Mrs. Peony, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Marketing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, QA Engineer
Engagement Date: June 28, 2007
Wedding Date: April 18, 2008
Venue: The Fountainhead
Blogging Since: August 7, 2007
About Me: Both Mr. Peony and I are huge computer nerds, and our conversations usually consist of the latest gadgets, programming languages, and video games. At the same time, I can also be very girly with an obsession with handbags, makeup, and high heels. And art! I've studied studio art extensively, almost majored in art history, and freelance as a web and graphics designer. Mr. Peony and I are having a ball of a time planning a wedding for 250(!) guests, doing our best to infuse our personalities (geeky chic) with the wishes of our very traditional Asian parents.
What Are You Doing Differently?
August 20th, 2007 @ 5:42 pm by Mrs. Peony
Although conventional wedding traditions can be very beautiful, fun, and meaningful, not every wedding needs to include everything. Every couple has different tastes and preferences. And so these are the things we decided not to do:
- We are not having a flower girl or a ring bearer. Neither of us know anyone whose kids are the appropriate age, and at the same time, neither of us are “children people” (meaning we don’t like kids too much….maybe it’ll change as we get older?)
- I don’t want to do a bouquet toss. Although it makes for some fun memories (as well as opportunities for great pictures), I never really liked the idea behind it. I may, however, do the “longest married” bouquet handoff. This is when the DJ invites all the married couples on to the dance floor, and as the song plays he will ask anyone who has been married for less than 5 years to please leave the dance floor. Then 10 years, and so on, until the longest married couple remains. I will present this couple with the bouquet. Has anyone else done this? How did the guests react?
- We are not having a garter toss. I feel uncomfortable just holding hands in front of our parents! I would be mortified to do something so racy in front of all my relatives, grandparents, family friends, etc., even if it is just for fun.
These are some things that just deviate a tad from tradition, but are being done by more and more couples these days:
- We are not having a head table, but a sweetheart table. We think it’ll be nice to have some moments between just us two during the hustle and bustle of the reception.
- We are not going to have a bridal party table either - they will all be seated with their friends/families along with the rest of the guests.
- We will be combining the father-daughter and mother-son dances.
- We will not be taking pictures during cocktail hour. We don’t want to feel rushed, and we also want to mingle with our guests during this time. Instead, we will be taking pictures before the wedding - so Mr. Peony will, in fact, see me before the wedding! Because I still want the moment when we see each other for the first time to be special, we will arrange a place and time to meet, with only our photographer there to capture those moments.
What will you be doing differently at your wedding?
30 Responses to “What Are You Doing Differently?”
Instead of a bouquet toss I will be making up little cakes for all my single female friends (there will be 4 or 5 at the wedding) with charms in the middle. Whoever gets the penny will get wealth, the ring will get marriage etc… that way everyone gets a blessing.
We’re in the same boat as you. No garter, no bouquet toss. We’re doing photos in advance. We are also walking up the aisle together thanks to my overwhelming feminist tendencies. We are doubling up the parent dances into one. We’re not doing a grand entrance for the bridal party or anything.
I don’t have a wedding party and won’t be doing the bouquet or garter toss. Since we have no attendants, we’re not doing a rehearsal or rehearsal dinner either. We’ll see each other before the ceremony in order to take pictures so we can attend our cocktail hour.
We are not doing bouquet or garter toss either.
Pretty much the same as you:
1. No flower girl (but we are having a ring bearer).
2. No bouquet toss
3. No garter toss
4. No cake–we are having a candy buffet instead.
5. No head table for us or the BP.
6. No introductions/grand entrance for the BP–just for us.
7. We are seeing each other before the ceremony (though this is what normally happens in Jewish weddings).
I love the idea of having the “longest married” couple thing. that’s a great idea..i may steal it. the only flaw…i think a majority of my guests are the second reception (where all the fun will be) are going to be young friends. the longest married will be 2 years! haha.
No bouquet/garter toss,
no first dance,
no father/daughter & mom/son dance,
no head table,
no tea ceremony,
no one walking me down aisle to give me away
no big entrance for the reception
hmmmm…I guess we’re not very traditional 
We eliminated a number of traditions that weren’t meaningful to us:
no bouquet or garter toss
no father/daughter & mom/son dance
no flower girl or ring bearer
no unity candle or similar ceremony
no kissing on command at the reception
no tossing birdseed
no head table (we just sat with our fam+ BP)
no true wedding cake (centerpiece cakes instead)
no giving away
no receiving line
photos beforehand
no grand send off
Wow, I didn’t realize quite how untraditional we were until I typed this out!
No garter toss ….but probably a bouquet toss
No dancing because neither one of us are dancers much and the mix of people at the reception not too condusive to form a dancing crowd.
No catered reception dinner. Instead a full on dessert bar with lots of decadent chocolate cupcakes and cheesecakes and s’mores station. AND wedding cake 
(sugar high?)
Instead of an bar with alcohol we will have a catered open espresso bar for our guests as well as punch.
And the wedding is on a Friday evening instead of a Saturday.
I love that the new tradition is no old traditions. They pretty much stink.
I did everything you did and everything your not doing except the bouquet toss! Thats so funny!
We had a very “different” wedding:
> no kids at all (so no ring bearer/flower girl)
> no religious officiant (we had a judge)
> a “cocktail style” reception, which resulted in a lot of “no”s:
- no receiving line (we had only 90 guests, so we simply visited each in turn)
- no seating assignments! (we had cocktail (standing) and low tables scattered all over the lawn, so people could sit wherever and with whomever they wanted; exception: we did “hosted” tables for our parents and the “elder” guests sat with them)
- no formal dinner/buffet line — we had passed hors d’oeuvers and food stations
> no official parent dances (our parents danced with us at various points, spontaneously)
> no head table - we had a sweetheart table we hardly sat at, and the bridal party sat whever they wanted
> we took some photos beforehand, so we did see each other before the ceremony
> we did the bouquet & garter tosses, however, we asked our emcee to let people know that in the spirit of the original tradition (getting a piece of the bride’s clothing was good luck and the happiness of the couple would come to you - don’t know if it’s true; i read it on the knot, i think), we wanted ALL women (and ALL men) to come up for the tosses. (It was cute; hubby’s auntie - who’s been married for decades - caught my bouquet, and was so thrilled!) We got lots of comments from all the marrieds who thought they’d never get a chance to participate in a toss ever again.
> The most “different” and special part was that we did this on a Friday evening on the Windward side of Oahu, Hawaii, (which means there’s huge potential for rain) without a tent. It was beautiful, but SUPER STRESSFUL!
mine’s pretty traditional, but i’m not having a head table either. i’d want my closest friends to have fun and sit with their sig figs, so we’re having a sweetheart’s table.
i have no ring bearer boy, but i have 5 angel girls (yes, they’re wearing wings) who will carry the rings & coins, flowers, bible, and rosary.
we’re also hanging out with our guests during cocktail hour. but we’re taking pictures before hand. we have a giant gap between the ceremony and reception.
we didn’t any of those except #4
We’re not the average couple, so we wanted our wedding to be a little different. We tried to do away with a lot of the “traditions” we didn’t think fit us. We were married on a Sunday at noon. Our bridal party was nearly entirely comprised of the many children in our lives: my stepson, our numerous nieces and nephews. We took all the posed photos before the ceremony, as it was always important to us that the day be about our wedding and celebration, that it wasn’t a photo shoot. Our flowers were simple (but gorgeous) roses, we didn’t bother with favors, we didn’t have a bouquet or garter toss, there were no intros, no receiving line, and no special dances other than our first dance, and even then we invited everyone to join us after the first minute or so. I loved that moment: dancing with my new husband to “Love is in the Air,” when all the rest of our loved ones joined us on the dance floor. It was magical, exactly what I wanted for our wedding day. It was the happiest day of my life.
I saw the longest married couple dance/bouquet hand off.
Everyone LOVED it! It was so much fun to see it get narrowed down and celebrate the longest marriage there.
I definitely think that will always be a hit!
We’re doing pretty much the same stuff in your post, too!
We did the generational dance (longest married) dance at our wedding and it was a huge hit. It was especially touching for the couples who were out on the floor the longest (we had three couples who had been married over 50 years!). My aunt and uncle ‘won’ and my aunt was incredibly touched when I gave her her own bouquet (which was actually the ‘toss’ bouquet my florist made me).
We are not doing the garter toss - but I’m doing a fortune bouquet toss.
No receiving line - we’ll visit tables.
Taking pictures before the ceremny so we’ll see eachother.
Sweetheart table - small bridal party will sit with their significant others.
oh i love the anniversary dance! and it’s been a hit at every wedding i’ve been to! if you’re looking for a good name for that game, “anniversary dance” has been the best one that i’ve heard of. feel free to use that!
I LOVE your “longest married” hand-off. That’s AWESOME!!! And such a great alternative to the bouquet toss.
One little thing we did differently that I’m SO GLAD we did was to switch up which side our family sits on during the ceremony. That way, my parents could see my face as I said my vows, and vice versa for my hubby. To me this was so much more important than any arbitrary convention.
hmmmm… let’s see… we’re taking a very “fusion” approach to our wedding plans, so…
1. The bride and groom each will have a processional song/entrace at the ceremony.
2. BM will carry paper parasols (indoors) decorated with ribbon (instead of flower bouquets)
3. We’re exchanging swords during the ceremony
4. We are taking our vows jointly rather than separately (”We do” rather than “I do”)
5. Our ceremony music will be traditional Japanese instruments but performing more modern or improv pieces (Elvis, for starters)
6. We are serving cream puffs (but cupcake style) in lieu of cake at the reception
7. We are having a small appetizer plate reception rather than a full buffet
8. We are doing a fortune toss for the guys and for the girls, but in the vein of sharing our fortune, they will be ribbon bouquets with gifts or gift certificates in them.
9. No send off — no rice or streamers or seeds or confetti or petals — and no car! We’re walking to the after party (and stumbling home afterwards!)
Instead of having a cocktail hour, we are serving dinner as soon as possible. We will then have some appetizers set out after dinner for those people like me who get the munchies after dinner. Well this is what I think I might do.
I love the alternative ceremony seating arrangement!
Miss Peony, I’m with you on the bouquet hand-off. The tosses, although the traditional spirit is great, always skeeved me a little. No ring bearer/flower girl either. The guest list is spiraling into orbit and we’re trying to keep the child count as low as possible (preferably zero). No head table either. I’ve stood in weddings with and without, and I always thought it was unfair to the SO’s of the bridal party. I’d love to take pictures pre-ceremony. We’re looking at a late morning ceremony right now, so I don’t know how we’d swing pictures, but I’m seriously debating making time adjustments. With a large guest list, I know we’ll never sit down as it is, forget about trying to make the rounds after taking pics!
We were VERY untraditional!!
1. No Ring Bearer (I had 1 MoH, 1 BM, 1 Flower Girl).
2. Our first dance was in the pool (yes seriously).
3. Did a fortune bouquet toss in lieu of the garter toss.
4. No Mother/Son dance as I have no father so it would have been somewhat of a stick in the eye (MIL didn’t take to that kindly).
5. No traditional dancing - no room for it really.
6. No DJ/Band - used an ipod.
7. No grand entrance. Ick.
8. Our officiant was a chiropractor. LOL
9. We got married on the beach. Becoming more traditional but still wasn’t quite there!
Oh and NO seating chart - which the bridal party was supposed to have one reserved of but it didn’t work out that way and we all just kind of crashed various tables!
1. No flower girl or ring bearer (we just did not have any children of the right age close to us)
2. No garter toss (kind of grosses me out too, but definetly a boquet toss
3. We are having a band that plays all music but a lot of Motown especially
4. A big rehearsal dinner (140)
5. Sweetheart
6. Meeting beforehand and going to cocktail hour
7. We are seeing each other before the ceremony (though this is what normally happens in Jewish weddings).
8. After party in the hotel oconference room!
Hi! I just went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago where they the longest married couple gets the bouquet. It was sooo sweet! And I enjoyed watching even though I’m only engaged! The couples went all the way until there was only one left, who were married for 50 years. They definitely deserved the bouquet, and the emcee didn’t say they’d get the bouquet until they were the last ones dancing, and the bride walked up to them and presented the bouquet. They were so surprised and thrilled! Good luck!!
[…] anyway, sticking to the staying married for a long time theme, I did read on Weddingbee about the “Longest Married” dance some people are doing at their wedding instead of the bouquet […]
