I wouldn’t consider myself traditionally Chinese in the cultural sense. My Cantonese is at the same level of a three-year-old and my family doesn’t really celebrate any of the Chinese holidays, the Lunar New Year included. But when it came to my wedding, my mom insisted on going through the whole shebang of Cantonese wedding traditions.
This weekend, my family threw me what Cantonese people call a “cookie party.” The tradition goes something like this:
Obviously, the traditions are incredibly outdated. I was not “purchased” by Mr. Eggplant’s family in exchange for cakes and a pig and I will be seeing him before we’re married. But my mom and everyone on her side of the family participated in the cookie party tradition before their weddings and Mamma Eggplant didn’t feel my wedding was complete without my own cookie party. Mr. Eggplant’s family is also incredibly traditional and all of his aunts had their own cookie parties. I was pretty creeped out by some of the meanings behind the the presents (especially the dowry and fertility parts), but I went along with it anyway. It made everyone happy and my parents had about fifty family members over to celebrate so I was able to connect with many of my relatives before the wedding.
Anyway, I’ll share some pictures from Sunday (Warning: Pictures may be graphic, so if you have a sensitivity to dead, roasted animals or you are fond of Babe, the sheep-pig, don’t read any further!):
My aunt, grandma, and grand aunt cutting off the head and rear end of the piggy.
The front and hind portion of piggy on a platter and ready to be returned to Mr. Eggplant’s family. There’s also a lucky red envelope stuck on the pig’s head.
Mr. Eggplant’s Aunt and Uncle brought the cakes over to our house, ordered from AA Bakery in Chinatown. We received a total of two hundred cakes. Six different kinds were selected. Some of them were filled with the same sweet lotus seed centers found in Chinese moon cakes. Others were sponge cakes and large almond cookies. One of the pastries was pretty gross, with a preserved egg in the center (or thousand year-old egg) surrounded by a peanut filling. I think it was supposed to symbolize fertility or something.
These are some of the cakes that we returned to Mr. Eggplant’s family along with more lucky red envelopes. You can see here that some of the cakes are stamped with a double happiness character.
Me and Grandma Eggplant (my mom’s side). Sadly, I can’t communicate with her very well because I don’t understand the dialect of Cantonese that she speaks. 
When my mom was married, my grandma requested seven hundred cakes from my dad’s side of the family. Grandpa Eggplant (Pappa Eggplant’s father) was so upset that he said, “Are they going to send their daughter over to my house in a horse and carriage too?!” Since the number of cakes given is a symbol of wealth, my grandma and aunts wanted my mom to ask for more cakes. Mamma Eggplant refused, citing that the cakes couldn’t possibly be eaten before they were spoiled and that were high in cholesterol so our family shouldn’t be consuming so many anyway.
Well, that was my first experience in the wonderful world of Cantonese wedding traditions. 
Have you guys participated in cultural wedding traditions? What were they and how did you feel about them?
very interesting read - thanks for sharing! i’m cantonese as well but my parents haven’t requested a cookie party (yet!).
[...] Northwestern University Law Review wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptThe bride’s family divvies up the cakes and distributes them to all the relatives. The quantity of cakes is determined by the seniority of guest or relationship with the family. These are supposed to be distributed with the wedding … [...]
i know there’s the traditional chinese ceremony when the younger brother gets married before an older brother. the younger brother buys the older brother new pants and the younger brother has to walk underneath it. a lot of people actually transfer this to girls too.
my 2nd big sister got married before my oldest sister about 3 years ago. we never did this ceremony because my parents didn’t think it was necessary and it’s an old tradition. my oldest sister has not married yet and now i’m engaged. so all my mother’s friends are saying that we HAVE to do the ceremony now or my oldest sister will never get married. i actually don’t mind doing it. in fact, i think it’ll be fun. so we’re having a party next spring a couple of months before the wedding to perform this ceremony. My mom’s friends will all be invited.
does anyone know the significance of walking underneath the pants? how is it done? is there anything else involved besides just walking underneath pants? haha!
I was really hoping that instead of the giant pig, you would go with say, a cake shaped like a giant pig to combine the two traditions - but I suppose that defeats the purpose.
As a vegetarian, that is probably the route I would go.
Oooooh, that pig looks DELICIOUS!
When we got engaged, our parents said we could forgo the Chinese traditions (because my FI and I were both born/brought up in the US). Recently, all of a sudden, our parents have (new to us) traditions coming out of their ears! I’m willing to go along with them to make my parents happy, but I wish I knew more about Chinese traditions!
wow! I’ve never heard of “cookie party” before! I’m also Cantonese (parents from Hong Kong), and like you, my Cantonese is only so-so. My dad is the one insisting that we do things the “right” way (even though I think some of the stuff is new to him). He’s said that he wants the groom or groom’s family to buy the cookies (phoenix and dragon cakes), so that we can distribute them to our relatives (the cakes only go to the brides family). He’s also insisting that we get a baby roast pig… as far as I know we aren’t having a actual party for it all… but I guess you never know… he might be insisting that we do a party if he finds out we’re “supposed” to have one!
How wonderful! I loved reading about this, thank you for posting.
I’m Cantonese, but my family is not insisting that we do anything traditional. Most of my cousins had traditional American weddings where the only Chinese thing they did was to change into a qipao. My fiance’s family is Fujianese, and they are a bit more traditional. They don’t have the roasted pig at their weddings. Since my family is not that traditional I don’t know if we will have that. I think nowadays, instead of having cookie/cake parties, many people distribute bakery cards instead. That’s what we are doing.
it’s cool that you wanted to include the traditions. i was not as good as you. we didn’t do anything traditional.
hmm.. never heard of the cookie party, but I wonder if that’s just the same thing before a tea ceremony since we’ll be having a pig as well and there will be lots of sweets in red packages brought over to the house as well for gift exchange. I suppose we are doing all of this on the same day of the wedding instead of having it a separate day.
Koreans have a similar dowry type deal with friends of the groom come and bring a box of gifts to the bride’s home, and the bride’s family must bribe them to get the box.
There is also a live duck, which Mr, GB often threatens to bring to my mom whenever she whines about something.
I think it’s awesome that you family adheres to such an interesting part of your culture and thanks for sharing the neat photos. Even if the pig is mildly frightening…
I’m an ABC but I love the traditions of our culture and am really happy to incorporate them into my marriage. (I also really like the preserved duck egg pastry hehe–you send them to me if you don’t like them.)
Yes, we did the same thing you did except instead of actually cookies, we used wedding “cookie” cards so we could mail them out to family with the invitations. The cards are gift cards to bakeries so then we didn’t have to worry about delivering the cookies or having them spoil. I think I was more traditional than my mom and insisted on doing more traditional stuff (even though she immigrated from Hong Kong and I was born here). I feel that it is important to keep those traditions and make sure it is not lost in future generations.
Are those cherries in the roasted pig’s eyesockets?
You look a lot like your grandma!
(hehe, except younger, referring to the previous post 
haha)
Your cultural posts are all very interesting and a great read. My family is pretty traditional Chinese, but I haven’t heard of some of the traditions you’ve brought up before, including the cookie party. Perhaps it’s because I’m not Cantonese?
Great post Ms. Eggplant! We’ll be doing all those and a little more the morning of the first day when he comes to pick me up and perform the tea ceremony for each side of the family. We may be incorporating a few other things. =)
Thank you for this post! It’s awesome! My fiance is Thai and I’m Chinese, but don’t know a whole lot of the wedding traditions. Anyway, my parents wanted this done with the pig and the pastries (oh and the coconuts!!), and I was having such a hard time explaining it to my fiance and his family! You did a great job
HAHA! Looks exactly like the party I had before my wedding! I called it the Pig party because all I was looking forward to was the roast pig! YUMMY!!! =)
I agree with Sue, you do a really great job explaining Chinese traditions. I’m learning more from you than my parents!
I think it’s really interesting that you decided to have this cookie party even though your family doesn’t celebrate a lot of traditions. (You really don’t celebrate Lunar New Year??) I’m guessing Mr. Eggplant is Cantonese also. Do you think your family would be as adamant about incorporating Chinese traditions if your fiance weren’t also Cantonese/Chinese? (my bf isn’t Chinese so I’m afraid of how much compromising we’d have to do once our time comes!)
my mom hasn’t said a thing about this tradition, so i’m just waiting for my granny to butt in. she’s already butted in on a few things we had to say no to!
L - i’m chinese cantonese, and my FI is korean. my chinese is on par as miss eggplants - me and the three year olds communicate perfectly. meanwhile, my FI was born in korean but spent about half of his life here in the US. i suspect my parents aren’t as hard core about the traditions because i’m not marry a chinese boy from norcal, but also i think my dad thinks that some of them are way too over the top, such as the entire “dowry” history. he likes the fact that we want to get married in LA because it makes life easier for him. but be prepared for some compromise on both sides, because the older relatives stick close to what they know, and it’s hard to change their mind sometimes.
i love celebrating the new year also. i’m sad this is my last year collecting, but in two years i’ll be handing them out! i can’t wait to buy envelopes!
I was with you until I saw dead charred animal. Please post a warning that the “next pics are very graphic” next time. We don’t all think they look delicious. It turned my stomach. If there was a warning I would have skipped the post.
Griffen,
There was a warning posted, but perhaps it was too low in the post. I apologize if you were offended!
[...] Let the Finder Beware wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerpt sides negotiate and agree upon a number of special wedding cakes and cookies (in individual pastry sizes… date. Anywhere from 200 to 700 cakes and cookies are typically ordered from special Chinese…, the grooms family provides cakes to the bride’s parents to sweeten the parting. The cakes average around… number of cakes, this symbolizes that the bride is marrying into wealth and she will be well cared… with the cakes. The pig supposedly represents the bride’s virginity. Sometimes coconuts are also [...]
hehe, i had to giggle at the thought of the chance of being “bought” by cakes and cookies.
my mom is korean and i’m hoping to incorporate some korean traditions when i get married. she doesn’t know too many but i’m sure she’ll have a blast finding out about them.
Wow, great post! Your pig had blinking eyes didn’t he? When my uncle got married he actually had the live chickens, one male and one female I believe. My family is pretty old fashioned… they buy live birds and kill them at home sometimes.
Your cookie party food looked great!!
I did all of that too. don’t forget the groom buying all your younger brother shoes and the money he has to give to your parents!
my BIL’s MIL actually asked for a pretty hefty sum of money. my family isnt that traditional (and they said they werent selling a daughter) but my MIL insisted.
this has nothing to do w/ ur post today, but i just saw this online, it reminds me of ur double happiness post several weeks ago. Double happiness cufflinks:
http://www.shanghaitang.com/shanghaitang/product.jsp?idsubcat=15&pg=1&pos=0&recordNo=10
I love to read about different cultural wedding traditions…thank you for posting this. Let us know where else it comes up!
It was such a fun and informational post to read! I noticed similarity with Korean dowry tradition as Miss GB. I really wanted to do that. 
interesting! my FI is cantonese but his parents are from Hk and they’re pretty modern.. actually, more modern than me! i think i’m much more traditional and have been wanting to incorporate a lot of ol’skool traditions than them. lol.
thanks for sharing! i always thought that party was called the roast pig party. ha. i had no idea about the cakes. my grandparents (my dad’s side) were the supertraditional ones and probably would have told me about it, if they were still physically here. you’re lucky it’s mooncake season! i hope you got a couple of those yummies thrown in!
Hi, I just stumbled upon Weddingbee and fell upon your e-pix with Apertura. I couldn’t find any pricing info on them, so was wondering if you were willing to share. Are you using them for your wedding? Also, since they are based in SoCal, did you have to pay extra for their travel to SF?
@Joanne: I’m not 100% sure but I think it has to do with the reinforcement of the older sibling’s place in the heirachy. Even though the younger one is married (and supposedly of higher status), he/she is still below the older sibling. I heard this from an aunt at my cousin’s wedding but it might be different as they are teochew.
Mrs. Eggplant, San Francisco
Age and Occupation: 28, Human Resources
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Associate Marketing Manager
Engagement Date: January 19, 2007
Wedding Date: October 20, 2007
Blogging Since: May 31, 2007
Venue: Ceremony at a cement and stained glass cathedral and reception at a boutique hotel ballroom
About Me: I'm a shopping junkie who lives to discover great deals and a craft addict that loves to scrapbook and knit. My profile picture was taken on the day I got engaged which is why my smile is so huge!
I *loved* reading about the cookie party! Weddings are so steeped in tradition– it’s so fascinating to read about other culture’s traditional wedding customs and what they mean. In some of my future posts, I’ll be sharing some of the Indian wedding customs and traditions. Thanks for posting this– so interesting!!!!