Weddingbee Blog

Keep planning. There is never going to be a time where there isn’t something going on in your left that isn’t going to affect how you feel about the wedding. It is one of those little known facts that no one talks about. It isn’t all flowers and happy love…life. happens. and you have to keep going. Focus on the happiness of the occasion. Maybe your future MIL would be interested in helping make the decisions you think your fiance could care less about. Just keep truckin’ and don’t let anyone tell you that you should wait for the perfect moment to do the planning…because you will wait forever for that moment to happen.

I’m so sorry to hear about your FMIL. However, if your FI has asked you to continue, I would respect his wishes. It may actually help for the family to be able to focus on a brighter event in the face of such a struggle. His mother probably feels terrible physically, and including her in the plans and helping her keep her mind on the happiness of her son could bring strength to her. Best wishes to you and your family. I hope your day is beautiful and filled with love.

Thughts and prayers are with your family and FMIL. I agree with the previous posts - keep planning the wedding. It may lift her spirits and give her something to look forward to while she’s going through this very difficult time.

My doctor had the same situation where her father starting deteriorating quickly after his cancer returned, and they were scheduled to get married 8 months later. They made the decision to have a small ceremony with just family approximately 6 months before the “wedding” date so that her father could walk her down the aisle and be present. Sadly, he died soon after that ceremony, but they went on with the larger more formal wedding as a ‘renewal of the vows’ which was what her father wanted. She wears two wedding bands signifying both of her weddings.

I think that if her health goes downwards quickly, this could be an option for you - and you could still have the larger more formal event (and keep planning) but if its very important to you and your FI to have her there, have a small ceremony when her health requires it.

Have you explained to your FI everything you just explained here on Weddingbee? I’m sure he would try to become more accomodating when he understands how you feel and give you some input (not just into wedding planning but about the decision as a whole to keep planning). I also think it’s a good idea to include your FMIL. It will keep her mind off being sick and give her a happy occassion to look forward to.

Hope everything turns out for the best.

i agree w/ andrea (#4). having something else besides the illness to think about will do wonders for your, FI and FMIL. just be prepared that your FI will be limited in how much he can participant in the planning process w/ all that’s going on. but since he told you to proceed, you should do so w/o feeling quilty or bad in any way. best wishes.

SL, I am so sorry to hear of your FMIL’s illness. My thoughts and prayers are with you all!

I had a somewhat similar situation myself when planning my wedding. I was very close with my grandfather- he and my grandma helped my mom raise my brother and I, so he was very much like a father on a day-to-day basis. He became very ill while we were planning our wedding. I had a very similar thought process as you seem to have- I couldn’t bear to go dress shopping while my grandpa was in ICU. I felt very guilty when I did finally go shopping (apparently just in time to get the dress by the wedding). I held off on a lot of the planning. I did a few things while he was ill, however… While spending time with him at the hospital, I worked on our pew decorations. I remember showing them to him, and him lighting up. He loved them!

My grandpa died 3.5 months before our wedding. It was the hardest time I have ever been through and it was tremendously difficult not to have him at the wedding. However, I was so happy that I had been able to share a little bit of the planning process with him because it seemed to make him so happy, and it made it feel more like he was there on our wedding day.

My suggestion would be to go ahead and keep planning what you can. Plan the things that need to get done in advance, and ask for your FMIL’s input- I’m sure she would love to be involved with planning such a wonderful event.

aww, this is so hard… i was called to plan a very quick engagement because both the bride and groom’s parents had operations or illnesses like yours. we were able to plan their dream wedding in 4 months with 175 guests and it was wonderful. like everyone’s suggestions above, i’d say continue planning and consider planning a smaller occasion in order to have your fmil there. if you’d prefer for the wedding to not take over your lives so that you and your FI can spend more time with family and his mom, just hire someone to do the gruntwork. i think spending the most time with his family and mom is definitely a bigger priority at this time. but definitely don’t delay it. good luck and i hope your fmil gets better!

Keep planning. 100%. I agree with others who suggested a smaller more intimate “1st wedding” to ensure that she is able to attend. Tiffany’s post about her dr brought tears to my eyes - 2 wedding bands, that is so sweet. Have you tried talking to her about it? What is her preference?

This has struck such a chord with me, a week after my fiance and I announced our engagement my Mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. At first we had no idea how long she had and I fell apart. I knew that for me, next to my fiance the most important person at my wedding was my Mom. I didn’t care if we had to have the wedding in her hospital room I was going to have my Mother with me.
After the initial shock we decided to plan the wedding in 6 months and hope for the best. My family and friends have rallied around me and helped me plan everything. In many ways my Mother’s cancer has put the wedding in perspective and focused me on the important details. I don’t stress about envelope liners and monogrammed cocktail napkins because I know that’s not what I’m going to care about 20 years from now.
I agree with the other posters that mentioned wedding planning could be positive for her. Many of my friends and family joke that my Mother is sticking around just for the wedding. In fact they want me to get pregnant so she’ll keep fighting for another 9 months.
I am blessed to have a very stubborn Mother so far she has defied the odds and is doing well, but if her cancer continues to be aggressive we will have a small ceremony and a large renewal of vows later.
My fiance’s love, concern and support has meant the world to me as we have been forced to make these difficult decisions. I’m sure you’re FI appreciates you’re thoughtfulness.
You have my heartfelt empathy, my thoughts are with you.