember, he just introduced himself as Mr. Wife’sMaidenName.

i’m changing it - i decided this before we even got engaged. i currently don’t have a middle name, so i’ll be turning my maiden name into my new middle name.

if had an established professional career though, i’d probably have to stop and think about it.

Good for you, Miss Radish! It’s great that there are other women besides me who aren’t changing their names. If everyone takes their husband’s name, it won’t really be a choice anymore.

Your name is your identity. It is a personal choice, not really an area of compromise. Julie: best of luck with your fiance. I wonder why this is such a big deal to him — “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Maybe see a pre-marital counselor about it? I’ve had two friends who were pressured into changing their names, and did so to please their new husbands. One is still happily married and changed her name back later (her fiance got used to the idea), and the other divorced due to other issues with her fiance being controlling.

Note to all of you: if you’re unsure, don’t change your name. You can always change it later, even years after the wedding. I know two other people who did that.

technically we are both changing our names, though to many of our friends it will seem like he is taking my name.

see i have used my mom’s last name for about 15 years but never had it legally changed. most of my friends know me as that name and i had always planned to just take it legally at the wedding. FH informed me a few weeks after we set the date that he wanted to take that name as well.

since we are egalitarians this works out really well as both of us will be changing our legal name, while at the same time taking a name that is in the family and also sounds nice with both of our first names.

cheers to all the men out there who are man enough to take their wives names!

I have been DYING to change my last name since I was like 12! (Yes I’m one of those people who has a really awful and extremely “make-funnable” last name….aigh kids are so cruel…) When I was in the 8th grade I tried to legally change my last name to my middle name! No not really, but I fantasized about it alot. I LOVE LOVE LOVE his last name, and can’t wait to have a common last name that is easy to spell and pronounce! I guess I never really realized that this was such a hot issue for some people.

Donna - your story made me laugh out loud….teehee “breast”

In response to comment #60 —

As I said in my post, I think it is fine if women want to take their husbands name and that they shouldn’t be judged for doing so. Taking your husbands name does not by any means make you less strong woman, and I hope no one said that. If you are happy to take his name, then that’s awesome and you don’t need to justify that to anyone.

But for those of us that don’t want to change our names, that’s our choice and there is nothing wrong with that either.

Maybe some of the reasons I (or commenters on this post) have given seem trivial, but I don’t think anyone even needs to have any great reason for keeping or changing their name. It’s really just about what each woman wants to do. It should be as simple as that.

Maybe some of my feminist tendencies are seeping through here, but I would love to see the day that men have to sit around and defend their choice to change/not change their name. Imagine that! LOL

Re: 60-62:

“I will embrace my new name, and the new (chapter of) life it brings with it. ”

I guess that’s what is sometimes bothersome. Isn’t this a new chapter of the groom’s life too? Does he not need to embrace some new thing? Does it not matter how he feels about your name, that the same pride isn’t there? Is he not showing solidarity with you?

Of course he is, simply by marrying you, but apparently he doesn’t need a legal name change to do so.

I agree with Radish and brendalynn that there shouldn’t be judgment on people keeping or changing their name, but I think the whole choice would make more sense if everyone considered it equally vs. just the woman having to consider the options.

Miss Radish! Kudos to you for keeping your last name. Just like you, I will be keeping my last name and questions such as kids, beneficiary have come up occassionally but I’m content with keeping my name. My friend did suggest (bless her!) that in certain states, you can add your husband’s name on the social security but never use it on driver’s license or any other paperwork. If the paper states, print legal name, you put everything, if not…..well then…you just go with your regular name. I thought about doing that…..but decided….MAYBE later

i’m taking his name b/c in my whole life about 3-4 ppl have ever said it correctly and his name is a simple, everyday word that everyone knows and can pronounce. and it’s somewhat of an earthy-sounding name, which i like. (ei: stone, shire, thorne)

I’ve been going back and forth on whether I should take my husband-apparent’s name. Part of me feels like I’m not making a full commitment by not taking his name. The rest of me feels that it is important to keep my name because I have built a little bit of a professional reputation with it.
What I would like to do is change my name to legally have two last names and still maintain my maiden name for business purposes and go by my married name for everything else. I’m not sure how to go about it though. If we ever have children, I’d like my maiden name to be incorporated in to their full names, but I don’t want them to have to deal with an obscenely long hyphenated last name.

it never occurred to me (or my husband) that i would change my name. at the wedding, we were just introduced by our first names. my siblings (all of whom kept their last names) were introduced with each of their first and last names. i’d have done it this way, but my band leader (who had too many opinions, really), thought this would somehow be “inappropriate.” i guess he thought i was trying to make a political statement at my wedding… but it’s not a political statement anymore, is it??

in fact, i’ve been really, really surprised by how many people (in daily life) were shocked that i kept my maiden name. i mean, isn’t this old news by now?

[...] A Radish By Another Name… by Miss Radish [...]

i am also keeping my name. never really thought of changing it. my last name is hard to spell, hard to say, and a general pain. but i can’t even imagine being called something else. i am coco difficult-dutch-lastname, and everytime i hear my name it reminds me of my long gone grandfather.

#71…i agree with you, though. i really feel like a woman not changing her name is old news. i am actually surprised when i meet a woman who does change her name for marriage.

did you know that in italy no women change their names when they marry? all mothers have different last names from their children, and it’s no big deal.

about children, i’m fine with them having a different last name. so sometimes i will be called by the wrong last name by their teacher or something. i don’t care. but i do sometimes think about mixing things up, and maybe giving the girl(s) my last name, and the boy(s) his last name. hyphenating for the kids would be ridculous, because both our names are hard to pronounce and spell. at a minimum, the kids will have my lastname as a middle name.