Different People
July 19th, 2007 @ 6:16 pm by Mrs. Kiwi
Mr. Kiwi is getting fed up with me asking, “Are you sure you’re going to love me forever?” Perhaps it’s because we have 108 days until we’re married, but it’s starting to feel as if we have too many things not in common. In our counseling, we learned we have the same goals in common (albeit in a different order), but a lot of things weren’t the same!
First thing in the morning, he puts on ESPN. What do I put on? The news, so I can watch Hollywood gossip from the day before. I love foods dry, no dressings, sauces or condiments. He puts mustard and mayo on sandwiches and loves all sauces. If I eat pasta, it’s dry with cheese - he has to add alfredo and sausage. Our eating habits are different, our reading habits are different… if I didn’t have the remote 90% of the time he’d probably watch something completely different.
There has been the age old cliche of “opposites attract”. Yes, they may attract, but do they last? It’s almost funny, how many things differ about us. He’s a coach, and I have no athletic abilities at all. Still, I go to all of the games he coaches because I love to see him in his element. He is a great coach, and that alone brings me into the games. I love to read books, and he’ll take me to the library, despite choosing magazines over novels (unless it’s Harry Potter!).
Sometimes I wonder if we’re entering into this marriage with (let me use his terms) a few team fouls already. If you don’t have things in common from the start, is it possible to grow to have things in common later? I must admit, this worry of mine has only evolved recently, while trying to choose songs for the DJ, and picking outfits for the wedding party. It’s silly to question these tiny little concerns, wondering what exactly brought us together, when I see him buy a student a pair of shoes because the ones he has are too small, and he can’t afford larger ones.
Although we may be completely different, I know we have our hearts in common, if that makes sense. I wonder, though, how important are shared likes/dislikes to you?
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19 Responses to “Different People”
When picking friends, I’m always looking for someone who can teach me something, so that’s certainly something I was looking for in a mate. If we had everything in common, what could I learn from him?
The differences you list are not fundamental to who you are as people — the long-term values, what you want out of life and marriage. So enjoy the variety! It will keep things interesting.
Oh, and he’s a boy, so some of that stuff is just male/female — common to most relationships.
My FI is a mountain man, I’m a city girl. I am very social, he prefers small (3 or less) groups. He watches nature programs and a lot of news, I watch weekly shows and get most of my news from print.
The biggest differences between us are the first two things I mentioned. We’ve learned to appreciate these things about each other and have also gotten comfortable with doing them alone or with someone else. For example, every year we take to vacations. One on our own (he goes back packing with a friend & I go to big cities with girl friends) and one together (we compromise on a little of what we both want). This keeps us happy and makes the compromising that much easier.
When it comes to core values, we are right in line with each other. I think this is the most important thing to have in common….
well, among some things, i like TV and he keeps asking if we really need cable. not a big deal huh?
we are different [thankfully so] but we share the same core values, which is so much more important than liking the same kinds of foods. take heart in knowing that you share the same values and embrace the differences…it makes for much more interesting stories 
I agree with the people above who say it’s about fundamental values vs. food likes/dislikes. Still, FH and I have a TON of very obvious differences (our upbringings couldn’t have been more opposite, our family structure, our political views), so I’ve had some of the same concerns.
In the end, I think it’s about knowing you can do some things together and others separately. For us, we have to be our own people b/c I think we both know that our relationship will wither and die if we’re just around each other, all the time, never stopping, never doing anything solo. The other person is supposed to strengthen/enhance you, not be your be-all-end-all!
I agree with jen. My FI is a computer geek and I don’t even know how to use Photoshop but what brings us together is our goofy, laid back personalities.
The comment about the student’s shoes kind of made me choke up…..
I think differences are what makes relationships interesting.
I think it is really telling that you don’t really care for sports yourself, but love watching your FI in his element, coaching his teams. That shows that you just like to see him happy, and I think that is a truly amazing and selfless quality for a wife to have.
i agree with all of the above… it’s the core values that will keep you guys together, not what you eat. if you love and appreciate each other for your individualities, and at the same time have the same life goals with each other in mind, i think you’ll be committed to each other enough to last through time.
Miss Kiwi…
I am feeling the exact opposite of you! I feel as though my fiance and I have way too many things in common. I want things that only I enjoy because it gives me my independence from him. It gives me a chance to teach him about things that he may not know about and it also gives me a chance to learn about what he’s interested in. For example, he is studying political science. I HATE politics…or at least used to until he started to teach me and I have a whole new aspect.
I also agree with everyone above. The core values in the relationship are what are important. If you think there is a problem with what you have in common, do you think you would’ve made it this far? Let alone, get past the first date? ;o) Don’t worry Miss Kiwi!
Ditto about Mr. Kiwi buying his student shoes. I think as long as you remember that it is that aspect of Mr. Kiwi you love about him, you’ll be fine. Like you said, all the menial issues can’t compare to his big heart.
I was worried too before I got married. He likes his food dry and I like the condiments. But ya know what? It’s working just fine 
You just have to make sure he is honest with you about what he likes/doesn’t like. Don’t worry, you’ll work through it!!
It’s good to have some shared likes, so you can spend time together. But then, you said you’re not athletic but you still go to all his games–so there, you’re spending time together in a shared activity. It was important to me when I started dating again (I took some time off) that I find someone who respected my love of and need to run. Didn’t have to be another runner, but had to be someone who understood my passion for it. And I did–when we met, Mr Pencils was a dedicated weightlifter who ran a bit on the gym treadmill for aerobic exercise. Since then, he’s turned into a runner, first because he wanted to spend time with me, second because he discovered he loved running outside and for longer distances.
You might find that there are other things you do together just because you enjoy spending time together, from cleaning the house to going for walks for ice cream. You’ll be fine, really.
My FH and I are opposites in so many ways (I’m an extrovert, he’s an introvert; I am a yoga type person, he’s a hardcore runner… I could go on and on). That doesn’t take away from the fun we have together, and how much we love each other. We’re reading a book for young couples (from a Christian perspective) and in it, the author states how many times God will use opposite “types” in a relationship to provide balance and wholeness. Your anecdote about Mr. Kiwi buying a student shoes shows that he has a wonderful heart - and he’s going to share that heart with you forever!
I have almost the same number of days left before my wedding and I think we are just hitting the “jitter” days. During the “jitter” days brides find something to worry about. And different food choices and tv shows are not true indicators of incompatability. Your common values and goals for your lives are much more important.
My fiance and I have absolutely no tastes in common. He loves cop dramas, I love stupid reality tv. He loves baseball and blues, I love knitting and musicals. We have not agreed on anything for the wedding (he likes plain invites, I like ornate; he wanted one photographer, I wanted another; he wanted exptravagant flowers, I wanted simple; he wanted an evening wedding, I wanted afternoon; etc., etc.). He is outgoing, I am quiet.
But, as everyone above said, we share core values and goals in life. I have the perspective, too, of having dated someone immediately before him with whom I shared a lot of interests and who was also very compatible with me in terms of temperament. But we didn’t share those core values, and it didn’t work out. So I know for sure which one is more important!
We don’t share all our interests -
We have some overlapping musical tastes, but he likes some heavier stuff that I’m not as into.
He definitely likes to watch sports on tv, and while I can sit and watch it, I can’t really get into it.
He’s going for his PhD in confusing science stuff & wants to do research - I’m getting my master’s & want to work with people.
He’s more of a neatfreak, I’m a packrat.
We do share similar values and have the same sense of humor though!
i agree with all the ladies above!! i actually thought about this reccently too and have come to the conclusion that what really matters is if you guys are on the same page on core values thats what’s important. stuff like family values, respecting one another, being able to both communicate, goals in life, etc etc.
i asked my SO only a few days ago what he thought we had in common and he said that so many of our interests are different but those core values are the same. in his words, “our interests being so different makes our conversations so much the more interesting!!!”
i couldn’t agree more.
ive also experienced dating someone whom i had a lot in common with but our core values were just so off that it really just didn’t work at all.
Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
I think the differences that you have are the typical male/female difference. My fiance and I definitely watch different TV shows - he sticks to sports, I like reality and gossip.
But I don’t think it’s interests that matter, it’s the type of personalities that make for a long relationship. For us, we both are jokesters and would rather relax at home instead of sitting in the bars. Plus, we both love to cuddle and eat, regardless of the TYPE of food we eat! Think of the general things that are similar, i’m sure you’ll find a lot.
In the long run, the types of food you eat and the TV shows you watch do not matter.