Wedding Blog
Last week, we attended the wedding of Mr. Peony’s younger brother, Mr. Poppy. I had a great time, however, I wouldn’t be lying if I said I was a bit apprehensive in the days leading up to the event. First, I wouldn’t know anyone at the wedding aside from their family, who would most likely be speaking Cantonese the majority of the night. I knew in advance that I would be sitting at the “dates of the bridal party” table, so I was nervous about sitting with strangers. I expected not to see Mr. Peony pretty much the entire weekend since he would be busy running around doing his best man duties.
Nonetheless, I had a great time meeting some new people and dancing the night away. Mr. and Mrs. Poppy are such a sweet couple. The best part of the night had to be when Mr. Peony surprised me by requesting “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” from Dirty Dancing, and took me by the hand to the dance floor. He even lifted me up at the “lift” point of the song (I was too chicken to go parallel to the floor though) and everyone started cheering. 
We’re definitely taking dance lessons before our wedding because I don’t know any formal dance steps and I’d love to learn (he already knows basic steps for most dances from a ballroom dancing class he took way back in college to meet girls 
).
I’m still at the stage where I’m almost, but not an official part of Mr. Peony’s family. I know it’s silly, but a friend had told me a story where, at her fiance’s brother’s wedding, the family asked her not to be in the family pictures because she wasn’t an official member of the family yet. I knew this wouldn’t happen since Mr. Peony’s family is full of nice people, but the story made me a bit worried.
Have you ever encountered uncomfortable moments with your future family?
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Oh good heavens, all the time. My parents don’t approve of my fiance. They have finally come to terms with the fact that I’m marrying him regardless of what they think, and they are even paying for most of the wedding, but the constantly say little things that remind me that they don’t think of him as part of the family.
My fiance and I spend Christmas together and we alternate between whose parents we spend it with each year. This year is my parents’ year, and they decided that for the first time in my entire life that they’re taking the family to Mexico. They’re paying for me, and they’re inviting my fiance to join us but won’t pay for him! So if my fiance and I want to spend Christmas together with my family, it will cost us (my parents dont’ seem to get the concept that it costs ME money too, I’m not going to pay nothing and make my fiance pay his entire share - I will split it with him) over $1000 that should be going towards our honeymoon. So I told them we were just going to stay home and they had the audacity to ask me to go to Mexico and leave him at home if he wasn’t willing to pony up.
I get that paying for him to come to Mexico is a lot to ask because it’s expensive, but I just sort of feel like if you can’t afford to invite the WHOLE family, then don’t go. Instead of making someone feel like an outsider who’s not welcome.
Last summer my FSIL got married and I wasn’t in any of the family pictures. Granted, we weren’t technically engaged yet, but we moved in together the very next day, and it wasn’t a surprise to anyone when he finally did ask 
I really don’t mind, and didn’t mind at the wedding either. It was just weird standing in the back watching pictures while the groomsmen hit on me (”I’m with the bride’s brother” seemed to work nicely!)
Just recently my FSIL graduated high school, and I attended the ceremony with the rest of the family. However, after the ceremony, my FMIL and FFIL asked me to take the pictures of the family. That was awkward, but what made it even worse is that I couldn’t figure out how to work the camera! So they asked a random person that happened to be around to take the family photos, and then asked me to take a seat and ignored me for the rest of the evening. It was both angering and humiliating! Luckily, my fiance spoke with them afterwards, and they have been much more open and pleasant ever since.
Well, there’s the first time I met them all, when Uncle Bob said “Well, we’ll probably never see you again, but it was nice to meet you” as I was leaving. That was a wee bit awkward, yeah.
I’m confused — your fiance and Mrs. Poppy’s husband are brothers?
We don’t live near either of our families and I had to attend my FSILs wedding a few months ago. I had spent a total of 2 hours with her before the wedding weekend. We hung out a little before the wedding that weekend (I bought her a pedicure) but there was a huge miscommunication as she was getting ready.
My fiance needed to be at the church three hours before the ceremony. I dropped him a the church and then I went to a nearby coffee shop and did some work on my laptop while I waited for the ceremony time to approach. I did have a gift for my FSIL and went to the church 1/2 an hour before the ceremony and saw one of her bridesmaids to give the gift to her. Next thing I knew my FMIL was coming after me because I was supposed to be with my FSIL while she was getting ready.
Um… no one told me. So I was dragged into the room she was in and it was really uncomfortable. I felt very awkward and no one knew what to say. I felt like I looked like a jerk to everyone in there since it looked like I blew her off. Later my FMIL told me that it was expected I would be in there. WTH? I had no idea what my role was there.
The photographer asked me to be in some family pictures and step out for others, which was fine. Overall the experience was really awkward for me. At the wedding no one knew why I was there either. The groom’s family never met my FI and did not know who I was. And as the only minority at the reception I did stick out like a sore thumb. So strangers that knew his family came up and knew as much about me as my FIs mom, others would ask why I was there if they were curious. I hardly saw my FI at the reception so just stuck by my FMIL helping out since she was hosting and being sent towards groups of people that wanted to meet her son’s fiancee.
I am glad I will never have to go through that again!
MY FMIL is a step mom to my Fiance and she sucks. bigtime.
my sister in law got married last summer [her brother and i got married this past march] and i had no intentions on being a part of the family portraits. my husband and i weren’t yet engaged at the time and even though we knew we would get engaged eventually i didn’t want to be in the pictures until i was for sure part of the family. surprisingly, his family “forced” me to be in the pictures. i really didn’t want to go up, but when his sister/the bride spoke up i felt like i had to since she was, well, the bride! lol.
Jen - that’s correct. Mr. Poppy and Mr. Peony are brothers.
Wow some of these stories are horrible! I’m so sorry to all those who had to go through it. I feel so lucky that Mr. Peony’s family is so nice and did their best to include me in as many things as possible during Mrs. Poppy’s wedding.
I’m really curious to see if I’ll make it onto the FIL’s annual Christmas card! I have taken the annual photo for the last 5 years. It is usually just a casual shot of the family together taken usually at Thanksgiving. Last year I was asked to take a picture with them, but I didn’t make the Christmas card cut! We’ll see (said with fingers crossed)!
My boyfriend’s sister asked me to be a bridesmaid for her wedding which was a really sweet way of including me in everything and as part of the family.
One funny thing did happen at the reception though….
They had a slideshow and his sister (the bride) had put up pictures of me and my boyfriend. Sweet, right?
Well underneath one picture of my playing tennis it said “I wish this was the throw bouquet!” and under one of me and my boyfriend it said “Save the Date! We’re Next!”
It was hysterical! Until everybody spent the rest of the reception congratulating us and we’re not even engaged yet!
I’ve encountered major wierd moments with the future in laws, there’s so many I don’t even want to share it….I’ve gotten use to it and let it go. He’s Catholic and I come from a Buddhist family but I’m not really religious. So a lot of their remarks use to get on my nerves but there are other things to worry about like bills and more bills. At Christmas time, I’m usually the photographer for family portraits.
I had a moment like your friend with family wedding photos. Except I was the one who said I shouldn’t be in it, but I was convinced by my hopefully future family because I’d been with my BF for 5 years at that point. I felt silly, but they’ve always made me feel like part of the family!
It’s great to be accepted. And it’s even greater that your FI requested the Dirty Dancing song! And major props to you for doing a lift!
My fiance’s sister is getting married in two months, and I’m afraid I won’t be in family pictures, either. She and I have never been close, even though we live in the same house, so I can’t say I’m surprised. She’s been talking with people about what they’re going to wear for family pictures and whatnot, and when I’ve asked if I should wear, or not wear anything in particular (I have a small part in the wedding with FI) she just kind of shrugs…
So I’m going to assume I’m not in them unless told otherwise. 
It makes me sad, because we’ll be family only 8 months after their wedding. This ‘almost’ thing sucks.
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Mrs. Peony, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Marketing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, QA Engineer
Engagement Date: June 28, 2007
Wedding Date: April 18, 2008
Venue: The Fountainhead
Blogging Since: August 7, 2007
About Me: Both Mr. Peony and I are huge computer nerds, and our conversations usually consist of the latest gadgets, programming languages, and video games. At the same time, I can also be very girly with an obsession with handbags, makeup, and high heels. And art! I've studied studio art extensively, almost majored in art history, and freelance as a web and graphics designer. Mr. Peony and I are having a ball of a time planning a wedding for 250(!) guests, doing our best to infuse our personalities (geeky chic) with the wishes of our very traditional Asian parents.
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