Weddingbee

i think the honeymoon phase can last forever too…if the couple makes a genuine effort. there are also so many events that occur in a person’s life where passion can be revived - whether it be an engagement, buying your first home, or having your first child.

Mr. Bee- I just read a wonderful book on a flight home to Chicago by Louis de Bernieres. Here’s something I bookmarked that I think pertains to your comments:

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivble that you should ever part. Because that is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion… That is just being “in love” which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident”

So perhaps this is a little maudlin but the above reminds me of the beautiful greek myth of Zeus and the old couple… their one wish was to die at the same time. And when it was time Zeus turned them into oak trees rooted side by side. Anyway, I digress. It’s a great book and I know the passage spoke to me- I’m lucky to be so fortunate:)

Tough Question,
My FH and I have been together for a few years now. He is not the romantic type, and I did not even particularly like him at first!
I can honestly say I love him more and more everyday, however we do become more and more “comfortable” every day!
The actual ‘honeymoon phase’ probably very short, the ‘mature’ love, probably just more up our alley!

so to be totally scientific about it, a lot of that initial “honeymoon phase” at the beginning of a relationship (any relationship, not just a marriage) has to do with the specific type of sex hormones released. they’re produced for about a year, at which point they start to fade and a different hormone, one that promotes long-term bonding, starts taking over. this is the point at which couples that aren’t going to commit for the long term usually break up because you have to work a lot harder to keep the “romance” part going.

regardless of that, my feelings for my FI have gotten nothing but stronger throughout our dating process. sure, there are times when i’d like to throw something at him, but as i told him the other day, i can’t imagine life without all the little things he does that irritate me! i think trying to stretch out that initial flame might put too much pressure on a relationship, sometimes, and that for some couples, it might work better to emphasize that new, deeper bond that grows between you instead.

anyway, sorry. that was a long answer

Over 4 years and counting. I don’t think the honeymoon phase wanes. I just think that stuff gets added like loads of laundry, putting out the trash and putting the toothpaste cap back on. But the feelings don’t fade and we always take time to look at eachother and remember what we have.

i once heard that dating and this honeymoon period we’re talking about can be likened to two people standing in front of each other, staring into each others eyes.

marriage on other hand is more like two people, standing beside one another, looking toward the same horizon.

my husband and i have been married for four years and have two lil ones running around wreaking havoc. we don’t have the crazy passion that marked our time dating and our first year of marriage, but it’s definitely gotten deeper. i actually heard a sermon yesterday about how we all desire intimacy - having someone know all of you, especially the ugly, and love you completely. this does not come automatically with marriage. it’s a process and we’ve been learning so much about what love really entails. we have both grown so much through the labour that marriage demands. it’s harder, but i’ve got to say the fruits of it are so much more meaningful and larger than the rosy, peachy beginning of our relationship.

We’ve been together 5 years, married a little over 1 year. I’ve got to give an “amen” (and a “you go, girl!”) to Charlotte - I feel similarly about us.

Marriage does take work, and it’s not as giddy-dizzy as it was when we first met, but it’s deeper and, honestly, better. (I don’t miss the insomnia I had when I met him: “does he like me? Maybe he doesn’t - am I crazy?”) We know each other’s ugly sides, deal with each other’s foibles and bizarre families, and share finances and laundry and dishes and bicycle maintenance, etc.

I DO think it’s possible to keep the flame going for a long, long time: I’ve learned a lot of lessons from my second cousin, who’s been married 50+ years, raised 11 kids and gone through countless trials in life… but she and her husband are still very cute together, and they still have a “date night” every week, which they’ve been doing for the duration. Thanks to their example, we do that, too, every week… though I don’t think we’ll have quite so many kids.

me and my guy have been together for two years. not too long, but we are still in that lovey dovey stage. that stage always ended after one month in my past relationships, so to me this is very special.

we do have our rough times though. but we have always gotten past them and are more in love than ever.