Wedding Blog

Amidst the crazy bustle and planning of the wedding, there are moments in the day where I stop and just can’t wait until I’m married. If you really think about it, there’s so many awesome benefits to marriage - here are a few I’m looking forward to:

1. Save money on mirrors
By putting on various things and just standing in front of the wife and reading her face, you’ll know if what you’re wearing looks good or bad. Big eyes and smile = good. Pinching her nose, vomit and head exploding = bad.

2. 24 hour game of tag
I remember growing up, once the sun went down, you knew you had to end your awesome game of tag and go home. With marriage, you can play tag….24 hours a day.

Noon:
“Tag you’re it!”
“Ha! I’ll get you back!”

4pm:
“Tag You’re it!”
“Oooh! I’ll get you!”

10pm:
“Tag You’re it!”
“Ok! Your turn!”

3:32am:
“Tag you’re it!”
“You’re gonna die.”

3. “Honey, I’m home!”
Granted, I say this when I come home everyday - but finally it will make sense!

4. Two words
Tax break!

5. Unlimited toilet paper
Nothing is worse than sitting on the can and then realizing there’s only 2 squares of toilet paper left. Now with a wife, you have someone to go get spare TP for you instead of you walking around the apt, half crouched with pants to knees walking like a duck looking for any semblance of tissue.

6. Secondary alarm clock
After a certain point, I don’t hear my alarm clock anymore - it simply doesn’t wake me up. But if I get one that’s annoying enough, then wife will get up angrily and force me to wake up to shut it off.

7. Soap
Somehow women are able to find the most delicious smelling soaps there are on the planet. Guava creme honey dew lotion infused watermelon fusion peanut butter apple cider soap with oats. No more ivory or hand wash soap from costco!

8. Most accurate back scratcher
You know what I’m talking about. That small area on your back that you can’t reach - with proper instruction “left…no my left…little down…little more…RIGHT there. Perfect…keep that going, thanks.” No more unreachable itches on the back.

9. Body heater
Granted, gromit the dog not bad as a heater, but he’s too small. Getting married is like upgrading my heating unit. From the cheap Walgreens heater to the Sharper Image deluxe full body version. Awesomeness.

10. Finally understanding all the mysteries
I always wondered how women shaved their legs, wore sleeveless turtlenecks, cried for no reason, spent hours painting nails, and even pee. By living amongst these wonderful creatures I can now observe all the wonders in vivo. I’m the next dian fossey!

11. The possibility of playing multiplayer on the wii
Playing wii by yourself kinda sucks. That’s why it’s good to have someone you can play against and crush them in wii tennis and feel good about yourself.

12. Highlight
And finally - I can’t wait til I’m married, cause I know then for the rest of my life, there’s always something to look forward to every day.