Weddingbee Blog

I feel so weird posting this here because everyone is always so positive about everything related to weddings and their fiance, I’m not sure how this will go over.  But although I am completely in love with my fiance and can’t wait to marry him, I am very disappointed by the proposal. I really want to put my negative feelings behind me and get over it, but I don’t know how.  So I’m wondering if anyone has been through anything similar and how they handled it.

I can’t get over how little thought my fiance put into the proposal and the selection of the ring.  He proposed to me in front of his whole family at their house, and he knows I am not comfortable around them.  I completely censored my reaction because I was so self-conscious of having them there.  He didn’t prepare anything sweet to say about our relationship or why he wanted to marry me.  I’m so sad that such a monumental moment in my life was completely not what I wanted, and I can’t go back and fix it.  How do you deal with the proposal not living up to your expectations?

He chose the ring without so much as a thought to what I like (in fact he had an engagement ring picked out for his future wife before he even met me).  The band is very masculine and wide with sharp edges, and I’m a girly girl and I love feminine, dainty jewelry.  The diamond is huge because he likes people’s reaction to be “wow, it’s so huge!”  (And this is EVERYONE’s reaction.)  I am absolutely mortified by this reaction and don’t know how to handle it.  I just blush beet red, change the subject and flip the diamond setting in toward my palm.

What I want to do is take the ring to a jeweller and have the band melted down and shaped into something I like.  I can keep the stone but I just can’t stand the band.  But despite my disappointment, I just can’t stomach the thought of hurting my fiance’s feelings by telling him I don’t like the ring he picked out.  I don’t know how to talk to him about this without ruining the proposal for him too.

Should I just let it go and wear a ring I dislike for the rest of my life?  Do these feelings fade over time?  Or should I ask him if he would mind if I had the band redone?  Any opinions are welcome, even if that opinion is “get over it, you selfish brat.”  If that’s the general consensus then I’ll know I’m being a bit childish about this.

smartl

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