Weddingbee Blog

Choose people you can count on — if your best friend is great . . . but . . . well . . . she tends to be disorganized, undependable, controlling, or passive-aggressive, you’ll be happier asking her to be your “personal attendant” than as a bridesmaid.

Don’t worry about matching numbers or genders on each side — it’s about how important the people are to you, not about whether they’re male or female, and that each of you have the same number of people standing up for you.

Choose people you’re genuinely close to - we asked ourselves about each person, “will our eventual children know this person by name 10, 12, 15 years from now?” If the answer was likely, no, they didn’t make the cut, no matter how close we are to the individual right now.

choose people who you currently have a great relationship with, not a potentially good relationship with, nor an old relationship that isn’t really very strong anymore. i made the mistake of making a cousin a bridesmaid, hoping we could get closer through the process. she ended up accusing me of stealing all of her wedding ideas.. when i had my wedding planned more than 2 years ago and she’s barely thinking of hers! she ended up withdrawing from being a bridesmaid and it seriously had me going through anxiety attacks for a month. it was such drama. i realized that i should’ve stuck with my first thought and asked my good college friend.

It comes down to picking people who are important to you both individually and as a couple. My bridesmaids are my sister (MOH) and 4 of my best girlfriends who have been my girls since we were young. My fiance thought to ask one of his friends who he was very close to growing up, but as adults they have drifted apart. I understood why he wanted to choose him, but eventually my fiance decided that if this person hadn’t been in our lives as a couple, then he probably shouldn’t be in the wedding party. Everyone in our party knows us each individually, and as a couple.

I think the important thing is being close to whoever you choose, and to pick people who you can depend on, because ultimately, these are the folks you have to lean on during the planning process!

I wish I had waited to choose my bridesmaids! It’s easy to get excited and want to invite all your closest friends. Also, pick your most dependable friends who are actually excited for you to get married. It’s not their life; they have other things going on, of course, but it is really nice to have friends stand next to you when they want to be there.

1) Hold your tongue. Engagement is exciting and you want to ask your friend-you-told-when-you-were-7-she’s-a-BM, but put on the brakes until you think it over. You can’t take it back without permanently damaging the relationship.

2) Pick girlfriends who are supportive of you and your relationship. Not the kind who criticize your choices with passive-aggressive or snide comments. Weddings are difficult enough, no need to battle with your “supporters.”

3) Know your ladies strengths and limitations and delegate things to each that they will feel good about doing for you. My 16 yo sister can’t drive, so most of her help was the weekend of, but my other girls did what they could in the free time they could give me.

4) Know that being a BM is very expensive, when all is said and done. Make sure your ladies want to pay for their expenses that you’re not willing/able to cover.

(Also, you don’t need to choose a MOH if you don’t want to single anyone out. My girls were fine with being equals.)

I just chose the women I couldn’t imagine standing up without. And it has worked out perfectly. And there are 10 of them.

It’s not about what they can do for you, it’s about the strength of the friendship. don’t pass over your dear friends just because they live on the other side of the continent or an ocean in favour of someone you aren’t as tight with just because you think it’s convenient for them because what makes you think they care enough if you’re not close?

also, do suck it up at ask your siblings and intended’s siblings even if you don’t totally get along unless you know they honestly don’t care.

~ Wait to pick your bridal party. There is NO rule that says they have to be picked early on in planning. A lot of brides pick their bridal party 10-16 months out and then come on the message boards asking if they can fire one. Things can change a lot over a year.

~ Don’t have unrealistic expectations. The members of your bridal party have their own lives too. Yes, they are excited for you about your wedding, but the wedding isn’t their top priority. Be sure to schedule events (such as helping with invitations, dress shopping, etc.) in advance so they can be well prepared and adjust their schedules.

~ Lastly, and most important, in my opinion…make sure you and your FI are the ones making the decision. I didn’t pick my bridal party too early on, but I was pressured into picking bridesmaids that I really didn’t want. My bridal party quickly became much more than I wanted. The whole situation was a mess and I realize now that I should have sat down with my FI, talked things out and told him what exactly I wanted. That way, when I was getting pressured, he could remind me that that was NOT what I wanted. So, take the time to think about what you want before discussing the bridal party with anyone.

If you are expecting your MOH/Bridesmaid(s) to help you with a lot of items on your to-do list, make sure you choose people who would be ok with that

Don’t feel like you have to have a bridal party. I opted not to have one and so far, I’m pretty relieved. I don’t need another thing to stress about. I plan to have some of my closest friends hang out in the bridal suite when I’m getting dressed and we’ll get fun, professional photos together. So definitely keep in mind that a bridal party can be awesome, but it’s also not a must by any means.