Miss Peppermint, LA/Palm Springs
Age and Occupation: 23, Actress
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Web Producer
Engagement Date: October 21, 2006
Wedding Date: December 2007
Blogging Since: July 2, 2007
Venue: historic estate overlooking the heart of Palm Springs
About Me: I am a Southern California native who enjoys cooking, writing, travel and all things in the arts. Mr. Peppermint and I met in college and he proposed on our four year anniversary in one of our most special places, Joshua Tree National Park. We're having a destination wedding in Palms Springs that will incorporate tradition as well as reflect our personalities!
A Lack of Symmetry
July 27th, 2007 @ 6:48 pm by Mrs. Peppermint
Do you see something wrong with this picture??
(taken from theknot.com - Jessica & Jason in Thomasville, GA)
One of the early decisions Mr. Peppermint and I made was regarding the wedding party. In the flurry of excitement after getting engaged, we jumped to share it with those closest to us. Many of the books (that I later read) suggested you wait to ask your attendants–perhaps we should have, but we just couldn’t wait!
After making a rough list of who we wanted to include, we decided that we’d each have six. This was about six months ago. Unfortunately, just this month, I’ve lost a bridesmaid. Don’t worry–there wasn’t any drama! Instead, she had to step back for medical reasons and I supported her decision. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it–and it really isn’t, or so I thought.
First I spoke with Mr. Peppermint about it. After a few good-natured jokes about having him drop a groomsman (”Look, I consider you one of my closest friends, and that’s why I know you’ll understand…”), we quickly agreed that this wouldn’t be much of an issue. We’ll have five bridesmaids, six groomsmen, a flowergirl and two ring bearers. Simple, right??
Well, a number of people I’ve mentioned this to have seemed a bit surprised.
“You mean it won’t be symmetrical?!”
“Well, who are you getting to replace her?!?”
I didn’t think this was a ‘thing,’ but a lot of other people seem to! And it’s not that there aren’t people who I had thought of asking in the first place. People who I’d love to share this with. However, since I asked everyone so long ago, whoever I asked would know they were a ‘replacement’.
Is it weird to have an asymmetrical wedding party? As a guest, would you even notice?? Or worse–gasp–Will I look unpopular??? Am I crazy or is it everyone else???? Okay, maybe you shouldn’t answer that last question…
47 Responses to “A Lack of Symmetry”
If the difference is just one bridesmaid, nobody is going to care. Yes, they’ll notice (because we’re attuned to symmetry) but it isn’t going to be a big deal in any way.
my FI wants 4 groomsmen and I only want 2 bridesmaids. I have no problem with not being symmetrical, but he wants me to add 2 more girls for things to be even. It’s about having your closest friends up there.
We had 4 bridesmaids, 1 junior bridesmaid (who also carried the rings in), and a flowergirl. There were only three groomsmen, and we thought it looked fine. No one said anything, and we didn’t pose for many pictures like the one you pictured, instead, for the formals, our photographer just arranged everyone randomly and the result were great, fun photos.
I really think it’s not a big deal… if you’re fine with it, and so is your FI– stick to your guns 
No it’s everyone else! I would never notice. It’s definitely not a big deal.
I’ve had a few friends how have tried to make it even on both sides and they end up with people that are difficult or who aren’t super close to just because they had to stretch the number.
I was in a sorority, so therefore I could have 20 bridesmaids. Although I’m going with 6. FI is only having two. He is only close to two guys and there is no reason to try and stretch it.
I think 5 and 6 is fine! Just have two bridesmaids walk down on the arm of one guy! Seen it so many times! No worries!
Mr. Lemon wanted it to be even… but he had a GM back out due to money issues (couldn’t afford to fly out). So… we had 5 BM’s and 4 GM. I don’t think anyone noticed.
It isn’t a big deal at all. And even if it were, it would still be warped. The wedding party should be chosen on the basis of close ties, not photo opportunities!
Your wedding party will be lovely, and nobody will care if it is a little uneven.
Not weird at all! I have 6 bridesmaids, and FI has 7 groomsmen- he wanted me to “add 1″ and I refused to, because that person would have known that they were not in the initial asking (because FI added his 7th about a week after we asked the bridal party).
PS, I just attended a wedding with 10 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen- talk about asymmetrical!
No - it’s everyone else! We’re having the same thing happen. We each had three, but our best man had his tour in Iraq extended and will not make it back in time for our wedding. We’re not replacing him so it will be 3 and 2. I think it’s silly to add someone just to make it symmetrical.
Ours is not symmetrical and I am completely fine with it!
i actually have equal numbers, but due to how people are processing in, they’re not going to look even. it’s okay, i’m just having one girl walk in with 2 guys. she’ll be the pimpette of the group. hehe!
We’re having three BMs and two GMs. I think people worried about symmetry are also the one’s that would balk at anything else I’m doing that isn’t completely traditional. Wait until they hear what I’m walking down the aisle to!!!
I say, have as many or as few (or as lobsided) in your BP as you want - it’s YOUR day!
with that many, i don’t think anyone will really notice.
unlike me, who might wind up with two bridesmaids and only one best man. and a jr bridesmaid. argh.
Makes no difference. We had my 2 women and 5 men, plus a flowergirl. So what? It’s not the prom. Include those you love and will always hold near and dear. Also remember they are in your priceless wedding memories & photos FOREVER, so be picky.
Processional: All men waited at the altar, ladies walked in solo one at a time. (The custom at this church.)
Recessional: Each lady was escorted by a man on each side, with the best man escorting the flowergirl (uncle/niece relationship — priceless!!!). But it can be done many ways. An easy trick to “even up” for the recessional is to mix and match, even mix in the wedding party’s children/spouses or other honored guests.
if people are stewing about the lack of symmetry at your wedding then they are missing the whole point. Seriously. I have 4 bridesmaids and three groomsmen. The last lucky groomsman gets two girls on his arm when it comes time to exit the ceremony! And I agree. It is definitely about who is close to you….you have enough aesthetics working the wedding to worry about attendant symmetry.
We originally had 4 girls and 4 guys, but several months into our engagement I added another girl (we’ve been engaged for over two years). So it was lopsided, but we figured one groomsman could just escort two bridesmaids…no biggie.
In the end, though, we’ve pulled in a 5th groomsman…I great guy who I thought should have been in it since day one - since we’re all sort of one big gang.
We are having 7 groomsmen and 4 bridesmaids
Who cares what everyone else wants, having a lopsided bridal party isn’t going to spoil the celebration.
who cares is right.. we have 4 girls and 5 guys!
Do what you want, not what other people tell you is right. I’m having my best girl friend and my brother on my side, and FI is having his brother on his side. Not only uneven, but not even the “right” genders on each side! We’re delighted with the arrangement, and that’s all that matters. Don’t worry about it!
I literally stared at that photo for a minute trying to see what was wrong, had to read all of what you wrote, and then realized it was the asymmetry you were speaking of. So no, there is nothing wrong with having uneven sides!
Originally, we were going to have six attendants each too. However, one of my bridesmaids discovered that she is expecting and is due two weeks before the wedding.
I decided not to “replace” her with someone else. Our wedding party will just be uneven, and it does not bother me.
Weddings can be so matchy-matchy anyway so I like it when things are a little off-balance!
Definitely not weird! I’ve photographed many weddings where the wedding party wasn’t symmetrical. I think it’s about what YOU and your fiance want to do, not about pleasing your guests.
We’re only having about 50 guests, so I didn’t want a lot BM’s and GM’s. I decided on two, and I knew in the beginning that my fiance only wanted his brother standing beside him. So, we’re lopsided, too, with 2 BM’s and 1 GM!
don’t even sweat it. Our party is mismatched. I have two bridesmaids and a Matron of Honor…all good friends of mine. Mr Corn has his brother as his best man and his dad as a groomsman. No one will care, although they seem to care in the planning phase…but really that is because they can’tthink of anything else to comment on so they pick on that
symmetry grosses me out… If you’d asked me to be BM for symmetry in photo ops… I’d def feel slighted… Stick to your guns
I don’t see anything wrong with have an uneven amount of people from either side. I think it looks better not having it all matchy matchy
Wow — I’m surprised anyone has said anything to you at all about this. SO not a big deal. It would be weird if it was just a numbers game, which clearly is not the point.
We had the most uneven party ever. I had 4 girls, including a jr. BM…he had his dad, his *sister* and a jr. GM….really, if you are choosing for “looks” instead of choosing the people you want to support you, I think your priorities are messed up. I know some people will think I’m being harsh or insensitive or whatever, but if someone expresses surprise, the clear answer is - we chose the people closest to us to support us because we wanted them there, not because we wanted symmetry or “good pictures.” People will get the point and move on quietly.
Our party is asymmetrical. Pshaw to anyone who pooh-poohs it. What do I care? We included the people we wanted standing with us that day and that’s what’s important.
I think the key word in your post is that it is not a big deal to you. I think that if we learn anything from Weddingbee it is that this is all that truly matters!!
i was once a replacement..and frankly, i felt weird the whole time!
We’re not having equal numbers and one thing we’re considering is “mixing it up” and putting guys and girls on both sides. I think it’s a nice symbolic message as well- the guys aren’t just going to be standing there supporting my FI, and neither will the girls- they are supporting us as a couple. I say throw tradition to the wind and do what you want!
It’s no big deal at all to have uneven numbers… although that said if my FI was not having 4 GM, I would probably not have asked 1 of the girls (a cousin of his who is very sweet but I don’t know that well because we live in different cities… although I’m actually excited I will now get to spend more time with her because she’ll be in the wedding). Butif someone had to drop out for whatever reason I wouldn’t replace.
It’s no big deal. We had 4 groomsmen, 3 bridesmaids & a flowergirl. One of my bridesmaids just got lucky having 2 good looking guys walk with her instead of just one.
No one will even notice! I’m planning to have 7 bridesmaids and FI is having 5 groomsmen. My brother had 4 groomsmen and his wife had 3….. no one seemed to notice one bit! Because let’s face it, they were all looking at the bride It’s all about who you want standing up there with you, and I agree with PP who said that your replacement would likely feel strange. And any good photographer can take a bridal party picture that doesn’t draw attention to the lack of symmetry, so don’t worry about it in terms of photos.
I have 7 bridesmaids and FI has 10 groomsmen!! He wants me to match his but I refuse and I wouldn’t ask him to cut anyone out.
After my 5′1″ matron of honor had her second 9-pound baby, her pelvis was just too far out of whack for her to fly six hours to our wedding. I’m sure if we hadn’t drawn people’s attention to it (we had her introduced “in absentia” for the grand entrance), so one would have noticed.
And as a previous commenter said, I’ve been a replacement–for the wedding of a couple I’d never even met, because I fit the dress they had (!!!!!)–and it’s not cool.
We are not matching either. We decided we rather have people we love stand by our sides than ask others we don’t really care for just so we would match. Sure, some people have made comments when told, but we don’t really care
I’ve attended and been in wedding with asymmetrical attendants. The groomsman/bridesmaid had one on each arm and I thought it was great. My fiance has more gm’s than I have bm’s so my moh will have a man on each arm. I like how it looks!
I’m having two bridesmaids, the boy agreed to two but surprised me with three groomsmen. My solution? One of my bridesmaids (the flirty one) is walking down the aisle with a gentleman on both arms. She was thrilled with the idea, and I think it’s tres cute.
I never thought I’d have 8 bridemaids but that’s how many important ladies there are in my life. But they’re all going to choose their own black dress and they won’t all stand for the ceremony, just my sister and best friend will stand. My fiance might not have any attendants at all and that is totally up to him. As a wedding photographer, I don’t like to line people up anyway, so from my perspective it doesn’t matter how many are on whose side because I will jumble them all up for the pictures anyway.
we were going to be 3 and 3, then my sister dropped out (down to 2 and 3), but i replaced her with a friend (back to 3 and 3). then our best man found out recently he can no longer get leave from the navy (down to 3 and 2), but we’re not replacing him. wedding’s only 3 weeks away now. oh well!
i just got married very recently and the only person who really cared was the photographer..but we thought it looked fine. we had 3 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen, and i could have added another bridesmaid but since we weren’t big on pre-wedding formalities (very casual bachelor party-night out) and cut out the teas and luncheons and stufff it was perfect. i had who i wanted and didn’t have to ask someone in last minute as a “filler” it’s fine.. do whatever you want and whatever makes you happy. i am very please with how stress-free and happy my wedding was.
i wanted 6 BMs to my fiance’s 3GMs. i thought it would be so cute to have each guy escort two girls. he wouldn’t have it. but all of my friends (especially the guys) thought it was a fantastic idea! you can read some of their comments here:
http://hesaidshesaid.better-together.us/index.php?comments=1&date=2007-02-07
i saw pshaw to symmetry!
Symmetry is highly overrated :P. Ok, I’m kind of kidding, but my advice is just to do whatever is right for you guys and your friends. We had a groomsman back out a few weeks before the wedding and decided to ask another friend (who was already our reader) to fill in for him, but only because we knew he understood he wasn’t merely filler (my fiance got much closer to him during the months after we were engaged and leading up to the wedding so he was the natural choice). This worked best for us, but we certainly didn’t do it just for the sake of symmetry. We wanted to honor a newer friend who helped us a lot during the later months of our engagement and the opportunity knocked.
do not worry about it! I think it will look fine. In fact my fiance’s and my wedding party is really not symmetrical. He has 10 groomsmen and I only have 5 bridesmaids. At first i told him he had to pick less, 10 is a HUGE number, but he had been in all their weddings and is still really close to them. Then I thought about expanding mine- but it seemed silly. I have five friends that are my best friends from each part of my life. Adding more just meant that I had to add folks that I wasn’t as close with and where would I draw the line? After those five- there was no clear stopping point in the friend line.
So i decided to let it go. We will be asymmetrical and we will love it. Besides now each of my girls gets 2 men to walk her down the aisle;)
we originally had 5 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen until my FI decided to add another groomsmen a couple of months ago. but until he did that, we kept getting the “isn’t that going to look weird” reaction. i have 2 MOH so we thought it would be cute to both walk with the best man - even though he’ll be the only married one! now it’s a matter of figuring out how the MOHs will duke it out to walk w/ the best man vs. a groomsman.
