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Mrs. Peony, New York Age and Occupation: 27, Marketing Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, QA Engineer Engagement Date: June 28, 2007 Wedding Date: April 18, 2008 Venue: The Fountainhead Blogging Since: August 7, 2007 About Me: Both Mr. Peony and I are huge computer nerds, and our conversations usually consist of the latest gadgets, programming languages, and video games. At the same time, I can also be very girly with an obsession with handbags, makeup, and high heels. And art! I've studied studio art extensively, almost majored in art history, and freelance as a web and graphics designer. Mr. Peony and I are having a ball of a time planning a wedding for 250(!) guests, doing our best to infuse our personalities (geeky chic) with the wishes of our very traditional Asian parents.
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What Are You Doing Differently?

August 20th, 2007 @ 5:42 pm by Mrs. Peony

Although conventional wedding traditions can be very beautiful, fun, and meaningful, not every wedding needs to include everything. Every couple has different tastes and preferences. And so these are the things we decided not to do:

  1. We are not having a flower girl or a ring bearer. Neither of us know anyone whose kids are the appropriate age, and at the same time, neither of us are “children people” (meaning we don’t like kids too much….maybe it’ll change as we get older?)
  2. I don’t want to do a bouquet toss. Although it makes for some fun memories (as well as opportunities for great pictures), I never really liked the idea behind it. I may, however, do the “longest married” bouquet handoff. This is when the DJ invites all the married couples on to the dance floor, and as the song plays he will ask anyone who has been married for less than 5 years to please leave the dance floor. Then 10 years, and so on, until the longest married couple remains. I will present this couple with the bouquet. Has anyone else done this? How did the guests react?
  3. We are not having a garter toss. I feel uncomfortable just holding hands in front of our parents! I would be mortified to do something so racy in front of all my relatives, grandparents, family friends, etc., even if it is just for fun.

These are some things that just deviate a tad from tradition, but are being done by more and more couples these days:

  1. We are not having a head table, but a sweetheart table. We think it’ll be nice to have some moments between just us two during the hustle and bustle of the reception.
  2. We are not going to have a bridal party table either - they will all be seated with their friends/families along with the rest of the guests.
  3. We will be combining the father-daughter and mother-son dances.
  4. We will not be taking pictures during cocktail hour. We don’t want to feel rushed, and we also want to mingle with our guests during this time. Instead, we will be taking pictures before the wedding - so Mr. Peony will, in fact, see me before the wedding! Because I still want the moment when we see each other for the first time to be special, we will arrange a place and time to meet, with only our photographer there to capture those moments.

What will you be doing differently at your wedding?

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30 Responses to “What Are You Doing Differently?”

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1.
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Guest
.d.o.t.s.

Instead of a bouquet toss I will be making up little cakes for all my single female friends (there will be 4 or 5 at the wedding) with charms in the middle. Whoever gets the penny will get wealth, the ring will get marriage etc… that way everyone gets a blessing.

 
2.
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Jacky

We’re in the same boat as you. No garter, no bouquet toss. We’re doing photos in advance. We are also walking up the aisle together thanks to my overwhelming feminist tendencies. We are doubling up the parent dances into one. We’re not doing a grand entrance for the bridal party or anything.

 
3.
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sloe-eyed

I don’t have a wedding party and won’t be doing the bouquet or garter toss. Since we have no attendants, we’re not doing a rehearsal or rehearsal dinner either. We’ll see each other before the ceremony in order to take pictures so we can attend our cocktail hour.

 
4.
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acklesgrl

We are not doing bouquet or garter toss either.

 
5.
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Lydia

Pretty much the same as you:

1. No flower girl (but we are having a ring bearer).
2. No bouquet toss
3. No garter toss
4. No cake–we are having a candy buffet instead.
5. No head table for us or the BP.
6. No introductions/grand entrance for the BP–just for us.
7. We are seeing each other before the ceremony (though this is what normally happens in Jewish weddings).

 
6.
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Guest
Leesuh1

I love the idea of having the “longest married” couple thing. that’s a great idea..i may steal it. the only flaw…i think a majority of my guests are the second reception (where all the fun will be) are going to be young friends. the longest married will be 2 years! haha.

 
7.
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Red

No bouquet/garter toss,
no first dance,
no father/daughter & mom/son dance,
no head table,
no tea ceremony,
no one walking me down aisle to give me away
no big entrance for the reception

hmmmm…I guess we’re not very traditional :-P

 
8.
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Guest
Chrissie

We eliminated a number of traditions that weren’t meaningful to us:
no bouquet or garter toss
no father/daughter & mom/son dance
no flower girl or ring bearer
no unity candle or similar ceremony
no kissing on command at the reception
no tossing birdseed
no head table (we just sat with our fam+ BP)
no true wedding cake (centerpiece cakes instead)
no giving away
no receiving line
photos beforehand
no grand send off

Wow, I didn’t realize quite how untraditional we were until I typed this out!

 
9.
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katie

No garter toss ….but probably a bouquet toss

No dancing because neither one of us are dancers much and the mix of people at the reception not too condusive to form a dancing crowd.

No catered reception dinner. Instead a full on dessert bar with lots of decadent chocolate cupcakes and cheesecakes and s’mores station. AND wedding cake :) (sugar high?)

Instead of an bar with alcohol we will have a catered open espresso bar for our guests as well as punch.

And the wedding is on a Friday evening instead of a Saturday.

 
10.
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Guest
JordyPants

I love that the new tradition is no old traditions. They pretty much stink. :-)

 
11.
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Jasmine

I did everything you did and everything your not doing except the bouquet toss! Thats so funny!

 
12.
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princesskittyHI

We had a very “different” wedding:

> no kids at all (so no ring bearer/flower girl)
> no religious officiant (we had a judge)
> a “cocktail style” reception, which resulted in a lot of “no”s:
- no receiving line (we had only 90 guests, so we simply visited each in turn)
- no seating assignments! (we had cocktail (standing) and low tables scattered all over the lawn, so people could sit wherever and with whomever they wanted; exception: we did “hosted” tables for our parents and the “elder” guests sat with them)
- no formal dinner/buffet line — we had passed hors d’oeuvers and food stations
> no official parent dances (our parents danced with us at various points, spontaneously)
> no head table - we had a sweetheart table we hardly sat at, and the bridal party sat whever they wanted
> we took some photos beforehand, so we did see each other before the ceremony
> we did the bouquet & garter tosses, however, we asked our emcee to let people know that in the spirit of the original tradition (getting a piece of the bride’s clothing was good luck and the happiness of the couple would come to you - don’t know if it’s true; i read it on the knot, i think), we wanted ALL women (and ALL men) to come up for the tosses. (It was cute; hubby’s auntie - who’s been married for decades - caught my bouquet, and was so thrilled!) We got lots of comments from all the marrieds who thought they’d never get a chance to participate in a toss ever again.
> The most “different” and special part was that we did this on a Friday evening on the Windward side of Oahu, Hawaii, (which means there’s huge potential for rain) without a tent. It was beautiful, but SUPER STRESSFUL!

 
13.
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Guest
aoedorothee

mine’s pretty traditional, but i’m not having a head table either. i’d want my closest friends to have fun and sit with their sig figs, so we’re having a sweetheart’s table.

i have no ring bearer boy, but i have 5 angel girls (yes, they’re wearing wings) who will carry the rings & coins, flowers, bible, and rosary.

we’re also hanging out with our guests during cocktail hour. but we’re taking pictures before hand. we have a giant gap between the ceremony and reception.

 
14.
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Miss Bird of Paradise

we didn’t any of those except #4 :)

 
15.
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Pencils

We’re not the average couple, so we wanted our wedding to be a little different. We tried to do away with a lot of the “traditions” we didn’t think fit us. We were married on a Sunday at noon. Our bridal party was nearly entirely comprised of the many children in our lives: my stepson, our numerous nieces and nephews. We took all the posed photos before the ceremony, as it was always important to us that the day be about our wedding and celebration, that it wasn’t a photo shoot. Our flowers were simple (but gorgeous) roses, we didn’t bother with favors, we didn’t have a bouquet or garter toss, there were no intros, no receiving line, and no special dances other than our first dance, and even then we invited everyone to join us after the first minute or so. I loved that moment: dancing with my new husband to “Love is in the Air,” when all the rest of our loved ones joined us on the dance floor. It was magical, exactly what I wanted for our wedding day. It was the happiest day of my life.

 
16.
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libby

I saw the longest married couple dance/bouquet hand off.
Everyone LOVED it! It was so much fun to see it get narrowed down and celebrate the longest marriage there.
I definitely think that will always be a hit!

 
17.
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Beth

We’re doing pretty much the same stuff in your post, too!

 
18.
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vtjill

We did the generational dance (longest married) dance at our wedding and it was a huge hit. It was especially touching for the couples who were out on the floor the longest (we had three couples who had been married over 50 years!). My aunt and uncle ‘won’ and my aunt was incredibly touched when I gave her her own bouquet (which was actually the ‘toss’ bouquet my florist made me).

 
19.
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davis2b

We are not doing the garter toss - but I’m doing a fortune bouquet toss.
No receiving line - we’ll visit tables.
Taking pictures before the ceremny so we’ll see eachother.
Sweetheart table - small bridal party will sit with their significant others.

 
20.
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Guest
aoedorothee

oh i love the anniversary dance! and it’s been a hit at every wedding i’ve been to! if you’re looking for a good name for that game, “anniversary dance” has been the best one that i’ve heard of. feel free to use that!

 
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Mrs. Peony
Mrs. Peony

Mrs. Peony, New York Age and Occupation: 27, Marketing Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, QA Engineer Engagement Date: June 28, 2007 Wedding Date: April 18, 2008 Venue: The Fountainhead Blogging Since: August 7, 2007 About Me: Both Mr. Peony and I are huge computer nerds, and our conversations usually consist of the latest gadgets, programming languages, and video games. At the same time, I can also be very girly with an obsession with handbags, makeup, and high heels. And art! I've studied studio art extensively, almost majored in art history, and freelance as a web and graphics designer. Mr. Peony and I are having a ball of a time planning a wedding for 250(!) guests, doing our best to infuse our personalities (geeky chic) with the wishes of our very traditional Asian parents.

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