Mrs. Peony, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Marketing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, QA Engineer
Engagement Date: June 28, 2007
Wedding Date: April 18, 2008
Venue: The Fountainhead
Blogging Since: August 7, 2007
About Me: Both Mr. Peony and I are huge computer nerds, and our conversations usually consist of the latest gadgets, programming languages, and video games. At the same time, I can also be very girly with an obsession with handbags, makeup, and high heels. And art! I've studied studio art extensively, almost majored in art history, and freelance as a web and graphics designer. Mr. Peony and I are having a ball of a time planning a wedding for 250(!) guests, doing our best to infuse our personalities (geeky chic) with the wishes of our very traditional Asian parents.
No More Honeymoon
August 24th, 2007 @ 2:13 pm by Mrs. Peony
Last night I had a dream that Mr. Peony and I were on our honeymoon and having the time of our lives. When I woke up, I couldn’t help but be sad…..because we had just recently decided that we will not be going on a honeymoon.
When I first started budgeting for our wedding, I was taking national averages of vendor costs. It never occurred to me that a New York wedding would cost so much more. Some of the things we’re doing, such as the charter bus to and from the reception, are not necessary but I really want it as a courtesy to our many guests who are arriving from all over the world.
In addition, Mr. Peony and I just signed a contract for a condo! I honestly did not think we would find something we both love this fast. The rest of the nation may be in a real estate recession, but the NYC area is still red-hot. We knew that if we didn’t grab it, we wouldn’t be able to find anything comparable for a long time.
So with all our money going towards a wedding that I under-budgeted, as well as a place to call our own, we really do not have the financial resources for a honeymoon after the wedding. It’s doable, but we (painfully) decided that we would rather start our marriage with some savings rather than with none, or worse, in debt.
The reason this upsets me so much is because I had been looking forward to our honeymoon even before we got engaged. Although we’ve been together for almost 4 years now, we have never taken a vacation together. We’ve been on many trips with friends, but never just us two. And when we started talking about getting engaged, we decided that we would not go on any sort of romantic getaway until our honeymoon - it would just be one more thing to look forward to in marriage. We had also set a destination: the Greek Isles. I’ve wanted to visit Greece ever since I studied art history in high school, and we figured that it would be the perfect blend of culture, relaxation, and fun.
I’m still upset about the decision, but I believe that it’ll be better for us in the long run. Instead of Greece, I suggested that we take a few days off and relax at our new condo. Mr. Peony will be moving in after closing (which will be late this year) but I decided not to do so until after we get married. That way, he can officially carry me over the threshold! It’ll be another thing to look forward to in our marriage.
I still really want to go to Greece for the full 10 days we had originally planned. So we will start saving for this dream vacation after we’re married and settled in - we will not be taking a shorter, less expensive honeymoon to another destination because we want to save for the big one.
Have you sacrificed anything for your wedding?
43 Responses to “No More Honeymoon”
right now it’s:
- prettier location to get in more people at our desired price
- honeymoon
I applaud you for making such a mature decision. We’re also considering foregoing a honeymoon, and it’s nice to know we’re not the only ones. A few day around home to relax and enjoy ourselves seems like enough. The wedding is already such a big present to ourselves, I think I can be happy without more. I also wouldn’t trust myself to plan a perfect wedding and a perfect vacation simultaneously.
You will love your Greek vacation when you do get to go and feel guilt-free about spending all that you want. Don’t get hung up on the exact timeline!
My sanity. I’ve sacrificed my sanity. 
You’re doing the right thing. In a few years (or less!) you guys will be able to take a faboolous vacation thanks to the savings and the wise decision to not spend it all on something frivolous (as desired as that frivolity may be!) right now. It will be soooo worth it!
Congrats on the new condo!
I agree with Faith - I’ve sacrificed my sanity and my patience too!
Btw, I’m not sure how much your charter buses cost but for a cheaper alternative - check out Grey Line buses.
We may possibly end up doing this as well. It is the best decision (really it is - keep telling yourself that!)
Did the two of you think about having a mini-honeymoon? Go someplace local but nice (a cottage or cute B&B) it’s someplace nearby that you can visit frequently and do a honeymoon upgrade when you can afford it!
This may possibly be what we end up doing.
We are also postponing our honeymoon (for both money and timing issues). Instead we are doing some “mini” moons domestically both before and after our wedding.
We didn’t go on our honeymoon because we were both so busy with work at the time. It’s probably one of the biggest regrets we have. It has been two years and we just can’t find the time to go.
What you are doing is admirable.
Most people would write it off and say “We must honeymoon whatever the cost, we will deal with it later”,and then go into the marriage in debt.
It’s a hard decision but it’s a smart one and how proud you must be to have a beautiful wedding to look forward to and be able to say you are a homeowner.
Congrats!
Our wedding? Videographer, lighting, and it looks like an open bar is not in the cards.
With Asian weddings, you typically receive cash gifts. Maybe what you get at the wedding will be enough for your honeymoon.
Have you thought about doing one of the honeymoon type registries? That way your guests can give towards a honeymoon instead of other gifts?
What about doing a honeymoon registry? My friends are doing one through Ethan Allen, but there’s a lot of other great sites out there that offer this.
Thanks everyone for your support! Dots - I keep telling myself this too whenever I get wistful thinking about how nice a honeymoon might be.
Some people have suggested that we register for a honeymoon, but we have so little household items between us that our registry is growing quite large - I don’t want to impose on our guests.
One friend even suggested that I take all cash/monetary gifts and put it towards the honeymoon but my parents have graciously offered to lend us a little money for the money and we want to pay them back.
I don’t think we’ll take mini-moons - we would rather wait and save up for my dream vacation to Greece!
Besides, we can stay in our condo after the wedding, open and organize gifts, decorate, play video games, and enjoy each other’s company. 
Oops, I meant to write, “my parents offered to lend us a little money for the wedding”
Congrats on the new home!! SOO exciting. Mr. Eggplant just got approved for our new condo too! I TOTALLY feel you on the real estate prices. SF & NY are killer markets!!
Mr. Eggplant told me to enter every free honeymoon contest possible. You might want to try too… You never know what could happen.
We’re more than likely going to forego a traditional honeymoon as well — we’ll head to the mountains for a few days, and then take a beach trip later next year. Like you, Miss Peony, it came down to costs. We’re buying a home in the next couple of months, and we just can’t swing all of these expenses at once.
Honestly - unless you spend oodles in the island Greece isn’t all THAT great. There are plenty of places closer to home where you could have a relaxing vacation for a honeymoon - if just a weekend and later, when you are financially ready go on a more “adventurous” vacation.
Why don’t you try a weekend honeymoon - somewhere you can go back to - Lake George in NY? Vermont? Washington DC (the museums are free!) Something closer?
we are holding off on our honeymoon too. probably at least a year later.
I’m w/ you Miss Peony. We’re not having a honeymoon right away either. It’s a lot to plan all at once–and pay for!
Hey Miss Peony,
How about if you registered for a honeymoon? It’s a very popular option and it’s great for people who cannot afford it because they are paying for a house and/or the wedding. If you’d rather not register for a honeymoon, try to do a small getaway, just to feel like it’s a vacation together.
I just wrote about the same thing actually, we’re not taking a honeymoon right away either. Just like NYC, the bay area housing market is tough and we bought instead of budgeting for a honeymoon. But we will have many years ahead and with the stability and equity in a purchased home, will be able to take trips and vacations in the future!
We’re not having a honeymoon until 3 months later due to timing issues. (Plus, we just went to HI in June).
Buying a place is such a big, important step. You’ll look back in a few years and be glad you did it when you could.
We’re going to Vegas for five days, which people look down on us for. We really wanted to go on a cruise, but it’s hurricane season now so we’d rather wait until a better time (and we have more money).
With cheap flights to Vegas and a good deal on a hotel room, it’s just an excuse to get away from home and work….eat at nice resturants and maybe go to the spa (crosses fingers). It might not be fancy, but it works for us.
I’d also recommend close places like the Poconos or Vermont. But - just holding off all together and saving money for Greece…a wonderful and sensible idea as well.
We are also forgoing the trip to Europe like we really really really wanted : ( Prague….waaah! BUT, I know just going to upstate NY (near Niagara) for just 4 nights will be sooooo relaxing, which we both need more than anything at the moment.
Europe will come again later!
Sorry to hear that. But you can definitely have a romantic “honeymoon at home” with some planning ahead for time off work, ignoring the phone/email, stockpiling some great goodies in the fridge, and setting aside some of your bridal shower lingerie.
What you are doing is really admirable, but this wedding planning has been stressing me out so much that we feel that a couple of days on the beach is definately needed! We instead have cut some things, like not having an open bar, having a daytime reception and not doing the charter bus for our guests, at my fiance’s insistance. Instead we have given guests really detailed directions as most will be coming down by car anyways and those without transporation, we have told them that we will accommodate them somehow.
We’ve also bought a house too that we are fixing up right now so even though it is exciting, it’s more stress right now.
We are also waiting to take our honeymoon, probably at least 6 months. I think it will be nice to have something else to look forward to after the excitement of the wedding is over.
You are smart to want to start your marriage debt free but I also don’t want you to miss out on a honeymoon that you obviously want. You could just scale back your ideal honeymoon… I am sure the Greek isles would cost a fortune but the US or Mexico has great locations that you could go for a short honeymoon. Then on your anniversary perhaps you could then afford the Greek Isles??
We’ve decided to keep everytihng on Long Island, and it really is more expensive than I expected. We’ve discussed the honeymoon and we might go with what we’ve done before. We both have jobs that don’t mesh with taking extended time off, so we try to take mini vacations over 3 and 4 day weekends. We’re planning the wedding for August ‘09, so we’d like to go on “the” honeymoon around December/January ‘10. It seems like such a long time, but with the late summer/fall holidays, we’ll take a few weekend trips up to the Catskills or something similar while we save. I’m having over 200 people also, so We’ve been feeling it financially lately. Fewer movie nights and dinners out have helped save a bit, and thank goodness for 2 loving fathers, lol.
Good for you for being debt-free! Have you thought about using frequent flier miles as a way to reduce some of the cost when you do go on your first big trip as a married couple? Even if you and Mr. Peony don’t have tons of miles, a frequent flier in your family may be willing to give you some as a wedding present.
We are also forgoing our honeymoon right after the wedding. While it is a bit depressing, I take solace in the fact I get to plan a fun trip in the near future… after we’ve recovered financially from our wedding!
we’re going to do the honeymoon registry too. I think if in the end..you still can’t go..they give you the money.
Miss Peony ~
Reading your post was reading the words in my head, wow! Don’t worry. I know how hard it is to give up something like this but you and your FI are right, you don’t want to have your lives start with debt.
You will have your dream honeymoon, j/later! And think of how great it will be to start off your marriage in your very own place! =D
believe it or not, i was in the same situation as you. we had no intentions of bying our own home so soon, but like you, the NYC market is still red hot, so he hoped on the band wagon.
prior to being engaged, we both have airline mileage cards and hotel credit cards.
the hotel cc, we have the amex spg card. you can earn free rooms with as little as 2000 points. signing up, u get 15000 points!!! of course the quality of the hotel will cost you more points. there is a yearly fee of $30, but you can cancel after 1 year and you get to keep your points!
then we have the american airlines card for everyday purchases. we alternate cards depending on which card had a better promotion going on. annual fee of $85, but you can cancel after one year, and then have the Mister apply for a card and get some points!
our honeymoon is fully financed by those creditcards! *yay*
Miss Peony, I will be reiterating the response of many ladies before me, but I think you should try to steal at least two-three days alone to enjoy being newlyweds (unpacking presents and arranging the apartment, ifyou own, is not quite the same as strolling around with your new husband holding hands and reminiscing about the wedding). Then enjoy honeymoon in Greece later. I saw you are getting married in April, you can go to Greece in September or even early October when prices are much more favorable ( thanks to kids being back to school and Europeans back to work) both for airplane tickets and hotels. Perhaps it’s something you can consider.
Miss Peony, if you do decide to take a mini-moon, I recommend looking into http://www.Travelzoo.com for possible savings. Travelzoo editors poll a bunch of travel websites and consolidators, and every Wednesday they email around the “Top 20 Deals” they’ve found that week. There’s wide range in terms of US/overseas, hotels/airfare, weekends/longer stays, and some of the prices are amazing. Usually the best deals are on shorter notice, so it’s not a problem if you wait till closer to your wedding to decide.
Also, I second “T”’s comment that you could get away to DC anytime (mini-moon or not) for amazingly little! There’s a new bus service that’s nicer than the Chinatown bus (they promise Internet and clean restrooms!) but only $40 round-trip. Check out http://www.dc2ny.com. Lots of hotels means good deals to be found through Travelzoo or Priceline. It’s not the world’s most romantic city, but it’s surprisingly outdoorsy and walkable, and it’s fun to visit all the iconic national spots. And, as “T” also pointed out, the museums are free!
Hi there! I COMPLETELY RELATE TO YOU!!! I am getting married in 38 days (who’s counting) in NYC… being a major researcher, i researched national averages of costs for a wedding. umm, little did i know that NY’s was almost 30 percent higher. our budget started, went up, went up, went up… we are sacrificing SO much. We aren’t even having a seated dinner, just appetizers, but open bar… no location change from the ceremony to the reception and i am DIY’ing EVERYthing. i mean, EVERYthing. Instead of having a gift registry type thing at a store. We have registered for our honeymoon. http://www.honeymoonwishes.com Otherwise we couldn’t afford it. And really… we would rather have the vacation time, cause like YOU guys, we haven’t had that either… check it out, see if it is something you might want to do… My sympathy is with you, girl. keep your head up… and try not to get discouraged. you get to be with your man! what is better than that?
us too. we’re not going to be able to go on a honeymoon, but the main reason is because of lack of free time (very busy careers) and also, we wanted to spend the time off with our out -of-town relatives who we only see once a decade. however, we may take a weekend excursion or something for a day or 2 just to breathe though!
although it kinda sucks for now, when you are able to go on the vacation of your dreams, it will be so worth it!
We got married last weekend… and here I am (obviously no honeymoon). We paid for 90% of the wedding ourselves, and are both currently grad students (not a lot of income). So we went somewhere local for 2 nights after leaving the city the wedding was in before returning to where we live & the real world. With the money we received as gifts from the wedding, we will be taking a honeymoon this December (at the end of the semester).
PS,
I’m glad we’ll be going somewhere warm in December when it’s cold here, instead of in August (hurricanes!) It still won’t be anything extravagant, and will probably only be 5 days, but it’s something to look forward to!
Also, with our wedding being 6.5 hours from where we live, and with having a dog, I’m glad we didn’t do the honeymoon right after because it would have meant boarding the dog for even longer, and having to worry about packing for an extra week of weather in a different climate.
I know a lot of frends who postponed their honeymoon only to either never go on it, or go two years later, and suffer some dissapointment because they didn’t have that “honeymoon feeling”. My honeymoon was the best trip I ever went on (we went to Italy in July). It’s a really surreal feeling–and we were a bit in debt after but nothing too scary. It was worth it 100%!!!
Miss Peony,
What about a few days in a lovely b&b in the Hamptons, Jersey Shore, or even New England? Rhode Island is just beautiful in the springtime.
I think it makes sense to put off a honeymoon if you feel the need (and putting the money into the wedding isn’t necessarily about “impressing others,” but is about sharing an amazingly personal experience with all the people you love most in the world).
On the other hand, I’ve been hearing a lot lately about the need to “decompress” after the wedding. What if you ask your bridesmaids and/or groomsmen to help you decorate the new condo for your first night together as a married couple? It could be a really fun surprise for your husband. I’m still trying to figure a way to get the flowers from our NYC venue to our little E. Village apartment for a very romantic (and sweetly scented) first night.
Good luck!
-Rebecca
i agree that if you can swing it, you should try a mini getaway with your new husband! but then it kind of sounds like you are already doing that with a weekend at your new condo.
maybe you and your husband can get around to doing all those cheesy, romantic, touristy things in the city that you wouldn’t normally do, and then go home to something sweet and romantic as well. and maybe prepare for it like and treat it like a “real” vacation– cut yourselves off from the rest of the world for the weekend (limit TV, phone calls, email, and spend lots of together time), do laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc only the first day of it.
don’t take susannah’s comment too much to heart — it sounds like she is just projecting some personal issue/view onto your situation, because i did not get the feeling that you were trying to impress your guests.
p.s. thanks for putting yourself “out there” by posting on weddingbee! i think sometimes we forget that the Bees are real people with feelings, and not superhuman wedding phenoms!
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