There are two schools of thought when it comes to children at weddings:
1) Kids are great
and
2) Not so much
While I tend to lean toward the former, Mr. Corn and his family definitely lean more towards the latter.
My biggest concern when considering our children options for the wedding was that I wanted as many of our friends and family as possible to be able to attend our wedding. And since it is a semi-destination wedding, it only seemed fair that we allow people to also bring their kids. Also, many of my friends have children, and weddings seem to be the only time when we can all get together and see how much everyone has grown since the last wedding we saw them all at.
Mr. Corn was concerned that parents tend to not have a good time at weddings if they have to worry about Junior knocking over the cake, or, (a more likely scenario) getting back to the hotel before the kids zonk out on the dance floor.
Six of the couples invited to our wedding were expecting additions to their families between last Fall when we were engaged, and the wedding date. This meant that if we wanted them to be able to come to the wedding, they would have to be allowed to bring their infant with them. To complicate matters even more, one of those people expecting is my Matron of Honor, and she and another guest also have 2-year old sons.
Mr. Corn and I calculated how many children there would be at the wedding if they were invited and came up with 12, PLUS the six that weren’t even born yet!!
We threw around the options of providing on-site and/or off-site babysitting for all the children as well as the option of making people figure out their own arrangements. In the end, we decided that we would provide on-site baby sitting for children under the age of one, and all other children needed to be accommodated for by their parents**. As it is, most of our guests with children (older than one) are leaving them with assorted grandparents for the weekend; this way, those guests with infants can still come and enjoy the party without having to leave early to go do whatever it is that people do with infants that keep them from going out and having a good time.
What about you? Are you having children at your wedding? If so, are they just in the wedding party or are all children invited? Did you and your future spouse have any disagreements about this and how did you compromise?
**the only exception to this is my 2-year old nephew who will be in the wedding (he will be escorting my mom down the aisle)
Nope, no kids except maybe two that aren’t really “kids” anymore, they are 14 and 16. I made that decision back when I was 20 and hadn’t yet met my fiance, but attended my cousin’s wedding. She had probably 10 kids there and during the ceremony, they all sat at the back of the church and SCREAMED right through the vows. Couldn’t hear a word of the actual ceremony. That was that, I knew on the spot there would be no kids at my wedding and I’m sticking to it.
It’s clearly not a decision that’s going over very well with my mom, who keeps suggesting that I appoint the children of some guests as flower girls or ringbearers so that I can “break the no kids rule.” But they’re all too young anyway and she’s missing the point: I don’t WANT to break the rule! I think she’s sad that there will be no cute photos of little girls in flower girl dresses.
No kids at my wedding. They have sticky hands. I will have a clean white dress. I can imagine the possibilities. Plus I don’t really like kids.
My four flower girls were the stars of their show! Also, two of our guests brought their daughter without asking us. But those were really the only ‘kids’ there (I’m not counting teenagers in that). However, since Mr B and I are so family-oriented, we definitely would’ve loved to have included any other kids that might’ve ended up on our list! I’m firmly in the school of thought that the best way to teach children how to behave in public is to *take* them in public–not cloister them off at home and act like they’re monsters to be hidden from the world (though of course some are :-D).
But I also realize that some weddings are more kid-friendly than others, and I definitely recognize a couple’s right to not allow them 
This is such a tough one! Our 120 person wedding has 17 kids under the age of 8! My fiancee’s family rented a house on the beach to all stay in and we are going to do a kids party for them there. That way its fun for them, the parents can enjoy themselves and so can we! Plus then we didn’t have to do a kids menu etc. We stopped short of making it “mandatory” (ie. no kids allowed) but are hoping that most parents would want to take advantage.
The only kid(s) at my wedding were my ring bearer who was 9. We decided early on in the planning phase that kids would not be included as we were having an evening wedding that was going late into the night. We both had visions of our nieces and nephews having melt downs in the middle of the reception. We made a decision and stuck with if - even through guest comments during the planning stages. It was our day and it was perfect! No regrets
Other than those that are involved in the wedding - we don’t want kids there. Is that mean? I’m afraid of the backlash it’ll cause.
We invited all children who were related to us and all out of town children. The children of our friends in town were not invited. It was the best way to keep the night from being overrun with kids! I figured it was easier to get a babysitter for one night than for an entire weekend. Everyone seemed okay with that. Some of the out of town guests decided not to bring the kid but most did. It was fun to have them there!
We did not have any children in the wedding party.
I’m not a fan of ALL kids, just most of the ones I know. As I love my nephew and young cousins, kids were allowed, but we didn’t invite kids we didn’t know personally. And those we did invite that we aren’t that close to, I left it up to their parents to decide whether or not they wanted to have a night without them.
We set up a kids’ table, for the 10 kids under 10 we had, and then the 10-18 year olds either sat with their parents or other cousins. It worked out great.
I got a lot of thank yous from people for giving them the option of bringing their kids. The only one I said flat out no to was the 3 week old baby of a couple we never see.
(Also, none of their “sticky hands” messed up my dress…not that big a deal.)
i’ve had the unique “opportunity” to see my fiance’s nephews attend a wedding, and i couldn’t believe how they were allowed to run around like crazy, including nearly knocking over a lady with a cane! i don’t find this endearing, but it’s a whole different story now that it’s our wedding…like libby, we’ve got over 20 children under 8 for a wedding of 150! i know how crazy my 7-year-old twin cousins get in public settings, and i cringe to think how many people will spend the entire reception chasing after kids or leaving early to put them to bed. *sigh*
there’s no way that the kids couldn’t have been invited (based on both families), but i’m planning on providing them with personalized wedding coloring books and dollar store crayons…maybe that will keep them calm for a little while…*shrug*
i haven’t even bothered to count how many children we have in our family, thus having to invite. shoot, this has prompted me to do some quick counting. but i’m pretty sure the count’s over 20…. after counting, I have 17 children, 12 teens, 2 babies. not bad.
it was not an option to exclude children. i have 34 first cousins alone on my mother’s side. and some of those cousins have had offspring of their own. what can i say, it’s a family affair!
1 kid. Well.. one baby. My niece who is my flower baby. Aside from her- Nope.
It would have gotten way out of hand if we had them.
I have a really big family but they usually have made it so that kids don’t attend the reception. Babysitters have been hired at previous weddings, or they just stay home. I’m not having kids in my wedding party, either, so this shouldn’t be an issue. Plus, none of my friends have kids yet- we’re only in our early 20s and most are still in school. The wedding is a while away, but I dont my girls will pop out any offspring before then.
I personally think not inviting children to a reception is rude. Its like inviting one half of a married couple.
To my FMIL, it was NOT an option to not invite kids. FI’s extended family isn’t that close, but they all attend the major events. It’s a given. So, the kids had to be invited.
If we had invited all the kids to the wedding, we would have been pushing 300 guests. That was just WAY more than we could handle. We ended up compromising and only inviting children of family and then children 16+. We knocked it down to ~220 once we took the kids off the list.
I know some local people are upset that their kids aren’t invited, but it’s just not in the budget to feed all these people.
No one has kid-free weddings in our family, so it wasn’t an option. Even if it had been, we probably wouldn’t have done it. Nothing changed about our wedding with the children there…there wasn’t a kid’s table, no special activities, it was still a party atmosphere, etc. The children were well-behaved (because their parents, well, parent) and they danced and ate with everyone else.
In the spirit of our vows (which stated we would welcome children), we invited all the guests’ children, counting on the obvious fact that an evening black tie open bar & band reception hints “leave kids home.” Ultimately many parents opted for a sitter so they would better enjoy the party. Some kids attended and had an absolute ball — just enchanted by the party and on their absolute best behavior, all dressed up; great photos! So we got the best of both worlds. No hurt feelings by any parents this way.
We never considered not inviting kids. We had 10 or so under 12 years (including my MOH’s three month old). They were all well behaved during the ceremony (of course it was rather short), and had a blast at the reception. Like Melanie, we got great pictures, lots of dancing (and a few pics of a couple of kids crashed out on chairs at their table). It just wouldn’t have felt right without them all there. But it is a personal decision.
Ooh, this has been quite the debate for me and Mr. Peppermint as well. The venue specifically states that we provide a licensed and bonded caregiver for every two children under 18. This is due to the ‘dangerous’ nature of the site being on a cliff and all. There are three kids in the wedding party (two 7 year olds and a 4 year old) who will of course attend but some others that we’re discussing. Ultimately, I think we’re going to hire an off-site babysitter for the rest (two 2 year olds who run EVERYWHERE!, a one year old & a 3 year old). I’ll keep you posted as the dilemma heats up
NO CHILDREN! Except for our son, 8, whom will be the “Best Boy” and whom also will be leaving shortly after dinner ends and dancing begins. Not right away, but after the chicken dance, which he made us promise we would play.
I have an enormous family, and although they come from all over, I feel like the wedding is a time for them to enjoy themselves, not chase their kids, or even feel they need to check up on them.
Besides, there will be a fair amount of alcohol drinking.
FI and I don’t want kids. We’re not a fan of going to places (malls, festivals, fast food restuarants) where kids will be in attendance.
That being said, there will be kids at our wedding. It wasn’t even up for discussion. On my side, weddings are a family affair that always include kids. I’m probably having more of a formal wedding than any of my cousins or aunts and uncles have had, but that doesn’t change the fact that (in my eyes) it really wouldn’t be a wedding with out kids. Not to mention, that my bridesmaid’s already have three kids between them.
We will have a kids area with a babysitter during the reception, if they want to get away, and we’re debating even having a separate kids table away from the adults during dinner.
And if they scream or make a fuss during the ceremony? Oh well. It’s happened at other weddings I’ve been to, so it’ll almost be a tradition. I won’t be any less married.
My husband has a teenage son along with two nephews and a niece, while I have five nieces and nephews. All of them were in the bridal party. Also, friends brought their kids, including one young infant who stole everyone’s heart. It was important to us that the kids be there and have a good time. To us, getting married is about creating a new family, and these children are all part of our family, so of course we wanted them to be there! We had a wonderful wedding and reception, and the children were a big part of that.
We’ve got 5 coming from the responses we have so far, and only a few more are invited that haven’t responded. 3 of those will be free to us, 2 will be half price
FI’s older cousins are now in the baby-making phase, so kids are invited.
Our’s will not be a super formal black tie affair. Weddings are a family event - so they’re invited.
The youngest kids we’ll be having at the wedding will be 13, which I don’t really consider a “kid” anymore anyways…We are lucky that our friends, siblings, and cousins have not started having kids yet, so we’re getting away pretty easy. I never wanted to have kids present and this way we don’t have to tell any parents they have to figure out what to do with them. I adore children, but when I think about my wedding its always more an adult celebration–drinking, dancing, etc. and little kids just don’t seem to work with that image. We’re not having any kids in the wedding party either.
We’ve got a flower girl and a ring bearer, and that’ll be it, I believe. Our guest list consists of childless friends and Mr. L’s parents’ friends, with older kids. Dodged that bullet pretty nicely!
This was an issue that is causing some family debate, but the good thing is FI and I are completely firm that there will be no kids. There would be so many children that I think it would be too much for a formal-ish adult party, and we would have had to make some cuts with the guest list to accomodate. Some parents are very happy with this, others… not so much. FI is looking forward to spending time with his adult cousins without their kids running around/yelling/being kids (both cousins EACH have 4 children age 5 and under). I think if the kids were older we would have tried to figure something else out, but I really want to avoid the scenario Laura mentioned with the kids-crying-during-ceremony.
get ready for this; our guest list is 134 adults and 56 children. That’s right 56 children (we’re counting children as 10 and under)! We’re having a relaxed, Friday- Sunday wedding celebration at a campgound and my FI and I are both looking forward to the antics which will inevitably occur throughout the weekend! I say, “the more, the merrier!”
We don’t want kids to steal our show, but on the same token we also want all of our nearest and dearest to attend…
Our Solution:
All out of town guests with little ones can bring their kids if they would like period. If/When I have kids, if we travel to someones wedding I would not attend if I had to leave my kids with a local stranger so…
We have five children that are in the wedding party (1-jr. bridesmaid / 2-flower girls / 2-ring bearers) Beyond that we have 3 babies and 5 other small children - Total 13 kids
and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s our family, and children are a part of life.
We will not accept local children at our wedding because we feel that our guests will have plenty of time to line up their usual babysitter. We have made no mention of children on our invitations, and we phoned each of our travelers to let them know that their children are welcome.
We are having no kids except the one kid we had in mind when making the ‘no kids’ rule - it’s a long story involving snotty emails, an implication that without children it’s not a “family wedding”, and an instruction to our day of coordinator that if the baby starts to scream (which she did through the whole ceremony of the last wedding we were at, while her parents/grandparents nodded around affably) she will be removed.
Mrs. Corn, Newport, RI
Age and Occupation in '07: 31, HR for public accounting firm
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Consultant for public accounting firm
Engagement Date: October 7, 2006
Wedding Date: September, 2007
Blogging Since: June 1, 2007
Venue: North Lawn of Fort Adams State Park
About Me: I am a lazy scrapbooker who loves the instant gratification of making cards and I am very easily distracted by all things shiny. In honor of my childhood nights spent hibachi BBQing on the beach with my family, we are hosting a traditional New England Clambake for our reception.
It was a given that we HAD to have kids at the reception, due largely to my ever expanding collection of nieces and nephews. Because of that, my parents made it clear at the beginning that kids should be a part of the celebration of family.
Looking at our guest list… we’ll have about 20-25 kids under the age of 18 there.