When I was 5 or 6 my mom reminded me of Diana Ross. They looked a lot a like, really glamorous. But at that point in my life my mom had only been married once. Fast forward 20+ years and she is now up to her 5th marriage. Seems like a lot, huh? Well that’s because it is a lot! Now when people ask me about my mother and what she is like, I still say she looks like Diana Ross, but she is more like Erica Kane from All my Children. Each marriage and each divorce has a great story behind it (she has even married the same guy twice and had one marriage that lasted two weeks), but I won’t get into that.
What I will say is that as a child with a mother that is addicted to marriage, getting married was something that I really took a long time to consider. Mr. Butterscotch and I dated for a long time and neither of us were in a rush to get married. At some points neither of us were sure if we ever wanted to get married. I know everyone says they go into marriage thinking “OK this is it forever”. But we know forever isn’t always forever. People grow apart, people change and love changes. As it is right now Mr. Butterscotch and I have been dating longer than any of my mother’s marriages. While we dated we really took time to let each other grow up together and apart and figure out what we each really wanted in life. Now we both feel very prepared for marriage and what is yet to come.
How did you and your fiance prepare for the “til death do us part” while you were dating? Do you know any Erica Kanes, and what have you learned from them?
My mom is an Erica too, great comparison btw. 
I think I’ve learned two of the biggest marriage lessons from my mom, oddly enough. First, that it’s not always rainbows, puppies, and lovey-dovey. Marriage takes work and compromise from both people. Second, and the most important in my opinion, is that you always have more love to give. I can never, ever “run out” of love. Love may change and evolve, but it’s in infinite supply.
It’s a little sappy, but I try to live by that with everyone I know, not just FI. 
Good luck, and know the rest of us (kids of divorcee’s) are rooting for you!
One of the things that I’m greatful for, is that neither FI nor my parents are divorced. I think that has given us a great foundation. And on my side of the family, there is no divorce. None of my grandparents (4), aunts (10) and uncles (9) and cousins (26) have ever been divorced.
For FI and I, we don’t really consider divorce an option. We feel we are chosing to live our lives together, no matter what. There are always fights, and difficulties, but we’re going into this marriage thinking that there is no “out”. This is it, for better or for worse. That’s what we’ve learned from our parents, and that’s how we’re going to live our lives.
My aunt’s been married four times, the last two to guys named Steve. Makes it easier to remember, right? Other than she, my family has few divorces in it, on either side. My parents have been married for 45 years, my sister and brother have been married for 18 & 17 years, respectively. However, my husband was married before, his parents were divorced, and there are a bunch of other divorces in his family. But he definitely believes in forever. I didn’t get married until I was 40 years old because I only wanted to do it once, and it had to be the right person. I knew Mr Pencils was the right person pretty quickly, but we took our time. I’m not foolish enough to think that things will never change, of course they will. But I think our love will grow and change with life’s vicissitudes. We’re strong people and we know what we want in life: to be together. Nothing else is more important.
Pretty much ever member of my family (including my grandparents and my older sister) has been divorced at least once. My Mom’s second marriage has lasted for over 20 years, and I don’t forsee any problems for them, but my Dad’s second marriage ended in divorce about 5 years ago. My uncle has been married 4 times and had two broken engagments.
Mr. Radish’s family, on the other hand, hardly has any divorces in it. I worry that they will think that I’m a “high-risk” wife or something since no one in my immediate family is divorce-free.
what a great post! i think we get so into the whole wedding planning chaos, sometimes we start to forget about the most important thing. i think it sounds like you and mr. butterscotch have a very mature and solid relationship, and that it will last for a very long time.
It’s easy for young couples or those who grow up in “perfect” families to be very naive and not see that sometimes life happens, bad things happen, people change, people disappoint, people grow and grow apart. For those who come from blended families — not to worry, you have a full education! A divorce-free family history does not equate to a divorce-proof marriage. In fact, smug overconfidence can be a great underminer that fails to prepare people for reality.
Thanks for a refreshing honest post!
My mother is like Erica Kane, divorced 7 times, married to the same guy twice, my siblings and I all have different dads. Luckily, she decided to leave me with my Dad so I am not like her. I did learn from her that I was not going to take marriage lightly and that I am commited to work out any issues.
Melanie-
i sense some snarkiness in your comment- there are no ‘perfect’ families anywhere but that is no reason to think people who grew up in relativley stable and dare i say happy homes are “very naive” or think they’ll have ‘divorce proof’ marriages… if anything they have good examples to model their marriages on…a FULL EDUCATION could also come from seeing your family in a healthy relationship…
There’s no point pointing fingers(lol)-every couple’s relationship is unique and takes work, which is y i enjoyed miss butterscotch’s post on asking if couple’s are ready to commit to ‘forever’
Thank You Jessica!
You really took the words straight out of my mouth. I feel so blessed to have such a strong foundation and so much support from both sides of our families.
Mrs. Butterscotch, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 29, Advertising Sales Assistant
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, City Worker
Engagement Date: September 24, 2006
Wedding Date: August 11, 2007
Blogging Since: June 19, 2007
Venue: church ceremony and private club reception
About Me: I am marrying my high school sweetheart 11 years after high school ended! I am a self professed shoe fanatic with a closet full of shoes and only two feet. Planning a wedding has been my fun project since he surprised me with a proposal in Paris. We are spending our last few months preparing for our big day by wrapping up all the small things, buying a house and best of all preparing to live together for the first time.
My husband’s mom has been married 5 times as well… to two men. She married one when she got pregnant at age 16 and divorced within a couple years…. then she met my husband’s dad and married, divorced, married, divorced, married, divorced him. And, most recently, the father of her first child popped back into her life after 30 years and… now she’s married to him again. No divorce there yet! Haha. She’s got a lot of great things about her, but I think she has had some man issues… obviously. Oh well.