Hey girls!
My fiance is having cold feet and he’s very open about it. We’re taking a break from planning right now not to add to any more stress he’s going through. He didn’t say he wanted to cancel it. He just said that he’s a little scared. We’re not fighting or anything. We’re just trying to enjoy ourselves wedding-planning-free.
Should I continue planning or should I take my time? I have 7 months to go and we pretty much have everything booked. I don’t wanna continue planning if this will just add more pressure on him but if I don’t do anything, it might bite us in the butt in the end for acting so last minute. Please help. 
Confused
What MP said 
You should be okay in a holding pattern for a few weeks if you have all your vendors booked already. Maybe you guys could take the time off from wedding planning and do a little marriage planning instead, get to the bottom of what he’s worried about and get back on the same page.
Hello Confused! Ah, how I understand you’re plight - from the other end. Weddings can be fraught with stress and pressure. The question is, is your fiance afraid of marriage, feeling overwhelmed, OR, does this have to do with marrying YOU. There is a difference.
There is nothing wrong with taking breaks. Even my dear boy, who did some, but not nearly as much as me, was burnt out about 1/2 way through - tres normal.
I think you need to ask for fiance if you got married tomorrow - eloped, would it be any better - would it make a difference for his fear? IF he would do it tomorrow then take a good break - focus of what the wedding is really about - which is you, and your relationship, and being together, and planning/sharing a life and relax about the wedding. Have you gone pretty overboard, can you understand why he might be stressed if you have?
I am the one who gets the cold feet on my end - the pressure is not fair. And I HATE contracts of any kind - but, I know what I am doing is right, and I certainly don’t want to cancel the wedding. Questioning, in my opinion, is a good thing - if we never questioned how would we have anything great? From art to music to great love.
Don’t worry. Relax with the planning and start talking. Start talking a lot and seriously and then go get some ice cream and a totally silly movie - and, if you are that way, have some good old fashioned sex.
Have you had an opportunity to have premarital counseling? If yes, are you comfortable discussing w/ your counselor? If not, consider it to help learn either that it’s the normal cold feet stuff (and you’ll feel so much better), or you’ll realize it’s not right to go forward with the wedding (maybe just right now, maybe not ever together).
Each situation is so specific to the couple, so advice from people who don’t know you both and don’t know the situation is of limited usefulness.
I have to agree - despite my advice, a counselor or pre-wedding program is probably your best bet.
The answer to that depends on why he’s having cold feet…but I agree with the above statements that a little counseling wouldn’t hurt. Good luck!
No matter what the reason for his cold feet, you need to take that seriously and do what is best for the relationship. If that means taking a break, then you do have to really do that. What you need to do for your wedding is not that important, so let it be for a while so you (as a couple) can do what you need to do for your relationship.
I agree with the posters above that counserling might be a good idea. Not necessarily premarital counseling; you could do couples counseling or even just go yourself.
Good luck!
From a guy’s perspective, or maybe just my FI’s the wedding is all about the bride. It’s the time for the bride to live out her dreams for her big day. I started “planning” with my FI about 18 months before hand and we’re just about at the 7 month mark. If he seems stress about the whole thing, take a weekend or two to do things that you both enjoy and miss doing amiss all the planning. Take the time to remind him why he’s marrying the girl of his dreams and what a great moment you will be sharing with him on the big day. Don’t ever let him lose sight of the bigger picture amongst all the stress.
I am a therapist and recently had this issue come up. If you research wedding anxiety you will see as many as 50 percent of engaged people experience some degree of this. It can be frustrating for the world and media to be expecting all smiles and plans, while a person may be struggling with a truly psychological phenomena of anxiety. Make sure he gets plenty of sleep, some exercise, and start talking about what his fears are related to. Also ask him what three marriage relationships was he exposed to the most growing up and what impression did those relationships leave. Regardless, he needs to know that spending life with you is a blessing and privelidge…not a burden to be feared.
Thanks so much for your encouraging words.
He is more afraid of being a failure. He said that he’s seen this happen with his own family and is afraid to be in the same situation. He doesn’t know if he’s capable of being a good husband.
Confused - I did a google and came up with this. We are suppose to wed 11/1 and this is our second marriege. He’s getting “COLD” Feet. How did you end up coping, are you happily married.
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Seven months is plenty of time to get everything finished AND take a break for a few weeks. Sounds like you are already set with most of your vendors. What is more important right now? Making sure the man you love is fully committed and excited about the big day or starting another DIY project?
I think taking breaks every few weeks throught the entire planning process is a healthy way to not get overwhelmed.