Wedding Blog
As previously posted, Mr. Apple and I planned to postpone our honeymoon for 3 months after our wedding in order to attend a good friend’s wedding in Germany. The bride and I have been friends for almost 10 years, and she met her German fiance in Med School. It’s coming up next week and I’m clueless as to what I should wear.
Here are the stats:
Catholic German wedding held in a cathedral
I am her Maid of Honor
This will be our honeymoon trip
Afternoon Ceremony held here:
photo found on Ipernity
Champagne Reception Preceeding Dinner here: (hotel used to be a former Dominican Monastery)
photo via World Hotels
Initially my friend (the bride) had asked me to be her MOH way before she even began to start planning her wedding. Later, she found out there is no such thing as a “wedding party” in German weddings. A lot of the American traditions focus on having a MOH, 3 bridesmaids, 1 BM, 3 groomsmen, flower girl, ringbearer, etc., but the Germans focus more on the bride and groom. She informed me that I won’t need to prepare for any rehearsals or prepare to walk down the aisle - basically we’ll be a regular guest. So we won’t need to do anything except relax and enjoy the day. I’m cool with that. 
So here’s the dilemma, I asked her if she would prefer me to wear anything particular - a certain color, style, length since I still sort of am her MOH and they will also still have a BM. She really liked my MOH’s dress at my wedding in May. So we agreed, I’d wear that.
It wasn’t until today that I realized umm…is it appropriate? The dress is by no means risque, but I will be attending a German Catholic wedding. My shoulders and back will be exposed, the dress is low in the front, and the material is somewhat sheer in daylight. I don’t want to be disrespectful to Almighty God or any of the guests. I was trying to research, with little success, some German weddings online. I noticed that most of the guests were very conservatively dressed, as in even the women were wearing dark suit jackets with skirts. These websites maybe dated but I’m a little concerned.
We’re also really trying to pack light since we’ll be doing day trips for two weeks, traveling by train every 2 days. So, if I could, and to be safe, I’d bring 2-3 different dresses with matching sandals/heels but that’s just not feasible. I have a couple of more simple dresses (one eyelet white and one striped grey and white) that I could wear on my honeymoon just in case we go to a nice dinner. So I was thinking about wearing one of those to the wedding, but is it appropriate to wear white to a German wedding if you’re not the bride?
My questions from this post. How formal/conservative are German weddings? Which dress would be more appropriate? Do they do TOASTS? Should I prepare one?
Aghhhhh help, If there are German Weddingbee readers out there, HELP! I’ve had no luck finding any information!
Grey and white Gap Dress (makes me look pregnant but I still like it)
White Eyelet dress similar to this Lily Pulitzer one
MOH dress photo by Huy
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While European fashions do very slightly from US fashions, I would stick to the rules that would apply to a similar wedding held on the East Coast of the US. With that in mind, I would have a cover-up that you could wear for the ceremony if it is as formal as it sounds, and I would not wear white. The nice thing about a cover-up is that if it is far too hot, or seems unnecessary when you see other guests, it is easily removed. I don’t think you will need a cover-up for the reception.
HC said it before I could. I don’t know about Germans, but a formal Catholic mass requires coverage of shoulders/back (and sometime head– I’ve been told if someone didn’t have a hat, a hankerchief and a bobby pin would suffice). A nice wrap of some sort will work and is removable for the reception.
Oh, and if you use a colored wrap, then there’s no problem that the dress is white!
I agree with HC - not sure if you meant to pick photos of white dresses, but I think that taboo would also apply in Germany, especially if the weddings are supposed to be about the bride and groom.
I am confused though — which is the dress that your MOH wore, since that is the one she likes?
just bring a pashmina or wrap, or a light cardigan. i agree that you should have your shoulders covered. that’s the basic rule in catholic churches. most are more liberal here in the states, but i’m gonna guess that they’re going to be more conservative everywhere else in the world.
Can you show us a picture of the dress you are considering, the one you already wore?
I really like the white 2nd dress pictured but it does look kind of casual and I wouldn’t wear white I don’t think.
I’ll echo the need for a cover up wrap/shrug/etc - you’ll probably be required to cover your shoulders while in the church (this is true for most places of worship, even as a tourist, i always travel with a light shawl - i even turned it into a skirt once to get into a Baha’i temple!). Is the wedding for the start of the honeymoon or the end? If it’s at the beginning, would you consider taking a couple of different things to wear then shipping them home? That might help lighten your load.
nevermind, just saw the MOH dress.
You will be fine in that MOH dress as long as you cover your shoulders in church. A pashmina or a jacket, whatever, but dont leave them bare.
I don’t thinkt he GAP dress is fancy enough plus it could be colder there. less humidity.
My FI & his BM, who just got married in Germany, are both German. German weddings are very informal. You can probably wear whatever you want, with modesty being the consideration for the church ceremony. White is not necessarily a tradition for brides, but I’d stay away from it anyway.
It’s rare that German weddings are events even close to the scale of ours. As for the toast, this is not customary for the MOH. Usually one or both of the parents make a toast. I’m sure if you wanted to say something, though, they’d be happy to have you do it (although some of the older generation do not speak English as well as the younger ones).
Our BM did not have a registry (or even know what it was) or receive any gifts similar to what we do here. The gifts were mostly symbolic (orchid plant, bottle of champagne) or money.
Hope this helps…I’m sure you’ll have fun!
the eyelet dress is cute. you should just wear that to the wedding so one less dress to pack. of course, as everyone mentioned, a colorful cardigan or shawl is a good idea.
German weddings (at least from what my German in-laws to be did and many of their friends) are smaller, more informal events but the Western-style wedding is certainly catching on. Forty years ago they had a simple civil ceremony with only immediate family in attendance, the bride wore her wedding dress and veil (I think - either that or a cute suit) and the groom a simple suit. They both had one attendance only.
A few weeks later they traveled to the Black Forest region and had a slightly larger (but still small by Western standards) event in a local restaraunt, again with one attendant each. She wore her wedding dress and veil, the groom a tux.
I recommend money for a gift (very easy to pack!) and one of the non-white dresses you plan to honeymoon in. Just make sure to bring a wrap to cover up shoulders/back/cleavage while in church. I wouldn’t be too casual (cotton sundress).
I wouldn’t wear white - even if the wedding is in germany, you’re american, and your friend is american, so american rules apply.
If your friend likes your (gorgeous) MOH dress, then wear it! You can always add a half-slip if you are worried about show-through, and I agree that a wrap or jacket or shawl of some kind would be appropriate for the church.
I hope you have an amazing time!
P.S. I agree with Christine about giving money as a gift. You can never go wrong with money and a lovely card.
I’ve never been to a German wedding but being swedish myself, maybe some all european rule might be applicable?
I would not go for white or black dress. In church, cover up with a shawl/wrap/pashimna. German weddings (I’ve heard) is more casual than sweish ones, so derss up but maybe not your best tails-dress..
As someone mentioned earlier, money is alwayts an appreciated gift but if she’s your long time friend, why not make a photo album/scrap book with your adventures together?
Wow, everyone has given me really helpful advice. Thanks!
I have narrowed it down to two dreses so keep the tips/advice coming!
i would just wear a cover up. go with the MOH dress…although it is white…eek.
I am german and usually german weddings are very informal. you can wear anything you like that covers the shoulders and upper arms, and it mustn’t be white. it’s not such a dressy and big deal as it is in usa. also having 100 guests is mostly considered a very big wedding…
Have you checked the weather for when you are going? I’ve been to Germany in the summer (August) and it was COLD. And older stone churches tend to be chilly.
Also, have you considered buying a dress when you get to Europe? That could be really fun
They are informal and you can wear a sun dress as you showed with a shrug or shawl just in case. ie. breeze, church, more conservative folks.
Hope I can help I am a German WeddingBee And I know a few things…first you need to do the formal conservative none of the dresses will work I am afraid. BUT If you pick one it might be the grey one with a wrap to go with it and heels. And I think the last one is formal but too revealing but if you wear a wrap you might get away with it but that would be pushing your luck.( What if you dye the dress a different color?) They do toasts in Germany short and sweet is how they like it. Believe me it will be alot harder on the bride then on you…German mother in laws are not anything like American mother in laws they are alot worse. Right and as my fiance just said (the German one he is) Tell her to remember her hat and her wrap for the wedding. Hope this helps…
Hi Mrs. Apple!
I am German and I hope I can give you some advice! First rule: ONLY the bride is wearing white!!! On the other hand, as long as the bride is okay with you wearing that MOH dress, then you can do that.
Generally it depends on where in Germany you are: People in Bavaria are more conservative than in Cologne for example. But when you are wearing a pashmina or a cardigan (right now the weather here ist horrible - its cold, raining every day…) to cover up your shoulders you´ll be absolutely fine in church.
German weddings usually don´t have a big wedding party, bridesmaids are very extravagant, but since the past years its becoming more and more fashionable to have a wedding “american style”. We dont have a MOH but we choose so called “Trauzeugen” roughly translated as ceremony witness), which are usually very good friends or siblings who help you during the planning process and sign the wedding license…
I’m American and live in the US now, but I lived in Germany until I was 20. I’ll just reiterate that Germans are a lot less serious about religion and churches and modesty. BUT, it is much more of a taboo to wear something white, probably because they have less ornate wedding dresses so it is easier to mistake someone in a white dress for a bride. Oh, and also, definitely, definitely no black, and if you want to be sure not to throw off anyone, no red.
Oh how I love that place. I am from Germany and been to this location myself to attend a friends wedding there. She had it at the castle that is shown on the upper pictures. It brings back all the memories - well done!
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Mrs. Apple, Dallas
Age and Occupation in '07: 28, Entrepreneur
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Police Officer
Engagement Date: Easter Day 2006
Wedding Date: May 27, 2007
Blogging Since: September 28, 2006
Venue: Marie Gabrielle Restaurant & Gardens
About Me: I'm in the midst of trying to plan a "perfectly beautiful" wedding and decorating my new home. It's been exhausting but totally worth every minute of it. Ironically, I was never the type of person to want to get married but now that I'm engaged, I get giddy over anything that is wedding related! I'll try my best to give you all unique and practical ideas.
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