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As a kid, people teased me about my last name. Cheap shots mostly–nothing creative. And by cheap shots, I mean that they weren’t even very insulting or funny, just lame attempts to play with my unusual last name. And I kind of liked my last name. It’s a bit long (not good for standardized test-taking!), but distinctive. As the years have passed, I’ve come to love my last name. It has a pleasant enough sound to it. It’s memorable. It fits me.
I always expected to change my last name to my spouse’s. I mean, I didn’t think much about it really, but that’s what happens, right? Maybe it’s because of my six years at an all-girls school during those formative middle and high school years, but now I have certain hesitations. It’s not that I don’t want to take on his last name, but it’s hard to think of “losing” mine. I was surprised when I first brought this up to Mr. Peppermint and he had objections. It was sweet to see how important it was to him–not in a macho sort of way, but because it would mean I was his wife.
Another consideration was how this would effect my professional life. I’ve been working in the same field for over ten years and I don’t want to struggle to redefine myself. It’s weird to talk about it in those terms, but it is something worth thinking about. And moreover, my last name is a bit less common.
After lots of thought, here’s what I’ve come up with (I say this as if it’s something completely original): professionally I will maintain my last name while personally I’ll take on Mr. Peppermint’s. This way I don’t feel like I’m losing my identity, but more importantly I’ll symbolically be joining my life with Mr. Peppermint’s where it counts: personally.
What do you guys think? Does it make sense to take on your husband’s last name in this day and age?
which one will be your legal name?
i’ve been thinking a lot about this myself. i have a long and difficult to spell/pronounce irish name and fh has a long and difficult to spell/pronounce indian name. so, using both at the same time is impossible. my name looks/sounds better w/ my last name and he doesn’t care, so i’m not changing anything legally. but i don’t plan to really correct people.
i feel like this ends up being the same thing you plan to do b/c your professional name should probably be your legal name (i have enough problems getting all my tax forms filled out correctly as it is…)
I am actually taking my future husband’s last name, but there are many personal factors to make it ok for me. The first is that…it’s been a really long time since I’ve shared a name with anyone! My brother are technically half brothers and have their father’s name. My mother remarried many years ago and has my stepfather’s name. So when it comes to last names…it’s just me. I thought it would be nice to share my name with my husband and kids (making my maiden name my middle name).
The second thing is that I’m only 26 and new to my field and haven’t really created a professional name for myself. Unlike my friend, who has taught and written articles under her maiden name…I don’t have anything in my professfional life that would be disrupted by the name change.
The third reason is my last name is short and common, while my first is much more distinct. People know me by my first name (not like Seal or Madonna or something)….but I’m losing less of my identity by changing last names that other people might.
i am not taking my future husband’s last name. we both are from different cultural backgrounds and my short, sweet, and ethnic last name is a defining characteristic of who i am. plus, i don’t want to have any “donna chang” moments a la seinfeld!
my fiance is fine with this as long as our children have his last name, which i think we’re going to compromise with a mix of using my last name as a middle name. i don’t dig the hyphenated last name thing. just too bulky.
i can’t wait to take my fiance’s last name..only thing is..he likes the way my name sounds together. not only that, his last name is a made up last name. his grandfather made it up when the family immigrated because it was not safe for them to be known what nationality they were. so no one else has this last name but his family. this kind of rubs him the wrong way…but i told him either way, i want to be one with him and share the same last name.
I’m taking my FI’s last name…we’re both a bit traditionalist, and I have no qualms about it “career-wise”. Plus, I’m tired of people ALWAYS asking how to pronounce my last name…it gets kind of annoying after 24 years, ya know? 
Plus I’d feel like we’re really a team together if we have the same last name. I can’t wait!
My last name is 12 letters and his is 10 letters. I’m pushing for making up some new, easier to spell, shorter last name (his is also only a family name about 2 generations back when his family came to the states). I think I’m going to lose this battle and just end up taking his name.
I’m in the same boat. I work in public relations and the people and reporters I work with know me by my last name because it’s so unique. At home, I’m fine with changing it but like you, at work, my last name means credibility … and I don’t want to lose that!
Good decision!
It was never a question to me that I was going to take my finance’s name…..until recently (we are 9 days from our wedding now).
I want us to have the same name–as a family. When I take our pets to the vet, everyone gets confused that my name is different than his and the pets (they all have his last name :)).
Recently I’ve been seeing that my maiden name is important to me in my career. So, I’m going to just “delay” changing my last name professionally. I’ll start easing it into my emails and phone calls as I feel ready. Legally and personally, I will change it right away. I figure this way, everyone else will get used to it, as I get used to it myself.
Hey E!
My fiance’s name is fake as well - created by his grandfather when he left his home country. It’s sort of disappointing to lose that sort of heritage, but apparently it’s fairly common when people were fleeing their homes for a variety of reasons.
I just wanted to comment on something that bugs me. Whenever one of the bees does a name change post, a lot of commentors jump in to say that they are changing their name since they want to be a family/team/share the same last name, etc.
Just like you don’t need a ring to be engaged or married, you don’t need to take your husband’s last name to be more of a family! Heck, if you want to have the same name as a family, why don’t you ask him to take your name?
Is your husband’s last name shorter? If you want to be an actress, maybe a shorter name would benefit you more….at least that is how most actors/actresses names are….the shorter the better. That’s how I would base my decision.
I’m not sure if this is a tradition shared elsewhere, but I saw it hinted in the posts here. I am Filipina, and in my family, the girl loses her middle name (which was her mother’s maiden name), her maiden name becomes her new middle name, and she takes on her husband’s name. And, when there are children in the future, the children have the mother’s maiden name before the family name. It’s like blending the two names. I’ll still have my last name… plus his!
Kudos to Chrissie. The practice of changing your last name stems from the days when your husband owned you and could beat you as long as the stick wasn’t thicker than his thumb. We are our own women now. No dowries required.
Trust me. By sharing a last name with my husband, he by no means owns me.
If we were to sit down an analyze the whole thing - weddings in general are nothing but hundreds of years of antiquated traditions supporting that women are inferior and thus owned by men.
Take the practice of the engagement ring. Nothing more obnxious than showing that a man forked over a couple of grand to “woo” to in to marriage. If that doesn’t scream buying a girl for a couple of cows, than I don’t know what does.
We should just be glad that in this day in age - that we have the CHOICE to determine whether we take a name or not.
Amen to Chrissie! Please don’t denigrate those who choose not to take their husband’s last name as somehow less committed to marriage. It’s so insulting. My fiance is peeved that I’m not taking his last name. The whole family, one union argument was brought up. But it never occurred to him that perhaps he should take my last name. I think the only valid argument is for the sake of tradition. In my case, I come from a culture where the woman retains her maiden name, so tradition doesn’t work for me either.
You can go either way, no right or wrong answer. Personal choice. There are no legal barriers to any choice (so long as it’s not fraudulent).
I will mention that my sister uses his last name personally and her last name professionally and it is a PITA to her, to the point where she’s ready to pick just 1 last name for everything. So… choose wisely and be prepared to put up with some hassles if you are committed to alternating between both last names.
I TOTALLY agree with the last few women.
As a bride to be ( wedding aprox. 14 months away) and also as a woman who never dreamed of the big day as a young girl, I find myself asking about my own family customs as well as the customs of the culture we all live in.
I’m still mulling over the name change thing and while my first thought was to hypenate - now I’m not so sure. I don’t want to lose my original name but I want to take his and I don’t want people to get the wrong idea if they were to hear my hypenated last name (to many including me- hypenated names sound a little suspect)
I have a friend who demands if and when she gets married to have it Vegas-style and she cannot understand why women in this age still have their fathers giving them away!
My father will be giving me away - the fiance and I respect traditions - he did ask for my hand and my e-ring is my mother’s engagement diamond (nevermind that we’ve been living together the past few years - see? modern!) but we are also going to create our own traditions for both us and the family.
But along all this wedding planning and research on the wonderful internet (however did brides do it before the web??)and reading many forums on the subject….why are we still choosing to honor something that is really outdated? Why haven’t weddings and marriages evolved?
E - has he thought about taking your last name instead? Not many people consider this, but there are two names to choose from when the main goal is simply ending up with the same family name! Plus, he likes how yours sounds and doesn’t like his own “made up” name.
My fiance’s willingness to take my last name if I asked is actually one of the major reasons why I’m planning to take his. It may be an old-fashioned custom but I know he’s not an old fashioned guy. Plus, he’s not insisting on it; I’m choosing it, and that makes a big difference!
I JUST got back from getting our wedding license, and I was sort of kicking and screaming about changing my last name, but relented and decided to take my fiance’s last name.
When filling out the paper work I actually got misty.
I’m going to blame pms here a tad…but its weird to give up a name I’ve had all my life.
Mr. GB doesn’t have a leg to stand on - his mother didn’t take his father’s name. that combined with traditionally, koreans don’t take the name of their husbands…
Our vet sends letters to us under my last name. Robert Kim. hah!
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Miss Peppermint, LA/Palm Springs Age and Occupation: 23, Actress Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Web Producer Engagement Date: October 21, 2006 Wedding Date: December 2007 Blogging Since: July 2, 2007 Venue: historic estate overlooking the heart of Palm Springs About Me: I am a Southern California native who enjoys cooking, writing, travel and all things in the arts. Mr. Peppermint and I met in college and he proposed on our four year anniversary in one of our most special places, Joshua Tree National Park. We're having a destination wedding in Palms Springs that will incorporate tradition as well as reflect our personalities!
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