Wedding Blog
We got our first unexpected “No” rsvp yesterday. While I was waiting for a no to appear sooner or later, I was surprised at my reaction towards this rsvp. I actually laughed at myself when I opened it and said aloud, “NO? You’re not coming to your own cousin’s wedding?!” Sure, they’re Mr. Kiwi’s cousins, and I don’t think I’ve ever met them, but this one small card has turned me against them.
Okay, I was so joking with that last line. Now that we’re starting to get the rsvps trickling back, it’s a little like getting your yearbook signed. Who will write “K.I.T, Kiwi! Stay Sweet!” or just sign their name and nothing else. I think it’s because of the people replying no, I assumed someone would say, “We’re very sorry to miss this big day!” The one we got yesterday just had the Will Not Attend box checked and nothing else.
It kind of makes me wonder what I would have written, had I needed to rsvp no. Since I’m ecstatic to attend any wedding, I have never had the chance to say no. I’d like to think that if the occasion would arise, I’d say a little something on the back, some kind of “We’re not rejecting you, we just can’t make it” statement on the back. Better worded, sure, but something is better than nothing.
How do you rsvp no? When you received your “unable to attends”, did they have a greeting with it?
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errrr - It is hard enough to actually get something in the mail on time. I recently just checked the “no” box with no additional comment and now feel terrible…
I was married just this past Saturday. I could not agree with you more when we started receiving RSVP’s. Most all of the “unable to attend’s” had a nice little note on the card explaining why they couldn’t make it and best wishes to us. Somehow that made us feel much better. There were a few people however that just checked “no” without an explaination. For some reason it hurt and you can do nothing but assume that they just don’t want to come.
I write a nice note as to why I can’t attend. Had to do it for a wedding I’m missing this weekend because I have to attend another wedding in LA.
I usually write a little note saying why we can’t come, congratulations, blah blah. I can’t even tell you how many family members (Aunts, First Cousins, etc.) just simply checked ‘no’ on our rsvp’s..I mean, some people didn’t even respond have the courtesy to send it back. One of my cousin responded no with no note 2 weeks late!! And one of FI’s cousin didn’t even respond!! I totally no how you feel 
That’s the problem with RSVP cards. Really, the formal RSVP to a wedding invitation is supposed to be a handwritten note on one’s own stationery. Why? The personal touch that is so greatly fitting a momentous occassion such as a wedding! The opportunity to write in one’s own words. The method of expressing oneself personally instead of the check-the-box mentality. The RSVP card is designed to make it easy to RSVP (shame on guests for failing to RSVP, sheesh!) but strips the RSVP of personal sentiment. Alas, a sign of the times!
For our wedding we did not use RSVP cards, and we received a bunch of lovely personal RSVP notes — some on stationery, some on e-mail — and other people called to RSVP so at least we got a chance to catch up.
Skipping the RSVP card enclosures (and the associated postage for extra weight and return envelopes) also saved a ton of money. 
Most of my “no’s” have involved a little explaination and personal regrets. One just came back with a (frowning face).
This may sound mean, but this was from someone who I had always thought of as a good friend and knew over a year in advance the date of the wedding. I think there are reasons behind his not coming that are….deeper than surface level. If I see him again, I might just pop him in face.
Yeah, I totally agree, it seems like they’re implying “no…because we don’t WANT to!” (yes, I know that’s overreacting) but when I got no’s with additional comments (most of them) I felt all warm and mushy thinking “aww too bad you can’t come” and the no’s with no explanation made me bitter. Just say SOMETHING!!
I always put a little note, sometimes even for the ones I will be attending, just to say “we’re excited, can’t wait!” I did receive some “No” rsvp’s without any notes and I did remember thinking how nice it would’ve been for them to include a note. One in particular we received 3 days after we mailed the invites, so I knew she automatically checked “no” and tossed it back in the mail. Somehow, that bugged me a bit more - not even the pretense of contemplating whether you can attend!!!!!!
I can’t agree more. I hated getting RSVP’s back with just a no response for my wedding. I recently had to RSVP to a wedding I could not attend and made sure I wrote a nice note. It made me feel better about not being able to go and I know the bride appreciated the explanation too.
I have never either had the need to respond no, but a few of my no’s have had messages. One was a simple, “We will be out of town, but thank you so much for thinking of us! Congrats!” and another had a long note about how her first grandchild is being born by c-section the day before and she would normally not miss this day for anything… but life happens!” . We got just a plain “no” from the soloist that backed out on us- who also had the nerve to send us an invite to her wedding that is 3 weeks prior to ours.
We just had to do one the other day. We checked the box and then wrote underneath: “Wish we could be there, congrats on your upcoming life together.”
I love weddings but not weddings held midday on a Wednesday in another state to my FI’s cousin who he saw almost 20 years ago.
Only one of our “No” RSVPs had an explanation. (My friend had a few-week-old baby, so I figured it would be a stretch for them.) Most people mentioned to me in another form or conversation that they had work obligations or whatever.
However, there is one set of relatives that we’re not really sure why they didn’t come. They didn’t send congratulatons or anything, and it’s a little awkward, at least on my end.
We got some nice notes on the Yes RSVPs. I remember how much it meant to me, so I am going to make a point to do that from now on.
I think it depends on if a guy/girl is the one answering the rsvp. girl’s will go into more detail whereas guys are just blunt about it.
The first “no” card I got back said “Thank you so much for thinking about us” (my aunt and cousins who live very far away). The one that stung the most was from my grandparents (mom’s side)…just the “declines with regret” was checked. Nothing written. It made me very sad.
But then others who are coming either put “!!!!!!” or a or “looking forwards to the big day” or something. I’m excited that people are excited for our wedding!
i totally appreciate the little notes on the rsvp cards. and i know i’ve totally brushed aside feelings of hurt or wonder when i’ve received those cards with the “sad to miss it” checked. but at the same time, i was thankful for it, cuz then it meant i could probably invite someone else. i guess i tried to just get over the negativity as fast as possible. but yes, if i faced the fact, i was hurt by it too. and a note certainly would’ve been nice!
Aww, don’t overthink the response.
We once declined a wedding invitation and really did feel awful about missing it. (Especially because it was a mistake on our part- we booked a vacation on their wedding date despite getting a STD months before..) But the couple was very understanding and we made sure to send them an extra nice gift.
Mistakes happen!
Wow, you know, I never even thought about this. *rethinks what I have done in the past and can’t remember* Honestly, I don’t think I cared whether or not there was an explanation as long as they got it back to me so I knew what to expect. I think I just assumed that if there wasn’t an extra note, they had some good reason! I’m sure your guests are the same, so try not to take any of the blank “no” RSVPs personally. You have way enough to think about without that!
I got a NO response from my own first cousin, with no explanation as to why she wasn’t coming. I am assuming it’s because there are sore feelings because I’m having an “adult” reception and her kids aren’t invited, but she didn’t even bother to come up with an excuse.
I don’t respond no to weddings often, but when I do, I always explain why I can’t make it (usually in an email or on the phone rather than on the card).
I’ve always put a sentimental note on my response cards. Esp. if I had to decline. Why? Cuz I know that’s what I’d want to see myself.
We’ve received plenty of declines, some expected due to age or geography, but only two wrote why. FI’s godfather (only Uncle) and four adult cousins declined, *late*, with no explanation. I’m very saddened by this as they are his only living relatives.
Planning a wedding is such an emotional time; its easy to get frustrated with the why-did-they-decline when no explanation is given.
My mom has been receiving our RSVPs and loves to see the little notes written. She had no idea that people did this and commented that in the future she always will. She thought she was being proper by not writing something extra on formal RSVPs but now realizes the couple lives a personal note.
I recently had to RSVP “no” as it is the week before my wedding in a different state. I wrote a little note saying I really wish I could be there, yadda yadda.
Had it been for someone I was close with I would have written something, but since I wasn’t invited I just checked “no” and wrote my b/fs name. That’s all he would have done, and he kept forgetting to send it! I could not be associated with someone who sent the RSVP after the deadline, so I took matters into my own hands!
I would just be happy they said no…rather than just not returning it…and you having to call and double check.
omg, I had no idea one is expected to say “why not” or at least say something nice. I guess I am too pragmatic ( ok, i didn’t grow up in this country and where I come from we don’t do RSVP cards as far as I know, people just call you and say we are coming, we are no). Now I will know better 
I only RCVP’d no once and that was because the bride didn’t invite my live-in bf. I know, all brides-to-be out there, it costs money, space is constrain etc, but honestly, she asked me when will he propose pretty much every day, she knew we’ve lived together for 5 yrs and she only sent invite to me ? I didn’t find it appropriate to go alone, so I didn’t go at all. I honestly would have felt less “hurt” (for the lack of better word) not being invited at all, since we weren’t even such a good friends ( we worked together).
I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets this way. My aunt sent me an email just saying “it looks like I won’t be able to make it all the way down to florida for your wedding”. What does that mean>? If I moved it to Georgia she’d come??? (she lives in RI)
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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