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Is anyone else as big of a Friends fan as me? Remember the episode with Rachel’s 30th birthday, the one when she plans out a timeline (get married by this age, have kids by that age, etc)?
I admit that I have an ideal timeline. And I’ve had one even before I was engaged.
I want to have my first kid at or just before 30 for health reasons. I also want a couple of years between my wedding and having kids, so that we can enjoy being newlyweds and our DINK (double income, no kids) status for a bit. That means that I would need to get married at 27 or 28. Which works out perfectly in my case!
Some may say that having a timeline is dangerous - you may set yourself up for disappointment because you never know what’s in store for the future. In addition, you may miss out on opportunities if your eyes are only focused on that goal. However, I like to play things safe. I like being organized, having a plan (with extensive lists, charts, and diagrams 
) and slowly planning for the future.
Mr. Peony and I started dating when I was just 23. But when things got serious (ie talking about possibly getting married in the distant future), I initiated a timeline talk with him. I told him exactly what my goals were in terms of a relationship and starting a family. I told him that if our goals/timelines did not match, then we need to seriously think about compromising or even rethink our relationship. This may sound harsh, but I’ve seen too many relationships suffer or even end after years and years of being together because the couple was not on the same page.
To tell you the truth I think Mr. Peony was a little freaked out. What guy wouldn’t be? He confessed that before we started dating, he didn’t really see himself getting married before 35. However, he understood where I was coming from and told me that if things ended up working out for us, he wouldn’t mind pushing that forward a few years.
Do you have a timeline? Did things work out the way you originally intended?
when i was younger, i always thought i’d be married by 25.
well now i’m 26, and not getting married til next year!
but i always wanted to have kids young, because my parents were young and didn’t have the “ouch this hurts” trappings yet and were able to still do things with us, take us on vacations etc. i know it was probably harder for them because there were four of us, but we didn’t feel like we lost anything. and now my parents are young enough to enjoy their empty nest!
i still want kids by 30 though, but the FI isn’t a big fan of it. he wants to enjoy having no kids for a while, until we are financially able to.
i guess this means the timeline has been thrown out the window.
Hehehe. My fi and I have had the timeline talk as well.
When I was much younger, I remeber saying the absolute youngest I could get married was 25 or 26. I turn 25 next week and we’ll be getting married three months before my 26 birthday so that worked out pretty well. 
As for the kid thing, I’m hoping to have a least one (we’re hoping for two) some time before I’m 30 as well for health reasons since the women in my family have historically had trouble conceiving.
Having a fiance who is 5 years older (I’m 25 and he is 30), I’m less of a timeline person than he is. I could’ve held off a few years before getting married, but he was ready this year. We’re more or less on the same page about kids, but I think I’m more of a procrastinator in that sense than he is.
We’ve talked about kids, though no definitive conclusion on timing yet! Probably ~30, just for health reasons, and it will give us a few years to enjoy our marriage just the two of us first!
Great post, Miss Peony!
When I was a kid I thought I’d be married by 25. When I was 25, I remembered this and laughed as I was SO not ready for it and knew it.
Now, I’m getting married at 29. No timeline was necessary. It just felt right.
When I was 17, I thought by the age of 25 I’d be married and already have my requisite 2 kids. Slowly when I got closer to that age I scoffed at that idea it evolved into marriage and kids by the age of 32.
Now, I’m 28, getting married in exactly 2 months (YIPPIE) and looks like I might be hitting my secondary timeline with the kids. I’d love to have time with my husband for a few years but would love to have a rugrat or two around the house sooner rather than later. Whatever will happen, I’ll be happy with!
Whoa - deja vu! My dad has been rehearsing with me since I was 4 “No getting married until you are 26.5… No getting married until you are 26.5″. Seriously. I am now 25 and engaged (I will actually be 26.2 when I get married - and I am not kidding - my dad said….”can’t you wait a few more months??”) So I have always had a timeline and have always been upfront about it with my fiance (we have been dating for 6 years now). At least 1 kid by 30 - if its twins (which - ugh - runs closely in BOTH of our families) then we are done. Luckily, he agrees with my timeline. I don’t know if I would have had the guts to have an ultimatum conversation if we didn’t agree - so good for you Ms. Peony on that one
I remembered thinking when I was a kid about wanting to have kids by 22!!! I was a weirdo.
DBF is 2.5 years older than me (27 to my almost 25) and has more of a timeline than I do! He worked a bit backwards thinking he wanted to have a baby (or one on the way) when he was 30, wait a year before starting to “try” for kids, and have a 6 month engagement. I told him that short of an engagement can be hard/expensive, so if he’s plannin on marrying me it should stretch to a 9-12 month engagement, which would have us getting engaged by the end of this year.
I think that works.
lol…my timelime is the same as yours. We are getting married next year and I’ll be 27. However, I need to figure out how I can squeeze in going to Bschool. 
Katie the Lady - that’s so funny! My parents always wanted me to get married sooner rather than later and they’re happy that I’m getting married at 27.
I should’ve clarified that the timeline talk wasn’t threatening or meant as an ultimatum. I just felt that I met the right guy and wanted to make sure he felt the same, you know? I think I would’ve compromised by a few years if he really wanted to but it turns out he didn’t want to wait either so it turned out well for the both of us.
haha, when i was a kid, i wanted to be married by 25 and have my first kid before 27, so that i could be closer in age with them and be able to run around with them. i totally had to throw out that ridiculous notion! i’m turning 29 on thursday and my wedding is in 2 months. i could never have been mature enough at 25 to get married (nor did i want to marry the guy i was with at 25!). hopefully, my first kid will come at around 31/32, but we’ll see when God blesses us with that.
I got married at 26, and I’m turning 29 in two months… the time realllllly flies.
PS - I never thought I’d get married that young - though I had an “ideal” timeline, I always thought I’d get married closer to 30.
I’m 23 and my ideal marraige age is 26. It suddenly seems so soon! That means I’ll have to get engaged in the next two years and if current boyfriend won’t be the one to do it, I better start looking soon! I’d be happy getting married up until 28 though since I want kids by 30.
I didn’t have a timeline until 3 months into our relationship it came up in a joking manner that my then BF didn’t want to have children. At all. At a mere 22 years old I began questioning the longevity of a relationship with a man who’s goals were so different from my own. Turns out that he wants to have children, but is a fraidy cat about it! He feels like he is too young, too financial unstable, etc. I think he thinks he’s going to wake up one day and feel “ready”. Does that ever happen?!
I didn’t have a timeline per se… but I know that I want to be a DINK for a bit and one kid on they way by the time I’m 30. (we’re getting married when I’m 25) So, that gives us a few years of married life before we stop “practicing”
I definitely have a timeline in mind. I didn’t have a specific age for getting married, but I wanted to be married by 27ish. I want to start having kids around 30 (FI does too) and I want to go back to school for my MBA and work for a year or so before having kids. Finally, I also wanted to have some time to just enjoy being married (& travel etc) before the kids came along and changed our lives.
JordyPants - to answer your questions, yes it does happen! Mr. Peony was always scared to have kids….that is, until we got engaged. Now he’s always talking about having kids and ooohs and ahhhs over babies more than I do.
I always had a “goal” timeline as well, and I am surprised that I am following it exactly to date. Most importantly to me, I always wanted to be married at LEAST 5 years before having children. My parents waited 10 years before having kids, and as soon as I went off to college, they picked up their relationship right where it left off. A lot of my friends parents had children right away, and every single one got divorced when the youngest child went to college, because their whole relationship revolved around children since they had them right away, and they were unable to maintain a relationship once the children were gone. I am sure there are plenty of exceptions, but all the married couples I know who are married 30+ years waited to have children.
I figured I would want to start having children around 30-32, so I wanted to get married around 25. I will be getting married 1 month and 1 day before my 25th birthday!
Of course, we will be spending 2 years living apart while he does his residency and I finish my biomedical Ph.D., so that will likely push children back - I don’t think I count years of marriage when you don’t even reside in the same state!
My mom got married at 22, and I always thought I’d get married right out of college, like she did. Turns out that I’ll be 22 when I get married, as well! I want to have at least two kids before I’m thirty, but we’ll see.
Up until my late 20’s I didn’t even think I was going to get married…I met ‘the one’ when I was 28/29 and he was 36…I told him that my ‘plan’ was to be engaged by the time he was 39, married by his 40’s and then children by my 35th/36th year.
we’re only a year off - he’ll be 41 and I will be 34 by the time we say do…which leaves us with the kid planning until 36 or latest 37…
Just want to chime in from the point of view of an older bride. I’ll be 38 when I get married, and FH will be 46.
Did I think it would take this long to meet the love of my life? Hella no! I thought I’d get married around 30. But looking back, there’s no way I would have settled down at that age - I had lots of things to do and places to go. I’m glad I was able to accomplish so much on my own and live without compromising. Plus, I always had a great support network - my friends and family never made me feel that I was “alone.”
So now what? If I was hellbent on resurrecting my timeline, we’ll get pregnant next spring. But I know better than to deal in absolutes - if we’re able to have kids, great. If not, that’s fine too. I think everyone should be open to the hand that life deals you - and the time that it can take.
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Mrs. Peony, New York Age and Occupation: 27, Marketing Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, QA Engineer Engagement Date: June 28, 2007 Wedding Date: April 18, 2008 Venue: The Fountainhead Blogging Since: August 7, 2007 About Me: Both Mr. Peony and I are huge computer nerds, and our conversations usually consist of the latest gadgets, programming languages, and video games. At the same time, I can also be very girly with an obsession with handbags, makeup, and high heels. And art! I've studied studio art extensively, almost majored in art history, and freelance as a web and graphics designer. Mr. Peony and I are having a ball of a time planning a wedding for 250(!) guests, doing our best to infuse our personalities (geeky chic) with the wishes of our very traditional Asian parents.
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