Dear Weddingbee,
My normally very outgoing, super gregarious fiance says he feels too shy to do a first dance at our wedding. He says that he will feel really shy to be so lovey-dovey in front of everyone and that the idea of everyone watching him dance (or even just sway) makes him incredibly nervous. I said that we didn’t have to do a first dance, but I was really disappointed. After seeing how sad I was about it, he agreed that we could do the dance, but I know it’s going to be not at all enjoyable for him. Should we just not do it then? I feel like it’s not worth it if we’re not both into it. But I feel like we’ll be missing out on a sweet moment! Any advice?
Thanks 
Perhaps sign up for a dance lesson and see how that goes. If you end up having more fun than anticipated, then go for the first dance. If you leave feeling awful, just skip it and don’t think twice.
What about choosing a more upbeat, less shmushy song to dance to? Friends of mine danced to “I Can’t Stop Loving You” by Van Halen. They did a choreographed number, but even without that it still would have been totally them — very non-shmushy, fun, quick, and unemotional (in a good way). Here are a handful of upbeat love songs that you might like or want to consider:
“You’re my Best Friend” by Queen
“For Once in My Life” by Stevie Wonder
” I Love You More Today Than Yesterday” by Spiral Staircase
“Still the One” by Orleans
“I Get a Kick Out of You” by Frank Sinatra
“L-O-V-E” by Nat King Cole
“You Got It” by Roy Orbison
“I Got You Babe” by Sonny & Cher
“Everlasting Love” by Natalie Cole
Good luck!
aw, i have the same problem. i’m thinking of skipping the first dance but the thought of missing that photo op and the moment makes me sad.
Mr Butterscotch is the same way! He is shy all the time. But we sat down and decided we will have a first dance but he and his moth (also shy) didnt want to. And that was fine by me. He too knew the first dance was important to me so he was willing to do it. My only suggestion is talk to your fiance and make sure he is really ok with doing it.
My father was really nervous about the father-daughter dance, so I picked a really fun, upbeat song so he (and I!) wouldn’t get emotional. It’s a disco song so we can be silly and don’t really have to “dance” dance. It’s not traditional, but I know it’s going to be a really great moment that we’ll always remember.
My fiance also doesn’t want any dancing! None at all. No first dance, no mother-son dance. I thought about it hard and decided that the only reason why I would want a first dance is because it makes for great pictures. I haven’t thought this through, but instead of a first dance, I might just have a “first dance” when we are taking our private pictures. Therefore, I get my pictures and there’s no audience!
Maybe don’t do a sappy romantic dance?
I think a real over the top performance — with dips and swirls — maybe to an upbeat jazz or big band song would be great! The music is fun and gets the party started and the pictures should be good, too. (All that action.)
Although we haven’t figured out our first dance yet, I know my fiance would much rather do something fast than something slow and romantic.
Are you reading my mind? I had this exact conversation last night with my groom. I don’t know what we’re going to end up doing.
I don’t think it is necessarily worth it unless you really, really, really want to do it…I just got married and we danced to “What a Wonderful World”, which is under 3 minutes, and the entire time both me and my fiance kept saying, “WHEN is this going to end?”, etc. We are both usually outgoing, but it was kind of hard to do the dance, and it may end up being really hard for your fiance.
The ideas about upbeat songs are really good, however. Maybe you should give that a try!
Like AmandaB said, maybe you and your fiance can still do the first dance, but before it ends invite other couples to join you?
i vote on the dance lesson thing. our dance lessons were really fun and it really helped us feel comfortable and not worry about crying all over each other (ok, just me).
I have my solutions to offer:
We took dance lessons, didn’t help with the nervousness.
Neither of us relishes in being the absolute center of attention.
My dad doesn’t like to dance either.
We didn’t want to miss out on the traditional pictures.
So we didn’t announce first dances. We just all got together at some point after the sun went down and cued the DJ to play a predetermined song. We could sway, chat, stop early, whatever, and there wasn’t the pressure of having EVERYone stare at us. We shared the 3 minute dance with his mom and my dad.
I highly recommend not making a big deal out of it, especially if the moment is important to you and nerve-wracking for him. No point in torturing the poor guy.
cut the song short… even i think our first dance song was a little too long…
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What if you find a shorter song to dance to, and invite the rest of the bridal party & parents to the dance floor half way through the song?