Weddingbee Blog

Boy am I glad I’m not the only one thanking our mobile to mobile plan-everyone else laughs at me! Oh, and frequent flyer miles! I spent nearly half of our relationship doing engineering internships all over the country. We made it!

It seems like the same things that made your long distance relationship go round fell true for us too!

My FI and I have done the long distance thing twice now - once after only dating for three months (we’d been friends for three years already) and that lasted 10 months, and now, after getting engaged, and it will last a year (only 8 months left!!). The first time around was really difficult - we had to get used to talking on the phone and get over the period where every phone conversation felt the same. After taking a few nights off from talking, things dramatically improved and we made the relationship work over the phone. Then, we only got to see each other every two months - him being on the east coast and me in the midwest, and then him in the midwest and me in Colorado. It was so hard!
This time around, things are a bit easier. We have important reasons that we aren’t together - me to further my education and him to continue working at a job he loves and does exceptionally well with. He’ll build our financial foundation, then he’ll move to where I am and we’ll get married! This time, we’re seeing each other about every four weeks. We talk at least once a day. It’s important to us both right now to do our own things so that when we’re together things will be easier. This may sound weird, but the only time long distance is really hard is when we’re leaving each other after a visit. We’re just used to it now, and we’re such good friends that our relationship works like this.

For us, it was important to pay attention to whether the relationship evolved past “making it work” to reach of the point of “letting it work,” meaning the relationship wasn’t succeeding only because we were determined not to fail (A-types can do this somehow, only to be rewarded with a ho-hum obligatory relationship), but because it was mature and had a life and heartbeat of its own that could not be stopped, that we were made for each other and life’s inconveniences (geography, time, money) were merely temporary sacrifices.

Another piece of technology that can really help is using webcams and a program like Skype to talk to each other and actually *see* each other. We’ve done several stints of long distance, and during the last one we used the webcams and it really helped. It was so nice to be able to check in and see the new haircut, watch the reactions to comments and see the body language. It also helped me catch him if he was playing video games while talking to me (NOT cool!). Commitment is huge; we set aside a certain time to talk and focus on each other because life can so often get in the way if you let it.

We were long distance for 4 years! I think it’s all about communication, communication, communication. We also would make sure to set aside time to talk every night if we could and visit as often as possible. We also did one other fun thing - a long distance journal. Each time we were apart, one person would have it to write down how they were feeling or what was going on. We would pass it on the next time we saw each other. It’s something I know I’ll treasure forever now that it’s done (and thank GOD for that!).

oh and i agree with shanbrite2 - webcams help a lot!

long distance our 1st year actually made our relationship BETTER…because we built a foundation on good communication.

i got so used to long distance that when he finally moved to my city, i was nervous that it would be weird…ha! which it kind of was, but not for too long =).

My fiance and I actually met online while he was living in upstate NY and I was living in northeast GA. We met in March ‘05, started being serious in September of that year, actually met in person that Christmas, met again the following March (’06), and again that June, before moving into the same city (not cohabitating,though) in August of ‘06.

Our lifesaver, other than the previously mentioned FABULOUSNESS of cellphone plans, was instant messengers. Since that’s how we started communicating, that worked really well for us.

And it’s been really great having this year to get used to being in the same area. Our trips to visit each other were glorious, filled with romance and light and fireworks. But it’s good to recognize that when you live in the same city, it’s not always going to be like that. Sometimes, you might end up sitting on the couch reading a book while he plays X-Box, waiting for the pasta to boil for dinner.

Long-distance does make you work REALLY hard to keep things going and flourishing while you’re apart. It’s good to remember, though, that once you’re not fighting and working for that, the half that used to be easy and glorious is now that part that you’re going to have to work hard to maintain. Living in the same city after the distance thing is sweet as honey, but it’s not any easier, really.

My fiancee and I were in a LDR for 2+ years - we had the Atlantic between us! He’s from England I’m from MA, and we met while he was here working. When we were apart we’d usually spend 3-4 months apart, and he’d come here for the summers. I think you both have to be individually strong to pull off a LDR, and also you both must be committed. Strong communication is key - especially if you do a lot of talking via email where you can’t tell emotions in text.

One suggestion I’d have for people separated is to get Skype, this free service to use if you have broadband computers. You can actually dial someone’s number on the computer. We just bought $30 surround-sound headphones and use it to talk w/ his friends and family. The sound is /crystal/ clear. Plus it’s FREE if you’re calling from a computer on broadband.

My fiance and I will, unfortunately, be living apart for the three years FOLLOWING our marriage. The timing is bad — I believe it will be much more challenging living apart after marriage than when we were dating. But he will be doing his radiology residence in Philadelphia, and I will be staying in D.C. for 3 more years to finish up my Ph.D. in oncology. The downside is that we both generally work 7 days/week, so I doubt we will see each other more than every other month.
Well, at least we won’t get tired of each other and get the “three year itch” if we’ve only seen each other roughly 45 days in our entire first three years of marriage!