Last night I went shopping for makeup with one of my BMs. As we were in the middle of discussing my wedding plans, she blurts out, “Are you sure you don’t want a bachelorette party? You know you’re going to regret it!” To that I replied again, that I do not wish to go to a strip club of any sort, or go dancing at a nightclub or anything like that. She looked at me intently and without saying it, told me that she thought I was nuts.
I honestly don’t think I’ll regret it because I’m really not into that kind of stuff. I’ve been to parties before and I’ve tried to enjoy the night scene but it’s really just not me. I’ve been to a bachelorette party before and I really didn’t enjoy it too much and in fact, I don’t think the bride did either.
Miss Lollipop listed some very helpful Q&A’s yesterday and I thought that this tip was especially useful. Less trash and more substance. Just a girls night out without the degrading fluff. Call me a prude, but I’d much rather do something else. But what is that something else? It must be fairly affordable, simple and just fun. We also don’t have much time left. Most of our weekends up until the wedding are occupied with errands and next week we are having a housewarming/engagement BBQ. Perhaps I should just scratch it and call it a day since I’m still having a bridal shower.
Are you doing a non-bachelerette party in addition to your bridal shower? If so, what are the plans?
I would be really disappointed if I didn’t get a bachelorette party. I don’t think you’re a prude though, I don’t mind the nightclub scene but I also don’t want a party with strippers, sex toys or random penis paraphernalia. I find that stuff distasteful, not funny, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun! Why don’t you guys do a spa day at home (i.e. give yourselves pedicures and manicures rather than paying buckets to have someone else do it) or a bridesmaids’ tea like Mrs Raspberry did? There are a million things you could do for fun with your girls that don’t involve loads of drinking and dancing and strippers.
I don’t want a penis straw, condom veil, late night at a club where I will draw mad amounts of unnecessary attention on myself either! My friends don’t believe me. I have convinced them to go up to my finace’s family’s lake house for a weekend instead. There is nary a strip club in site. But, it’s only 2 hours away and we can take the boat out, drink margaritas on the porch and gossip. Maybe you could come up with a similar, alternative plan where you can still spend some fun time with your girls. For some reason, bowling keeps coming to mind…
Depends what you are interested in. I like the idea of going all-out on something that’s fun and girlie and NOT what you’d likely do after being married. I would love a girls-only day at the waterpark or theme park! Or could do a spa day. Even a slumber party.
I was the MOH in my best friend’s wedding, and for her bachelorette, we all went out to dinner and then back to her house for cocktails, dessert (which each of the bridesmaids had brought), and tarot card readings by a psychic! It was fun, relaxed, and non-embarrassing for her!
I’m not having one, and certainly not the bar-hopping, veil-wearing, penis cake-eating kind. I’m not having a shower either. Call me the anti-bride bride. All of my BMs live over a day’s drive away. There’s no way I could ever ask them to cough up more $$$ to fly up here for anything other than the big day. We’ll probably go out for tea the day before the wedding, but that’s it.
I am throwing a slumber/spa party for a friend of mine as her bachelorette party. I picked up a bunch of nailpolish and face masks and told everyone to bring a relaxation themed gift. We are having margaritas and daquiris and chick flicks!
I am having a bachelorette party that my friends have turned into a weekend reunion of sorts at the college we went to (a big party school). Most of my friends are married now but every once in a while we love to go and and have girls nights since we do not live by eachother. Nothing scandalous or degrading, but not PG either! I think it’s fun not even as a bachelorette, I don’t need to say goodbye to singledom, I feel like I did that 4 years ago when we got together, but sometimes it’s nice to just be crazy girls.
I too have no interest in the traditional bachelorette party. Instead, we’re going to do a day at some local wineries and possibly a dinner out later in the evening. Much more my style!
My bridesmaids suggested a matinee on Broadway followed by a nice dinner. Sounds wonderful to me, but so much money…..maybe after the wedding when we’ve all had a chance to recuperate financially.
Instead, my suggestion was a nice dinner out then an evening at home either doing pedis or watching wedding-ish movies….perhaps a slumber party.
It’s still up in air….all I know is no night clubs, no drunken stupers, and no embarrassing and distasteful strippers.
They said I’d regret not going to my prom. I still haven’t 
my friend threw me a very sedate shower, and my MOH’s “hen” (UK speak for bachelorrette) was also very ladylike, so I have no worries that the hen she plans for me will not involve anything clubby. it’s just not for either of us.
In June, some friends up in New England threw me a bachelorette around Boston. We went to Boston for a Saturday. They made me wear a veil and we had matching shirts (mine was white- theirs pink or green- my colors). We did a scavenger hunt of sorts taking us everywhere in Boston- some by foot, some by T. TONS of fun- no debauchery. Though I did get my picture taken with a sailor, a drunk guy by Fenway, and firemen. Don’t ask
In a couple of weeks a friend of mine is throwing me a girl’s day out where we will be doing crafts at the following place: http://www.studiou.com . My friends know I love crafts so we’re going to just spend some time there doing projects and either do lunch or dinner depending on the time frame.
Also- for a friend of mine- we did sushi and then ceramics the night before her “real” bachelorette. She LOVED it.
To sum up my LONG comment- I say you do whatever you like with your friends. A spa day, a dinner out, take salsa lessons, go crafting, whatever it is that you all would have fun doing. It doesn’t need to be the typical bachelorette craziness.
my girls were AWESOME. first they picked me up and took me to the bus station - they took me for a nyc trip! had a really cute, modern, hotel room at the parker meridian by the russian tea room, then went to see a matinee of “i love you, you’re perfect, now change.” afterwards we went to the bryant park hotel, really nice dinner at koi. then we just hung out in our hotel room for a couple hours, then went dancing (they dolled up with fake tattoos and gave me a tiara, which was fun b/c people came up saying congrats). the next morning they took me to sarabeth’s for a delicious brunch.
so no strippers, no penis games, just some guys coming up to us that thought it was my bday (when i showed them the ring they backed off heheheeh) when dancing. but otherwise a fabulous time!
As the MOH for my older sister’s wedding in October I am throwing an unconventional bachelorette party. We’re going to one of those places for a paint-your-own pottery party. My sister is absolutely not a party girl and most of her wedding guests are family members, so we’re just going to have a fun craft night; something even the younger cousins can take part in! We’ve painted our own pottery many times over the years and it’s always a fun, laid back type of gathering…plus you get to take something home with you!
i had a non-bachelorette party at a wine loft. and it was fabulous! no boas, no veils, no matchy-matchy outfits, no hint of bride. right up *my* ally. and i’d do it again in a heartbeat.
I like the spa idea, but my BMs and I are going for manis and pedis before the wedding so that’s out of the question as a bachelorette party.
We’re going to go to one of the paint your own pottery places then dinner for mine - which sounds fantastic to me. I’m not up for a strip club, or any banana hammocks. No thank you.
Well, to be honest, I don’t get the point of a bachelorette party in addition to a shower. If I want to get together with the ladies in my life to celebrate my marriage, I’ll do it once. However, I don’t need lots of presents and I don’t drink a lot and I really didn’t want a male stripper - so I went out to lunch with 11 friends and had a great time!
I didn’t have a bachelorette party, nor did I want the typical strip club one. I did, however, hope to have a night with girlfriends, possibly the night of my shower, but with illness (mine and others), a new baby, and tight scheduling, it didn’t happen. However, that doesn’t mean I’ve given up the idea! We’ve made plans to have a “Girly Party” next month, in which my friends and I will go to the beach in the morning, visit a spa in the afternoon, and spend the evening watching bad movies in our PJs, and most will stay over so my husband can make us pancakes for breakfast. If we’re very lucky, he’ll wear one of my frilly aprons and we can tuck dollars into the waistband. (I have a small collection of vintage aprons.)
I am not a bar “hopper” - I’m more of a bar “sitter” in that I would rather sit in one spot all night with good friends, good conversation and cheap drinks. Seeing as how several of the girls will not be 21 yet (including my MOH sister) we are compromising. The first half of the night will be in a hotel room partaking in a “Pure Romance” party where a consultant comes to us and demos all sorts of beauty stuff (I’ve never done this and my sister says it’s a blast so I trust her.) We will have some snacks and a few drinks there, and then some type of transportation will take us to a club for a few hours. I’ve made it very clear that I don’t want to adorn myself with male appendages nor do I want strippers, and my sister respects that (I hope!)
There’s nothing wrong with going out to have a good time with your close friends. The best part about being a bride is YOU get to decide what a “good time” means to you!
All I know about my ‘bachelorette’ party is that it’s two days long and has a packing list that includes everything from bathing suit, to yoga clothes, bug spary and dance outfit.
Whatever they have plan…it sounds like a combination of fun girl activites. And there better not be strippers! So not my scene.
You won’t regret foregoing a strip club and penis shaped everything. I guarantee it.
Go bowling, have a video game party, have a slumber party, do a movie marathon, go hiking, go to a wine tasting, have a wine and cheese party, go out for dinner and cocktails at a swanky place, go ice-skating, go roller-skating, go to an amusement park, go to a spa, have a pool party, have a fancy picnic, have a group belly dance class, go rock climbing, go to Chuck E. Cheese, have a scavenger hunt, go to the opera, have a dessert party, go to a karaoke bar, go dancing, have a board game night, have a Twister contest, go to a waterpark, take a cooking class as a group, go to the beach, have a personal chef come to your place to cook a gourmet dinner for everyone, take a dinner cruise, spend an evening learning how to make fancy chocolates, have a yoga and meditation session, visit a museum, or go to one of those paint your own pottery places. There are tons of choices that do not involve condom veils, cheesy Chippendales routines, and public humiliation.
I knew from the beginning that if I was going to have any bachorette activity that I wanted it to be a reenactment of a middle school sleepover, but with all the friends I’ve made since then. I’m hoping for gossiping, timeless movies like Reality Bites, Grease and Clue, lots of late night nachos, and wine. Call me crazy, but to me the point of a bachelorette party is spending quality time with the women in your life, not paying to be dryhumped by a strange man.
My FI and I are having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party in Vegas. We are not having any showers at all. So this is our idea of having a great time with our respective friends. The boys may go play poker, and the girls may go suntanning by the pool but we’ll have a great time partying together in the evenings.
I think the point is that you can just do whatever you like! Only bridal shower, extended bridal shower, games, spas, picnics, sleepovers. There are so many great options (above posts and more). It’s not weird NOT to want to drink tons and go to a strip bar. In fact, it seems pretty normal.
Before our wedding, my fiance and I decided we’d do something together for our stag/stagette outing. We got a bunch of our friends (girls and guys), and went to a club to see a band play (The Donnas) … then we all went to the strippers together! Tee hee!
It was great! We do everything together, always have - so we didn’t want to have separate pre-wedding events.
Just do whatever YOU want to do!
Well clearly no one thinks your a prude! I, like the 22 girls who already responsed, am not a “party girl.” I don’t know what my girls have planned, but I do know it’s the day or night before my shower because I got a cute email from my 3 BM’s saying “please reserve the weekend of “xyz” for us!” I’m sure what ever they come up with will be perfect and calm.
And Jen — I have to say, “I love you, you’re perfect, now change” is one of my favorite musicals! I saw it with my mother years ago and laughed and laughed — and that was long before I’d considered getting married!
Miss Violet — I think you should express to your bridesmaids/MOH that you would love to spend some time with them pre-wedding, but you don’t want it to be some drunken typical thing and let them pick!
I was the same way so my fabulous sister/MOH planned a clam bake at my parents house for a few close friends. “Clam Bake” attire was encouraged and the invitation featured a clam wearing a veil. Unfortunatly a family friend passed away the day of so it got canceled. However, me and my parents and sister had a bunch of clams that night.
There really are so many options to choose from!
my best friend didn’t want anything to do with naked men (or women) either, so i threw her a spa party, where we went to a local spa and just had a girls day out. it was a great time!
there are great suggestions right here!
following are the lineups of the two girls night out evenings i’ve been involved in…
dinner and cocktails in the backyard of one of the bms. (this one’s happening next month.)we may go out after but may just sit around gabbing, etc. very low key.
dinner out at a restaurant featuring the bride’s favorite cuisine (mexican!) followed by a city lights sail (includes champagne) on the schooner adirondack from chelsea piers to down by the staue of liberty and back again. the sail way about two hours. we went out to a karaoke place afterwards (spur of the moment decision).
i highly recommend the sailing thing if it’s anything you’d be at all interested in. it was so much fun and not something you would really ever do otherwise if you live in the city.
mostly though i think you should have what you want. any event you did possibly have should be a celebration and reflection of you, not your bm. and if you don’t want anything, as your close friend, she should really respect your wishes.
I totally agree with you about not wanting a bachelorette party with “degrading stuff”. My ladies and I are going to an improv show followed by onion rings and billiards.
YOU MUST HAVE A BACHELORETTE PARTY! You don’t have to do the raunchy stripper, club stuff. Go to the spa, have a great dinner, and maybe go to someone’s apt. for drinks and a movie! You can make your bachelorette anything you want it to be!
My girls surprised me with plans to rent an adorable 60’s modern type house in Palm springs for a girls weekend. We’re going for a weekend about three weeks before the big day!!! Apparently we will be having a luxurious spa day during our stay… I’m definitely not into the ‘decorate me in penises and throw me to the wolves’ type bachelorette thing, so I’m really excited that my girls are treating me like me 
and the best part is I haven’t had to plan a single part of it… my girls are working together to make it happen - yay
No, I don’t think you’re a prude. I personally wouldn’t be comfortable in a strip club either. I went to a bachelorette party and we all went to a “male show” - the strip down to everything but! It was cool to go to since it was my first time, BUT it was because of this experience that I learned I did not want that kind of party. I’m not comfortable with that kind of attention. So instead, a spa day or just going out with your girl friends is perfectly fine in my book.
For FH’s friend’s bachelor party, he and his groomsmen traveled to amusement parks in California for a few days. (One of the groomsmen was underage so a crazy wild party was out of the question.)
I think relaxing and having fun with your friends is a great idea. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you all have a good time.
I face this same delima. I nor my bridesmaids wanted a tradiational Bachelorette party.
My suggestion to them: We have a great spa here in OKC and they do private parties for groups of 6 or more. Its very VERY affordable ($50) for about 6 different treatments (back massage, hand/arm massage parifin treatment, same with feet, hot oil treatment and scalp massage) Its just a great relaxing time with you 5 favorite friends.
I’m not sure what my girls have planned but I sure hope we go to NOI for the bachelorette party! They are also throwing a personal shower which will include a few more people and will be a great girl time.
Totally agree with all of the above….
I’m having my girls take me camping : ) Sit around a campfire and talk…drink wine…play some tunes. And we can hear each other rather than be in some club or bar.
Then a nice breakfast at a greasy mom and pop place the next morning. Perfect for me!
wow thank you for the outpour of suggestions… i guess i’m not a prude afterall, thank goodness! i’ve already linked this post to my BM’s so hopefully they’ll come up with something fun! Just like you all wrote, I just want a day to spend with the girls…
oh and I’ve seen “you’re perfect, now change..” with my fiance.. we both loved it.
We’re renting a house by a lake, making smores, drinking wine, talking, and hopefully going tubing down a nearby river! Bachelorette parties are totally changing, and should be whatever you and your friends are comfortable doing!
Miss Violet, I’m the same as you, I really don’t want a bachelorette party and I have talked to my MOH and bridesmaids about this many times, but they still insist on throwing me one. So we’re compromising.. instead of a night of clubbing and getting thrashed in Vegas as they had originally planned, we’re going to do a spa weekend in Vegas.
if you really don’t want a bach party, then don’t have it. it’s your life and your choice. that being said, there are lots of things you can do that aren’t “typical bar/phallic decor” sort of things. i took my sister and some of her friends to a latin restaurant that offered beginner salsa lessons. my friend’s bach party was rock climbing lessons. i saw on tv this one girl played board games and rented movies with her girlfriends. just pick an activity you like to do or would like to try. or dont have one! you know yourself best.
ur not a prude. and i, along with the other commenters, don’t want a strip/penis/etc party.
tho, i did find this comment on the ‘tip’ link quite humorous…
“If you don’t want to do the cliche everything-shaped-like-a-penis theme, why not a slumber party theme? Snacks, pedicures, a movie and Truth or Dare-type games would be cheap enough if you think the girls would enjoy it.
(If you do want to do the everything-shaped-like-a-penis theme, I have a set of penis-shaped muffin tins that need a good home.)” -> LoL!
[...] Call Me a Prude by Miss Violet [...]
When I was MOH, we just took the bride out for dinner, had a few drinks, went home, busted out the chocolate fountain and had a small lingerie shower. And a nice sleepover. I had a bunch of games and chick flicks lined up, but we gossiped until 4 am.
You’re not a prude. My friends will not tell me what’s going on at my bachelorette party and when I emphasize that I don’t want strippers, etc., they laugh. I am slightly pissed and now am not interested in going. Am seriously thinking of getting ill. Be vigilant! Go out for dinner, drinks, whatever you like, and make it your own — otherwise, you’ll end up in my boat. :*(
[...] of you may remember I wasn’t too fond of the idea of a bachelorette party filled with dancing, stripping and alcohol so I decided to [...]
Mrs. Violet, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Executive Assistant
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Computer Engineer
Engagement Date: May 13, 2006
Wedding Date: September 2007
Venue: Westbury Manor
About Me: We've been dating since college. In our spare time we enjoy the city life, playing with our dog "Sam", eating our hearts out, and traveling. I also love to DIY. Check out my crafty creations at http://www.waisze.etsy.com.
My bridesmaids threw me a lingerie shower followed by a night of bowling and just fun girl time. We had a great time and it was completely my style - I am not a strip club or dance club kind of person either.