Wedding Blog

I agree with Amy!

Have you told your FILs what you just told us? “that Paul is one of the most significant people in my life, someone who knows me just as well as family.” Maybe if you assure them that he is a brother and not a lover they can learn to accept it. If not? I second Miss Lovebug, you don’t want to resent them. Follow your gut.

I agree with previous posts, it is YOURS and FI’s wedding. Do what you want. But, I would also talk to your FI and make sure that he is cool with it, and possibly have him talk to his parents.
Are they more upset that it is Paul or that you are having a MAN of HONOR instead of Maid/Matron?? I know that I have gotten quite a few raised eyebrows b/c my little bro is my man of honor.
hth!

I’d have to agree with Mrs. Bee on this one… simply because I understand that Asian culture is all about respect. Even though you are not disrespecting your FI’s parents in any way, they may preceive it as disrespect because they do not understand. Yes, they would be wrong, but sadly, perception is reality. And the reality is, you’re not just marrying FI, you’re marrying his family!

Perhaps if there is a pre-wedding family party, you could invite Paul so that the groom’s parents can meet him. If he has a GF/wife, he could bring her also and your FI’s parents will see that Paul is harmless.

Either way, I hope it works out!!!

Being Asian, I too, understand that it is easier said than done to put your foot down b/c it’s your wedding. I like Mrs. Bee’s and Miss Eggplant’s suggestions. Also, because your parents seem to be completely okay with it, is there any way you could have your parents talk to your in-laws about it? That way, they are at the same respect level since they are of the same generation, it won’t be so much you talking back to your elders, rather, a discussion and explanation between the elders. Good luck!

Normally I’d say it’s your day and if FI is okay, who cares? But it’s not worth casting doubts in your in-laws eyes before the actual wedding and Paul sounds like a close enough friend that he’d understand. Can he do something else in the wedding? Perhaps a reading during the ceremony? Or ask him to give a speech during the reception? I think that’d be really touching and would work out really well, since he’s known you for so long.

i’m a non-korean (but asian) marrying a korean and to be honest, i’m sick of the “traditional korean mentality” blah blah blah being an excuse for all things wedding planning. The way i look at it is if you and you FI are paying for the wedding, then you should do what YOU want to do. If they in-laws are chipping in, then tell them as a courtesy but they still shouldn’t mandate.

I understand sacrifice and compromise when it comes to the wedding–the blue BM dresses instead of the green I love, the steak entree instead of the fish I’d prefer–but not having my *best friend* stand next to me when I make the most important commitment of my life. Uh-uh. There’s no compromising there.

I agree with Bee… though it is your wedding and ultimately your own choice, it might be a better idea to compromise. If you weigh out the pros and cons of having him as a groomsman instead of the Man of Honor, the con of potentially giving your future in-laws a grudge to hold against you could be worth the sacrifice of not having him right next to you, but still in the wedding party.

Mr. P is also Korean and there were quite a few conflicts with certain family members insisting on things, supposedly due to the culture. (Amy, if you’re reading this, I feel ya… I feel ya!) I was really upset sometimes during the planning process, but I had to learn to pick my battles. I was pretty frightened that the wedding would be ruined because of an outburst or something or other, but it turned out fine in the end, with some very understanding friends appeasing those that needed to be appeased on that day before I even heard of the matters.

In my case, I don’t think I can do anything to fully please those certain family member(s), as the root stems from the fact that I am not Korean. But, I did and will continue to do everything within reason to try to please them and respect their wishes! In your case, if that means a compromise that you don’t mind making TOO much, then, by all means, do it.

I think if Paul is your best friend, he will understand if you have to leave him out of the wedding, even if he’s hurt by it. Since your in-laws are so against it, maybe (like others above suggested) give him the groomsmen title.

If you and your in-laws don’t come to a compromise, you may “offend” them and this will make things difficult down the line. Since they are traditional, I can see how this could cause a rift btwn you guys and you don’t want to start off on the wrong foot. Perhaps if the in-laws got to know Paul better they’d change their minds…..

P.S. I have traditional in-laws as well who are insisting certain things. I’ve learned to pick my battles even tho I’m unhappy about having to do certain things. =( Hope it works out better for you!

I’m having my own “Man of Honor”!!

My best friend and oldest friend is a guy.
We are actually having “Men of Honor” instead of bridesmaids and groomsmen. That’s even how we are listing it on the program.

I support you in doing what’s right for you not what’s right for others.

Your wedding day should be a reflextion of you and your fiance. Don’t let the views of others keep you from following your heart.

totally agree w/ amy (comment #14). tell your future-in-laws, paul is like a brother to you and you want him in the wedding as the #2 guy (after your FI). they’ll get over it. if not, oh well. they’ll find plenty of others things to complain/nag you about anyway!

Hi. My brother and I are really close, and when he got married, he was considering making me a groomswoman. Eventually, he thought it’d be too awkward for me to be the only groomswoman and walk down the aisle escorting another women. Instead, I sang at his wedding. Maybe Paul could still be a part of your wedding, but not your man of honor. Perhaps he could walk you down the first part of aisle, and your father walk you down the rest of the aisle? My cousin officiated his brother’s wedding. Maybe Paul could read a poem? The wedding party just stands up there with you. Maybe this is an opportunity for Paul to have a more active role in the ceremony. =)

I don’t really understand the concept of a “man of honor” or “best maid” unless the person is a) gay or b) family–brother, sister, whatever. If you have a best male friend who is NOT your fiance, then why are you marrying your fiance? My significant other is hands down my best friend and that is why I want to marry him.