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It’s that time of year again, when the question starts to arise: who are you going to spend the holidays with??
For the first four years of our relationship, it wasn’t an issue. Mr. Peppermint and I said our goodbyes as we each spent time with our respective families. However, one of the first questions after our late October engagement was what we were going to do about Thanksgiving and Christmas of that year. It was such an exciting time (after the engagement) for us and so special to be able to share these special days together and with each others families. We ended up splitting both (the day of in Southern California, and the days surrounding in Northern California).
Well, now that it’s that time of year again, we have to do it all over! However, the one major difference is that this year, our month of December will be crazy! We will have both families together for the week of the wedding, then we’ll be on our honeymoon for 11 days and be back just a few days before Christmas! Splitting both holidays (Thanksgiving & Christmas) between two places seems like it might add a lot of stress, as well as the cost of the flight might be hard with all that’s going on… I don’t know what’s best! Whatever happens, though, this holiday season promises to be crazy (and I mean that in the best way possible) for us Peppermints!!
Is this a hot topic for you & your significant other? Where are you spending your holidays??
We’ve been on an alternating rotation system since our first holiday season together. Aka one year we do Thanksgiving with mine and Christmas with his, and the next year we reverse. This works well except that…my parents also have an alternating rotation system for THEIR families, so every year that I spend Christmas with my family, it’s always my Mom’s side of the family, so then my dad’s side of the family gets left out. We have found time to pop over and visit enough randomly that I think it’s okay (and Christmas was always a MUCH bigger deal for my mom’s side of the family anyway) but I always feel a bit bad. But both my and Mr. Bluebell’s families have been very easygoing and respectful of the alternating system.
Heh, I so feel your pain. 
Each of our parents have been divorced and remarried several times… If you do the math out, we have five different sets of parents we need to visit. After the first year of hourly Christmases we put an end to it. We started alternating the years and holidays. It’s too much stress any other way.
Of course it’s different now that we moved out of state. We have “Orphan’s Christmas.” We celebrate with all our local friends who also don’t have any family in the area. It gives everyone a gathering to look forward to. Good luck!
im so very stumped on what to do about this. My entire family hasn’t missed a Christmas in Ohio, with the whole clan. I’d like to get him to go with, but that means pulling him from his family here, and they do a more low key holiday. We’ve yet to have a Christmas together, so I don’t know what will happen!
This is a tricky subject for us as well. Our families both live in the same town where we live. Although it may seem very easy, I think this actually makes things more difficult because each family expects us to spend the entire holiday at their house.
So many times we end up “double-dippping” and stuffing ourselves with two Thanksgiving dinners! Hectic, yes, but it keeps the peace!
We’ve are fortunate enough to have immediate families in the same state. My family usually does Thanksgiving at home, so we do 2 Thanksgiving dinners in one day (his family always does lunch Thanksgiving, and mine supper Thanksgiving)!
However, all my aunt and uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc, are all in New York, so my family travels down there for Christmas. So in six years, we’ve never had a Christmas together! This year will be our first, Christmas celebrated together - our families have decided to vacation together for the holidays! I don’t know what we plan on doing next year though…
Luckily his family aren’t BIG holiday people like my family is. Looks like we are going to celebrate Thanksgiving the Saturday BEFORE so his sister’s family can go to Mammoth for Thanksgiving. Which means we get to leave for NorCal Wednesday night! yay! And at Christmas time we celebrate Christmas Eve with his family and then leave for NorCal afterwards so we get to celebrate Christmas morning with my family.
We swap as well. We spend Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other - then swap the next year. It’s rough - but easier for our bi-coastal families.
we’ll be on our honeymoon over christmas. we kinda did it that way because it was easier for us to take off from work, but also so we didn’t have to choose a family to spend the holidays with…..
We did Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. Christmas is a huuuuuge ordeal on my side. He’s actually started saying that since I moved 1200 miles away from my family to be with him that we could spend all of the holidays with my family. I’m trying to talk his dad and brothers into coming with us.
Both sets of our parents actually live in the same town–so you would think that would make it easy, right? Well, I guess I can be thankful that we don’t have to actually decide where to spend each holiday–but that also means that every holiday is LITERALLY split. As in, part of the day here, part there–two Thanksgiving dinners, two Christmas breakfasts, etc., with barely a moment to stop & really talk.
We’ve heard from older folks who’ve dealt with this that it actually can become a little problematic once there are grandkids involved…
But for now I’m thankful that I don’t have to miss seeing my family completely in order to see his for the holidays, too!
This has been a source of strife with our families for the past 4 years! I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but on our end, it seemed like we weren’t taken seriously since we weren’t married. Now that we ARE married, we were able to somewhat lay down the law and start a conversation to prevent hurt feelings. Anyways, our folks are split b/t two states, so we alternate T’giving and Christmas days, but split Christmas. Thus one family will get TurkeyDay + Christmas Eve, the other will get Christmas Day.
Both of our families live within two hours of us, so luckily we don’t have to travel far. We spend thanksgiving day with his family and my family delays thanksgiving until Friday so we get to celebrate with them too. Christmas is pretty easy as well. My husband grew up celebrating xmas eve, so we spend have dinner and open presents with his family on the 24th, and then spend xmas day with my family on the 25th.
Very hot topic with my guy and I. Both of our parents divorced and remarried. We each have two sets of parents and then there’s the adopted family. My mom and I tend to plan early…March early. The holidays come every year…there’s no surprise, and we know what dates they fall on…what’s the problem? Well, guy’s family assumes we’ll be there and doesn’t start planning until November. Now I’m a home body to begin with, so going someplaces else for the holidays is tough, but we’ve worked it out to this:
Thanksgiving: one year with my folks, the next year we host or go someplace else. Exceptions can be made of course, but they better get their bid in early
Christmas: One year: Christmas Eve with my Mom’s side for the family reunion and Christmas day with his mom’s side
Next year: Christmas eve with my parents and Christmas day with his dad’s side.
Then sometime in December we do a potluck/party with my bonus mom.
That covers everyone we know. This is the second year we’ve implemented this and it’s worked so far…now we just have to make sure his Grandma doesn’t include us in the gift name draw since we won’t be there!
I have a friend who lives in North Carolina with her husband. His family is in Idaho and hers is in Texas. They are on a 3-way alternation - one Christmas with his family, one Christmas with her family, and one Christmas staying at home. They always do Thanksgiving at home with their friends because they can’t afford two cross-country flights in such a short time frame.
As for us, we live in the same city as his family, and he’s hinted that because we see them all the time, they wouldn’t mind if we went to see my family during the holidays. However, I don’t want to rob his family of him every T and C, so we will coordinate with my siblings on which years we are all in Houston and which years we do our own thing. The only snag is that my parents are divorced, so we really have four families (ours, his, and two of mine) to coordinate with.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately - I’m going to bawl like a baby this season because it’ll be the first time I won’t be with my family for everything. Of course, I’ll also be beaming because it’ll be the first holidays that I have a family of my own!
oh holy wow do you strike a chord. Right after “congratulations” the first words my mother said to me after I told her I was engaged were “I CLAIM CHRISTMAS!!” This was in April. Not only do I have to deal with my crazy (but very loving) mother, I have my dad (divorced parents) and now a whole other set of parents-in-law?! And did I mention that they are all scattered all over the state? I give up. In trying to make everyone happy, I always make myself miserable.
We are of the same church denomination as his family which makes it an easy to spend religious holidays with them, and non-religious holidays with my family.
my family is in the northeast, his in hawaii, and we live in california. we’re getting married in hawaii over thanksgiving week so i’m planning to spend christmas with my family. he’s up in the air since his job doesn’t allow him much time off at the end of the year. not sure what we’re doing next year though.
It’s definately worse if families are within a “reasonable” (3 hours) driving distance. The first Christmas we split, I went to my parents home & he went to his parents home a few days beforehand. Then I drove to his parents for the 23 & i drove home on Christmas Eve evening. Then my FI drove to my parents on Christmas day evening & we both stayed for another day until we drove to our “home”. Needless to say, it didnt work out to make each of us drive alone so much! Last yr we both drove to his parents for the 23rd & Christmas Eve, then woke up & drove to my parents for a Christmas & the 26th. It helps that his parents are big on Christmas Eve & my family is big on the day after Christmas. And we get to enjoy each other’s company on the long rides! We are actually quite lucky to see both of our families throughout the year (we live practically equi-distant between the 2) so that helps also.
I’ve been married 25 years, and its not always easy. We throw Easter in the mix, alternating Thanksgiving and Easter, and since we are close enough, we split Christmas. We have learned not to EAT big at either place. One year at Thanksgiving, our daughter had chicken pox, so my husband thought we’d all stay home…wrong…I asked him to take our son to his mom’s for lunch, and then I took him to my mom’s for dinner…worked perfect! We all had a great meal and both of us got to visit with all our family.
Ah yes. The getting up early on Christmas and driving elsewhere. What fun. I rebelled last year and stayed in my pajamas all day. It’s Christmas, and I wear pj’s all day on Christmas. (okay, not exactly “say hello to my little friend”, but I do what I can)
All our families are within a three hour drive, and one year, we hit all four of the main branches of family for Christmas. I was sick for a week afterwards.
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Miss Peppermint, LA/Palm Springs Age and Occupation: 23, Actress Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Web Producer Engagement Date: October 21, 2006 Wedding Date: December 2007 Blogging Since: July 2, 2007 Venue: historic estate overlooking the heart of Palm Springs About Me: I am a Southern California native who enjoys cooking, writing, travel and all things in the arts. Mr. Peppermint and I met in college and he proposed on our four year anniversary in one of our most special places, Joshua Tree National Park. We're having a destination wedding in Palms Springs that will incorporate tradition as well as reflect our personalities!
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