Wedding Blog
The more I read about destination weddings and the trend toward wedding weekends, the more I hear about how I must have some sort of event for guests to take part in over the course of the weekend. For instance, a wine tasting (in Napa) or a surfing lesson (in Hawaii). While I think these are great ideas, is this going overboard?? Is this just another example of excess? (okay, don’t answer that…)
On our wedding website I listed a number of my favorite area attractions, but I’m letting all the hype get to me and convince me that it’s not enough! Despite my hesitation, here are some ideas that I’ve come up with:
One possible activity is the aerial tram.
Mr. Peppermint and I took a trip up on our first trip to Palm Springs. We managed to go the weekend of the first snow and it was incredible! Part of why we wanted to do Palm Springs in December was so that we could go up to the snow on the tram (while having an outdoor wedding with blue skies…knock on wood!).
Are any of you having “events” for your guests? We’re thinking of having an informal welcome the night before the wedding, so would this be overkill?
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We got married in a small resort town about an hour away from DH’s family, so it was a “getaway” for a lot of folks who stayed at the resort all weekend for golf, the wedding, etc. We wanted this b/c we’d been to similar weddings where it felt like a weekend-long event b/c of the getaway aspect.
We chose to have a fairly early rehearsal (4:30) the night before, and then hosted a bonfire from 9-11 after the wedding party’s RD. It was very casual — just a few kegs and a big fire — but set the tone for a fun weekend and gave all of our guests a chance to mix and mingle. I am SO GLAD we did this, and it was at minimal cost and hassle for the two of us.
I don’t think this is overkill, though I am a bad person to ask! I am getting married at Round Hill Resort in Jamaica and have a slew of events planned: Welcome cocktails at a private villa followed by catamaran cruise on Thursday, Beach BBQ on Friday, and a Brunch on Sunday. I do think it is important to make it clear that these events are optional, so that people don’t feel like they are being corralled, and they are able to enjoy their vacations as they choose.
I agree with Rosie. I don’t think that offering an optional activity is overkill. In fact, I think people will be thrilled to have another chance to spend time with you.
We are having a week-long destination wedding with just our immediate family as guests, and we offered to coordinate diving and snorkeling or whatever they want to do — but so far, not a peep. I guess everyone would rather veg out on the beach!
We had what ended up to be a ‘destination’ wedding in rural Ohio (85% guests from out of town). We wanted a wedding weekend so that our families could have some time to get to know each other, so the ‘activities’ we planned were not active but just chances for everyone to spend time together. For a Sunday wedding we had a close family dinner on Friday night, a lunch for our wedding party and friends on Saturday (followed by spa time for my friends and frisbee golf for his friends) and then a huge pizza party on Saturday night (best pizza ever) that went until the wee hours. The rehearsal was Sunday morning and the wedding/reception was Sunday night. It was a wonderful weekend.
Long story short, just places to hang out with everyone (hotel pool or we got a huge suite for the Saturday lunch to be in) at certain times is enough.
first of all, we (brides) do not have to do everything the wedding industry tells us we “have” to do!
that being said, we are doing something similar. we are hosting a small “destination” wedding in burlington, vt on a saturday so we arranged a private tour/tasting at the magic hat brewery the day before for folks who came early. it’s low stress, free and fun! then we’ll head off to the rehearsal “relaxed!” haha.
i have a relationship with magic hat because they are the beer sponsor of the litchfield jazz festival (www.litchfieldjazzfest.com) that my mother and i have been running for 12 years. that being said, something like this could happen with a simple phone call and request.
i’d recommend what ever it is that it is free or cheap (so people don’t feel obligated or bad if they can’t do it). it should be something that just makes them feel welcome and involved (not excluded - i wouldn’t recommend surfing b/c very few people can participate).
i think we’ll have 12 people join us for the tasting/tour and there will be 50 at the wedding the next day. GL!
I live in a resort town so while for my fiancee and I it isn’t a ‘destination’ wedding all of our guests are coming from out of town. Living in a resort town is expensive. Trying to throw a wedding in a resort town is expensive. While I try and throw the local card around as much as possible to get discounts it’s hard to fit everything into a tiny little budget.
If you have a lot of out-of-town guests I think it’s nice to have extra events over the weekend because these people are traveling a great distance to come and celebrate with you and probably won’t get much of your time on the wedding day itself.
That said, I agree with Miss Onion - try and find things that make them feel welcome and involved without spending a lot of money.
But it does make me wonder… would Miss Manners jump on someone who put together a list of activities in the area and cost then noted next to some of them *Bride and Groom will be here at such and such time… if you just happen to be there at the same time it’d be great to see you* Or is that something better spread by word of mouth?
Hmmm that photo looks familiar 
I think an aerial tram is awesome and I bet most people will go with that. I would love it. It’s an easy “activity” for guests who came all this way who just want to relax. I would just recommend a few select things. I found that when I suggested too many things, guests got confused and sometimes even complained about them. Since there is a gap between our ceremony and reception, we *suggested* guests to go to Top of the Rock; an observation deck in Rockefeller Center.
I don’t think what you are doing is overkill if it is an optional event. We are doing a destination wedding with guests and I agree that it can seem like excess depending on the events you plan and if you make them “mandatory.”
Our big group event is a volunteer work day at our location. Our guests have the option to join us and will hike from our nice beach location back into the jungle and towards an area where some of the few remaining indigenous people of Costa Rica live. We are helping build a structure and offering various labor for the non-profit that works with one community.
We will pass a watering hole that isn’t well known but is great to swim at and a woman who has a stand selling chocolate on the way.
Our other optional outing is visiting a wildlife reserve that hosts a sanctuary for injured sloths and has a number of animals confiscated by customs. I figure it is the best way for guests to see a lot of native wildlife and I love the family that runs this NGO.
Since we are doing a DW we haven’t made the itinerary too structured but we wanted to pepper it with some stuff for guests that are too introverted to get out and see our location on their own.
We had a medium - 110 guest - wedding in Newport, RI. Even though about 1/4 of our guests live within a 45 min radius, about 90-95% of our guests spent the weekend in Newport.
I agree with cubangirl. We didn’t plan “activities” for the group; we gave suggestions and everyone was on their own. I’m not a big fan of organized activities (unless the activity is eating and/or drinking!) so we decided to leave everyone to their own devices.
We hosted a Friday night welcome party and invited everyone. My in-laws and their friends hosted a brunch on Sunday morning and, again, everyone was invited. I loved seeing everyone the night before and the day after. It really made the celebration last the whole weekend and allowed everyone the opportunity to meet/catch up.
We also encouraged everyone to stay at the same hotel and the lobby bar/restaurant became the meeting place/after-hours spot. It worked out so well. I’d highly recommend that!
We’re having a “destination” wedding in my hometown of Los Angeles– many guests will be from out of town. We’re not planning any organized activities for anyone, other than a get-together the night before the wedding. It’s too hard to plan something that would appeal to everyone and lots of our guests have never been to LA before, so we want to give them the freedom to explore what’s most appealing to them (Disneyland for the families, nightlife for our friends, etc). So don’t feel pressured to have tons of organized activities– sometimes suggestions are enough!
I’m approaching this question as a bride planning her wedding, and as a guest at a far-away wedding next week.
My brother, living in England, will be marrying a French girl in France. Most of her guests will be local, and if not local, at least from the same country. The groom’s guests will be Americans who will be staying in a small town in France.
No activities are planned, not even a rehearsal dinner (it’s just not a French thing to do, apparently). Consequently, the guests on this side are slightly concerned. What to do, after arriving a few days early, in a town with relatively little to do?
Giving your guests options of activities is taking care of them! Honestly, I’d try to plan at least one activity per day where your guests can see you. Remember that not all guests will be your own age and that the older guests like to be involved as well.
I’d also make sure there was a hard copy of the list in their OOT bags/baskets or just little envelopes you could have distributed at their hotels. Yes, it’s very nice that you’ve got a website, but not every guest will come with their laptop looking for WiFi.
Oh, right, I should have mentioned: almost everyone was staying at the same hotel and received a folder with a list of activities that specified who it was for aka (’Dinner party- everyone welcome’ or ‘wedding party lunch’ or ’spa afternoon- friends of the bride’)
It’s nice to have optional events. How many is up to you.
Even just one event can be nice to bring everyone together casually, and doesn’t have to be too pricey if you don’t choose something expensive. The tram seems a good choice.
PS.
Hi ROSIE! We’re getting married at Round Hill Resort in Jamaica too! Next year.
Overboard? I certainly hope not! We’ve got a destination wedding in Hawaii next month and we’ve got all sorts of optional things planned: bowling, beach picnic, volcano hike, luau, night dive. Basically, we’ve let our guests know what WE plan on doing. If they want to come along, they’re more than welcome, and we get to spend more time with them!
This is something I’d been toying with for awhile. Friday afternoon is the rehearsal, then the RD afterwards - due to space constraints it has to be limited to wedding participants only. After the RD me and my girls take off for my bachelorette, and the guy do the same for his. Saturday during the day we have bridesmaids luncheon, hair and makeup appointments, then ceremony and rehearsal. Sunday morning early we take off for the honeymoon. So my weekend is pretty much packed.
Ideally, I would like someone in his family (we moved back to his hometown after college) to host something, even if it’s as informal as a backyard bbq, that Friday evening. But I don’t want to ask anyone to foot the bill for something like that for a lot of people they don’t know, and I can’t see a point in inviting everyone to meet up for dinner but pay for themselves.
In hindsight I would have done what I could to plan a little more time for family. Maybe the bachelorette on Thursday night instead (of course that would mean finding something for my friends to do Friday while the BMs and I do wedding things…) As for having to leave early the next morning, I can’t really control the cruise ship schedules, so a brunch type thing wasn’t really feasible from the beginning, though I think it would have been nice had it been an option.
I’m just offering a list of neat things in the area on our wedding site. People can research beforehand, and then talk to the front desk at their hotels for other suggestions/directions/info.
i really wanted a wedding weekend, but it’s proving difficult b/c there are so many things going on, plus since it’s not a “destination” wedding most people are only coming day of or day before.
we are doing an informal gathering after the rehearsal dinner (both events at our new house) for out of town people - mostly my aunts/uncles, and some friends. that way people can see our new house and visit for a little bit before the whirlwind day.
we are also considering going out friday night (our wedding is on sunday) with the 20-somethings that will be around, or just the bridal party.
i wanted to do more but there is just too much going on. people have assured me that they will find stuff to do - we also put up a list of activities on our website.
For our “wedstravaganza weekend,” as a friend dubbed it, I tried to give people options for what to do, without making them feel they had to. One of the groom’s aunts really wanted three full days of activities. She wanted us to arrange seal-watching expeditions, golf tournaments, that kind of thing. With a Friday welcome, a Saturday wedding, and a Sunday brunch, we were already sucking up a lot of the guests’ time, and I wanted them to have a chance to check out the fairly walkable resort town on their own.
The invitation included a little card with the three wedding events on one side, and “Local Events” on the other (two wooden bat league baseball games and a free chamber music concert). Another sheet that went out at the welcome party included directions to the nearby national park and several mini golf places, numbers for bike rental shops, and suggestions for fun shopping areas.
From what I hear, most people spent Saturday morning at the beach or shopping; those who stayed later on Sunday went mini golfing (with me, in the gown) or kayaking.
In general, although it’s fun to show off the area you’ve chosen, you do run the risk of making people feel obligated to spend their whole visit working from your schedule. I say give them choices and let them to their own thing.
Hey Miss P! I think whatever you want to do will work out either way - just depends on how much work you want to do. The BEST part about hosting in Palm Springs, as you already know, is the fact that there is just so much to do for everyone of all ages. Shopping, hiking, day trip to Joshua, tram, Morongo, etc. Oh, and I almost forgot: G O L F. Mr. Oakley and I don’t golf - I played defense on my HS field hockey team so I know how to hit, but with zero accuracy. However, both of our Dads are very into it and couldn’t be more thrilled about being forced to that part of the country for our wedding!
The only extra activity we are doing besides the wedding and the rehearsal dinner BBQ in a park the night before is helping organize anyone who is interested into a little friendly golf game between the families. Other than that, everyone is free to explore - or just hang out by the pool.
One of my best friends was at a wedding a few weeks ago and he felt that there was too much planned and over-produced so to speak. As Public Enemy says: Don’t Believe the Hype…
LM–
Oh fun, another Round Hill bride! What is your date? We are May 24th, 2008…How many are you expecting??
Hi ROSIE- We are April 26th! We’re only around 30-35 people including us! So lots of fun cocktail parties, bbqs, boating, etc. planned too. We live NYC. And “toured” the Caribbean for a week or so and fell in love with Round Hill. Congratulations to you and your FI!
Sorry for boring any of you guys:)
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Miss Peppermint, LA/Palm Springs
Age and Occupation: 23, Actress
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Web Producer
Engagement Date: October 21, 2006
Wedding Date: December 2007
Blogging Since: July 2, 2007
Venue: historic estate overlooking the heart of Palm Springs
About Me: I am a Southern California native who enjoys cooking, writing, travel and all things in the arts. Mr. Peppermint and I met in college and he proposed on our four year anniversary in one of our most special places, Joshua Tree National Park. We're having a destination wedding in Palms Springs that will incorporate tradition as well as reflect our personalities!
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