That’s the only question I will ask Mr Butterscotch on his bachelor party night. Really, I have no concerns when it comes to his big night out. Maybe it’s because I know he isn’t into the strip club idea, or I know (most of) his friends wouldn’t allow him to act a fool, or he doesn’t drink alcohol so I know he will be aware of his actions. Or maybe it’s because I totally trust him.
I’ve been very surprised by how many women give me the “you poor thing” look when I tell them that Mr. Butterscotch is having his bachelor party this weekend. But I really am OK with it. I had my party and so should he. I was talking with a few girlfriends and they had stories about how upset and mad they were when their husbands had a bachelor party. One person even cancelled his trip to Mexico with the guys!!! Another told me she had rules for him.
1. No strippers
2. No kissing other girls
3. You must come home tonight.
And it went on….
Frankly I was thinking if #2 was even something you thought he would do, then you have bigger problems than his bachelor party.
This got me thinking…Is this something I should be paranoid about? Are you nervous about his bachelor party or is he nervous about yours?
My FI had his last weekend, and I too had no concern about it. They had a great time boating, drinking and playing poker. Apparently some of the groomsmen tried to call companies to hire a stripper, and they were all booked solid for the night, haha! So they ended up having a great guys’ trip minus any boobs 
In my opinion, you have a healthy mindset about the weekend. I told my FI he did not need to call me, and of course he drunk dialed me several times each night to tell me he loved me. Too cute!
He can do whatever he wants, I’m not worried. I know some of his married friends want to live vicariously through him and do the strippers and drinking thing. So that may happen and he will not need to check in unless he is missing Monday morning. 
Don’t worry about his party. If the two of you have enough love and trust and committment to be getting married, then you have nothing to worry about. And I’m with you, if a woman DOES have something to worry about regarding the bachelor party, then she has much bigger problems.
Well…I am worried not cuz of him but his friends…they are wild and I will not be surprised if they hire a stripper…I dont like the idea at all…
If your natural inclination isn’t to be worried, I’d say don’t worry about it at all. Generally, I’d agree that if there is something to worry about, there may be bigger problems, but I’ve also listened to many responses on discussion boards where there are voices conveying a different type of sensitivity to some types of activities for a whole host of reasons (religion, past experience, culture, etc.)– sometimes it is evidence of a disagreement between bride and groom on the issue (or a related one) as well.
We have fairly liberal views on this subject, so I’m encouraging my fiance’s rather shy best man to hire a stripper for the guys - I trust my fiance and I also know he needs a healthy chance to blow of steam before a committment of such magnitude. I did request that the guys bring him home in one piece, that they avoid major injury or police arrest, and that they never tell me any gory details (which I really feel I don’t need to know). In the event that I actually do have a bachelorette party (I may/may not), my fiance has approached the topic similarly.
I am extremely worried, but not because of girls or cheating or strippers. I know they probably won’t have strippers and frankly I wouldn’t care if they did. I trust my fiance completely not to cheat on me. But I am worried about the drinking and idiotic things his friends will make him do. My fiance has always been a bit of a prankster and apparently really punished his best friend at HIS bachelor party, so I’m pretty sure his friend will be out for revenge. I’ve heard that FI plans to “walk the gauntlet” with his shirt off in a paintball game with his buddies - can you imagine the bruises he’ll have after that? He’ll have to have the party at least 3 months before the wedding to make sure they heal in time! And I wouldn’t be in the slightest bit surprised if they made him drink so much he had to get his stomach pumped at the hospital. I am genuinely terrified, but I feel like there’s nothing I can do except tell his friends off after the fact IF something bad happens.
But there’s no point in my trying to talk him out of it. He wouldn’t be caught dead letting me call the shots for his bachelor party!
haha, i love the drunk dialing “i love you”!
i’m also not worried about my guy’s bachelor party. he might be more worried about me, just because he doesn’t want other guys messing with me either, but other than that, we’re both completely reassured of each other’s love and devotion (cue the sappy music) so we’re both fine with each other’s friends.
I can’t think of any reason for you to be worried - he’s never given you a reason not to trust him, he’s as committed to you and the marriage as you are to him (and the marriage). Relax, and let him tell you all about it later
I absolutely agree that if someone is genuinely concerned their FH is going to do something at his bachelor party to disrespect or shame themselves or their fiance, there are MUCH bigger problems in the relationship than the bachelor party.
My DH was so good. And so respectful of me. I love him for that!
I’m not worried at all in fact I’m helping his Best Man look for a stripper. I completely trust my fiance to act like the perfect drunken gentleman. There has to be trust in a relationship and if you can’t trust your future husband for one night the other girls are right, there’s much bigger issues going on.
I’ll admit it — I’m worried. But I’m a bit of a worrier by nature, plus since my FI and I were friends well before we started dating I know that physically I’m not “his type” and I don’t love the idea of him fantasizing with some stripper. Boys will be boys — I would never dream of telling him he can’t have one, but my rule is NO lap dances. Watching strippers get their groove on is fine, but there will be no “trying on” the goods! I just worry that even though HE doesn’t want lap dances, if anyone buys him one, he’ll do it because he’ll be too afraid of looking “whipped” in front of his friends.
I’m more worried about MY bachelorette party though. My friends are a little wild, and I don’t think they’ll respect my request of no male strippers. It’s just so grotesque, and there is nothing attractive about a waxed man sticking his groin in my face! I think I would just leave the party in a huff!
Mr. Snow Pea’s bachelor party was at my house and it was a “LAN party”- 4 tvs, 1 guitar hero station, 3 xbox systems, 1 Wii system, burgers, beer and 20 guys. I was nervous they would wreck my house!
Later that night, they went to Dave and Busters and had more games! Got kinda drunk but they were all “good”…not obnoxiously drunk. They all came back to my house and cleaned the house!
Not to worry Miss Butterscotch as you know.
I just had a person discuss with me how 2 years later she still holds a grudge against her then fiance for seeing a stripper in Vegas. She has realy pushed her husband away and to be honest, I think she’s in the wrong.
Marriage is about trust and communication. I’d expect him to share stories of his weekend but not to check up on him. Rather, I want to know about the fun he had. If he saw strippers, I wouldn’t mind. The girl worried about Vegas believed that strippers meant her husband was making out with them and having sex with them. This was in a Vegas club where the rules prohibit such behavior. I actually suggested they go to a club together so she could learn they’re not evil.
I think you have the right perspective and the fact that you two trust each other shows you are solid together.
Everyone was like that with me, too! I knew I had nothing to worry about, but everyone kept trying to make me think I did–so funny how it works like that!
I have no worries about this either. My boy is entirely to be trusted, its just some of his friends i don’t trust….so who knows if we’ll have parties or not. we’re still deciding. He even suggested a night out together with a bunch of our friends…but in that case there would probably be guys grouped and girls grouped since they don’t all know each other and we’d end up hanging out together the whole night! So….the plans are still in the making!
I don’t feel that those who are worried have huge issues - that is, if their FI has lied or bent the truth in the past.
In reading everyone’s posts, I think it’s great that so many people can trust their significant others. However, I think that it does depend on how you were brought up and what your own values are — if they in general don’t jive with having a stripper, then of course it makes sense to be worried and to not want it period — regardless of trust or even if it’s a “once in a lifetime” event.
This post resonated strongly with me. My guy and I have had talks about strip clubs before as he has gone to them in the past. He has assured me and I know he would never do anything, but the thought of him in a place like that, being goaded on by his guys, or getting aroused by another woman is enough to make me very unhappy.
The truth of the matter is that we love each other deeply and intensely, but we’re from two different mental spaces. He views this as an expected rite with the guys. I grew up in a household where anything of this sort was terrible and an affront to women (having a mother who believed strongly in the value of women (ahem, feminist) as well as a committed conservative christian, yes those do exist!), and as much as I love and trust him, old feelings run deep.
Ultimately it does come down to what you’re comfortable with. So for all those bee readers out there who perhaps are worried, hey. I think that’s ok, and it doesn’t mean that there isn’t trust and love in your relationship. Just make sure the lines of communication are open, and sort this out together. Worry can stem from much more than just a lack of trust.
I’m with L-bug. I wasn’t remotely worried that my husband was going to cheat on me or do anything really “wrong” if he went to a strip club, but I grew up believing (and still believe) that the concept of going to a strip club (for men or women) is a disgusting tradition with no relation to the commitment of marriage, so why should he and all his friends go spend money to support that kind of institution and further the practice? He was of the “it’s not such a big deal” camp, and just didn’t want to disappoint his friends who he knew were hoping to go, so while we did fight about it, it wasn’t a trust issue at all. I agree that if you’re worried you can’t TRUST your fiance around a stripper, then that is likely symptomatic of real trust issues between the two of you, but I resent the notion these days that all women “should” be accepting of and even enthusiastic towards such a male chauvinistic practice, or else it means there’s something wrong with THEM.
I’m w/ L-Bug & Mrs. Bluebell. Super conservative and no apologies for it. I wouldn’t date, much less marry, a man who thought strip clubs (or smoking, or riding a motorcycle, or getting a tattoo) are OK; just not me. So we are a good match to each other risk/values-wise, etc. A strip club bachelor party would’ve made me think I’ve got the wrong guy for sure. We’ve had a lot of talks about the “industry” and its impact on women, relationships, etc., and that’s not something I would ever get over. I would have absolutely canceled the wedding, with no regrets, rather than marry the wrong guy.
I`m terrified of the thought of my FH having a bachelor party… I am a really insecure person, so the thought of him watching other girls with gorgeous bodies dancing around just makes me really sad.
And I don`t like his friends… Most of them cheat on their girlfriends and have no respect for them, and even though I know my guy isn`t like that, I know boys act like idiots when they`re all together and drunk.
I` ve told him that before, but I know some of his friends will try to make it happen… I don`t know how I`ll feel, but if they do decide to have one, I`ll make sure I have my bachelorette party too.
i have no concerns! i know they’re planning to go to strip clubs and that’s perfectly fine with me. i know he’ll always come back to me.
My husband had a Halo bachelor party at his apartment… they ordered pizza, drank a few beers and played video games all night! All of his friends have either had Halo parties or bowling bachelor parties.
I agree with Mrs. Bluebell. I am not cool with strip clubs (I think the idea is disgusting and disrespectful to the relationship) and wouldn’t have married a guy who was into them either. It seems a lot of women feel they need to accept this tradition otherwise they are depriving their guy of something, and that’s sad.
I’m in L-bug’s camp. I don’t consider myself to be conservative by any stretch of the imagination, but I do feel that women have a right to be not cool with their guy going to a strip club. For me, it’s an issue of respect. Not just for me, but for other women out there. If he wants to go, fine. But over my dead body am I ever going to let him or his friends think that I’m OK with it.
There is a book that really digs into this discussion called Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy. I HIGHLY recommend it. Prior to reading it, I was squarely into the “it’s just an asthetic thing” and “the female body is so beautiful, who WOULDN’T want to go to a strip club?” camp. Die hard convert after reading that book. DOWN WITH STRIP CLUBS and anything else that objectifies.
I agree with L-Bug and Mrs. Bluebell. I simply don’t like strip clubs! I wouldn’t go to one, even if he were to stay home. I know women who go to strip clubs with their male friends or coworkers and who swear up and down that it’s “no big deal.” WTF?!? These women think they’re cool being “one of the guys.” Whatever. I’d like to see those same men accompany the women to Chippendales and see if they’re all for being “equal” then.
I actually helped the BM plan my husband’s bachelor party. I was going to Chicago with the girls and I wanted to ensure he had as good as time as I was going to have. I planned a trip to Windsor, which included hotel, limo to and from, fancy dinner, golf and even paid for the VIP room at the strip club! It was my gift to him. He was very surprised and appreciative and his friends were all jealous! Now my MOH wasn’t too thrilled, because she’s insecure and was worried about her husband. Not me! I know we love each other and respect each other and trust each other.
Just because a woman is upset that her husband is going to a strip club doesn’t mean she doesn’t love, respect or trust him.
Well….
My husband-to-be and I had originaly wanted the big happy wedding with fancy trimmings and everything, set with a 20’s-30’s jazzy feel. Recently we decided to skip all that and go for a get-married-in-the-court-house-wedding, and have a more casual, fun reception thrown in a local bowling alley, that has a fun, somewhat flirty 50’s feel. BUT, when we were still planning our big fancy jazz wedding, we had decided to have a joint bachelor-bachelorette party together. Our plans at the time where for he and myself and the maid of honour and best man to hire one female and one male stripper (female for him, best man, and myself, male for MOH and myself) and then take a bunch of friends bowling. It was a great idea for us, but I think the only reason it worked out was because I LOVE strippers, and I happen to be bisexual, so seeing naked women didn’t bother me, nor did knowing he was watching naked women. I suppose if you are not bisexual, you could still let your man watch a naked stripped so long as he kept his hands to himself, but I guess it;s different with everyone.
I guess if you trust him not to fool around on you, then you should just let him go. It’s really a decision you should talk out together.
Wow, that advice was not as helpful as I had hoped. Sorry >.
I just had my bachelorette yesterday…and if he wasn’t worried about me than I’m certainly not worried about him! He’s sort of a geeky boy (but I love him) and I trust him and his friends. In all honesty, I think he’d be pretty embarassed if a stripper showed up. He’d much rather drink, play video games or do laser tag or something. Not the stripper type. But even if he did have a stripper….I trust him. If I didn’t, I shouldn’t be marrying him.
I don’t think you should be worried.
my fiance just had his bachelor party in vegas with 13 guys. wasnt worried because i know hes not that type of guy. and like some of the other girls said if your worried about him cheating or kissing another girl then there’s something wrong with the picture. i always tell my girlfriends that dont like their guys going to strip clubs that ultimately who are they coming back to? guys will be guys wether you are nagging and against them or you are understanding and trusting. wouldnt it be better to have them be open about it then push them away and have them hide it from you? i dont feel that strippers are degrading themselves in any way. they are making an honest living doing what most of them probably enjoy. some girls probably like all the attention from the guys.
Mrs. Butterscotch, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 29, Advertising Sales Assistant
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, City Worker
Engagement Date: September 24, 2006
Wedding Date: August 11, 2007
Blogging Since: June 19, 2007
Venue: church ceremony and private club reception
About Me: I am marrying my high school sweetheart 11 years after high school ended! I am a self professed shoe fanatic with a closet full of shoes and only two feet. Planning a wedding has been my fun project since he surprised me with a proposal in Paris. We are spending our last few months preparing for our big day by wrapping up all the small things, buying a house and best of all preparing to live together for the first time.
the bf and i talked about this a few times. i’m not worried about him at all because he’s like your mister. i’d be surprised and happy if he even had a bachelor party.
he’s a little worried about the bachelorette party not so much what i would do, but that he just doesn’t like the idea of other guys messing with me. which is understandable but i know he’ll be fine.
though, a bit of warning, i know it doesn’t happen much but when i was at my friend’s bachelorette, we ran into a bachelor party who made the non-drinking groom-to-be drink. the poor guy was so drunk.