Wedding Blog
A few months after getting engaged, my fiance and I asked a mutual fashion/costume designer friend if he’d make my dress. He’s someone we’ve worked with in the past (we’re in the theater) and had a great working relationship with, and he’s someone I’d consider a friend. Well… he agreed to make the dress. I gave him a budget, so he could be paid for his time (we’re more colleagues than friends, and he’s an amazing designer/dressmaker).
Now, with only 7 weeks left until the wedding… no dress, no muslin fitting, just a sketch and a bunch of fabric swatches. Our designer friend has been blessed with a very busy schedule, and while it’s great that someone so talented is in high demand, I’m starting to FREAK OUT. In the theater we are used to throwing things together in a crunch, but this is not how I expected to get my wedding dress. I’ve waited like 7 months for his schedule to clear (originally we were going to start in July), only to be told that we can’t really get started until after his current job is done on Sept 13th. The wedding is October 7th. The last conversation we had was awkward. He suggested that if I can’t wait that long, I should “start looking for a dress.” We set a date for a muslin fitting next week, but I’m not feeling so secure.
I’m going shopping around NYC today for a vintage or used dress, since I don’t even know if there’d be time to order a new gown at this point.
How can I sweetly let this person off the hook (I have a feeling it’d be a big relief for him), while not leaving myself gownless? I know that since he’s given his word, I’d have SOMETHING to wear for my wedding day, but I don’t want to try it on for the first time on the day itself. I have faith, don’t get me wrong… but that’s a little extreme.
Sorry for the novel, any words of support will be very appreciated.
Gone shopping,
Rebecca
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Share this post: Open Question: Wedding Dress in a Crunch
Just be honest with your friend. Your piece of mind is important to you, and your friend should understand. It seems like he has plenty of other projects to keep him occupied.
In addition to shopping for a vintage dress, check out department stores. Plus, they have a return policy, so that if your designer friend comes through for you, you can just return it.
Here’s a fabulous short dress from BCBG:
http://fayeandgreer.blogspot.com/2007/08/on-short-side.html
I feel ya sister - I have a dress but we decided to so an overlay. 5 days before I leave I still haven’t had a fitting BUT there ARE a ton of holes in the fabric from pins. Dying.
have you considered renting a dress? they offer them at many of the asian shops in chinatown and flushing. it’s not ideal, but good for worst case scenario.
I’d recommend Bridal Garden in NYC. They have zero customer service, but they do have nice quality dresses with ‘on sale’ price tags! i got mine there : ) Depending on the style you’d like — if you want something simple & classy, ann taylor / jcrew / macy’s / nordstrom / bloomingdales / saks fifth — might suit your needs (quick!) too!
You should just be honest with him and if he is your friend, he’ll understand. A bride is not just a woman who needs a dress; she needs THE dress for one of the most important days of her life. He will understand and you will be able to breathe a sigh of relief. Yes, you may not get something as couture as he may have made for you, but you also won’t have the stress of doing last minute hem lifts or buttons sewn on as you prepare to walk down the aisle. This is completely different than the theater and it may just be that he doesn’t understand that.
Get your own dress and take this weight off of your shoulders so you can relax and focus on feeling beautiful and in love on your special day.
Same Situation.
One thing to note is that most professionals can make a dress in about a week. My designer has pushed me off since May but she assures me that she can finish a dress in a week. However I did recently give a drop dead finish date and if its not done by then -I will have to by off the rack. Give it till next week and if you don’t have the muslin fitting- go elsewhere. The industry makes you feel that your dress should be purchased early however most stuff can still be done within a month. Just my opinion.
check out RK Bridal in NYC - I know their website says that they do rush dresses. Also, depending on your size, you should be able to get a lot of sample dresses in NYC — check for small store’s sales.
Depends on the dress you want. If you really think this is your guy, then make it clear to him that on 9/13 the next 3.5 weeks he is all about YOU and that dress. Make it clear to him that you can’t find that kind of replacement in the time left - that it takes 6 months to order, etc. and you have counted on him to come through for you up to this point but you are worried time is running out. And then, for peace of mind, find Plan B - online, shop for something off the rack, look into renting - send an APB out with photos, ebay, etc…if you find something reasonably priced, you may just want to get it for safety.
To be honest I would not let him off the hook unless and until you find a replacement dress. In the meantime I would start seaching consignment dress stores, sample sales, bridal salons where you can buy gowns off the rack, and stores that carry lines of bridal gowns like JCrew, Ann Taylor, Target etc. If you find something quickly, then gently let him know you got worried about the time crunch and you were able to find something else.
I guess it’s hard for him to work with the usual bridal timeline when he’s used to last-minute projects, but that sure doesn’t help your peace of mind. Best wishes, I’m sure you’ll find something beautiful.
I’m in the same situation w/ a videographer friend~ you want to be sympathetic and are happy that they’re doing so well, but dammit–you and him had an agreement long before those other commitments came up! Grrrr. Anyway.
I say find a dress and ask your friend to do the alterations. It’s not the same as getting a custom-made dream dress but it’d be easier for your friend and you’d still get to involve him in your wedding planning.
Wow, that sucks! Maybe it’s time to let your friend off the hook with no hard feelings and get an off-the-rack dress. Some brides here have had good luck with jcrew.com, nordstrom.com, or edressme.com.
I say buy a back-up dress at a store with a good return policy. A friend of mine went the J.Crew wedding dress route when she had to plan her wedding in 6 weeks due to a gravely ill family member — and it looked terrific, if that’s your style. She personalized it with one of their belts, actually! it looked like a beaded sash. So you could do a simple off-the-rack and embelish that way, or with other brooches, sashes, etc.
Hi Beepals,
Thanks so much for the advice and well-wishes. I have spent the day running around, visited vintage stores (nothing!) and Nicole Miller (lovely dresses, my favorites were out of my range though), as well as to Bridal Garden.
I haven’t let my friend off the hook yet, but I think it’s a great idea to ask him about alterations. I do have to tell him how I feel, as uncomfortable as that makes me. You guys are right! Thanks for the advice, it’s so nice to have weddingbee as a resource and community.
I’m now looking on Craigslist and Ebay, and will hit the department stores looking for white dresses that aren’t necessarily marketed as “bridal,” as well as some nice boutiques. The BCBG dress is SOOO cute, but I’m not crazy about my legs…
Thanks so much everybody, you really rock.
-R
PS: For anyone who’s looking for a size 4 princess-style gown, there is a lovely Oleg Cassini gown at Bridal Garden for $495. I was tempted, but the dress didn’t feel like ME. It’s pretty ornate, with pearls and crystals. But it’s in perfect condition, and at that price, somebody should grab it!
Rebecca, it sounds like you’ve hit all the great places already! There are also some other consignment bridal stores; I found this page from New York magazine very helpful: http://nymag.com/shopping/guides/weddings/brides/features/tipsheet_thriftshops.htm
Also, COMB craigslist! I had a lot of great finds from there, and eventually bought my dress there - I only shopped for a week!! =)
i say, let him do it still. he probably knows how much he needs to make your dress. i’d still have him do it. 
but yes, secretly on the side, perhaps you might invest in another dress….just in case. 
probably not enough time to order a dress, but if you are a size 8-12, most samples come in this size. and you may be surprised at what you’d find as samples.
oh, and i say, trust the expert. seems like a lot of ppl do. probably no need to “talk” to him yet. but you can still express a concern “how much time will you need for the dress…i’m so excited to see it!” i’m sure it will work out!
Wonderful Brides!
It’s all resolved now, thanks so much to everybody for their advice, it helped a LOT.
If you’re interested, here’s my story: when I went by Nicole Miller yesterday, they told me that the gown I had tried on and LOVED in February is discontinued, but they took my number in case they could find one in my size in their warehouse. Which they did, and called me later that day offering a discount of 30% (which would make the dress $1400). I was told that there was another bride who would take the dress if I didn’t jump at that very moment… but I couldn’t commit to the price, I was on my way to try on more gowns at the Bridal Garden! So… long story short, I negotiated this morning when they called again (I think they were making the other bride up to sell the dress!), and ended up getting it for $800!!!!
I am thrilled, I called my designer friend and let him (and myself) off the hook. He was cool about it, I was nice and didn’t make an issue out of how upset I’d been (why do that?), and now I have a dress I LOOOVE at an amazing price. It’s amazing what can happen when you negotiate (it went from $2000 to $1400, to $1000, and I offered $800 and was shocked that they accepted).
Thanks to all you cool brides-to-be for the help and support, I hope you all have the most amazing weddings and even better marriages.
Super happy,
Rebecca
PS: I noticed in my searching that Polo Ralph Lauren has fantastic, sexy, casual gowns for outdoor/destination weddings.
Also in NYC — Michael’s designer consignment (a few blocks from Vera Wang!) has a great selection, plus accessories. Check it out.
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