The Case Of The Missing Groom II…
August 9th, 2007 @ 4:16 pm by Mrs. Violet
I must confess. I’m not that laid back or calm, but during this whole wedding planning I’ve willed myself to be that way because I can’t be a good planner otherwise. As Mr. Violet can attest, when I have a nervous breakdown, I literally break down. I’m pretty much helpless, that is, until I get over myself and bring myself to get up and move forward again. With that said, I have been pretty good so far as a bride who has gone through a few breakdowns in my life. After I wrote my post yesterday, I thought I got whatever stress I had off my chest.. but I really didn’t. I only added more to my stress.
Mr. Violet and I had a conversation (borderline - argument) right before I left work. I told him that we’d talk about it when I got home. Through our 8 years together, I’ve learned the key to a succesful relationship is sometimes silence. Giving each other time to breathe in what has transpired. During my time of silence, I became more enraged at what was happening. Shouldn’t he realize how much stress this could add to me the day before the wedding. What if something does go wrong, am I to handle it alone? Even if I do have help, there’s only so much they can do for me. They can’t replace him. And when did this became my wedding and not our wedding? And for goodness sakes, what is in Montreal that they can’t do much closer to home? On the way home, I called one of my bridesmaids for advice and to vent, and it really helped. By the time I reached home, I was calm again and not ready for an argument.
Surprisingly, Mr. Violet sat me down and apologized for his insensitivity. He said that he didn’t think through the consequences and realized that it was a bit close to be going so far. He even went ahead and told his two Best Men about changing the plans. I breathed a sigh of relief. Even though I knew that I wanted him to change the plans all along, I knew I couldn’t say anything. He had to do it on his own will and not by force. I suggested that he plan a boys trip after our wedding to Montreal because I plan on doing a girls trip anyway.
So what could have potentially added undue stress to an otherwise laidback bride has now dissipated. I am once again, a happy bride…
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7 Responses to “The Case Of The Missing Groom II…”
Yes, potential crisis averted. Thank goodness!!!!!
Aww, I’m glad you two were able to work this out. I hope Mr. Violet understands that you felt this way only because you were worried/cared about him and that you needed him by your side to get through all of this wedding madness. You’re not a bridezilla, you’re just a caring, loving fiancee/future wife. Good luck with the rest of planning! You’re great Miss Violet!
You sound like you have a bit of heightened anxiety.. I know b/c I was like that too for a very long time (still am sometimes).. I actually went to a doctor and got prescribed Zoloft. I am not recommending this to you b/c everyone is very different. I’m just telling you that it really has changed me in such a good way.. I really wanted to be more easy-going and not be embarassed when I get angry in public (and then be sullenly silent for several hours). I just want to let you know that you may want to look into it and see if there are any other routes you can take to soothe yourself. The FI really helped me a LOT whenever I had one of these anxiety attacks but it would only work when I felt like he was sorry enough or another emotion overcame me. It sucks because you’re not only punishing your loved one, but yourself (wasting time being angry when you should be so happy). The best and only person who can really help you is yourself. Best of luck.
I’m glad that this potential crisis was averted for you. I can definitely understand why him having his bachelor party right before the wedding would be REALLY stressful, but to be honest, your post disturbed me a little bit also. It just seems to me that by taking this stress of yourself, you’re putting a lot of stress on your fiance. It seems that you depend on him a lot for strength (which you should and is totally normal), but it also means that he has to be super strong for you at all times. I agree with Annie in what she said. I went through something similar myself when I went through depression and it just sucked the life out of my relationship because I was always depending on my S.O. to help me through my day. It just adds stress to the relationship that will eventually take its toll.
Just remember that the little details that seem so important now will seem trivial 20 years from now. Yes, it might look bad in the pictures if the suits don’t fit perfectly but in all honesty, no one really cares what the best man looks like - they’re all looking at you. Your wedding should be a celebration of love, not a display of details.
I debated whether or not to write this comment because I know it might come off the wrong way. I just want you to be happy for your wedding but, even more, I want you to be happy with your relationship in the long run.
Annie & Lisa - I appreciate your honesty but perhaps I should clarify that I don’t have many episodes of nervous breakdowns and it didn’t all happen with I was with Mr. Violet. I was merely pointing out that I’m normally laid back and calm but there are times when I do break down too. In general, I am quite happy with my life.
This issue of them going to Montreal was disturbing for me because it was too far to be going so close to the wedding. I’m not the kind of person that worries about every little detail… but I was only using the tux altering as an example of what can go wrong.
The point is this wedding is about us, not me, and he should be here even if it’s just most of the day before the wedding in case anything needed to be taken care of.
Either way, he has changed his plans and will be much closer to home so that works out fine with me. He can still have his party just not 7 hours away across the border.
I also wanted to add that I really do appreciate your honesty and advice. I believe that you wrote with good intentions. Perhaps I was a bit too emotional when I wrote my posts but Mr. Violet and I normally discuss everything we do, we rely on each other, so I felt really hurt when he told me that he was planning such a trip right before our wedding, that he didn’t consider being around in case there was anything we needed to take care of.
Mrs. Violet, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Executive Assistant
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Computer Engineer
Engagement Date: May 13, 2006
Wedding Date: September 2007
Venue: Westbury Manor
About Me: We've been dating since college. In our spare time we enjoy the city life, playing with our dog "Sam", eating our hearts out, and traveling. I also love to DIY. Check out my crafty creations at http://www.waisze.etsy.com.
oh wow, thank goodness… crisis averted! yay!