Wedding Blog

Is your mom involved in the planning too? My FMIL is fairly hesitant to make suggestions because she thinks it should be me and *my* mom planning the wedding. Maybe you could feed your mom some of your ideas and plans and the moms could talk?

All I can say is *ouch ouch ouch* prickly situation!!! Can’t wait to hear how it was resolved (if it was).

I have the same problem. My family is paying for the wedding and we’re planning as much as possible without her input. Luckily, she has an unwed daughter so I can just reply, “won’t that be lovely for when SHE gets married!”

My FMIL has another son getting married five months before us, and a third son whose wife gave birth to their first grandchild earlier this year. She has other things on her mind :-).

My fiance is an only child…and his mother (while not a bad person) is a bit overbearing at times. My problem is because they are contributing a pretty penny to the wedding, I feel I need to succomb to some of her wishes…but thank goodness not all.

I understand your troubles and I think you’ve handled this situation with grace and tact. Good luck - it’s only the beginning!

Wow, I respect you for “dealing” with your FMIL so seemingly well. Your stories remind me of my MIL, though we had a separate banquet for my husband’s side of the family, so she had total control over that and didn’t offer input about the real wedding. but your FMIL’s behavior sounds like a foreshadowing of things to come…how you keep your house, your career, raise your kids…while it’s all meant in a caring way, sometimes it’s just presented in such an overbearing way that it’s really hard to deal with (for me at least).

good job, mr. d, for stepping up! you handled things wisely and still continue to be patient and understanding, that’s great =).

My MIL was like this. She went from not caring at all to deciding I needed “help” much like your FMIL. What I really wanted was someone to listen and bounce ideas off of, but unforch she couldn’t handle doing that and not being THE planner.

In the end, she basically ignored all things wedding until 2 wks before. She just did not get that you could care and not take things over.

The key to approaching situations like this.. is to do exactly what you stated previously.
Take all thoughts and ideas with good intention, but know when to stand your ground firmly but politely. I think from a psychological perspective.. your FMIL means well, but has some deeper rooted feelings inside herself that are leading her to behave as such.(such as, i don’t know.. feeling like she’s losing a son?) She is obviously using this opportunity to grow closer to you..and that is very admirable. But, at the same time, the reality is.. she is trying to assert some sense of control where it shouldn’t be applied. I think if she redirected her energy– not to tell you what to do, but rather offer ideas and support you in achieving the things you do decide.. that it would be less stressful for all. this is YOUR wedding, at the end of the day. What makes you happy? What is MOST important to you. That’s where you should be most focused in your concern. For the sake of family peace, it’s best to bend on issues that don’t mean as much to you… to compromise. I must say, I was very offended when I read the bit about not having your friend play guitar. Friends are just as much family as blood relatives. It doesn’t matter who’s here to stay or not. If that person is an important in your life as it is now, then I think you are wise to have them involved. It’s the little personal touches that count and make an event unique and special. So, be patient and calm, but firm.
I’m lucky, in that neither my mom nor my FMIL bother me–sure they suggest ideas, which i gracefully thank them for, but quickly redirect towards the vision my FH and I have in mind. We are very creative people with concrete ideas, and they know better than to try to sway us. but I have dealt with people in other situations that make it easy to sympathize.