Weddingbee Blog

As I posted nearly a year ago, I’ve known what I was going to change my name to for a long time: Firstname Middlename Maidenname Newlastname, with no hyphen, where my last name is simply Mr. Bluebell’s name, but my maiden name serves as a second middle name.

Not so much.

Yesterday I went to the DMV with my marriage license (that said First Middle Maiden New, exactly as I wanted) and all my other crap, waited 2+ hours, then stepped up to the window to complete my simple routine transaction.

First, the woman ignored me for a full minute while I was standing there at her counter. A bit annoying after such a wait, but nothing to get upset about. Then she turns and asks in a not particularly pleasant voice what I’m here for today. “I’m changing my name since I got married.” “Driver’s license & marriage certificate.” I have all my important documents all out and arranged on the counter so I instantly hand her the two she wants. She promptly crosses out my maiden name and draws an arrow pointing at my new last name.

I say, “uh, what are you doing?”
DMV !#*@$^: “You can’t have two last names, so you have to hyphenate.”
Me: “But I don’t want it hyphenated, see the marriage certificate? That’s how I want it.”
Her: “You can’t have two last names; they have to be hyphenated.”
Me: “I don’t WANT two last names, my maiden name is my second middle name.”
Her: “You can’t do that.”
Me: “But I have it right here on my marriage certificate, the town clerk told me this was fine.”
Her: “Listen, I am only going to tell you one more time - NO I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN - if you have TWO LAST NAMES YOU HAVE TO HYPHENATE.”
Me: “Uhhh, can I talk to a supervisor??”
Her: [with obvious malicious glee] “Well I’d be happy to fill out an H-ticket request for you! Let me just fill this out, and then go wait in that line over there to get a new number and wait until they call your H-number.”
Me: [glowering with hatred] Thank you, please do that.

Just then a man walks by behind her and glances in our direction. She sighs in disappointment and says, “this is the supervisor, you can talk to him.” He gestures me to walk over to a free window and she violently shoves my documents back at me.

I explain the situation to me and he very politely and professionally (if a bit lacking in sympathy) explains that in New York, if you wish to have your maiden name in your name after you take your husband’s name, then the only options are:

1) Hyphenate. This is the only option available at the DMV.
2) Have a court order made out officially changing your maiden name to a middle name. This is the exact same process you have to go through if you change your name from “Susan” to “Princess Consuela,” just a total start from scratch name change application. You also have to pay to have your name change printed in the newspaper so it’s a matter of public record.

The other option he gave is that if I wanted to be First Middle Newlast (which I really really don’t since my middle and new last names are both one syllable - and rhyme!) then I’d have to build up 6 points worth of identification that does not include my maiden name anywhere on it - because if my maiden name is listed anywhere they are FORCED to hyphenate since, you know, you can’t have “two last names.”

I asked if they couldn’t just write Newlast, First Maiden and drop my middle name? Nope! Maiden is still a “last name”! I asked if they could just write “Newlast, First” with no middle names at all. Nope! If you “have” “two last names” then they HAVE to hyphenate, whether you want them to or not! I asked if they could write Maiden New First Middle with no hyphen. Nope! Then we would be claiming that my new last name was actually my first name!

So after they have successfully crushed my spirit into teeny teeny teeny shards, the supervisor asks if I want to get a license with the hyphenated name, or just walk away with absolutely nothing. I figure it’s better to have my new last name written somewhere on the license (EVEN IF IT’S WRONG) than to just not have it anywhere so I reluctantly agree. At which point…he takes me back to the bitch’s counter.

She is helping someone else now, and says loudly and deliberately to him in the nastiest voice I’ve ever heard in my life “I wish I could help YOU but Little Miss Don’t Want To Hyphen has come back, so I have to deal with HER,” with blatant disgust and an eyeroll. I’m beyond trying to be polite so I just hand her my papers and she does her thing without once glancing up at me. Then, as she enters in my new official name, she actually starts singing “Maidenname HYPHEN Newwwww, Maidenname HYPHEN Newwwwww” in a singsongy voice. Yes, I am telling the truth. No, I am not exaggerating. Yes, really, for real.

For the record, if there’s anyone out there with any power to fire people at the DMV: This was at the Broadway & 34th Street office on the 8th Floor in Manhattan. She was the clerk working at counter 21. I believe she was wearing a polyester shiny brown shirt. Please, please, make sure she is punished.

So yes, that is how, after considering every single possible name change option other than hyphenating, I ended up with the only possible iteration of my name that I passionately dislike.

Regardless, there are a few morals to this story which hopefully might help someone!

1) In New York (City? State? not entirely sure), if you wish to keep your maiden name AND take your husband’s name, you cannot under any circumstances have your maiden name become your middle name, even if it is so stated on your marriage certificate.

2) If you do not want your maiden name and last name to be hyphenated, your maiden name cannot appear anywhere on your “name after marriage” blank on your marriage certificate. Even if I had not had my middle name listed and was simply Firstname Maidenname Newlastname on the marriage certificate, they would have HAD to hyphenate because the marriage certificate clearly states your maiden name, therefore indicating that it is a “last” name in the eyes of New York.

3) Those stereotypes about people who work at the DMV….not entirely unfair. I have met a number of not particularly pleasant people at the DMV before, but always thought “oh they’re not THAT bad, that stereotype is so undeserved; I’m sure they’re just overworked.” But no, some of them are actually pure pure evil.

That said…there may be a slight bit of light at the end of the tunnel. According to a messageboard post on Indiebride, the original poster had my same problem - when trying to get her marriage license. Later, another commenter expresses surprise at the problems people are describing because members of her family have had no trouble doing exactly what the others wished to do. But, she admits, she is in upstate New York, so perhaps the NYC rules are different from the state ones. Combining these two together…I realize that the reason my marriage license so explicitly states the exact name option that I wanted is probably because it was not obtained in New York City, but upstate. So, if this crazy psychotic ridiculous absurd enforced hyphenation rule is just an NYC law, then perhaps I can take my lovely perfect marriage certificate to the DMV upstate and get my license issued there!

So…does anyone know if (a) it is in fact possible to change your maiden name to your middle name in non-NYC parts of New York, or if (b) you need to be anywhere near your place of residence in order to get a license?

As an aside…after all this, I finally managed to drag myself to the Social Security office in the hopes that they might be less insane and just give me the name I want. I got a number, sat down, waited a while…and then saw a notice that Queens residents - AND QUEENS RESIDENTS ONLY - must go to their local Social Security office to get new/replacement/change cards. Residents of aaaany other borough can go to aaaany borough office that they please, but those Queens people? We have to keep them separate.

Most unsuccessful day ever.