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Platitude of the day: not everything works out how you’d expect. Five years ago, if someone had told me I’d be walking myself down the aisle at my wedding, I wouldn’t have believed it. But such is how it’ll be, after all. And I’m not only OK with that, I’m actually quite proud of it.
Some time ago, the dysfunctional relationship I had with my family reached maximum toxicity and for sanity’s sake, I had to cut ties. Heartbreaking, yes. Life saving, as well, after the initial shock. My reasons for doing what I did aren’t blog-able, but the pertinent end result is…
No father to walk me down the aisle. No mum to pinch hit. No big brother to step in, and no uncles to act as surrogate. Talk about your clean breaks, huh? The taffeta-and-tulle bedecked cheese stands alone. An image so sad it should depress me, I suppose. But all it gives me is a melancholic twinge and the inspiration to hold my head up that much higher.
My FFIL, according to Mr. Lovebug, offered to give me away. And he’d be a natural, how warm and affectionate he is toward me. When, caught up in the excitement of choosing Christmas trees last year, he picked me up and swung me around like a kid–well, it was the fatherliest moment I’d had in decades. My throat gets tight even thinking about it.
And an ex who’s a very close friend offered to stand in, partly out of genuine friendship, and partly for the dry humor in it. But I’m having none of it. I don’t need to be “given away”, because I haven’t been anyone’s to *give* for a long, long time. And I’m not talking about financial independence. I’ve been doing my own emotional parenting for as long as I can remember. I’ve pulled myself up and out of a lot of tough situations all by my lonesome. Walking down that aisle by myself is my way to acknowledge that strength. Pride, maybe. But also a very vital, personal confidence.
So, funnily enough, as Mr. L is adopted, ours will be the No Biological Parents Wedding. I’ve been to so few weddings; I have no idea how the “crowd” will take my walking alone. For all I know, it’s the ultimate faux pas, to be avoided at all costs even if the groundskeeper has to step in. I don’t want to be pitied, that’s for sure. And I know it won’t be an easy thing, seeing Mr. Lovebug with his loving parents. But I’m a big girl of 32. I’ll get through it. And hopefully, his dad’ll give me another one of those awesome twirls. 
Am I breaching etiquette beyond reason? Will there be eyebrows raised through the roof? And if anyone else is walking down the aisle alone, can I get a high five? It’d sure be nice to have some company in this solitude.
My husband and I walked down the aisle together, even though are very loving parents are in the picture. We just wanted to symbolize that we’re going in this together, and coming out together. We got some gasps as we walked down but not in a bad way, just surprised. After we got so many compliments on the whole ceremony I don’t think anyone thought twice about the procession. If you want to walk down alone, go for it!
Lovebug, a very moving and well written post, as always. I say go for it!! I think that the people special enough to attend your wedding will know the reason for why you walk alone, and will be moved by it as well…
I am sure nobody will have a raise brow! Good for you! Stand tall on your special day.
Good for you! I think the drama of you walking in alone will be so beautiful, independent, confident, etc…
I also love Kate’s idea too.
High five! I am doing the same thing. My Mom is in the picture, but I’ve been on my own emotionally for a long time. I adore my mother but felt it was most appropriate to fly solo. No dad in the picture, no male relatives to speak of, and most of our close family friends won’t be able to make it (male and female). We’ve decided that I’m going to start out alone — FH will already be at the altar, so he’s going to come up and meet me halfway and we’ll do the rest together.
I say AMEN! Amen for walking (or running) away from your poisonous family. Amen for being welcomed by such a warm loving family. And Amen for standing tall and getting yourself the rest of the short walk to your man after a long road…
My FI and I are walking down the aisle together. Partly due to my strained relationship with my family, partly due to the gag reflex I get when I think of the patriarchal overtones of ‘giving away’ and partly due to what Kate said above–it isn’t about me being presented to him (I’m shocked there were gasps…it’ll be interesting if I notice any on our day).
Aww…don’t be sad seeing Mr. Lovebug with his parents, be excited about being a part of such a loving family! =)
You’re great, Miss Lovebug.
Sounds like a wonderful decision for you! It’s great to hear that you are joining a family (your FI’s) which is supportive and loving. The image of a twirl next to Christmas trees gave me goosebumps! Stand tall, stand proud, and strut your stuff. Unfortunately, some families have drama and crises. It’s great that you’ve empowered yourself, embraced your new family, and created your own, (better) destiny. As you walk down the aisle, remember how healthy, peaceful, sane, and enjoyable your life is now. Oprah is one of my heroes and she says, “Live your best life!” The best way for you to express that on your special day is by walking down the aisle toward your new husband. Hip, Hip, Horray!
Stand tall and proud! All eyes will be on JUST you walking down that aisle and I think you will be just fine.
I am the adult child of divorced parents. Both will walk me down the aisle. I hate in a way that I kind of just gave in and did this. I love my mom and dad.. I just think it will look ridiculously fake since they really can’t stand one another. However, I didn’t want to hurt either of them by choosing one over the other. My mom raised me and would be ticked if I chose my dad solo but my dad would be hurt if he didn’t get to participate .
such a strong post. walking down alone symbolizes your strength and becoming one with your fh, go for it!
My Matron of Honor walked herself down the aisle - neither my fiance nor I noticed until she explicitly pointed it out in her photos a year later…and I do pay a lot of attention to details, but it was so not a matter to be concerned with. Smile big, stand proud, let them be distracted by your beauty and grace.
Jacky - we might have heard gasps because we didn’t even really have a procession. The bridal party gathered around the fireplace and then we walked down the aisle toward them. People might have just been surprised to see us since there wasn’t a lot of build up.
Our guests also cheered and clapped after our readings, which was so wonderful.
more power to you, honestly. as has been mentioned, all eyes are on the bride as she enters anyway, so why worry about anyone who looks a bit to either side, looking for an escort? you sound so sure of yourself, and that is beautiful. and as for etiquette? screw it! anyone who has a problem with a confident bride walking herself down the aisle should be ashamed of themself. *end of rant*
*sniff* i love you bees more everyday. walking yourself down the aisle sounds awesome. rock on, miss lovebug!
Go Miss Lovebug! I walked myself down the aisle two and 1/2 weeks ago and I totally wanted it that way. If anyone thought it strange, I didn’t hear any comments. My parents are both a big part of my life and my mother was dying for me to ask my dad, but I’m 32 and I felt really strongly about walking by myself. I knew it didn’t matter to my dad and no matter what argument my mother made about my dad wasn’t giving me a away, just lending an arm, I didn’t want to do it.
My sisters offered to walk in with me, and I almost caved because I was so worried about tripping in my three inch heels, but I’m so glad I did not. I will always cherish the memory of walking down the aisle and seeing only my husband. There may have been 100 people at the wedding, but in those moments it was only us.
So 100% support for me!
Good for You!! I don’t think it’s weird at all to walk yourself down the aisle. Thank you for the heartfelt post. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one with family issues.
Wow, that made me all verklempt! Major props to you, Miss Lovebug, for cutting ties with your toxic family. I cannot even imagine how difficult that must have been, but it sounds like it was an empowering and liberating thing for you to do, and it has made you a stronger person in the end. Drama-free is the way to be, no matter what it takes for you to get there.
I think walking down the aisle alone will be wonderful for you — if it takes too much effort to come up with someone to walk with you, then it would be too forced, ya know? Your solo walk will truly represent who you are, what you have been through, and your strength. I think it will be a beautiful statement — and you’ll get to meet the man of your dreams at the end of that aisle!
I don’t understand why is is such a faux pas. You’d think we live in a society where everyone comes from nuclear families all under one roof an a picket fence street. If that was our society… then okay I see the big issue with it. Unfortunately, life isn’t always peaches and cream.
I think that when you come down the aisle the only thing anyone will notice is how beautiful you look! Nothing more, nothing less!
throw your shoulders back and lift your head up as high as you can and walk down that aisle. i think it’s very brave and smart to make the decision to cut ties with your family and you should be proud with how you’ve handled it. so rock on miss lovebug.
and just think, you’ve got mr. lovebug’s awesomely loving sounding fam as your own.
Miss Lovebug - you should go for it! I may be faced with a similar situation soon and may lose all connections to my family and if that so happens I have no qualms about walking the aisle alone. We’ve talked about it and my guy even offered to walk with me - as it is OUR day.
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Mrs. Lovebug, Tucson Age and Occupation in 06: 31, Writer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Professional Game Show Contestant Engagement Date: February 18, 2007 Wedding Date: April 19, 2008 Venue: Historic Inn About Me: Likes: blogging, wikis, semi-colons, cuddling, fragrant flowers, syntax, and spooning. Dislikes: typos, dangling modifiers, flypaper, citronella candles, and run-ons. If I had my druthers, I'd exchange simple vows in a candlelit library. But I lost my druthers long ago...anyone seen them?
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