Open Question
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Open Question: MOH Doesn’t Like Fiance
August 20th, 2007 @ 5:27 pm by Open Question
I have a question on how to deal with my MOH who all of a sudden told me that she thinks my fiance “isn’t good enough for me”. And against my better judgment, I told that to my fiance. He’s not too happy and can rise above it and overlook the comment - but now I sorta regret having her as my MOH. I just find it ironic now that someone I cherish as a friend is now my MOH who thinks she is superior to my fiance.
What should I do? Leave it as it is?
Elle
18 Responses to “Open Question: MOH Doesn’t Like Fiance”
Did she give you specific reasons as to why she doesn’t like him? I’m assuming if you chose her to be your MoH then she is a very close friend and one you have known for a while.
If she didn’t give specific reasons why then I would recommend sitting down and asking her point-blank. If she skirts around the issue she might be hiding something or might not have any reason other than she’s afraid that you getting married will mean she’ll see less of you and you’ll spend all of your time with your new husband. Or she might just be jealous.
I would ask her why she doesnt like him.
When we choose the people to stand up there with us, we wanted people that supported our choice to marry and that would support us as a married couple. You may need to rethink her role as your MOH. If she isnt supportive of the union then it may not be the best role for her.
Gah. What a hideous thing to say. I am so sorry for you… and for him. I would probably slap her!! Who asked her and who is she to judge?
First of all, she shouldn’t have voiced her opinion to you and put you in this situation at this crucial time — Your relationship with your FI is your personal business. Definitely sit down with her to understand her reasons and then really nicely tell her that you’re sorry that she feels that way but this is your decision; Ask her to simply be happy that you are happy. Finally, ask her if she’s still ok being your MOH, considering the circumstances. AND, be forgiving - she’s probably just trying to look out for your best interest.
Did she give you a reason as to why she doesn’t like your fiance? Like others have said, I would sit down with her and talk to her.
I have a great friend who is the MOH in this situation. She loves her friend and never liked her now fiance (she she has expressed her opinion time to time). She hasn’t said anything to her friend, but now she’s getting worried because her friend isn’t really excited about getting married and views it as “it’s just something that has to be done.” In this situation, where the bride doesn’t seem happy either, I suggested that my friend talk to the bride and she if she really is happy… I would hate to see the bride be miserable later and regret marrying the wrong guy.
I would ask your MOH why she doesn’t like your fiance, and I would listen to her. Then it’s your choice if you want to heed it or not, since she is someone you were close enough to make your MOH.
Wow, this is a tough one. What a tough spot for you, your friend, and your fiance. Unless she’s known to be a petty person, it’s likely she said this out of worry for your own welfare. I hope it was her honesty not vindictiveness that motivated her to say this.
This reminds me of the other question last week about “should I tell my friend that his fiancee isn’t as good as he thinks she is.”
I guess this is an example of why it can be better to say “I don’t like your girl/boyfriend” than “I don’t like your fiance/e”
I would try to find out if there’s something specific she feels she thinks you need to know but is just dreading telling you (shoot the messenger phobia). If it’s truly something very important or awful, it’s better to know. Maybe it’s something you already know and have dealt with directly with your fiance. Maybe she wants to have a clear conscience when she stands up at the altar with you that she didn’t keep an important secret you’d want to know before getting married to him.
But hopefully, it’s no dramatic issue, but just her sweet feeling that “no one will ever be good enough for my precious cherished friend.” Then it’s a question of taking time for a heart-to-heart about your friendship and what might or might not change now that you’re getting married.
Might have been better to figure out which of these it was before taking the issue to fiance, but anyway, hope this helps.
If this is someone you truly “cherish” as a friend, I would put some value her opinion. Saying your fiance isn’t good enough for you doesn’t automatically equate her to feeling superior to him. I agree with most of the comments above, in that you might want to try to talk to her and figure out where this is really coming from.
Granted, if she really had issues, she should have talked to you before you were engaged.
Perhaps she plucked up her courage to do this after the last “Open Question” on Weddingbee when someone asked if they should say something to a friend who was about to marry someone they didn’t approve of? No, I jest….but what a crappy situation.
That is so awful for you, and tacky of your MOH - unless it was said in a serious conversation, but from the sound of it was it an offhand comment? I definitely think you should sit down with her and have a serious heart to heart. But try to be prepared that you might not walk away with everything resolved and how it was “pre-comment”. I tried to have a serious heart-to-heart with one of my BM’s, only to come to realize that she is a completely different person than I thought she was (and I”m sure she thinks the same of me). Best of luck to you, and try to remember that relationships are bound to change (but not necessarily end) as you go through this transition.
Wow thanks for the pearls of wisdom, Weddingbee readers! Perhaps I should add what my MOH said during my dinner with her - “He’s a little too short and not rich enough for you.” Although she has a been a good friend, she does occasionally remark on how my wedding isn’t lavish enough etc etc.
At that moment I didn’t ask her why she thought that was even something important in a marriage (and I still think it’s a totally trivial issue). Should I still confront her and “fire” her from her role? My fiance says he doesn’t care if she’s the MOH or not, but I feel like she might bring in a negative feel to my special day.
That additional bit of information actually helps bring a different light to the situation, Elle. I think you already made the decision. There’s no point in having someone with so much involvement in the wedding if you “feel like she might bring in a negative feel to [your] special day.” And it sounds like the only reasons she doesn’t think your fiance is good enough for you are all superficial.
elle, with the additional information…
i just can’t believe that you wouldnt know the type of person that she is, and yet still ask her to be your MOH. it just seems off…
if she is that shallow, then her original comment was totally out of line.
otherwise i was originally going to say, like some of the others, put some value on what she has to say, only because she must be the MOH for a good reason right?
oops didnt finish…
in anycase its your decision. its your life~!
as long as youre happy 
I personally would not want her to stand next to me on that day if that is how she feels. I would not want her energy that close to me as I take such an important step in my life if she is not in support of it.
You have to just tell her that you’ve made your choice and that’s final. Yes the truth does hurt to hear but she felt like she had to tell you because she obviously loves you. I feel that only my family or my best friends would ever be honest to say something like that to me. Yes it does hurt but it’s no reason to throw that friendship away.
Eeek.. what a rough situation. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I wouldn’t want someone standing up for us at our wedding who didn’t support us.
My sister-in-law had to remove her maid of honor 2 weeks before the wedding for a somewhat related reason, because she had done something that was really horrible. She got through it, and in the long run, was glad that she only had people up there who she felt supported the marriage.
Good luck with your decision!
Gee, if your MOH isn’t usually that petty, maybe this isn’t the real reason she spoke up. I’d talk to her about how you wonder why she made such a strange remark that is not characteristic of her before you remove her as MOH.
