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In today’s hive:
To add your question to Beehive, please leave a comment below. Since many questions have already been answered previously (particularly regarding etiquette and gift ideas), please use the Google search box at the top of the page to see if you can’t find an answer there first. Also, you can check past Beehives here. Thanks!
Danielle,
Well only way that the guests have to identify your MOHs and BMs are when they read the program and when the DJ announces you all at the reception, right? Maybe you can simply list all of your girls as “Wedding Participants” in the program (and then list each one’s name and their relation to you, just as you would have anyway). Only list the 2 BM’s first, to give them a little seniority without emphasizing the fact that they have switched roles with the MOHs. Then, when your DJ announces the party (if you’re even doing this), he can just introduce everyone as “the wedding party”. This way you can subtlety phase out the MOH/BM titles and give the girls who deserve it a little recognition.
danielle: are you having other problems besides them not showing up? ie. are they lying to you, are they having money problems? i think it depends whether you’ve already announced publicly that they are your mohs, and also if you want to continue the relationships with them. if you do, then, you might need to suck it up. if no to both, then feel free to switch. i fired my moh two and a half months before my wedding because she ended up being a huge liar and a big strain on me. i don’t intend to maintain a relationship with her though.
joyful, it may not be cheaper to have something made. i’m running into that trouble right now with my bm’s dresses and i’m already providing the material. the quotes i’m getting is still around $145-165. might as well buy something at the store… i’d imagine it would be worse for a wedding gown.
Danielle–I had a very similar situation. My last college roommate was one of my bridesmaids. From the time I asked her, she found a way to flake out of every wedding related activity. For example, while all my other bridesmaids traveled to my college town (a 2 hr drive for each of them) to help with invitations, she (the only one that lived in town and LIVED WITH ME) decided to go out and get drunk instead. She almost flaked out on the shower my bridesmaid threw me and did flake out of my bachelorette party, which was the same day. Originally, she was supposed to stand third in line of the four. Since I didn’t want an uneven wedding party and didn’t have anyone else I could ask, I moved her to the end of the line less than a month before the wedding and quit asking her to help with anything. At one point, I wasn’t even sure if she would show up for the wedding. She did show up and everything went smoothly, but I haven’t talked to her since (a little over a month). I would switch them, if I were in your position, especially since these girls were supposed to be your MOHs, which is a very important role. Their lack of commitment shows disrespect for you. Just remember that the most important part of the day is that you are marrying the love of your life. Please don’t let their negative attitudes have too much of an effect on you.
Hey Joyful!
I’m a budget bride and I am having my dress made. Basically I worked out a deal with a seamstress I know that will end up with me paying $300, materials included. But I know my situation is a lucky one.
It is different for all seamstresses, but if you are considering having something made, a lot of the time, the biggest cost of the dress comes in when you need a pattern made for you because that requires a certain number of hours of artistic effort on the seamstresses part. If you can work out something where you pick an existing pattern and if you can discuss the seamstress’s needs and then go and purchase the materials yourself, you will end up saving a lot!
Good luck!
Joyful: yes, you can get a dress made for less than mosts gowns in stores. that’s what I’m doing. You won’t get the kind of couture treatment with muslin sample the way Miss Snow Pea is getting, but it can definitely be done on a small budget.
In my case, I had a clear idea of the style of dress I wanted, and it was simple enough in construction that the seamstress charged me her evening gown rate instead of her wedding gown rate. Basically, if the person’s business is more dressmaking and less designing, it will be more affordable.
I already had a relationship with a seamstress. She’s done alterations for my family for a while. I would suggest asking at the dry cleaners and
women’s wear shops for recommendations to find one if you don’t have a recommendation from a friend. If you’re working with a completely new person, ask for referals from her other clients, and to see work in progress and photos of past work.
I got cotton alecon ace from a dress manufacturer that also retails fabric, and silk dupioni from a fabric shop in the garment district in my city. my seamstress found the rest of the materials needed (like lining fabric and zipper.) She worked from photos I found online, and sketches I made. Total cost will be in between $500 and $600 Canadian (she hasn’t tallied all the materials she bought yet, so I don’t know.) If I’d bought in a store, the lace jacket alone would have been $300.
oops. I edited out that the total cost was for a lace jacket and silk dupioni dress with built in crinoline.
Amy: Ask for “midnight blue” (i.e., Tom Cruise wedding tux color).
Danielle: I wouldn’t demote your MOH’s at this point; will seem petty.
Joyful, it is all relative. If you have your eye on a designer dress, it may be cheaper to have it made. Or if you’re asking your seamstress to design a complicated, custom pattern, it could cost more that a ready-made dress. If what you’re really wanting is a beautiful dress for a rock-bottom low cost, consider Ebay. My daughter bought hers for $150 including the veil and shipping from the manufacturer in China. I’m a very experienced seamstress and it was a high quality dress complete with quite a bit of machine embroidery and hand beading. I could not have bought the fabric for $150 and I would rather put my energies making them a quilt that will last for years to come. In our case, everyone won out on this decision.
Info for NYC bride: There’s a huge sale going on at the Lord & taylor shoes department lately. I went in and got my pair of dream shoes for $49.99 — which originally was about $280! A lot of nice dressy heels & flats available : ) So if you’re looking for shoes, def. go check it out!
Danielle,
From reading your original comment, I’m curious why they were originally picked as your MOHs since you said you haven’t talked much in the past year. I would say yes, switch them if it means looking back at your pictures and such in the years to come knowing your BEST friends were standing next to you.
Have you talked to them about why they are flaking out? If they are just forgetful or don’t care, that’s not the kind of people that you have stand next to you - you want people that really want to be there for your and your FI. However, there was a reason you picked them and not the other 2 in the first place - keep that in mind.
I was in a similar situation - 2 MOHs and 3 BMs, I was one of the BMs. I was there for EVERYTHING and the MOHs fought with each other so much they made everyone miserable and never actually DID anything. Out of the 5 of us, I was the only one to show up at the bachelorette party. It would have been nice to know that the bride saw my excitement for her event and I’d like to think she knew I was more into it for her than they were, but at the same time it saved me a lot of stress. (No speech to write, etc.)
Talk to the girls. All of them. Make sure your other BMs know you appreciate them but DO NOT bad mouth your friends to them while you do so. Talk to the MOHs and ask how they are - no wedding-related questions but how they REALLY are - and make sure they are okay with the commitment you are looking for. With only 2 months to your big day it really isn’t too late to switch, but make sure people can handle what you expect from them.
Joyful–you could get one of the Isaac Mizrahi Bridal dresses for…what…$150, I think, and use whatever budget you have leftover to fancy it up. I’m not saying break out the Beadazzler, just…make it your own.
Rita - try nordstrom.com; they have tons of white dresses that are great for weddings, in addition to dresse that are “officially” wedding gowns.
Joyful - Isaac Mizrahi, White House Black Market, I think even JCrew all have bridal lines now, and the ivory/white dresses are still even cheaper than dresses from David’s. Or check out bridesmaid dresses in white!
Rita - Target has a line of dresses as well, and they’re affordable and surprisingly attractive. David’s Bridal is, I think, still having the $99 gown sale… even if not, they’re definitely affordable anyway. I found my dress (way in advance, even) on the first day, off the rack, no fittings, for about $450. So if I would have been in a hurry, it’d have been great. So just get looking!
Rita - my previous post (#12) could apply to you as well.
Not sure where you got dress #1 - but see what the return policy is like, or if you’d be able to exchange it for a different dress at the same store. Or - sell the dress, by listing it on Craig’s List, Ebay, or http://preownedweddingdresses.com/ .
Then get the dress you want - at 4 weeks out it would have to be off-the-rack though, probably - from David’s or one of the stores I mentioned (or other department stores?) Check out Macy’s with the bridal store in them too.
Thank you to everyone for all the tips! And Sarah, I busted out laughing at the idea of Beadazzling a wedding dress. I can just see the horror on my grandmother’s face…
Amy,
I went to a wedding in May in which the groomsman wore navy blue tuzes (gorgeous!!). They got them at After Hours, I believe.
Rita- JCrew’s wedding gowns are wonderful, I am wearing one. They are real silk, amazing quality, and photograph beautifully. Some of them are on clearance right now, so they are under final sale, not in the wedding section. When you order, call and ask to speak to a wedding speacialist because the sizing is different from their regular clothing. I had to order 3 times before I called and spoke to someone who was able to determine my correct size in the Avery gown. I highly recommend JCrew wedding gowns.
I am having my dress custom made. It works out much cheaper but I am having second thoughts. What if the dress does not fit like those designer gowns you see on the websites. I have purchased all the fabric which cost me close to 300$ but am so tempted to just go in and buy one off the rack..Ms. Snowpea & Popcorn- are you worried at all about the fit of a custom made dress by a seamstress?
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