In today’s hive:
- Amy will be relocating cross country post wedding, so she wants to keep her registry light and encourage guests to gift cash. What’s the best way to communicate this? She was thinking of mentioning the move in the registry section of her wedding website. Does anyone have any other suggestions?
- Miss Sunset’s venue only lets her use artifical rose petals, so she was wondering if anyone can recommend a place that offers realistic and affordable petals online?
- Aniveria is looking for charter bus recommendations in NYC/Queens/LI.
- STB Mrs. Ahn called the USPS today and was told that as of July 5th, they no longer allow “hand-cancelling”. Has anyone else run into this? Her invites have beads on them and she’s concerned they will puncture the cardboard if run through a machine. Can you suggest another shipping method to ensure they arrive in good shape? She was thinking padded envelopes but doesn’t know if there are better looking ones than the plain manila ones.
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42 Responses to “Beehive”
Amy, I’m sorry to be the barer of bad news, but I’m afraid that the only thing you will encourage guests to do is to give you gifts they selected themselves and you may not have wanted.
A lot of people feel very strongly about cash vs. gifts, and will not stray from this, whether or not the registry is empty.
I would strongly discourage you from doing this. Do no underestimate the intelligence of your guests–hopefully they will mail gifts to you, or you may have to ship yourself.
Either way, the light registry is not a good plan.
HTH
STB mrs ahn — they still do hand canceling. In fact, i was told that if the USPS determines your invties are “non-machineable” (i.e might get caught in a machine), they make you pay the extra postage to hand cancel. If one post office says no, try another.
Hi STB Mrs. Ahn, I had the same experience as jjrames, except we had 140 invites, and we sent ours at the beginning of August. A very nice guy named Ronnie at my local USPS showed me where to stamp, and I went to a little table off to the side and stamped away.
He said that it was okay as long as there were less than 500 (but I don’t believe this is USPS policy, just his niceness).
Good luck! You might have to try a couple post offices, but I think you should be fine.
Amy, I’ve seen something to the effect of “No boxed gifts, please” before. It’s a tactful way of implying monetary gifts without saying “cash only” or something tacky like that.
miss g, sorry to disagree with you, but I think that saying “no boxed gifts, please” is just as tacky as saying “cash only.” Amy, it’s up to your guests to decide what to give you — my best advice is to spread your desires by word of mouth, and return whatever you don’t want for cash or a store credit before you move.
Hi Amy, my cousin recently got married and he and his wife registered at Target and amazon.com for a few small objects, but they also registered for gift cards at both places.
They categorized everything as “nice to have” instead of “need to have,” and I definitely didn’t get a tacky vibe off of their registry. I figured they didn’t need a lot of stuff and could put the gift cards to better use.
I am in the process of addressing my save the dates. Do I have to address the card to “Mr. and Mrs. Hubby’s Name” for my married female friends even though I don’t know their husbands? I feel awkward sending the cards w/o having my own friend’s name on the envelope. Suggestions?
STB Mrs. Ahn,
i got the same answer and decided to just give in and let them run them through. I’m sure if you go to a less crowded local post office, they’ll let you hand cancel them yourselves. If not, go here: http://www.papermart.com/templates/17-0-10.htm
they have WHITE BUBBLE LINED BAGS.
STB mrs. ahn, i have boxed invitations (1.64 in stamps) and i asked about hand cancelling and they didn’t do it at the 2 post offices that i tried. but the 2nd one told me (they were nicer) that they have to hand cancel it anyway because they won’t fit in the machine. i have a 3D silk flower inside and there was no way to ship it otherwise. i would recommend the same route for your beaded beauties. http://www.papermart.com is where i also purchased my 5×6 white swirl boxes and they have different sizes and colors. plus, all the boxes come with the nice cushy cotton pieces to keep your invite raised. i’m the 3rd of my friends to send invites in this manner, so i know it works very well. good luck!
here’s the link for the boxes:
http://www.papermart.com/templates/45-0-10.htm
Amy - when my friend got married last year, she said on her wedding website, “Just the gift of your presence is more than enough. However, if you must send a gift, contributions can be made to our ‘Moving-to-NYC’ fund” in a light context. Personally I didn’t take offense to that at all.
Amy, I got the below poem (printed on a separate piece of paper) in a wedding invitation recently that I thought was a pretty nice way of communicating it. Maybe you can modify the poem to include the move….
Kisses and hugs we’ve shared.
Our home has been made with Love and Care
Most things we need we’ve already got,
And in our home we can’t fit a lot!
A wishing well we thought would be great
(But only if you wish to participate)
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish, but shhh….don’t tell!
While enjoying our honeymoon, we’ll feel brand new,
We can look back and say, “It’s all thanks to you!”
Amy: Definitely word of mouth. I also disagree w/ miss g; If I’d already decided to buy a gift, I would have interpreted “no boxed gifts” to mean either no gifts wanted at all or bring gifts to the wedding in a gift bag? Euphemisms can really backfire because they are open to the listener’s interpretation, not that there’s ever a polite way to say “cash only” (which is why people are tempted to use a euphemism).
On the plus side, people are pretty good about word of mouth! For example, a cousin married a military man and they knew they would be moving a lot, and they had the family & bridal party well versed on saying something like, “Well, since the military will be shipping them all over the place and they would hate for any gifts to break, I understand a check would really be appreciated.”
My post office told me that custom stamps don’t get marked at all– no need to hand cancel! Worked on my Save the Dates. I think it depends on the Post Office, so don’t give up!
Amy, we live 2,000 miles from where our wedding was held and we registered with reckless abandon. Our guests showed up with plenty of registry items, which I had a family member collect for us after the wedding. They took them back to crate & barrel, macy’s, etc… and sent us the accumulated gift cards. we took those cards and repurchased all of the items where we lived, so that we wouldn’t have to worry about shipping those items. perhaps some variation of that would work for you.
Thank you all for the suggestions! Looks like the FI and I will have to get creative….
NKC: mad props to your family member that collected all the gifts and returned them for you!
Miss Sunset- I used petal garden and I loved them. I received my petal fast and nobody could tell the differance unless the touched them. My petals were in Ivory. I also had a friend use them last year and she had various shades of orange and again they were really good!
Jenn H, depending on how traditional you and your social circle are, I would address the invites as Jane and John Doe. That way your friends’ names are on there, but you are also acknowledging their partners.
MJ– You mean like zazzle stamps? There’s no postmark at all? They must at least stamp a date of mailing on there somewhere.
Anyone know a lot about cakes & prices? Due to a bunch of people backing out for various reasons, our number has reduced from 38 to 24. This is just fine w/us, but the quote for the cake, which is simple - square, fondant, ribbon, and orchids - is still the same. I asked our coordinator about having too much & she responded no problem, as the layers were shallow, only 6, 8 & 10″ and only layers. Am I crazy, or shouldn’t the price reduce? I mean, it’s less cake, right? Including the orchids, we’re talking $436. That’s over $18/slice! Not including the $50 delivery. I’d appreciate some sane advice. I need to get back to her. Thanks, Bees!
stb mrs. ahn - that’s a lie. i had just mailed out over 150 invites a month ago and the guy hand cancelled all 150 of them. you jus thave to go up to them and give them a friendly smile and tell them those are your wedding invites, etc and they should congratulate you and do you the favor.
Hi, I am in need of some references to a printer that will be able to print in languages other than English (ie Chinese). I checked out Paper Monkey Press, but was wondering are there other vendors out there that you recommend? Thanks in advance!
Has anyone used or considered using a high-end bridesmaid’s dress as a wedding gown? I think BM dresses from Alvina Valenta and Jim Hjelm might work. Does anyone else have any suggestions for designers I should check out? Thanks!
I went to my local post office at the beginning of August and, without even requesting it, the lady brought out her stamp and hand cancelled all of my invitations. I don’t live in a small town either. Maybe the guy was just trying to come up with an excuse to get out of hand cancelling! Good luck!
Hi! Can anyone help and recommend a tie maker / tailor in Los Angeles or Southern CA? I have the fabric already, and want to have a custom tie made for my FI for the wedding day. Thanks so much!
I’ve heard hand canceling is basically pointless - the envelope will be run through various sorting machines and smushed by people along the way anyway so you’re not really protecting anything. Hand canceling is only good for getting a specific place/date stamped on your envelope. It would be great if one of the Bees could find out the official word!
Ah, Mrs. Spider did answer the question last year. Hand canceling only gets you a pretty stamp and no smudges, does not protect against smushing 
http://www.weddingbee.com/2006/08/05/wait-a-minute-mr-postman/
Question ~ we are having a destination wedding. it’s only a short trip from where everyone lives but people are coming to stay & celebrate with us. our budget is quite limited. while we are serving appys, dinner, dessert & late night snacks on the day of the wedding, we hadn’t planned to feed people should they be staying on other days (or for breakfast on the day of). i don’t want to be rude but our budget won’t allow it. we need to send out an email to let everyone know in advance but am having a tough time figuring out what to say. i’m hoping the Hive can help me out.
Susan, about printing invitations in another language (esp. chinese), have you asked your parents’ friends and other chinese in the community? usually word of mouth is how things are done in my city, where my mom just asks her friend or her friend’s friend to see whom they had print their chinese printed invitations. a lot of times the asian stationary printers do not market on the internet so the way to find them is to ask around.
Amy- I’m also having a big move post-wedding (international!) and I heard that at large stores like Crate & Barrel, you can register “as normal” and people will buy your presents “as normal.” However, instead of receiving the present itself, you will get a notice saying “Mrs. X purchased ____ from your registry.” Then, when you close the registry, you get a massive gift card in the amount of all the gifts put together, and can go pick them up after the move. This seems ideal, as people get to feel as though they are doing the regular registry, but you don’t have to shlep everything across the country. Also, it allows you to change your mind in a few months if you decide the coffee pot you picked doesn’t match your new kitchen! Check it out!
Please please please do not put anything as jaw-dropping as “no boxed gifts” on an invitation. That is not tactful! That is awful! Those who were planning to give money anyway will do it, those who were planning to buy a gift and successfully interpret the language will be shocked, and those who are clueless will proceed as they had already planned, and just get you something they think you’ll like. Result: 2/3 of guests proceed as they would have anyway, 1/3 offended. Don’t do it!
The good news is, most people include gift receipts on wedding presents.
STB Mrs. Ahn - Don’t believe the hype! I mailed mine this August. The first Post Office I went to said no one did it too. So I called another and they said they probably would. So I went there and said “if i hand cancel them myself, will you let me do it?” They were thrilled and told me to and I quote “go to town.” Plus this way you KNOW it’s done!
hi there! I am trying to decide whether to extend our contract with our photographer for one more hour, which would allow him to get photos of the bridesmaids and me getting ready. I just can’t decide whether it is worth $500 more. What do you think? Thanks…
Does anyone know how difficult it is to get strawberrys in late October down south (we live near Savannah)? My wedding is October 20, and we want to have a chocolate grooms cake with chocolate covered strawberrys on top.
Hi all! We are supplying our own alcohol for our outdoor wedding reception. The caterer strictly handles food and is unable to help us estimate the quantities that we will need to buy. Has anyone found any good websites or helpful information to assist us in estimating how much alcohol (beer, wine & liquor) we will need for our 100 guest reception? Thanks much!
Hello Bees!
I have an open questions and would need everyone’s help before I go ahead and book our venue. I need to decide this week so your help is greatly appreciated.
FI and I are thinking of having our wedding in December. We’d love to celebrate this joyous event with our loved ones around the holidays. We were thinking first or 2nd week of Dec to give way to those travelling from out of state.
My question is : Would you recommend a December wedding considering your guests holiday expenses being a factor whether they can afford to come or not? This is something that’s been worrying us. To those who have experienced it, did you have more REGRETS than expected?
Thank you so much for your help and I’ll be waiting for your responses.
jennh - your question was posed in a recent beehive here:
http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/08/07/beehive-230/
and p, that question has also been answered in the past… lemme dig up some resources…
STB Mrs. Ahn- I’ve got to 2nd Kate’s comments (#27). As I understand it, the reason people get different answers from different USPS staff is b/c, sure, they might let you hand-cancel the items but the total effect you’re asking for when you ask for hand-cancelling (not sending your items through a machine) isn’t possible anymore b/c it’s going to go through a machine no matter how it gets stamped/hand-cancelled.
I would think that means you’ll need to package your invites in small, sturdy boxes or padded envelopes as suggested…
Emma,
I have a new jim hjelm wedding gown that i bought prematurely and need to let go of. email me if you are interested at infinitywithin at gmail dot com.
Thank you for your help! I tried searching before posting…. but I guess not thoroughly enough.
[...] Susan is looking for printers who can print in Chinese. She’s checked out Paper Monkey Press, but are there any other vendors you’d recommend? [...]
Beehive
Feature Launched: Aug 31, 2006
About: A forum for readers to post questions and get feedback from the hive, aka the weddingbee community.
stb mrs ahn–I just went to my neighborhood USPS two weeks ago and asked to get my invites hand-canceled. They handed me the stamp and I stamped all 90+ myself. My point–they still do it, I would go to my local post office and ask the clerk you think is in the best mood that day :).