(image via answers.com)
Ok so our house is not the White House….but in my mind our first home will be just as grand. And in a few short days we finally are closing on our first house! So exciting!
We have never lived together so this will be such a fun journey for us as a newly married couple. I had some serious anxiety about being a home owner, but Mr. Butterscotch held my hand through the whole process and now I am over the moon with joy! And believe it or not buying a house was less stressful than parts of planning our wedding have been.
If you already live together, what is the one tip you can give us for this big adjustment?
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Appreciate the good stuff!
Still keep the grosser human necessities and grooming practices private! Nothing kills romance faster.
Don’t get upset when the other person wants to spend some quiet time doing his/her own thing, even while sharing the same physical space with you: i.e., a house.
I got a bit bent out of shape the first time my fiance said it would be nice to have a den or extra room to hang out in quietly by himself (we were living in a small apartment): until I realized I like having some private time every now and again, too!
Be honest with each other, from the get-go, about your own shortcomings. In our house, I do laundry, he does dishes. Why? I loathe doing the dishes and he’d rather gnaw off his own hands than do laundry. 
If you can get stuff like that out of the way early (and if needed, have a refresher once in a while) things will go a lot smoother.
Also, take time to appreciate living together. I can’t tell you how nice it was (and is!) to come home to my FI every night. Try not to forget that being together every day is a luxury and something to enjoy. Good luck! 
Be okay with the fact that it’s not going to be perfect for the first few weeks. it won’t be, and that’s normal b/c you’ll still be adjusting to each other and dealing with the stress of moving and planning a wedding. it doesn’t mean you have a bad relationship! Just hang in there and after a month or so, it will be bliss!
Be totally honest and open about money - get a budget work together to make it work and other things will fall into place. Once you plan you life financially together your shared goals will be more attainable and you’ll have someone to hold you accountable - BUT, don’t forget to take care of and splurge on yourself sometimes too. It’s important to have balance. And doing a budget together can be the worst day/week of your life but I promise it will bring you A LOT of relief and happiness in the future.
And - don’t forget to do silly things - just like the marriage don’t get consumed every minute of every day with laundry and bills and cleaning - eat dinner out, enjoy a glass of wine together, watch a movie, do superfluous stuff…
the boyfriend and i have been living together for around two years, and i love it. it is so great to come home and see him! don’t feel weird in bed (no i’m not talking sexually) - i mean for sleeping. sometimes it gets too hot or he’s snoring too much, so occasionally we sleep head to feet. it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other, it’s just practicality. don’t be surprised if it’s not all roses and glamor, but do appreciate being with the one you love!
Definitely I echo what was said about giving yourself time to do separate things, especially in the first few weeks/months. You may not feel like you “need” it, but it will help you appreciate each other more if you go out to dinner or a movie with friends one night, or whatever. Also, split the chores, but don’t nag each other if things aren’t done “your way”. The one thing I’ve learned is that we do things differently, but if it gets done, it doesn’t matter whether it’s “my way” or “his way.” And enjoy! It’s great!
FI and I moved in together in April. Like others have said, I love to hear the sound of the key in the door. I don’t know if it’s the “newness” of it all, but 3 months later - I’m still giddy.
We definitely share ALL of the housework, as we both work full time. So I think that’s important. We talked about our bill paying system before we moved in and decided how that would go… and definitely allowing space for “me time” - that’s a plus as well.
Congrats on your new home!
thanx for this post, i’m in the same boat as you, miss butterscotch, and i’m looking forward to the new step in our relationship!
Again, don’t sweat the small stuff….instead, learn to appreciate it.
Example, we don’t live together at the moment, but there were a few weeks that he had to stay with me because of an unbearable landlord situation. During that time I realized that apparently, I always hang my towels to dry and make sure they are straight. He will hang them but they are all crooked and for some reason, this really bothered me. BUT after a while it made me smile….in my new house, I put hooks up so it alleviated the issue all together!
Sleeping arrangements and communication are the two big ones.
If you’ve never slept with someone before (long term in the same bed), it does take some getting used to. Invest in Breathe Right strips, for the “I don’t snore” snorer. Be sure you pick the right size bed. Double beds are usually too small, king size beds can be too big, unless you both tend to sprawl out.
You have to be open and honest with each other about everything. Let your partner stop you and say, “No, you don’t need to tell me, I trust you.” Once you start hiding things (no matter how small) and lying to your spouse, it’s very hard to stop, and trust is very hard to rebuild.
Figure out the best way to divvy up the housework, taking into account personal preferences, skills, amounts of free time, etc. Allow for revisions of your plan down the line.
Also: enjoy!
I tend to need time by myself to unwind after the day before the man comes home. So I make sure that I get home at least 30 minutes before him. I get a chance to sit, relax, or even clean a bit before sharing my evening with someone else. I lived by myself for 4 years before moving in with my boyfriend, so I was used to a lot of alone time.
congrats on the buying your 1st home! when we bought ours and moved in 2 years ago, it wasn’t that big of a change. definitely need to set up expectations are who does what (chores, maintenance, paying bills, cooking, etc). that way, its clear who’s responsible for what and no “but i thought you’d take care of it” situations.
no TV in the bedroom
Pick your battles wisely. Let the little things go and compromise means both parties must sacrifice. When I moved out of my parents place and into my own, my FI came with me. It was nice to have company, but I never realized his “messiness” would get to me. After many arguments, we’ve learned to compromise…he doesn’t have to help me clean the house, but he has to help me maintain it!
The best advice I’ve gotten about moving in with someone was from my aunt. She said that there will come a point where the ‘newness’ starts to wear off and some things you start to take for granted. Her advice was 2 part, 1. don’t let that hurt you if eventually he doesn’t seem as excited as he did the first day you moved in. He still loves you just as much as ever (and with my guy its more like he’s comfortable now and feeling secure. I’m a bubbly person so I did let that bother me, but now I know he’s content and secure) and 2. talk about everything so that when things to start to get hum-drum you two can admit it and go do something fun together.
Talk about everything is pretty darned good advice too, but that’s for relationships in general really.
Best of luck to you!
Make sure you still go on dates, just the two of you every once in awhile. It gets easy to fall into a routine and just see each other at home when you’re both there every day, but that can get you into a rut after awhile. Take time to still “date” each other to keep things fun and romantic, so that not everything is about chores and cooking and bills.
Definately don’t sweat the small stuff. I am a cuddler, so we definately try to make time for that as much as we can. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in other things that there isn’t as much time for being sweet and romantic.
Also, I agree with s about the sleeping thing. Generally I love sleeping with him, but sometimes it’s just too hot and the bed’s not right or he’s snoring and I flip over so we sleep head to feet. It’s definately not glamorous, but i’ll usually wake up in the morning and see that he’s flipped too so that we can sleep the normal way together.
Thanks ladies! I love all the advice so far, keep them coming!
definitely don’t worry about the small things. when we first started living together, we fought about so many random things. look towards the bigger picture.
and you won’t believe how hot it is sometimes (temperature wise) to have another body in that bed when it’s still really warm outside. and the blanket snatching. and the times he’ll roll over onto your hair (i hate this the most)
My fiance and I have been living together for 6 of the 8 years we’ve been together. I think that it has taken us about 4 of those years to have all the fights possible about housework! Eventually that stuff gets worked out Then you’ll think of new things to fight about…
Make sure you like the chores you take on. BF hates feeding the cats/cleaning the litter boxes and I hate doing the dishes, but we’ve never talked about switching. Maybe we’ll discuss that tonight.
I agree that you should still make time to date. BF & I don’t do that either and we need to, we’re in a rut, and it’s driving me nuts. It’s hard to avoid, so realizing that it has happened may be hard.
Communicate openly about money and the like. Hiding stuff won’t make it any easier.
Although it sounds like I have a few complaints, I love living with BF & I love our 45 minute commute to work together. He makes me laugh so much.
Best of luck to you!!
Agree on who does what. If you hate unloading the dishwasher… well, at least trade off on who does it. Laundry, vacuuming, cooking, cleaning after someone has cooked… I feel really gypped if I get stuck doing all of it, so Itry and make sure I don’t. Why, just today, DH ran out of clean work pants… he took the last pair out of the drawer yesterday. so, if he would have told me then, maybe I would have washed some… goober. There will be grumping about who does what sometimes, and don’t expect to agree. Just plan ahead.
Be prepared for his pigisms. I caught mine scrubbing the bathroom sink with the toilet brush.
Hey, at least he was cleaning. Gently correct, but then be relieved that the thought crossed his mind to do it!
If possible, have separate bathrooms. Men never understand what women do all the time in the bathroom and they don’t really want to know. And there are definitely bathroom habits of my significant other that I wish I didn’t know about!
The FI and I have been living together for about 3 years now. Pretty much since our first date lol. I love it. Yes, the newness wears off and for some reason about 6 months in theres this fight, and you question everything. It happened to us, my parents, his parents and pretty much all of our cohabiting friends. Its okay and its normal and I like to think of it as a sign of real love. You are willing to admit not everything he does (or you do!) is something you love, and not everything is quirky or cute. Some things are just plain annoying. lol. But 3 years in, I still get excited to hear his key in the lock. I love those nights when neither of us can sleep and we go for midnight (or 2 am or 3 am or 4am!) walks. It’s not always easy but every couple can find their groove! Good luck and love and happiness to you both!
Use separate bathrooms! We are remodeling our house so I get the master bathroom all to myself. My guy uses the guest bathroom and I know I will be very sad when we both start using the master bathroom. He is a princess and spends about 45 minutes every morning and every night in the bathroom!!!
Mrs. Butterscotch, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 29, Advertising Sales Assistant
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, City Worker
Engagement Date: September 24, 2006
Wedding Date: August 11, 2007
Blogging Since: June 19, 2007
Venue: church ceremony and private club reception
About Me: I am marrying my high school sweetheart 11 years after high school ended! I am a self professed shoe fanatic with a closet full of shoes and only two feet. Planning a wedding has been my fun project since he surprised me with a proposal in Paris. We are spending our last few months preparing for our big day by wrapping up all the small things, buying a house and best of all preparing to live together for the first time.
sleeping together. i went from a twin bed for twenty years into a king size with another person!! two cats, and unbelieveable snoring. I never knew someone could make so much noise.
this was closely followed by picking up after oneself. but it’s gotten better once you figure out eachother’s paterns.